Work tragedy

Just woke up from from a dream there was a mass shooting at work.

All the conversations leading up to it seemed so real too in some bits. I was in a small office surrendering access to an old system since my team moved to a new platform  and Eric happened to be there with a clipboard going over names of who still had access and by this point it was only our org anyway, and I made some joke to the lady behind the counter while making the submission (looked like hardware pickup in one of the buildings)  and then was outside some huge park in the evening and there were a bunch of us, like the holiday party but some
other event and I was talking about Chevelle and how I either just missed them in the area or am about to and need to see them and Eric just saw them at some music festival and I was all all sheee, and started talking jimmy eat world and other bands when someone started firing down the road and people started screaming.

We got up and left and I followed him and we started hearing machine guns, he started messing with this gate lock and we were in this grassy area, some oblivious guy in like a park ranger uniform was all what are you doing? And Eric explained something unrelated and he was all oh and we walked to the back where there was some deck, and patio furniture with umbrellas. And we sat down and I noticed other people there nonchalantly hanging around like nothing was going on, and there was a tv on but it was silent and I was looking at it to figure out the time and see if the news would come on cause I left my bag and phone when we were in a hurry and couldn’t call anyone or respond if anyone checked on me.

And woke up… right before 3:30 in the morning…

 

Games

So sleep deprived lately…

We took an elevator that started to tumble, like it was not only falling but the way it was falling meant we were standing on the floor, then a wall, then what was the ceiling, etc, until it finally stopped.  We fell two floors and then the door opened and when I got out it immediately shut behind me and I started freaking out because you were still inside.  The ground floor opened up to a grocery store kind of like the WF here, but it was different, and I started yelling for help, then ran to an office where there were people and started explaining what was going on, and they were about to make a phone call when I turned around and saw light blue T-shirt at eye level, and looked up to see you were behind me in the doorway. And I was all, nevermind, he’s here!

And someone else in the room said something and addresed me and I came inside really quick to look at a board on the wall they were referencing.  Someone in there called me D.Va and I’d forgotten I was giving a fake name. Then I heard someone else call my real name and was all … and I walked out to find you outside by a red van and you were standing next to it waiting for me, wearing my Harajuku lovers hoodie and asking if I packed a change of shoes to go play since I was wearing slip on flats, and I was all yeah.  It was sunny out and we went to a park, you mentioned volleyball and I said that was bs for anyone over 6’ to suggest cause I’m hella small and you mentioned some Fitbit volleyball thing like Fitbit became the new Nintendo Wii or something. And after running around the park we were in some residence but Idk who it belonged to, and started setting up characters in a game that looked like Overwatch but not exactly. When I got further into setup I was by myself and forgot you were there and woke up.

You’re on a trip?

Had a normalish dream where nobody died  for the first time in a while.  I was in the house I grew up in and was trying to sleep but the kid I was babysitting wanted to keep showing me things and play, and it was so early.  Which is funny cause it’s not even 6am yet and I’m typing this.  Finally she said she was hungry and I said she could fend for herself with breakfast and she made some dramatic statement and walked off.

I was thinking about what day it was and when my friend Shelley was going to visit me, then went downstairs to find Sky, my friends niece (the kid I was babysitting).  I started telling her about when my mom started telling me to fend for myself and start cooking and she didn’t want to hear it, and how it encourages variety and you didn’t have to be on anyone’s timeline.  G was there and walked out of the kitchen with this look that said “good luck” and I decided to take Sky grocery shopping in this really weird right hand drive white Mercedes with white leather seats and… like everything I’d never buy or drive, but I think it was a rental?

She started talking about how she wanted to grab those pre peeled and cut packs of vegetables cause she didn’t want to deal with all the prep and I said it wasn’t that hard, and some of my kitchen skills are potato quality but better than they used to be from repetition (omg).  And we were inside this huge store running through produce and I picked up a mango and was walking around with it in my hand.  We saw someone who was walking by that looked familiar and it was Dustin! And I was all wtf why isn’t he in SLC? And then saw you behind him and was all… ???

You both were in winter gear and when you both saw us decided to come up and say hello, and I decided to walk right up to Dustin and was all “hello!” And we all started talking and you gave me some awkward side hug and then Dustin asked how Dawn was doing and I said fine (my dream traded Sky for Dawn) and asked where you two went and he mentioned some crazy mountain hiking trip he decided to go on, and then you decided to do it to, and you both just got back from being gone for a while, and I was all… ahhhhh. And then I was mad you left for a long trip and didn’t warn me ahead of time, and started eating the mango in my hand, and then was all, we should get going to Dawn and we left, and I was driving the weird car and woke up.

My brain has decided dream you went on a long trip out of the US, and you forgot to tell me.  I’m not really sure this is the right way to cope brain.  You’re implying he’s coming back… I don’t think he’s coming back.  All because I’ve had some things implode and needed some time to get sorted.. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it that this was what did it.   Brain, thanks for trying anyway. *sigh*

Delusions

The most dangerous things are the ones that don’t trigger alarms.  The one intuition doesn’t notice and fails to whisper cautions about.  The most dangerous is inviting, warm, and charming… feels safe, familiar, comforting, and is gorgeous.  The most dangerous can get the closest, integrate, destroy, and can even make themselves missed.  The most dangerous has the strongest venom, and  I wish it was strong enough to kill. It would be merciful to die, than to lie paralyzed from hallucinations, of a reality that never existed.

2:18am

Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva was moving in the deep course of wisdom which

has gone beyond. He looked down from on high and saw but five skandhas*

which, in their own being, were empty. Here, O Sariputra, Form is

Emptiness, Emptiness is Form; Form does not differ from Emptiness,

Emptiness does not differ from Form; whatever is Empty, that is Form,

whatever is Form that is Empty. The same is true of feelings, perceptions,

impulses and consciousness. O Sariputra all dharmas are marked with

Emptiness, they have no beginning and no end, they are neither imperfect nor

perfect, neither deficient nor complete. Therefore O Sariputra, in emptiness

there is no form, no feeling, no perception, no name, no concepts, no

knowledge. No eye, no ear, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind; no

forms, sounds, smells, tastes, touchables or object of the mind, no sight

organ, no hearing organ and so forth to no mind consciousness element; no

ignorance or extinction of ignorance, no decay and death, no extinction of

decay and death. There is no suffering, no origination, no stopping, no path,

no cognition, no attainment, nor anything to attain. There is nothing to

accomplish and so Bodhisattvas can rely on the Perfection of Wisdom

without trouble. Being without trouble they are not afraid, having overcome

anything upsetting they attain Nirvana.

All Buddhas who appear in the three periods, fully Awake to the utmost

right and perfect enlightenment because they have relied on the Perfection

of Wisdom. Therefore, one should know the Perfection of Wisdom is the great mantra, is the unequaled mantra, the destroyer of suffering.

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Para Sam gate Bodhi svaha

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Para Sam gate Bodhi svaha

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Para Sam gate Bodhisvaha.

Bodhi Svaha

English:

Gone, Gone, Gone beyond Gone utterly beyond

Gone, Gone, Gone beyond Gone utterly beyond

Gone, Gone, Gone beyond Gone utterly beyond

Oh what an Awakening

*The five skandas are the five components of any individual: body, perceptions, feelings, mental formations and consciousness.)

Gate means gone. Gone from suffering to the liberation of suffering. Gone from forgetfulness to mindfulness. Gone from duality into non-duality.

Gate gate means gone, gone.

Paragate means gone all the way to the other shore. So this mantra is said in a very strong way. Gone, gone, gone all the way over.

In Parasamgate sam means everyone, the sangha, the entire community of beings. Everyone gone over to the other shore.

Bodhi is the light inside, enlightenment, or awakening. You see it and the vision of reality liberates you.

And svaha is a cry of joy or excitement, like “Welcome!” or “Hallelujah!” “Gone, gone, gone all the way over, everyone gone to the other shore, enlightenment, svaha !”

No Coming No Going

No coming, no going

No after, no before

I hold you close to me,

I release you to be so free

Because I am in you, and you are in me

Because I am in you, and you are in me.

I Wish

Lately topics surrounding bucket lists have been coming up, and with you mentioning evaluating early retirement, it made me ask myself what I would want to do if I were retired, or had more time to do anything. I kind of gave up on the idea of retiring a long time ago, and now it seems waaaaaaay more obtainable than it did even a couple years ago. I remembered all the dream goals I had… like when people say “my dream is to be this” or “to do this” but it never fit into a neat package with a one sentence answer. So, I guess I have a list of things I’d like to try and accomplish in my lifetime:

– Drive the entire PanAm freeway.  I know there’s a gap at Panama, and it’s dangerous.  Idk if I’d ever get this opportunity anyway, but it’s only doable under the condition I learn Spanish.
– Obtain a pilots license.
– Learn to weld.
– Learn to drive a car with a manual transmission. You know, in case zombies.
– Learn ASL.
– Get fluent in Korean… probably live in Korea for a while.
– Get a tattoo in SK.
– Visit a Korean traditional village. Get custom hanbok. Attend tea ceremony.
– Go on an Alaskan cruise.
– See the aurora borealis.
– Take the train from one end of the US to the other.
– See NOLA.
– Visit Iceland.
– Smoke in a coffeeshop in Amsterdam.
– Visit Cuba.
– See Viscacha in Chile.
– Take the Trans-Siberian Railway.
– Visit Mongolia and stay in a yurt.
– Become happily partnered and in love. Combine lists.
– Drink absinthe in Paris.
– Sail around the Mediterranean Sea.
– See Green Gables farm in Prince Edward Island.
– Visit Arcosanti. Acquire bell.
– Go to Space Camp.
– Visit CERN.
– Attend Wave Gotik Treffen.
– See Utada Hikaru.
– Reserve time to use a telescope at an observatory. Come up with viable research project and justification if necessary.
– See all 7 continents.
– Visit Chernobyl.
– Visit Adamstown in the Pitcairn Islands.
– This can kind of tie into some of the others, but my main one is to see every UNESCO World Heritage Site. That list by itself feels impossible, but I want to get through as much of it as possible.
– If getting married, have dress designed by Rima Tadmory.

Realizations in dreams

In my dream I came to this realization my ex only recently started calling himself poly because even though he moved on and dated other women, he’s still in love with me. What a mind fuck.

Every dream with him is so stressful and I feel suffocated and trapped in them. And I know this came up because he showed up in my fb feed out of nowhere yesterday from a mutual friend.

Breaking and entering

I was just laying in bed trying to remember if I ever owned my own landline, and then heard someone break into my apartment, unzip my work backpack and start going through my things. I couldn’t move to get up and lock my bedroom door, and then just woke up for real. Wtf.

That was a scary dream. I wanted to get up and lock the door or grab anything and couldn’t move my arms.

Knock at the door

Just had the weirdest dream I was hanging out with Sarah and this guy and then was in bed and my room was different, then I looked out my windows and it was dark outside and there was a pool and this place looked fancy (it’s a reoccurring place in my dreams), and then I was back in bed and heard steps up the stairs, a small knock at the door, and heard it crack open and then “hang in there.” And I said “dad?” And just woke up.

It doesn’t help my bedroom door is almost in the same spot in my room here that it is in Vegas, or was in the house I grew up in.

Angel malachite

It’s 12:47am.  The insomnias been worse lately, and my mind always drifts to you when it wanders.  I mean, you’re always in my heart, and I still see you more in dreams than I do irl, but it seems like it’s been extra hard this last week, especially the last two nights. I don’t know why. I’m coming up on one year here and you haven’t visited. I know it’s a lack of time, but it still makes me sad.  I’m not sure how long I’ll remain here, it’s currently up in the air.  I’m sad you don’t write to me anymore, I don’t have a digital space to go to when I’m like this. It’s probably unhealthy, but I can’t care about that right this second. I wish you were here. I wish you were here so much.

Two heart attacks

Omg, I just woke us from this dream there were two of you, it was so confusing, and I didn’t realize it until way later in the dream.  There was a sev1 outage our org had to deal with, this was at my current company.  You both had the same first and last name. One was at my current company, the other had just left our old company for the current one. So I know I had history with one of you, it was messy. You both knew me, liked me, I was aware of the one who moved over from SC. How were you both in the Bay Area and how were you not aware of each other’s existence? I started back tracking through internal IM logs and irc.

I was outside talking to a chick who had a lot of influence over everyone and took a lot of amusement in thinks that would break other people,  like stocks tanking, or other things that could cause uncertainty in corporate settings. She called everyone outside, and it was a strangely casual setting.  She had this outside furniture brought out where we sat with another one of her assistants, like resort chaise lounges and beds you see by pools. On the other side were these benches (bleachers?) and everyone started coming out and filling up the benches, it was evening, and for the first time I saw both of them on opposite sides of the area we were in.  The chick next to me was pretending this was  about that sev1 but was really making small talk with the crowd.  I was trying to match who I’d been talking to on IM, because the goddamn chat client we use only shows first and last name and you can’t see alias unless you look for it, and there were two of them so I started to panic and wonder of I’d ever started a conversation, and then given a response in a different tab… thinking the chat client glitched (it’s almost that shitty irl).  I remembered alias, then realized I could confirm one middle name, and wondered what was the other middle name. I realized Anna was playing them both, but knew she could only live full time with one, I mean how could she manage her time otherwise? I wanted to call her out to both of them. I knew I had an actual history with one, but had to let it go.  I would expose everything out into the open, let them sort it out, and walk away. And then I woke up.

Ice cream

I’d really been wanting ice cream the last couple days and had t had a chance to grab any.  Lately… okay the last few months, I’ve been getting this weird daunting feeling sometimes when I want to go out and do something… like grab ice cream. Like if I go out I’ll get hurt, it’s the similar feeling I get when I remember the end of 2012. Colder weather and the sun going down earlier doesn’t help. I know it goes down super early here during the winter. Anyway, it took me a couple hours to build myself up to go out, and I did, and it became a disaster. I already knew I was cutting it too close to closest time but decided to give it a shot and went to my nearest light rail station.  Usually if there’s a bus before the light rail, I’ll take it cause it always stops at the next station, and I was in a hurry.  Tonight I learned that only works going south. This time I was northbound and the bus skipped the next station, got on the freeway, and I discovered I was on an express bus to another town. So I got off at the transit center and tried to figure out what to do next, I was sitting at a stop, alone, in the dark, which was the last thing I needed with fb mental state I’ve been in. I posted online so people would be aware, then decided to uber to another ice cream shop a friend recommended (that was still open) and wifey offered to meet me there. So we met there and I got her ice cream, and then she got me home safely, which I am grateful for. I am so upset that I even get like this and that I alters my behavior, makes me deviate from what I’d rather do, or make me rush into something after having trouble leaving my apartment. I know this was self inflicted pain, but I didn’t want to just stay in and miss out on what I wanted. I’m so frustrated.

2:58am

Insomnias been especially bad the last two nights. It’s the loneliness, which you’d think would allow me to sleep more instead of struggle to pass out at a decent hour. How aggravating.

Because I am sad, I’ll make a list of what makes me happy

Tequila, love, warmth, Vegas, playground, smiles, parks, post-it notes, origami, chocolate, Deadpool, Town Square, chai, leaving lipstick on you, Mandalay Bay, Fleur, Absinthe, Skyfall, Four Seasons, MGM, Phoenix, Scottsdale, Hyatt, SLC, walks at night, random conversations, random martini bar, blankets, cuddles, laughter, Black Mirror, penguins, staying in, Green Valley Ranch, promises, Christmas parties, shenanigans, SF, Japanese gardens, macarons, trains, coffee, cute towns, San Mateo, bunnies, Goldspike, karaoke, Selina Gomez, ipods, Utada, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Misato and Kaji, Buffy, Arizona, sunsets, Tucson, Sanctuary, Michelle Branch, Jerome, The Spirit Room, Sedona, Poe, Portishead, Bjork, Flight Facilities, Crave You, The Birthday Massacre, tacos, La Comida, Fremont, Mt. Charleston, snow, snow cream, drives, trees, Joshua trees, switchbacks, red rocks, holding hands, day trips, embraces, pho, meeting mom, hugs, Golden Gate Bridge, Pokémon Go, ocean, Santa Monica Beach, Korean friendship bell, takoyaki, Chinatown, random texts, glomps, being on the same frequency, comfort, support, affection, vulnerability, the pretend angel and the pretend evil, visits, airports, Starbucks, strategic layovers, “when you are not watching I prepare myself for you, because this could be good,” Vancouver, puffy paper stars, June 17th, green tea, origami hearts, love knots and lovers knots that look like bows, flowers, dreams, eternally, wishes, hidden messages, love notes, <3’s in texts, <3’s in general, desks, under desks during outages, how you look at me in corsets, reasons to stay in bed, sleeping in, Johan achim, sneaky coffee runs, waffles, brunch, sneaky pictures, cupcakes, bubble baths, plans, the future, “I give you my heart, hold on let me sign it,” honestly, Forevermore, Victoria, saranghayo, sukiyo, and my favorite… getting to tell you that I love you in person, before I fall asleep, and when I wake up.

Recent happenings

Went to Jimmy Eat World and Incubus this evening with wifey. It was a great show and a nice little drive out of the city. Saw Ivardensphere and VNV Nation last week… Echo & The Bunnymen and Violent Femmes right after Vegas.. Counting Crows and Matchbox Twenty in Vegas, Michelle Branch before that, The Birthday Massacre… Bush, DSTR (Daniel Myer), and Velvet Acid Christ, and earlier this year was Orgy and Powerman 5000. Some of these shows were super random and last minute, some were planned months ahead. I had no idea I’d see all this at the start of the year.

And a bunch of others are coming to Seattle too, Voltaire and Bella Morte, Lords of Acid, My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, Front Line Assembly and Cubanate, God Module, Lights of Euphoria, Zola Jesus, Poppy (lol), Chelsea Wolfe, Ministry and Death Grips… and that only goes till the end of November. So Glick is a pretty good site to keep up with shows that are coming to town (and I just found it). I doubt I’ll see most of this, and only have a ticket to one of them, but more happens here than I realized. I kind of wish I’d put more effort into Depeche Mode and Lady Gaga this year but wasn’t feeling big arena shows, and the price tags were insane this round. *shrugs*

I’d rather focus more energy on travel than shows but I’m kind of grounded with my pto getting depleated, so I guess I’ll enjoy things locally while I wait, and I’m taking a train to Portland for the weekend next month so that’ll be fun.

Now that I’ve rambled the trivial things out of my mind… I’m still processing things. I am sad. I am so sad about how painfully touch deprived I am and how much that impacts me, and how I haven’t even tried to seriously date anyone, but trying to establish a fwb type thing has always still been a disaster. I mean, I don’t want to keep you, I just want to do things and call it good. And people are so selfish and stupid. And I thought someone had their shit together enough to try something and got burned because they were ignorant. I’m so so sad. For my health. For whatever the future is going to look like. I don’t want to be touch dependent like a normal human. I don’t want to be so deprived, and I don’t want to settle for anything. I want to be self sustainable so bad, and I’ve tried to front that for so long and it’s tearing me down.

Strange events

Had a dream where I thought you ditched me at an event and I was running through a crowd to find you. You yelled my name from behind and were walking back from the parking lot, so I turned around and fell on the gravel on the bridge I was on. I stayed on my knees and ignored the gravel fucking up my stockings or heels, and just kept my arms over the bridge. It was small and stone and at a park or whatever. I waited for you to catch up to me and woke up.

When you called my name you said something like Really? And maybe something else but I can’t remember. But this whole thing started when I was laying on my bed in some weird room listening to brand new BoA, it was weird cause it was called 2008, and it was 2017. The artwork had a lot of green in it but it was different from Jewel Song. And I was looking out the window next to me cause whenever a train or something went by the building rocked back and forth. Eventually it fell, and kept falling a long time, I kept trying to estimate impact but couldn’t.

I woke up in a different bed from dogs jumping all over me, Dan decided to wake me and brought the neighbors dogs over, and Chibi. I was paralyzed for a moment and was finally able to move, so I called him an asshole and pushed him off the bed, and rolled over to go back to sleep. He grabbed a knife so I got up and grabbed a sword and pointed it at his neck while he sat in a computer chair. He kept antagonizing me and I realized this might be what he wanted. He couldn’t kill himself so he’d use me. Like when people were suicidal and would call the cops and then pull weapons and get shot. Idk. I backed off.

I was standing outside an entrance with you, and you were wearing a black shirt and jeans. I was in something gothy I can barely remember. We were chatting before walking in and we’re amused at going to a fetish ball. Making comments about chains and who would be tired to which but we didn’t have any and I was secretly relieved. You jokingly called me mistress and I said don’t do that again. We walked in and the event space was wrong. Then it started to look familiar and I realized it was a lot smaller than before, and it wasn’t the beautiful venue of Scottsdale. It looked more like a shittily coordinated SCA event, with a bunch of random people I didn’t know. I walked around to see if that was the entire event and decide if we should leave, or see if maybe there was something else somewhere else? I went around this hall and saw these tables lined up with all these cakes, and then around the corner from there was another open space with people in various costumes, and decided to walk back to where I was previously. I stood by a table and decided to eat a candy bar I’d brought with me, and this couple in matching blue and black vinyl outfits started talking to me. They admired my outfit which also had some blue in it. And while I ate and we chatted the guy asked me if the angry looking man over there was mine, and then I looked behind us by the cakes, I saw you shake your head and walk away. You were wearing a white button down shirt with your sleeves rolled up (dreams are weird, and sometimes emotional af). I was shocked by the reaction but didn’t care at the moment, so I ran in your direction and couldn’t find you, ran around the corner to where I saw those people in costumes earlier, and then back around and outside to where the bridge was, and that’s when you called me. I didn’t understand why you’d be angry at people talking to me, it didn’t seem to make sense. Why didn’t you just walk up to us and put your arms around me? But I was so upset at the whole thing all I could do was look down and wait, so I could hear you out and then address it.

Forevermore

On discovering Forevermore after waking up from a dream last Saturday… “it was kind of like waking up one morning to find someone wrote down your heart.”

I woke up from a stressful dream this morning involving looking at other apartments to switch into, going to MCC only it was a larger more chaotic campus, getting rear ended in Korean car, having trouble with left turns on a street at night with power steering gone and other trouble, no need to continue down this list or go into detail. I woke up and found something better in a text message.

Another reality

I was running around with a group of people and they wanted to go somewhere where there was a pool to swim and I didn’t have a swimsuit with me so I was reluctant to go, and a chick in the group spoke up that she didn’t have one either. Then we’d realized most of us didn’t and I asked if there was somewhere we could go to buy some on the way and she mentioned a place that was hella pricy and then I suggested Forever 21 since it was cheap and this was a one time kinda thing. We ended up in some other place and I was sitting in a food court area, Brett and a couple other people were there. We had some weird interaction with some other group of people, and we were trying to figure out their rank (hierarchy in society), something was weird with them. I was driving at night and someone was driving north in the southbound turn lane and I had to avoid them. There was a car stopped at the light ahead of us and it turned out to be the people we were trying to figure out from before.

Then I was sitting inside somewhere with this fluffy cat and this lady who was a nurse was about to leave for work. There was a group of people sitting around on the couches by me discussing some awkward guy and what he was wearing. I chimed in giving hypothetical explanations why he might be wearing certain things or what devices he could have been hiding.

Had another dream I ended up in another dimension and met the me that belonged there, who was a trans man. He was a captain and was fighting in some rebellion, he had a pirates coat and seemed a little more black and white on decisions and dealing with people than I did, but then I realized it was a product of life experiences and differences.

There was a small dog running around the house I was in and then he had black and white paint streaked all over his back, and when I called it out and tried to grab him someone asked “does it look like this?” And held up a wet black and white painting that was now smeared, and it did. When I finally grabbed him he was smaller and rolled up like an armadillo, he was fidgety and mad I caught him, and I was trying to grab my phone but for some reason was using my sim in an older one cause I guess I didnt know where the new one was at the time? The animal I was holding with paint all over his fur was the size of a rat and peed in my hand out of retaliation, and then his handler showed up and grabbed him so I went to go clean up. Then I was at some political banquet thing where I saw Liam, but didn’t interact with him.

I was running around this event and then went outside and passed this lady who was walking in a judges gown, holding scrolls, and was yelling in protest. There was another girl walking my direction and she started to praise this woman’s efforts. As she walked past, the people would cheer and chant with her, but as she kept walking they’d remain silent again. It was like they were afraid of association unless everyone was involved, otherwise it was too risky. I wondered who she was or what would happen to her since she was brave enough to protest alone. I ran into the me from this reality again and he was focused on his own mission, and asked me if I wanted to make a quick buck. I thought he was just overly money motivated until I realized he was recruiting for some plot. I kept going back to this shower and standing under the hot water for comfort. I didn’t know how to get back to my reality and started to panic, then cry, and he hugged me and that was the first sign of compassion and empathy I’d seen from him. And then I woke up.

The start of the 2017 season

What a way to start the 2017 season! Ran into friends and was gifted a wristband into a party > tequila > networking >more tequila > cigars being rolled on site so I smoke a cigar while tequila drunk… and the rest is history. I have a badge for tomorrow. *achievement unlocked* Oh Mandalay, nothing that goes down there will ever surprise me.

I sobered up and went home, and while driving out Final Distance plays, followed by The Heart Wants What It Wants. Sounds about right.

This is our playground, and I’ve always played a lot on this particular week. I can’t believe we haven’t been to a con here together yet. It is my goal for us to end up at one of these together. It’s also coincidentally been a goal / running joke to get laid at one of these, and the two efforts do seem to line up nicely. Just sayin.