Quarantine & Depression

I’m not doing well. I’ve been sick most of this year off and on with UTI’s and a nasty cold / upper respiratory thing followed by the worst flu ever. Despite getting the flu vaccine last year and taking Tamiflu within the first 24 hours of become symptomatic, this is the hardest mix of viral torture and fibro pain I’ve experienced in a decade. The fatigue and general feeling of heaviness has been insane. I slept most of the first 48 hours. I live in the epicenter of the COVID-19 outbreak in my country and I’ve been in the same building as a confirmed case on the same day that patient was there. I’m under quarantine for two weeks and it’s emotionally taxing on top of how emotionally taxing it’s been to be so sick and on prescription antibiotics, antivirals, fever reducers, and a bunch or other things for weeks on end.

Everything is compounding and I hurt bad. Of course depression would be kicking in hard, I’m past my threshold and out of bandwidth. Everything bled together and I cried and turned nothing into something with my boyfriend. I feel so touch deprived when I want comforts more than anything right now. I don’t get to touch him for weeks. I don’t get to hug anyone, I have to keep a physical distance from my own mother right now. I’m lonely. All I feel like doing is crying right now but it’ll make everything hurt more. It’s raining outside and that just triggers the fibro even more. It was sunny last week. Wtf. What is this combo breaker? I am an irrational mess. I need affirmations. I’m so fragile right now. I hate this. I hate being like this. I want to be told I’m still lovable despite all this baggage. I want to believe there will still be someone to hold me and kiss me and tell me I’m loved and was missed during this time. It follows past trends, it’s logical. So why am I buying into the lies my brains telling me right now? Why am I letting myself drown. I’m too tired to tread water. I need sleep. I basically need to try turning it off and back on again with my brain.

Bat Country

A fever dream set in Las Vegas:

Just had the worst dream I was visiting friends at their apartment Vegas not too far from the strip only to come out and discover my car had been stolen. This was Domino and Ryan’s apartment. Then after walking around the carport realized it had been towed despite there being no sign next to the uncovered space by the freaking palm tree. I was frantically looking for a sign with a number to call, went back inside and was alone (they were out but I’d just been on the phone with them), needed to call my lead I was going to be late logging in for work (I was half an hour out from Centennial Hills), had my friends keys to their purple Barracuda but realized I couldn’t drive two cars. Thought of calling Anne for help. I couldn’t think straight long enough to do any of the above and my phone kept saying it was 11 something when it had to be around 2 or 3 in the afternoon and I was like wtf time zone are you set to?! I went back inside and was in a small office space and tried to use this old school looking complicated phone with all these lines and line 1 went to freaking 911 and when they asked what my emergency was I apologized and said I was trying to reach non emergency services for my car. They were like oh okay and it apparently bypassed dispatch and went straight to a precinct and I heard one ask the other if they thought it might be the mustang. I was listening to see if they mentioned my car before finally being all never mind and hanging up. Then four dudes walked in and one was Trevor and I was like holy shit am I glad to see you, told him what happened, and was trying to get it all sorted. I never got anything sorted before waking up.

Also this virus is making me feel so weak when I wake up.

Honeymoon

I’d been ranting about wanting to see mountain snow for a while. I get fixated on things like gluten free cinnamon rolls (I talked about it since before January 11th until we went on this wonderfully absurd adventure downtown to acquire said obsession) and then indulge, foodgasm, and eventually fixate on the next whimsical random thing. Since snow has become my new obsession after leaving my desert life, Adrian suggested taking a trip to Leavenworth. It’s this adorable af touristy town in eastern Washington modeled after traditional Bavarian towns. It’s cute af. We were thinking sometime in March but this last weekend lined up so he made it happen and we drove up.

I loved the drive, I miss long distance driving and the changing landscape through the countryside, mountains, switchbacks, and then trees and snow was gorgeous. Plus good music and my favorite company and it was everything I could have asked for. We got into town a little later than intended, due to rushing last minute errands on my side I got to his place late, so we started late (I hate how crammed my weekends get sometimes). We checked in at the Bavarian Ritz. He reserved the largest suite there. Mind. Blown. It had the biggest bed I’d ever seen, the chandeliers reminded me of Belle’s castle, this was almost like walking into my own drug fueled smut novel. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll, yo. There was a faux fireplace heater thing, a bathroom, and a separate room with a huge tub in it. Gdi, I forgot the bath salts. I forgot it was mentioned until after I got there and saw the tub. But I remembered the silicone lube. Win some, lose some. But the whole thing was a win regardless.

We got settled in and ventured out to find dinner. We ended up at this Italian place and had this delicious Italian poke dish. I forgot everything that was in it, I was distracted. I had this Empress gin cocktail, it was pretty and it tasted pretty. He found a favorite whiskey, which happened the be the same one the server brought into the establishment, and was also the same one that was recommended to us at a favorite whiskey bar in SLU. We did wine tasting after, part way through I had to start sipping off of his glass because I was teetering from buzzed into drunk and needed to function. It was a very fun and engaging experience. I realize I really don’t know much about wine even though I enjoy it. Maybe I’ll learn over time with exposure. Maybe I won’t. But I’ll keep drinking it because it’s tasty.

It’s getting late and we stumble back to the hotel. It’s really not that late, and I’m the only one stumbling. This beautiful man is helping me make it back to the hotel in one piece. I desperately wanted a shower before I even left town for Leavenworth but due to time constraints decided to just deal, and shower at the hotel. I want to brush my teeth while I have some motor functionality left. Then I decide the shower is a need. We get under the hot water. This shower looks so complicated, but it’s actually really nice once we’re past the learning curve. There’s a waterfall shower head that points directly down, I won’t be able to keep my hair dry, but I brought what I needed to wash my hair anyway. There are three jets on a bar that are perpendicular… well, parallel to the wall, perpendicular to me? The bottom one was high enough to hit right between my legs if I stood right under the shower head. I think that was on purpose. It was distracting. This was a fun shower.

Intoxicated we finally get out of the shower and dry off. I appreciate that bed. That was an easy headboard to grip and lean against when I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. I threw my hitachi in my bag on a whim and am glad I made that impulse decision. This was firey firey passion. I never feel more like me than I do here. Completely unfiltered, unconditional, in love, happy, indulgent, amplified. The intermittent failures in motor control end up comical or annoying depending. I was still on prescriptions this evening too so stopping to eat and take meds was a pain but we managed. I broke down a lot of barriers in practice I’d only absolved in theory. It was very vulnerable and intense. It was connected and healing. This is space I’m grateful I could co-create and share in.

I’d made an amusing comment probably around 3 or 4am (I’m guessing) about how the rest of the hotel probably thinks we’re on our honeymoon. He said in a way we were, and that he went all out on room because of recent declarations. I don’t remember the exact wording / that’s the best I can paraphrase but I almost bsod’d hearing that. This was my bliss. I needed another shower, I stood under the hot water for a while and it felt so good. Everything was heavy and spent and exhausted but in such a good and satisfying way. I just wanted to keep going. My nerves flip a switch and go in reverse. Instead of pain, it’s all pleasure and I’m greedy. I want to indulge in it as much as possible because I know when I go to sleep and wake up, I’ll reset back to “normal.” Or maybe this is normal, it’s always under the surface. It’s like eva’s armor. It’s not to protect it, it’s to control it. This intoxication is basically me in berserk mode. Sleeping and eating are after thoughts, if they’re ever considered. I’m reminiscing hard despite censoring and redacting a lot.

So the next morning (lol), we picked back up where we left off, we showered, we went out and found breakfast while I watched people to see if anyone noticed (and was offended by) my kinky nun atheist shirt. We went to the most amazing tea shop and I found a new favorite mocha mate, got a genmaicha, chai masala, and whites chocolate truffle blend. I’m so fucking spoiled. We didn’t have it in us to check out the Cheesemonger place (too rich? Too heavy? At that moment) so we drove back home and I got to enjoy the landscape. We cuddled and started the new season of Altered Carbon. Friggin amazing. Definitely off the third book and not the second. Definitely nothing like the book except for like two details so far, but still incredible content.

Bliss.

Valentines

I feel like I have too much to write about / gush about / write out of my system and I’m not sure if I want to do some messy anti-format tangenty thing or post them separately. It’s 1:31am, I’m sleepy and in bed, but my brain won’t let me sleep until I get at least some of this down.

I was sick through the first half of the month, first with an upper respiratory infection, and then a secondary sinus infection. It involved two doctors visits, a slew of prescriptions, missed work, and a very rough recovery.

I planned a surprise for Valentines Day. It was the first time in 8 years since I celebrated and was excited af to plan things and share this time with someone I love. And I was sick. I canceled or rescheduled so many things, it was super busy (it’s always busy but this was excessive) first couple of weeks so there was a lot of shuffling things around. I had tickets to the midnight show at Can Can and booked a corner room at the Hyatt Regency so we didn’t have to worry about driving home after the show. I picked up an HDMI adapter for my iPad in case we wanted to watch or listen to anything, and I requested a late checkout.

Luckily I was able to move everything to this last weekend. I picked Saturday since we were doing a different weekend and it would be easier. Hyatt’s getting fancy with being able to check in, get into your room, and check out with your phone. I wore one of my favorite dresses and went more vintage than goth. The Can Can was a lot of fun, it’s burlesque but it has comedy and variety in it, and everything was pretty.

Adrian told me he loved me. At first I was sure I heard it right but wasn’t sure if I’d hallucinated it in some wishful cross faded stupor. He’d confirmed and I almost had an aneurysm I was so happy. I shared the thing I wrote on here in November and every word feels the same now like it did when I wrote it. This is a dream in my waking life. I’m not afraid of waking up and losing anything. I’m looking forward to being a snow bunny in Leavenworth with him this weekend.

There’s so much other stuff on my mind, work stuffs, health, my hiring manager asking about someone who used to work at my last company, my phone still autocorrects Jösh after all this time.. aaaaand I just blanked even though I know there’s other stuff. But I don’t feel like including all that on this so I’ll pick back up later. Maybe.

Die Brücke

This is a huge and ongoing life lesson. I’ve had to learn to let go of a lot of grief, anger, and heartbreak when those I’ve been madly in love with, and who were madly in love with me couldn’t meet me on the bridge. I’ve learned it doesn’t diminish or nullify what we experienced and it’s okay to love from a distance. I have not kept fear in my heart to step on that bridge again, even though I’m still unprogramming occasional feelings that truly good things are fleeting. Sometimes I am afraid I’ll wake up and discover all the wonderful things that have come into my life were just a dream, which confirms what I’m holding close to my heart, and that I still have work to do so I can relax and feel secure within myself. None of this doubt has come from external sources recently, it’s residual from the past and I’m slowly and steadily unfucking myself. I’m learning to not worry about making longevity a focal point and to put being present and in the moment first. I’m also grateful I can walk in this world knowing I will find that love in many forms. There will be many “loves of my life,” and we’ll find each other on the bridge in time. Just some unfiltered unformatted things I’ve been thinking about for a while.

East valley

Just woke up from a dream I was on a motorcycle in the east valley in… maybe Mesa? I think I was east of Tempe. It was getting close to sunset and I stopped in some neighborhood and was texting someone.

Little Rituals

Did all the things I could think of to try and get ahead of this virus. I’m not even sure what I’m working with yet. The worst part is how bad my throat feels (like gargling broken glass), so I did the hot shower, gargling salt water, ginger lemon juice and cayenne shot, ibuprofen, had some green juice to buffer that, ginger tea, vitamins, and am tucked into bed. I ache. But the throat is the worst. Actually maybe it’s the bloating, my whole system is freaking out so I guess it’s time to take the “have you tried turning it off and on again?” step with my system.

My love is also sick, and working late at night this week. I wish we could just hibernate, stay wrapped in blankets, drink tea, sleep, cuddle, and take the time to recover. おやすみ, 大好きです ?

I have a mighty need

I had a lot of stuff going on in my dreams (what’s new, right?) with lots of running around and not getting answers from peeps but there was this one glorious glorious part where I was standing around all these pastries with someone and just stuffed my face with a cinnamon roll.

Omfg. So good. Sooo goooooooood. Glad that happened before I woke up.

Broken Glass

Had a really long and weird and confusing stress dream but in one part I was in my room in Vegas to discover broken glass (broken pipes, bong, and toys). My dad had come in and broken them while I was away and the discovery felt beyond violating.

Fire and intrusion

My brain is doing some weird stuff and is apparently trying to sort things, or this is like some kind of brain chosen API wrapper and a new way to stress dream.

Adrian and I were having a discussion about our relationship in the context of CTI’s and I can’t tell if those were symbolic of something else or if we were literally discussing them in a professional context of their ownership and usage.

I was with Sarah in a dorm later and was chilling under a blanket on a couch when some dude I wasn’t expecting came in and it freaked me out. This was the common area but it was my space with Sarah or it was a female only space. He started trying to see what was on my phone and hitting on me. There was something on the fb feed on tattoos and then something on poly. I called him out on coming in uninvited and told him to leave. When I turned around he was kind of in drag but not really? (No makeup except eyeliner but feminine clothing) I tangented on different groups and comparing privilege, mentioning something about if someone else had called the authorities he’d be SOL and shouldn’t ever do this again. Sarah came around and commented generally, men will set aside their differences for a moment on something like this if the call out is coming from a woman. All I could do was sigh.

All of a sudden my ears started hurting and I covered them. Someone pointed out the fire alarm was going off and everyone got up to leave. I couldn’t find my backpack, it wasn’t anywhere where it abjuring have been and I know there’s no time to gather things if it’s a real fire. I tried to find an appropriate substitute and kept reverting to looking for that backpack and was looping. Everyone cleared out and I was worried about the cats. I walked back to the main area and Patrick was there, I asked him to help me get the car carriers while I tried to get them. They were skittish and then lethargic. He said something about giving them something to try and calm them. I was feeling lethargic and it was hazy, I didn’t know if this was smoke inhalation or if my mind was imaging it because of the duration I’d spent in there scrambling. The cats eventually came up to me when I was on the floor. I remember smoke and a lot of drama towards the end of this.

I was with mom in her new car (there was no transition in the dreams / brain has no chill) and we were parked outside a building with an officer or sheriff or someone was walking over and it made me wary, like he was going to abuse his authority to harass us, I tried to get my phone or a recorder out and he came by, then got in the back seat and started talking at us. I can’t remember what happened next.

Later I was walking down a few city blocks with DJ. He was being kind and respectful and it was expected behavior but it was also kind of throwing me off. Something in the back of my mind was telling me this was off. We ended up grabbing sushi and one of the guys was asking us what brought us here, I mentioned being familiar with the owners other establishments and wanted to check this place out. Another one of the staff sat across from us at our table to eat during her break. This is where I woke up.

This whole thing was chaotic.

Real Estate

I just had the craziest dream my real estate agent gave me the code for the lock box to go see a property and Adrian went with me. We walked around and he was about to fuck me on the living room floor when we heard “excuse me?” and he asked “who are you,” and they said they were an agent. Someone else had walked in with their own client to show the house and I woke up. Worst. Timing. Ever.

Just gushing

I guess it’s been really busy and I’ve been quiet. I’ve been spending as much time with Adrian as possible during his winter break. We’ve been going out, staying in, playing video games, watching anime, scifi movies, eating delicious food, cuddling, and having lots and lots of sex. I’m so happy. He felt me have a full body spasm when I was under him & I didn’t even know I could do that. I’m still learning about myself and what things work for me. Last weekend we went to a Fire and Ice party a friend threw. I was a little nervous since it had been years since I went to a house party and didn’t really know many people there but everyone was really nice and the general vibe was great. He tied me up and then another couple came into the area and did some shibari work. We ended up leaving to grab food and found an impressive whiskey bar that serves really good food late night.

Last night we went out to SIN and we were both hot af. My attire and look in general have gotten better over the years and it feels so good to go out dancing and flirting with someone you love in a goth and kink friendly venue. Also it’s reeeeally fun to watch him dance, he’s a really good dancer. I’m so happy I can dance with him (even though he’s way better than me). Some time last night… or maybe this morning, he made a comment about me not being in this world or something like that when I was under him. He was right, and I hadn’t realized it until he pointed it out. I was endorphin flooding so hard. I’m so enamored, I can’t physically react like this without such a strong connection. This, and everything else that goes along with it has felt like a dream come true. I’m incredibly grateful that I can live authentically and love someone without limits, AND I have the most incredible meta ever. I’m glad we got to do a spa thing together this weekend. She’s been reassuring me when I’ve had concerns and she’s checked in with me periodically.

I’m sad our schedules are going back to normal tomorrow. I know we’ll do our best to make time for each other when possible, but I’m really hoping our schedules line up a little better sooner than later. I also haven’t felt like I’ve had the bandwidth to date others while we’re still curating our relationship. I think once it’s transitioned into a long lasting dynamic I’ll feel like I’ll be more open, but for right now I’m indulging in that NRE. I mean it, and the associated chemicals that go with it, are there to enjoy for a reason right?

I’ve been causing some of my own internal grief with questioning myself and what’s “okay,” but he always reassures me and makes me feel cared for even though I’ve kept this grief to myself. I’ve also noticed there’s a bit of struggle inside. I’m more comfortable with accepting all of my emotions in general, but have realized the more I love and become more comfortable with Adrian, the less I fight the love I still hold for Josh. Both still exist and they don’t conflict with each other, it’s just an influence I didn’t see coming. I’m allowing myself to feel full spectrum again even if it hurts sometimes or leaves me wistful. I’m still unprogramming abandonment issues, breadcrumbing, and generally feeling like I’m “too much” little by little and started unpacking it with my therapist. Hopefully as things develop I’ll be able to settle into it without anxiety telling me it’s temporary. He’s never said or done anything to make me believe that, it’s just internal voices and my history’s influence, and I need to get better.

God’s Liaison

Why did God’s liaison look like Sirius Black in my dream this morning? Why was Gary Oldman drying off dishes in some penthouse apartment nonchalantly talking about certain things happening because humans need to eat among other things… like he was Moses, but he knew about all the modern stuff because time isn’t actually linear?!

I almost said twilight

I figured out how I wanted to express this. Earlier this morning I felt like I was lost for a couple moments and you caught it immediately, stopped, and brought me back.

I haven’t come up against a trigger like that, in that way before, and I’m still a little emotionally raw from it but I’m in a good headspace. You found a limit and handled it beautifully and I appreciate you, and love you more because of it.

180

I’m running into a communication failure and am struggling to overcome it. I even discussed it with my therapist earlier today, and it’s nice to talk about a good thing in my life instead of dealing with the crisis of the week or some overarching major life event sized crisis (like the one that’s been happening since mid November that I haven’t written about yet because I’m waiting for it to be over).

The issue on my mind is my fear of being too much. I’m afraid of asking for too much or too little at the same time and don’t know how to balance it, and I know this is residual from previous relationships and interactions with people I cared for making me feel like… I was too much to deal with. Adrian is transparent, empathetic, easy to talk to in person, and has incredible EQ. I also can’t believe I found someone worse at online communication than Josh. That was a huge strain and he’d talk to me more, I mean I guess it was all we had for months given the circumstances. This isn’t anywhere close to similar in circumstances. Adrian has availability and is making space for me in his life. This is all new and we haven’t found our cadence yet. But I feel bad not knowing when I’ll see him next. It makes me sad I could send a message and not get a response for hours or the next day, even though he just said something a minute ago. He was honest about not being the greatest with this kind of thing, but I am hurting inside right now, and asking myself if this is really a problem or if it’s just my brain making something from nothing. I think I’d like more of a definitive answer on when we’ll see each other, or some kind of routine. Having no frame of reference has been more difficult than I’d like to admit, but how can he address anything if I don’t tell him.

There’s also some irony with our opposite schedules relegating us mostly to weekends, when one of my biggest pain points used to be never getting weekends.

… it’s also funny my meta and I talk on the daily. We have really good communication online and in person.

How do I keep falling for incredibly gorgeous, intelligent, empathetic men who are awful at electronic communication?!

I wish this nausea would go away. I seem to be in one of those chronic nausea phases right now.

Crash

Had a dream I was in the backseat of a van or suv or whatever at night, and we were stopped at a light off McDowell Rd (so I’m guessing Phoenix) when we watched a head on collision happen right in front of us in the intersection and watched a man die. There were sparks from grinding metal flying everywhere from a semi bulldozing through a white compact car. The car he was in was crushed and he’d been decapitated. I remember the contrast of the blood on the white car was pretty striking.

There were a couple of other gruesome accidents too but this one stuck out from the dream most.

It’s Official

I can’t believe I’m writing this, for the first time since 2012 I’m officially partnered. I adore him so much, he’s given me so much peace and space to express things I’ve kept inside for a long time. I can’t believe I have a meta that’s this incredible, she mentioned she was rooting for me lol. It was really nice to sit around, drink coffee, and play games at the kitchen table with everyone, these are like the fairytale ideal polycule setups you read about online that supposedly exist, and then you insta fall for someone and suddenly you’re playing Sushi Go!

I feel like I’m just beaming right now. There’s been a lot of difficult stuff going on for a while but I feel like with all of this care and time spent together, that I’m better equipped to handle what’s going on. We met at the end of October and kind of made our “debut” out last night. My meta said it was very fitting that this debut involved a goth night and then venue hopping to an EDM night. I appreciate that, it’s a fair call out. 🙂 After the second venue we went next door for pizza and he expressed concern about me cheating with gluten but I decided to go for it and ate a little more than half of a gigantic slice of veggie pizza and it was delicious. He mentioned it’s not one he would have gone for until I went for it and at first I was like ??? and was all but it’s got banana peppers and- and he mentioned it was the onions and smell and that could bother some people but if we’re eating the same thing it doesn’t matter and I was like ohhhhhh, and said I’ve been single for so long I hadn’t even thought about it. This is when he pointed out I’m not single anymore. I had a momentary mental bsod. We’re gonna eat whatever we want / idgaf about onions on pizza. ?

Ugh, this is the gothic perfection I called out at the beginning of November. He’s gorgeous and kind, considerate, emotionally available, giving, and I’m grateful he likes me too and the chemistry’s been amazing. I’m so happy we’re exploring this, there’s so much I want to share and experience together.

Dangerous

Just woke up from a really messy complicated stress dream where everything was dangerous.

I went up a steep hill to help mom get the trash from the bathroom bins and lost a house slipper so I was going up this path on loose dirt and it almost became a vertical climb.

There was a small stint in it where dad did hurt me I don’t want to type out.

I was trying to visit a friend and there were building issues, I climbed to the 5th floor to the top of an elevator bay to try and lift myself over and get in the elevator knowing if I fell I’d die.

We eventually meet up and leave the property and another friend is driving and getting onto a freeway on-ramp. Strangely it looks like the freeways and landscape in Vegas but in the distance and across some water I can see downtown Seattle and tried to grab a photo with my phone but it didn’t go well. We were supposed to pick someone up and I pointed out them walking on the other side of a median from a road that ran parallel. Friend said it was okay and she’d figure out how to get to him and made a sharp turn thinking she’d almost missed an off ramp when there wasn’t one. We skidded through a section of gravel where there was no median, driving off the road and were basically falling to our death. I was riding shotgun and had the seat down wondering if that was worse or if it even mattered (airbags will go off, car will impact desert floor, insta death) but we kept falling and all I could think was shouldn’t we have impacted by now? I brought the seat up and sat up to see we were about to make contact with another road below the overpass and it wasn’t going to be bad. It was confusing / impossible and all the driver said was she thinks she’s got it. What? Magic? Did angels carry the car down or something? She continued driving and the area is an absolute mess, on the side of the road some kid is messing with a rattlesnake. Then when I turned to look again it was a man throwing a Komodo dragon with its tail missing.

Just w. t. f. All I wanted was a nap, I’m tired af.

The Starbucks Incident

Crazy story time at the Starbucks drive thru today:

Normally I pick up mobile orders but didn’t feel like getting out of my car today, but this guy changed that. For some reason the Jeep at the front of the line wasn’t moving and I had my turn signal on to get behind a Tesla after there was movement (I didn’t want to block the flow of traffic). Anyway, this guy comes up to my car and keeps knocking on my window and I’m instantly offended because some people don’t recognize how that could be perceived as a threat. I crack the window and he asks for a dollar to which I reply I don’t have cash on me (which is true since I always use the Starbucks app) and he starts yelling about how he’s hungry and then proceeds to knock on the windows of the Tesla, the black sedan in front of him, and then the Jeep at the front.

The Tesla is tired of waiting and uturns out of line (Idk if he went inside or gave up), so I decide to put in a mobile order and turn around to go park. The guy stops me mid turn so I’m in the middle of the street, definitely blocking all traffic, and won’t stop knocking on my window. He’s either completely forgotten he started at my car, or doesn’t care. He won’t go, he’s being argumentative, I call 911 on Bluetooth in my car and he asks “who are you talking to?” When he hears me describing him to dispatch he turns around and books it across the street to the gas station, shoulder checking some guy waiting for his Uber, and a barista was watching this all happen and was talking to the poor dude and then walked up while I was talking to dispatch. I went in to grab my stuff and texted the photos to the barista in case it took a while for someone to show up since I have appointments before work, but the sheriff did show before I left and I was able to provide photos and explain what dude was doing. He said he’s go across the street and try to find that guy.

Thankfully no one was injured, there was no vandalism, and the sheriff showed up quickly. It’s sad I had to call 911 before that guy would back off and I couldn’t even move my car. This is what happens the one time I decided I didn’t feel like getting out of my car.

A sharp stinging pain

Just woke up from a dream where Adrian was telling me he was only interested in a physical relationship and wanted to be very clear about that while we were sitting in his Tesla. I could feel that little inkling of my heart breaking, sinking in through my chest and stomach right before waking up. Dick move, brain.

There was also another dream where two baby bears ended up in the ceiling of a corporate office and they weighed about 1400lbs each and facilities had to figure out how to get them out. One of my friends I used to work with was a lead in the dream too (glad their promotion crossed over into dreamland).

Dare I try to nap and get some more sleep in?