SUGARCOATED EVIL

Had this dream where a lot of weird stuff was going on. I was in space, in some compound and the gates looked like mesh, or metal, or like screen… I wasn’t sure how we were breathing and didn’t lose oxygen. There were a lot of workers being directed in different groups, and some other stuff I can’t remember. There was this one bit where a couple people and I were right outside this thing that was shaped like a shipping container, and I knew something was going to spark and start an explosion so I yelled for everyone to get inside, and when we did something went off and everything was spinning.

I was somewhere else and there was some confusion about my age, and then about this other girl who was late teens / early 20’s. She’d stopped aging completely, scientists couldn’t figure it out. I recorded video on my phone while she was interviewed by someone while doing random tasks like dishes, and you were there to observe, and she was absolutely fascinated by you even though everyone was there to see her. She was tall so I think it was seeing someone taller than her that got her attention.

We ended up in another area for the night and I was curled up in bed, facing the wall and reading some diagram that was posted to it. You were on the bed writing something, but held my right hand, and we were content. I think it was just the proximity. This is the most peaceful I’ve felt in a dream in a while.

Lamb’s Lullaby is stuck in my head.

Had a dream I was a teenager and my mom had just had another baby.  We were downstairs in the living room when I heard the printer turn on and heard dad yell it was an accidental print that was going to burn up a paper for half of some really large document and I yelled up the stairs “or you could just hit the cancel button!” And he didn’t respond so I told mom I’d go upstairs and do it, and she stopped my saying she’d deal with it.  Then she came downstairs with my baby sister and I was all, she’s so small! o.o. And then she brought the other one, she had twin daughters… and I was all omg, you had twins, grandma had twins before too? Omg.  They had hazel eyes like me but more green than brown, were wearing cute dresses, and had less hair than I expected.  Then one started to vomit what looked like acorn jelly color but was the consistency of syrup or honey all over her purple dress and I was freaking out yelling mom!!! While holding her up, and when mom went to grab a spit up rag for her, the other one started!

Before that my dream was doing some third person thing about this chick on a small spaceship that was sentient and had an arm in the center of the ship and had a camera on it.. and it had a laser with 360 degree aim at whatever.  It’s goal was destruction and the lady knew she’d be found so she stood up, introduced herself, and started to plead with it to change its mind.  She started talking about how everything’s okay and everyone gets lonely, but it doesn’t have to be anymore cause it’s got her and she kept rambling so it rerouted its course and headed for the sun.

I was also in some town in a beat up lumina and made a fb post looking for contraband and my friend Toby commented to keep him posted if I found it. Lol.  Can’t remember what it actually was though. :v

Had this weird AF dream I was walking around with a friend and idk if we were at a ren fair or something  else but we got to the end of a road and I wanted to get a closer look at a building so I went through the gate, and when I looked down from the bridge(?) I was standing on, saw a bunch of pigs in this dirt area below me and they were hella aggressive and off so I decided to turn around and go back to find my friend.

Allison and I went to grab food, and this guy (who I later realized looked like my old boss Tyler) kept coming around and was being super awkward (he was irl too!) and I can’t remember details, but later I was setup at a computer in another room with these rows of desks… that’s kind of similar to the setup I have going on now, and was chatting with Allison on I’m and he eventually came back and decided to set up at the desk across from me, which kind of surprised me and I was fine with it cause I wouldn’t have to look at him.  Which is funny, I remember he had really good hair, but was just awkward AF and had some interesting quirks omg.

I’m missing a lot of details from my dreams this morning, but the last bit I remember was being back  in Vegas and derping around the strip with Dan, and heading back to my room at the Bellagio and making out in the elevator.  I haven’t seen what the elevators or rooms look like there yet, lol

Had this dream I had this huge c section scar all across the bottom of my tummy (well, no scar yet or no scar maybe, just staples all the way across) from delivering and was paranoid about them coming out, and realized if they were starting too I’d know because of how bad it would hurt. And I was visiting home, and friends we’re visiting me and were waiting for mom to take off so they could get me high and relaxed. She made some comment about my middle or ring fingers getting a little longer after pregnancy. After she left we played some Shovel Knight looking game but it wasn’t Shovel Knight. Then I was sitting on a bench across from Keaton catching up, and we talked about all the graffiti and murals I had in my back porch and how it was all gone, which sucked cause he was looking for something to show Sahar.  And then was out and there was some first Friday looking market, and a pool, and a large actual bee carrying an IKEA sign so everyone wanted to take its photo, and then this guy wouldn’t leave me alone and was demanding to take me out and I was exhausted but told dad I wanted him to accompany us to dinner so he could see how much of a douche bag dude was, and said he needed to eat dinner anyway.  The guy and I was in 18th century French garb but everyone was dressed normal, and apparently he had some kind of authority and was abusing his power. Then there was some weird flashback thing with me and someone else who got in trouble for being part of a resistance and I never saw him again and it was heartbreaking (I think that might have been baby daddy) and then I was out walking with Andrew and I wanted to go home so he offered to escort me and I held on to his arm for support and then I was walking with Jessica and we detoured to Cinnabon cause I mentioned how bad I wanted some and she loved that ish too so I got a center of the bun and woke up.

._.

I’ve noticed the more sleep deprived I get, the worse the dreams are. Just went through the worst oncall of my life.  Anyway, had some dream I was in the same office as you but wasn’t sure if I was just visiting you, or had come unannounced, or was summoned… like I have no idea what got me there.  You were dealing with a thing, god knows what, and Anna spotted me so she decided to walk over and start chatting.  We talked shop of all things, and it was kind of normal-ish, and then someone I knew (I guess in the dream?) came up in the topic because of their influence on something industry related and then you came over to say hi.  A small group of us left the office space to go somewhere (everythings fuzzy and vague) and I’m phasing in and out of the conversation while looking out the window in the car, then something she said pulled my attention back into the conversation and she was talking about some very fetishy stuff in graphic detail and what gets her off, and what was being described sounded like massive amounts of blood but was described as gushing orange liquid. What? Did my brain autofill LCL without actually saying it? She continued to talk about something that she was just reading about earlier in the morning and how the sheets were in the wash now.  It was so fucking weird.  The car stopped at a yield sign instead of  stop sign, or it was a stop sign and we stopped for longer than we should have Idk, and a couple people got out of the car to look at something outside since the sun had just gone down.  I decided to get out and go elsewhere, and ended up in some other car in the front passenger seat with two other people in the back.  The car was moving so I hopped into the drivers seat to take over and we ended up at some building that seemed like a medical center at first but then seemed like some residence (Idk if it was related to anything medical or not), but that’s it, weird.

I think I know what triggered at least the start of this dream.  Yesterday at TBM when I was walking to the line to get in I saw an Asian chick wearing a purple vest, glasses, and her hair was tied back and she vaguely reminded me of Anna from a distance.  Some tall guy was walking beside her on the outside of the sidewalk and I couldn’t see his face yet since there was stuff in the way and I couldn’t see above his chest yet.  I started to panic inside, I know you both went to TBM in SF when I saw them in LV, and I just thought, nooo…. that’s not why I haven’t heard from you in a while, you’re swamped with responsibilities as usual, you’d never come up to Seattle just to see TBM, let alone unannounced to a venue you know I’d be at… with Anna.  And as they got closer I saw her face and realized it wasn’t her, and then I saw him and it wasn’t you.  So I turned around and kept walking to where I was going since Sabrina had just arrived. To be fair, that vest and the rest of her outfit is so something Anna would have worn, I’ve seen her on camera at work enough to know.

Other than that surreal moment, the nightmare of my recent oncall, and the physical pain that’s induced, the night was amazing and I’m glad we made it to the show, because I wasn’t sure we would with how yesterday went.

So I just woke up from a dream I was texting Jeremy while laying in bed and the bed starts shaking and moving side to side in my room because my building is swaying side to side, and then I realize it’s from a massive earthquake and I’m grateful to be laying in bed but it’s not stopping so I started counting the seconds and… I just woke up very nauseated. >_>

What a string of nightmares.

I was standing in a room and a friend had asked me to take down her number in my phone so we could play some game that included two friends taking a photo of the same, third friend, at the same time… it was weird. I wasn’t sure what was going on but tried to comply and it was confusing. She was sitting on the bed and when I got close to her realized she was blind and felt really bad. Was she always blind or did she develop this way? She grabbed my hand and walked me to the hall by the entrance and we looked out the window where she pointed out sculptures, like in the yard there was mashimaro and she pointed to a few others, then somewhere else there was something else, then I pointed across the street and called out something.

I was standing on the ledge of this platform way high up from the ground, and it was like I was watching some movie but it was all around me and there was this rusty space ship that took off.  This was some weird mix of standing on the side of a building like in The Fifth Element, and the world looking like a real life version of Futurama.   Then it was 2D on a screen that was on the side of the building across from me, but there was no ground from it to me, and I heard the audio like it was coming from speakers, and whoever was projecting the movie made a couple comments we could hear. My body felt off, and I scrapped at a part of the inside of my right middle finger until this square of skin was missing and there was white mesh behind it. Then I pulled more and there were gauzy white mesh strips under the skin in the palm of my hand once the skin was no longer on top of it. I wasn’t sure what was behind it or if I was hollow after this layer, and then the original square on the inside of my finger started to bleed through the mesh. But it wasn’t bleeding bleeding, it was oozing some clearish reddish serum and it hurt, so I bandaged it.

I walked inside and saw a chick I knew inside someone’s apartment, and it looked like she was dressed for a date so I’d wondered if she’d followed in Emma’s foot steps as a PI or bounty hunter until she took off all her clothes and then I wondered if she was prostituting. The whole thing was weird af. I decided to bust in and see what was going on, in the back room there was a large room with a concrete floor and tile walls, this metal table and a clear 5 gallon bucket on it with a hose from the wall.. it had red liquid in it. It was hibiscus tea colored, and there was another bucket under the faucet the hose was connected to. Someone explained she’d bought that hose to help with experiments or something and when I turned on the water it would just come out that color as a side effect, and I grabbed a cup of that water and ran it out to the sink in the kitchen, and when I tossed it, it came out clear. I saw another chick who was there in a white dress and she said she was there to entertain people or make stories or something, there were a bunch of paper cut out, simply drawn bunnies surrounding her on the floor. I was so confused I went to lie down on a bed away from everything and someone who seemed familiar in the dream (she was very Morticia like) came by to try and comfort me by holding me and then we started making out and I felt like something was really wrong and I wasn’t with who I thought I was.  That I was being taken advantaged of, and hadn’t consented to something. So I backed off and “woke up.”

That’s when I saw Liam and I asked him to be honest with me and tell me what’s going on even if I couldn’t handle it. He said BB had left and that we were together, and it made absolutely no sense, I had no memory of this, and wasn’t sure if she found us and left or she left him and we started something after, but while processing she was gone I started crying uncontrollably, snot covered ugly crying and got up to leave. I was in the back seat of a car and was looking at all of the little art installations and sculptures and stuff as we drove past thinking of what BB would have pointed out.

Then I was at some parking lot outside of a hotel and some lady was being watched by a crowd in the lot for being an asshole. Someone yelled out she was being  (I don’t remember the insult) then another stranger said the same thing. She got out of her white truck and was yelling at everyone, she started yelling at me, and I said look, two other strangers I don’t even know just said whatever they just said, and I walked over to inspect the garage since I was trying to find a spot for three cars so we could unload them ane get our stuff up to a room.

I was the front passenger in what seemed like an Uber, and Roo was sitting in the back seat.  We were going somewhere (not sure where) and she had this really elaborate looking knife she was playing with. We were being flirty so while I was turned around to face her she learned in and kissed me. That was really nice but then I realized some of her lipstick was on my lips and that made me back off since mom was going to be wherever we were.  I tried to rub it off and felt awful, since my actions and appearances did not line up with how I felt or what I wanted at all.

We ended up somewhere with these people and she was kind of taking charge of where to go, and when we were lined up against a wall with our eyes closed I decided to face her instead of finding my spot on the wall, and I played with this yellow hair piece that was around her bun. I wanted to redo it so her hair was in a loose ponytail and thought the hair accessory was cute. I ended up having to leave abruptly and decided to order my own hair trinket thing before leaving.  She tried to stop me as I was going and then offered to give me her hair thing. I insisted she didn’t have to since I just ordered my own and didn’t want to take the one she had from her.

Still waking up with my throat burning.  Also woke up from a bizarre dream I was dealing with Jay, actually I was dealing with Josh but he looked like Jay… that or it was Jay the whole time but he’d been in the same position as Josh professionally the whole dream was weird and confusing.  Trying to communicate was terrible, trying to piece together where I was supposed to be and where my current hierarchy professionally was terrible.  We were somewhere back east but idk where exactly, and when I asked he said NY was only a 23 minute ride away which was shocking, I think we were in DC or somewhere near there.  I was with a group at a diner and he started going through a pocket in my backpack and pulled out what looked like these little crumpled receipts but they were little crumpled notes with lyrics and other reminders or bits of information on them, and I’d been taking notes on passing thoughts or reminders to go back and use for another project later.  And when I tried to grab them back he held them out of my reach and I got pissed off and eventually got them and yelled at him go back the fuck off and leave me alone.  So he got up and said he didn’t need this shit and walked away.  When he exited the building something triggered in my head that I wanted to give an actual explanation to the papers and also wanted to know why he felt compelled to go through my things, so I ran after him, out the door and down two flights of stairs when I realized I couldn’t see him, and thought he must have exited the stairway so I took the door out and saw him on a bench with some other people. And I asked him why, and I know the dream kept going but I can’t remember what happened after.  The whole thing was uneasy, felt chronically uncertain, and was very high anxiety.