So this is funny, I planned everything a while ago and decided not to put myself through the phone calls and cancel anything despite what happened the last time we saw each other. I wanted the last thing I did to go through. What’s interesting, or strange about the orchids is they cannot deliver on Mondays because they’re imported from Thailand. When I was scheduling, I wasn’t sure what week to pick because your birthday landed on a Saturday, and I had trouble picking between white and purple because I thought they were both beautiful so I decided on both. Then it bothered me there was a gap on Monday and hit up Wendy for macarons. When I was putting this together I thought.. I can’t be there to celebrate your birthday with you but I can send my love and try to lessen the gap and our distance.
And then that Monday came and that’s when you gave notice you were traveling to Mexico, and I remembered the deliveries and was all oh shit. I mean I could never plan things when I thought you’d be here, why did I think I could schedule things in San Mateo? So I called Wendy and told her to cancel and not worry about a refund and apologized for the short notice, and she said she still wanted to make the delivery when you returned and I said okay. And then I called to cancel the flowers but they were already too close to delivery. The lady said she’d try to have the package destroyed so you wouldn’t come back to dead flowers, and offered to send replacements as a courtesy given the circumstances.
I had no idea the original package made it. I also wondered what you were talking about when you said everyone read the “cards.” As in plural, which cards? And who counts within everyone? I accepted that would remain a mystery on my end. And you can’t eat the macarons anyway. *sigh*
So polygamy and harems…
I prefer the word polyamory. It’s all inclusive and works as a blanket term for the countless styles and dynamics people have integrated into their lives, because everyone is different and humans don’t fit within certain limits or protocols. I have seen so many various examples of polyamorous relationships in and out of the kink scene, and the easiest illustrations I’ve seen sound like “my husband’s girlfriend and I are planning his birthday” or “my wife’s boyfriend is taking her on a date Saturday so I’m going to a DnD night.” Or “my husband and I recently started seeing someone and it’s getting serious and we’re excited.” I’ve seen it where all parties are in love, or some parties love more than one and the individuals who love the same person are respectful of their separate dynamics and are even friends. Gender doesn’t play in. But it’s not ownership, it’s not threatening, jealousy is talked about openly if it comes up. Everything is talked about before, during, and after to make sure everyone is okay.
Polygamy sounds very one sided, it’s one person with two or more partners, and usually that term is exclusively one man with many partners. What she wants is polyandry, one woman with multiple partners.. because anthropology is fun, but being one sided and selfish is not, I mean it is for the person, but not the people around them. Tangents are fun. Harems again play into ownership. It’s about the possession of another. It’s a voluntary power exchange, I can’t believe this term works out of the D/s context like this, hah. Anyway, there is no possession in love, or outright disregard for the wants, desires, and needs of the person you claim to care about. I’ve always looked at monogamy and polyamory as a spectrum like orientation, rather than a black and white thing. I have loved more than one person at the same time but I know the circumstances weren’t optimal. My first relationship was already crumbling and my love had to change there for me to open up to someone else. I was finding comfort in a friend I respected who knew my situation. And when all was said and done we remained friends and decided to end the romantic component. It’s a friend love, it always was and we didn’t want to date. I left the first relationship and that ran its course on its own.
It’s more like people transition from one relationship to another like they’re migrating data between servers because they haven’t figured out Vmotion yet. They have one foot in each place, and they try to call it poly when they’re in transition and don’t know where to pull the trigger. Poly is a real thing, it works for some people, and some people will discover a part of themselves they didn’t know existed, but some people try to cling to the ideal of being poly as a justification when they really aren’t capable of that kind of love, and it does make everyone else look bad.. I feel bad for that community. We are all capable of compromises to a point, I know personally where I fit on the spectrum, I know there are dynamics I can have with one partner, I couldn’t have with another. And it doesn’t mean anything was wrong with one or the other. We also have different needs at different points in our lives. I’ve noticed from my own habits the stronger I feel my connection is to someone, the more I focus on that relationship. I will default to monogamy even when it’s not asked or expected, and will give it without making a conscious decision. That’s just me, there’s nothing wrong with anyone who loves differently, and there’s nothing wrong with more when it’s genuine. But I am not surprised her chosen words were polygamy/polyandry and harems, they fit within her scope. She doesn’t appreciate the beauty right in front of her. I get the sense that she’s never been satisfied, and never will be. She’s only known how to collect people for whatever she feels is missing, whether it’s sex, attention, or some semblance of love, in whatever capacity she’s able to express it. I feel bad for her, it’s her pattern and she’ll never have enough.
