Category Archives: Dreams

Had this dream I had this huge c section scar all across the bottom of my tummy (well, no scar yet or no scar maybe, just staples all the way across) from delivering and was paranoid about them coming out, and realized if they were starting too I’d know because of how bad it would hurt. And I was visiting home, and friends we’re visiting me and were waiting for mom to take off so they could get me high and relaxed. She made some comment about my middle or ring fingers getting a little longer after pregnancy. After she left we played some Shovel Knight looking game but it wasn’t Shovel Knight. Then I was sitting on a bench across from Keaton catching up, and we talked about all the graffiti and murals I had in my back porch and how it was all gone, which sucked cause he was looking for something to show Sahar.  And then was out and there was some first Friday looking market, and a pool, and a large actual bee carrying an IKEA sign so everyone wanted to take its photo, and then this guy wouldn’t leave me alone and was demanding to take me out and I was exhausted but told dad I wanted him to accompany us to dinner so he could see how much of a douche bag dude was, and said he needed to eat dinner anyway.  The guy and I was in 18th century French garb but everyone was dressed normal, and apparently he had some kind of authority and was abusing his power. Then there was some weird flashback thing with me and someone else who got in trouble for being part of a resistance and I never saw him again and it was heartbreaking (I think that might have been baby daddy) and then I was out walking with Andrew and I wanted to go home so he offered to escort me and I held on to his arm for support and then I was walking with Jessica and we detoured to Cinnabon cause I mentioned how bad I wanted some and she loved that ish too so I got a center of the bun and woke up.

._.

I’ve noticed the more sleep deprived I get, the worse the dreams are. Just went through the worst oncall of my life.  Anyway, had some dream I was in the same office as you but wasn’t sure if I was just visiting you, or had come unannounced, or was summoned… like I have no idea what got me there.  You were dealing with a thing, god knows what, and Anna spotted me so she decided to walk over and start chatting.  We talked shop of all things, and it was kind of normal-ish, and then someone I knew (I guess in the dream?) came up in the topic because of their influence on something industry related and then you came over to say hi.  A small group of us left the office space to go somewhere (everythings fuzzy and vague) and I’m phasing in and out of the conversation while looking out the window in the car, then something she said pulled my attention back into the conversation and she was talking about some very fetishy stuff in graphic detail and what gets her off, and what was being described sounded like massive amounts of blood but was described as gushing orange liquid. What? Did my brain autofill LCL without actually saying it? She continued to talk about something that she was just reading about earlier in the morning and how the sheets were in the wash now.  It was so fucking weird.  The car stopped at a yield sign instead of  stop sign, or it was a stop sign and we stopped for longer than we should have Idk, and a couple people got out of the car to look at something outside since the sun had just gone down.  I decided to get out and go elsewhere, and ended up in some other car in the front passenger seat with two other people in the back.  The car was moving so I hopped into the drivers seat to take over and we ended up at some building that seemed like a medical center at first but then seemed like some residence (Idk if it was related to anything medical or not), but that’s it, weird.

I think I know what triggered at least the start of this dream.  Yesterday at TBM when I was walking to the line to get in I saw an Asian chick wearing a purple vest, glasses, and her hair was tied back and she vaguely reminded me of Anna from a distance.  Some tall guy was walking beside her on the outside of the sidewalk and I couldn’t see his face yet since there was stuff in the way and I couldn’t see above his chest yet.  I started to panic inside, I know you both went to TBM in SF when I saw them in LV, and I just thought, nooo…. that’s not why I haven’t heard from you in a while, you’re swamped with responsibilities as usual, you’d never come up to Seattle just to see TBM, let alone unannounced to a venue you know I’d be at… with Anna.  And as they got closer I saw her face and realized it wasn’t her, and then I saw him and it wasn’t you.  So I turned around and kept walking to where I was going since Sabrina had just arrived. To be fair, that vest and the rest of her outfit is so something Anna would have worn, I’ve seen her on camera at work enough to know.

Other than that surreal moment, the nightmare of my recent oncall, and the physical pain that’s induced, the night was amazing and I’m glad we made it to the show, because I wasn’t sure we would with how yesterday went.

So I just woke up from a dream I was texting Jeremy while laying in bed and the bed starts shaking and moving side to side in my room because my building is swaying side to side, and then I realize it’s from a massive earthquake and I’m grateful to be laying in bed but it’s not stopping so I started counting the seconds and… I just woke up very nauseated. >_>

What a string of nightmares.

I was standing in a room and a friend had asked me to take down her number in my phone so we could play some game that included two friends taking a photo of the same, third friend, at the same time… it was weird. I wasn’t sure what was going on but tried to comply and it was confusing. She was sitting on the bed and when I got close to her realized she was blind and felt really bad. Was she always blind or did she develop this way? She grabbed my hand and walked me to the hall by the entrance and we looked out the window where she pointed out sculptures, like in the yard there was mashimaro and she pointed to a few others, then somewhere else there was something else, then I pointed across the street and called out something.

I was standing on the ledge of this platform way high up from the ground, and it was like I was watching some movie but it was all around me and there was this rusty space ship that took off.  This was some weird mix of standing on the side of a building like in The Fifth Element, and the world looking like a real life version of Futurama.   Then it was 2D on a screen that was on the side of the building across from me, but there was no ground from it to me, and I heard the audio like it was coming from speakers, and whoever was projecting the movie made a couple comments we could hear. My body felt off, and I scrapped at a part of the inside of my right middle finger until this square of skin was missing and there was white mesh behind it. Then I pulled more and there were gauzy white mesh strips under the skin in the palm of my hand once the skin was no longer on top of it. I wasn’t sure what was behind it or if I was hollow after this layer, and then the original square on the inside of my finger started to bleed through the mesh. But it wasn’t bleeding bleeding, it was oozing some clearish reddish serum and it hurt, so I bandaged it.

I walked inside and saw a chick I knew inside someone’s apartment, and it looked like she was dressed for a date so I’d wondered if she’d followed in Emma’s foot steps as a PI or bounty hunter until she took off all her clothes and then I wondered if she was prostituting. The whole thing was weird af. I decided to bust in and see what was going on, in the back room there was a large room with a concrete floor and tile walls, this metal table and a clear 5 gallon bucket on it with a hose from the wall.. it had red liquid in it. It was hibiscus tea colored, and there was another bucket under the faucet the hose was connected to. Someone explained she’d bought that hose to help with experiments or something and when I turned on the water it would just come out that color as a side effect, and I grabbed a cup of that water and ran it out to the sink in the kitchen, and when I tossed it, it came out clear. I saw another chick who was there in a white dress and she said she was there to entertain people or make stories or something, there were a bunch of paper cut out, simply drawn bunnies surrounding her on the floor. I was so confused I went to lie down on a bed away from everything and someone who seemed familiar in the dream (she was very Morticia like) came by to try and comfort me by holding me and then we started making out and I felt like something was really wrong and I wasn’t with who I thought I was.  That I was being taken advantaged of, and hadn’t consented to something. So I backed off and “woke up.”

That’s when I saw Liam and I asked him to be honest with me and tell me what’s going on even if I couldn’t handle it. He said BB had left and that we were together, and it made absolutely no sense, I had no memory of this, and wasn’t sure if she found us and left or she left him and we started something after, but while processing she was gone I started crying uncontrollably, snot covered ugly crying and got up to leave. I was in the back seat of a car and was looking at all of the little art installations and sculptures and stuff as we drove past thinking of what BB would have pointed out.

Then I was at some parking lot outside of a hotel and some lady was being watched by a crowd in the lot for being an asshole. Someone yelled out she was being  (I don’t remember the insult) then another stranger said the same thing. She got out of her white truck and was yelling at everyone, she started yelling at me, and I said look, two other strangers I don’t even know just said whatever they just said, and I walked over to inspect the garage since I was trying to find a spot for three cars so we could unload them ane get our stuff up to a room.

I was the front passenger in what seemed like an Uber, and Roo was sitting in the back seat.  We were going somewhere (not sure where) and she had this really elaborate looking knife she was playing with. We were being flirty so while I was turned around to face her she learned in and kissed me. That was really nice but then I realized some of her lipstick was on my lips and that made me back off since mom was going to be wherever we were.  I tried to rub it off and felt awful, since my actions and appearances did not line up with how I felt or what I wanted at all.

We ended up somewhere with these people and she was kind of taking charge of where to go, and when we were lined up against a wall with our eyes closed I decided to face her instead of finding my spot on the wall, and I played with this yellow hair piece that was around her bun. I wanted to redo it so her hair was in a loose ponytail and thought the hair accessory was cute. I ended up having to leave abruptly and decided to order my own hair trinket thing before leaving.  She tried to stop me as I was going and then offered to give me her hair thing. I insisted she didn’t have to since I just ordered my own and didn’t want to take the one she had from her.

Still waking up with my throat burning.  Also woke up from a bizarre dream I was dealing with Jay, actually I was dealing with Josh but he looked like Jay… that or it was Jay the whole time but he’d been in the same position as Josh professionally the whole dream was weird and confusing.  Trying to communicate was terrible, trying to piece together where I was supposed to be and where my current hierarchy professionally was terrible.  We were somewhere back east but idk where exactly, and when I asked he said NY was only a 23 minute ride away which was shocking, I think we were in DC or somewhere near there.  I was with a group at a diner and he started going through a pocket in my backpack and pulled out what looked like these little crumpled receipts but they were little crumpled notes with lyrics and other reminders or bits of information on them, and I’d been taking notes on passing thoughts or reminders to go back and use for another project later.  And when I tried to grab them back he held them out of my reach and I got pissed off and eventually got them and yelled at him go back the fuck off and leave me alone.  So he got up and said he didn’t need this shit and walked away.  When he exited the building something triggered in my head that I wanted to give an actual explanation to the papers and also wanted to know why he felt compelled to go through my things, so I ran after him, out the door and down two flights of stairs when I realized I couldn’t see him, and thought he must have exited the stairway so I took the door out and saw him on a bench with some other people. And I asked him why, and I know the dream kept going but I can’t remember what happened after.  The whole thing was uneasy, felt chronically uncertain, and was very high anxiety.

Weirdest dream ever.  We were driving around this grouping of islands that I guess were either bridged together or had ferries (I know), but it was weird in the dream and I was looking at one on a map that was east of us, it was a 35 minute drive to get from one end of the island to the other.  But we were headed west, and ended up somewhere where we went and got boba tea, and were chatting and you were hugging me but then became kind of aggressive for a second and it freaked me out but then things were normal again so I forgot about it.  Then we were at the window to order boba and walked around until we were passing an anime store and I pointed it out, so we walked around in there and I ran around finding a bunch of things to gush over.

Before all this I vaguely remember being in a house but it was weird, I mean it was normal, but it was weird. The end. XD

You teased and played with me until I couldn’t take it anymore, and then you flipped me over and I was screaming in my pillow before I woke up.

I woke up dizzy. Lol

You just told me you weren’t attracted to me anymore before I woke up.

You were standing in my kitchen… our kitchen? Idk.  It was just like the kitchen in the house I grew up in and it was dim so I’m guessing this was in the evening.  And we were naked and after you dropped that on me I felt even more vulnerable, I mean I couldn’t tell if you were just saying that to be spiteful because you were pissed off about something else or if you’d really changed your mind about me. But I woke up before I could find out.

You were trying to keep me from getting expelled. Someone was pulling strings on the administrative side and disabled my account and weird stuff kept happening. There we’re two other attempts to drop me and I was talking to a couple staff members about something unrelated… something about how some individuals are insecure about undefined processes that are minor, and would rather sacrifice flexibility for consistency (even though the results were being consistent), and they stared at me dumbfounded for verbalizing everything they’d been observing but weren’t brave enough to say, and I told them I’d seen these problems in corporate for years, and even the giant enterprises hadn’t figured out how to solve that problem with some management, and that’s when my accounts started going down and weird shit was happening on my tablet. All of my secluded spots were unavailable so I retreated back to the library when someone grabbed my arm and said so and so was in the room I was about to go hide in, and she was the one trying to get rid of me so I thought that’s probably where you were too, and as much as I didn’t like going somewhere where I could end up trapped in a corner I went down another hall in the library and was all… it keeps going? I didn’t know it was that big lol

Had a dream I had a really pretty gf who got cold feet after we were getting serious and she started going off on what if she wanted a black wedding dress or what if other things didn’t line up, and I was all that’s cool. Cause I can work with that.  We starting singing our responses like it was Once More, with Feeling. She was legit walking away from me and going down the street and I saw her sister and niece walking over so I called to her to come back and the sister asked, did you propose? And I said no, we just somehow landed on this topic and she got really nervous and walked out.  Her sister mentioned how the guy she dated previously and her were going to elope and she left him there.

There were some other bits about the weather around the world being crazy and I wasn’t sure where in the states I was.  I had some issues with apps in my phone like Yelp and banking.

I got into an argument with my ob/gyn… funny thing is I meet her tomorrow.

In the dream I was in the operating room for a routine appointment and she looked like Kepner from GA and was being rude and another doc wa there later doing a surgery on a cadaver as a workshop for students to observe and I was all… seriously?

I was in the office but it looked different and Sean was being very condescending on things.  Somehow the topic of Viva came up, the Pinup thing that happens in Vegas and I talked about how a couple of my girlfriends went there and competed and how I used to go (always missed it irl) but I know what that is cause I’ve done pinup style, and looked over to my left to see my reflection against the whiteboard and I was wearing some purple hat but the period wear was closer to Victorian which annoyed me due to circumstances.

He and Thomas and left and I was walking when I saw them outside of their truck, they’d rear ended an armor vehicle and I thought of stopping to seee if they were okay and decided not to and kept going.  I ended up in the desert but wasn’t sure where, since I was east of Phoenix I thought maybe Vegas in the dream (why not NM?).   and my car was messed up or destroyed or something.  I was trying to figure out how to get it back and was running into something weird with the dealership about new car finance terms for a new car… that was still my car? It was weird.  At dinner a friend was saying I could go back to Phoenix for a bit while I waited, and he had two other friends there who were like Jonathan and Alex from Buffy in behavior  (but looked different) and we got into some weird trivial argument and they were talking about how hard they could party, and I was all pfft you guys got nuthin, and when they asked how old I was I was all I’m over 29 but it doesn’t matter cause Phoenix peeps know how to party! And the friend / person I knew was like oh no and the two other guys got visibly upset and flipped the table we were sitting at, and it was one of those large round banquet tables you see inside of ballrooms that get rented out in hotels or conference venues.  And then I realized they were mad at the friend we all knew because he was being low key and I indirectly called him out for being able to go around and “rage” with them cause he was also from Phoenix.  Whatevs.  I looked at the weather app and it was 103 there at night so I wasn’t sure how I was gonna handle it.  I was also trying to figure out work and then thought I should message my boss and let him know I was stranded so I’d be working remotely while there.

I was trying to find relatives to crash with or to find for safety while I was stranded there and ended up in a car with this person who was supposedly a family friend and then someone else was driving up front.  He was lighting a cigarette but it looked more like the size of a blunt and almost the whole thing flowed red so when he asked me to hold it for a sec because something was up with his hand it freaked me out after I’d taken it.  I handed it back and he was fine.  He was instructing the person driving what to do and she said it to push it but because he wanted her to hurry she blew through a red light and drove over a bunch of broken glass. It looked like car wrecks were common in that intersection.  Finally we stopped and he got out, so I guess we were where he wanted to be.  And then I realized I needed to go to GWCC and the campus was way different and then we were at someone else’s house and I guess these we’re more family friends.  I was trying to explain where the campus was and they confirmed it was just down the street so this was manageable.

I went to the campus and was in the computer lab for a bit then decided it was time to head back, and noticed my dad’s Mac book and went to grab it to take it with.  Back at the family friends house I was going over some stuff on my own computer and this guy was sitting there at a desk and it was like he just knew what was going on with my situation.  And it was weird how I was stuck there, like why not just fly back home for a week or however long it was gonna take for things to sort out and then fly back or have my car shipped up? It was like I was trapped in an alternate universe where things were a little different and options thsf would normally be available weren’t.  The guy who kind of knew was involved but idk how, like if he did it and had motI’ve or if he was fhere to observe me,

And dad and my uncle came back and had some weird looking contents in what looked like the clear plastic to go food containers pho places used for broth. It was cancer cells and growth from grandpa they had and were trying to research for something that seemed very motivated by self preservation and my uncle opened the top and leaned it towards me and I was all eww get that away from me, and got up to walk around.  There’s more but I can’t remember.

Had strange dreams with my friend Dan, we visited Michelle at one point.  I was in Phoenix and was coming up on the horizon to downtown and almost cried because I missed it and it was warmer and sunny but not like invasive bright, and then it started raining and I was all.. okay the rain followed me lol.

But it was off, like you’re driving in Seattle but get over the hill on the 5 and see downtowns landscape and it’s like ooo, or like people who first visit Vegas see the strip for the first time, and Phoenix is so spread out that you don’t get that juxtaposition between not much and then downtown.

I mean the best view for me was driving into Phoenix on the i-10 east bound through north Phoenix into downtown cause the freeway is split between downtown and uptown and I remember visiting after living in Vegas and it was breathtaking. I grew up there and know it’s a big city but it never felt like it until I spent time in Vegas and especially that first visit back, it felt bigger the first day.  Where I am now is way denser, people would say this is more of a metro, but Phoenix probably has the same number of towers, just spread out.

Another string of weird dreams.  There was some weird self service clinic with the half ass supervision of medical staff for “superficial” wounds.  I had some metal shard or something protruding from the  side of my chest and had to pull it out and address it, but the counter where the paper towels and other items at was busy and I didn’t want to squeeze by other people in case I bumped it.  There were a couple dogs and I was worried about them excitedly jumping up on me for attention too.  Eventually I made it and addressed the problem.

In another dream I was on a couch having sex with someone I was engaged to and it was great but he started to break his rhythm and paused for a couple seconds, so I offered to get on top and kissed him.  He got up to go clean up shortly after.  From what I can remember he was this tall Asian guy with hella black hair and it was short, but that’s really it.  Idk how we met or became engaged.  I lost my ring or something and then found it, and he was being deployed somewhere (but for like scientific research projects) and I was supposed to follow later but had to leave him at this gigantic elevator.

I walked around and was gonna ask KB about splitting the cost of gas and taking turns driving when he said he was going to Vegas, and saw him go up a crowded stair case when I was talking to someone else, so I tried to excise myself from here and this table to go find him.  I finally reached the top of the stairs and looked down to see him stsjdif on the roof and though… I always wondered how to get up here.  The lights on the roof were purple like some night clubs and I came down the other side of the stairs on to the roof then walked through the crowd looking for him.  There were a lot of people and then when he spotted me he got mad and told me to leave.  He made a big deal about me just making it in uninvited and I pointed out how he through it easy cool at defcon but he wasn’t seeing his hypocrisy.  I mean I knew he just walked in too. Then there wa something implied about money and I know like 2/3 of the peoooe who attend defcon don’t pay to get in anyway. And I ran into Sahar and we were going to find our purses and leave.  I talked about how if I was staying I’d only be there maybe 30 or 30 minutes and they don’t allow purchases for the entire week long event, and that’s payingo er a 1000 hours for  maybe 40 minutes of use, and asked would you pay a weeks ffood budget for only one meal? And not like a fancy one but like an okay one? No. And grabbed a toolbox I recognized and when I guy came up to ask about it I told him it was one my dad gave me before he died.  And the guy started to rearrange things so I told him to go away.

And I was standing in the car port looking at the rain pouring through the glass, now it was like an Arizona room and was enclosed.  The neighbors came out and we’re having trouble with shipping or delivery with primeand I explained some stuff  to them and they went back inside to make a phone call or Idk.

Had the weirdest dream mom was on the phone with emo, and was all happy.

Then one where I saw the one night stand that wouldn’t go away online and he was in grad school and it pissed me off.

Then there was one where I was in a large classroom and Darla and Dru got Angelus to kill everyone in one shot and all these light orbs dropped out of these people and they fell over and disintegrated.  I was skipped from the orb death thingie and ran out into the hall then into the locker rooms. Now that I’m awake that sounds like a terrible idea.

None of the above make sense.

I had a string of nightmares last night / early this morning and didn’t bother to record them, I guess I just didn’t want to remember them.  I know they were strange but insignificant.  The one good bit was the sex dream with the work wifey.

Listened to a lot of TBM today but I’ve been on a bit of a KANGA binge lately.

Weird dream with a lot of random places, tea, candles… regular candles, faux tea light candles, nice elderly peeps (elderly couple?) practicing some kind of pagan but idk what specifically.  But they were friendly and offered me earl grey.  Someone who was like Patti but wasn’t tried to give me a black skirt with pink roses on it and white polka dots and I said I didn’t want it, and she seemed disappointed and said it wasn’t hers, like it was something she’d gotten specifically for me.  It felt like there was some kind of history there and I was mad at her so she was trying to make amends after she was mean and I wasn’t having any of it.

I was chatting with someone through text and put my phone down and left it for a while.  Jay picked up my phone and saw the next notification and immediately accused me of cheating, and I said I wasn’t cheating on him with anyone (which was true irl but whatevs) and that we hadn’t even met before.   He walked away and I did too, then I saw is shadow on the side walk and saw that he had my coat, keys, and phone, and when I turned around he handed them to me.

There was some other place with  equestrian sports competitions going on, and then there was a park with playground equipment and peeps dressed like the military swiping cards nearby, it was like Riley and the mission, eww.  And I pulled up some insta app thing that went to a page with a Chinese calendar and it had a bunch of pretty floral pictures and then there was a red page with a bird.

But the weirdest nicest bit was being in bed when this guy got in behind me and held me.  It wasn’t Josh or Jay, but it was that level of familiar.  He looked kind of like Josh Dallas (which is weird).  When we interacted he treated me well, he treated me like real Josh but without all the attached sadness.  He treated me in a way that he could fully reciprocate and I could fully invest in. Idk how I can wake up equal parts happy and empty inside.

I went back in time to look for you and was crossing a bridge to downtown Mesa but it was more like downtown Bellevue without water. There were pretty lights in the sky that looked like magic circles, like magical girl portals and everything was weird, and I found Lance and Smatson at some house party not house party thing.

It was confusing, and I’ve already lost a lot of details since I woke up a few minutes ago (this is unusually fast). But there were bits about me temporarily staying somewhere, but I don’t remember “when” it was, and thinking about wanting to work with you again in the future but as “Mrs.” and then thinking about if we were on that path would I just get mad at everything that happened in the past and would I walk? I was getting sidetracked.  I was overcoming three demensions to find you and didn’t need that.  Sleepy.

I’m so tired, exhausted, and sleep deprived from this week and it’s still going. So I decided to try and catch up a little today after my alarm went off at 7 and couldn’t pass back out for a while. Then I guess my body finally realized it could give up the fight for a little bit and I fell asleep hard. The dreams were weird and messy, I don’t remember a lot of it.  But there was a bit where I was in bed and heard the construction from the floor under me, and the guys yelling instructions from outside the window. Like the floor under me was the second or third instead of higher up.  It was more like a controlled demolition than a remodel and I was nervous because my bed kept feeling different, like it was tilting at different points and I was worried about my floor falling through.  I looked out the window and saw it was raining hard but it was still bright outside so I considered between this and the construction maybe I’d work from home today.  I grabbed my phone to call the property manager and ask them to check on what’s going on and ensure nothing bad happened that shouldn’t but I wasn’t able to bexcuse I was too tired. I peeked an eye open to the left and saw something standing facing away, like I saw their butt and legs cause they were naked and I fell asleep.  Then I felt someone near me and clutched my phone close and shoved it into a little pocket of blankets in cawe I needed it, and I felt someone warm kind of half ass embrace me and it felt nice, and I felt their face in my hands and couldn’t tell who they were and it made me nervous so I gently pushed them away and scooted to the other side of the bed in a gesture they should lay down (and only lay down) while trying to figure out if the building was partially demolished and anyone could get in.  There was someone else there too and I wasn’t sure what was going on, but when I could finally open my eyes someone opened the bedroom door and walked out and it looked wrong.  Blue painted walls and not nearly done, there were still some white bits that needed to be painted over.  It didn’t look right, the furniture was different idk.

I eventually woke up in what looked like a hotel room with Daniella and she was curling some other chick’s hair.  I was sitting at the vanity and turned around to see which product it was and when I looked in the mirror I had a few locks  curled on the left.  My hair had pastel blues and purples, and I tried to brush it out to get more of a wave going.  I wandered a hallway in a house and realized someone could hear me and that I wasn’t dressed so I went into another bedroom and some kid (like teenager) was sleeping in there and he woke up asking if it was me and I was all yeah? And was relieved he apparently did know me and he offered to let me crash out on his floor by him.  There was another small bed against the wall but he was on the floor on blankets, I guess to stretch out or something.  I sat up with my back against something I can’t remember and we chatted for a minute.  I went downstairs to a breakfast thing my tower was hosting, and figuring out where to sit was getting weird with my friends and a newish friend who was acting kind of hurt when I was sitting with them instead, but I wasn’t trying to be exclusionary.  I tried to scoot down so she could sit with us but idk where she went.  The tables were moved so they weren’t all next to each other and I was trying to figure out why they did that and saw goth mom sitting behind me. And in front of me we’re these very elaborate goth chicks, like wave gothic treffen goth or however you spell that. I kind of wished I’d dressed up but then changed my mind cause of other stuff I was doing later and they were being elitist so I was all these people are a waste of time.

I ended up in a dark space and idk if it was space or the bottom of the ocean but I couldn’t see anything and it felt like I was slowly falling while going over stuff in my head.  The worse I felt the worse I fell, the darker it got. And then I got to a point where none of it mattered, and I felt less emotionally heavy, and everything illuminated and it was bright and yellow and orange and glittery.  It looked like enlightenment from the movie The Fountain.  I could see all of the other creepy things that were around me, waiting to attack me or eat me. And this light moved fast and was warm and I was feeling nauseated from it so I resisted a little and it dimmed, then I wondered if I smoked something earlier but couldn’t remember, then I decided to stop overanalyzing and resisting and let it flood over again, and I wished I could pull all the dark things surrounding me out of that place with me but realized I could not because their weight would hold me down, and it wasn’t just beyond my ability, it wasn’t my place to do it, and I left the darkness.

We were on a bed in the middle of my room and you turned over to the edge of the bed to close the door, then rolled back over to me.  It was dim with natural light trying to peek through the blinds.  This looked a lot like my room in Phoenix except it wasn’t purple. And I had some weird flashbacks where we were in period clothing, like in the 18th century, and then we were there in bed and it was the 21st century again.  You were sadistic and dangerous.  You were malicious, but in this moment you were calm and safe, and even seemed happy.  I was in your arms fading in and out and looking at the window.

I ended up in “my room” but it was different and I didn’t recognize it.  I had a glass door that opened to a back yard and I couldn’t tell how much land there was.  There was a tree in front and then some cleared muddy area before more trees again.  I couldn’t tell if this was the PNW or some extremely rural part of Alabama in the winter.  And I was thinking about where I’d been previously and about you.  I looked at my key ring to see all the different keys on them and looked out the window to stare at nature while I bent over and sprawled out on my made bed.  I wanted to send you selfies but didn’t know if you’d respond so I abstained. And then I got up and wandered the house and sat at a couch to look out the front window, and there were a bunch of animals outside. There was a large gray angora rabbit, a couple skunks I worried about flipping out and  getting defensive, dogs on leashes, their owners, some livestock, they were waiting for a veterinarian and the vet may have been inside the building I was in.

I got up and wandered to the back, there were aisles of packaged foods, mostly junk food I walked past and saw a couple guys cataloging and organizing them.  I was walking past and a couple boxes almost fell over so I stopped to stabilize them and bent down to grab my items after, realizing I was topless and had to adjust my clothing, but instead of continuing down the hall to the right to get back to my room I decided to turn around and go left out to a courtyard and then saw a cliff and some water.  There was a Mediterranean style villa and a lot of merch and people.  I wandered in to browse black flowy dresses but happened to be wearing one, and then wandered further back and saw the displays and the fetish clothing, then kept going back and it looked like the store on the ASU Tempe’s campus but with Seahawks gear instead of SunDevil stuff.  Towards the back there were cards and I paused to look at the Valentines ones for a second then continued to the back where the retail space opened up to another walkway similar to how Mandalay opens up when you go outside towards the pools.  I looked around and was back inside another living space when I ran into TSO, Jimmy, and a couple other people and we came up to a bedroom door.  I told TSO he should be in front of the door when we knocked cause it was Smatson and he was all sure, and Smatson opened the door and the group was going to go off somewhere but I noticed this chick sitting on a bench by the door and asked if she wanted to come along. She said she had to get a swimsuit and offered to let he borrow one of mine and said her being taller wasn’t a big deal cause she could borrow a bikini and I had a vintage one piece packed away I could wear too, and she accepted the offer so we started to walk back and then she disappeared.

I turned a corner and started walking down this huge staircase.  It had red carpet but the patterns or design or whatever looked like casino carpet and I started passing these chick’s on the left.  One of the girls complemented my hair then said “she’ll chop it off of you don’t do x.” I can’t remember what “x” was, but apparently it wasn’t “up to standard” for the property and I think it’s cause my bangs had grown out to my cheeks, and I was all okay thanks for the advice.  I kept going and saw this other girl passed me who I knew (in the dream) that was working there and I got her to walk with me and asked.. so being here covers room and board, whatever food you grab etc? And she was all yeah, and before I could ask about leftover wages she explained how she owned $50 and change but after all the fees there were no wages left.  So she was an indentured servant in dev. I think they expected me to accept the same position in IT and I was all that’s not gonna happen. So I tried to piece together where we were geographically and was going to tell her to just walk out, then decided I would go to SC and buy her out, then I was all wait she’s in development and suggested she go to SC to get setup and then payoff any remaining “debt” she had with these people.  We were outside walking towards the street while having this conversation and she kept moving on ahead and I told her to slow down cause I was in flipflops but she was in a hurry to add distance between her and the properly, and I woke up.

Woke up from a dream this morning where I was working for you, but idk if it was like that never stopped or it started up again.  We were in some office or some corporate house and I walked over to the couch you were sitting on. It was some ugly oversized off white or light gray knitted looking loveseat and when I sat next to you, you kept your arms straight and kind of tensed up like you were trying to keep things strictly professional. Like… excessively trying too hard.  I forgot what we said but we eventually left the building to go look for foods and it looked like it was a little after noon.  I think I jacked a towncar or something and then we ditched it and we’re walking around and there were all of these kids in the streets and it was loud and chaotic, and all of these parents were beating the shit out of these kids with flip flops or was spanking them and I was all what is going on?? Then I realized it was May 6th so it was the day after children’s day, and I guess Mah 6th had become some summer time Krampus style holiday. Kaye.

I was up all night coughing and have a headache.  But I do remember a bit of the dream where I was going up these concrete stairs outside and was way up high following Neve’s character Bonnie from The Craft and then decided to go back down after making a scene.  We were going down stairs then were ok this slide with a bunch of people standing on platforms off to the side watching us and screaming and cheering.  I was holding her as we both went down and it seemed like we’d slow down like it was almost over and then it would pick up again.  Then the four of us we’re dressed in black and white clothing walking through the hall way out of the casino floor at Mandalay and saw our order was wrong in a reflection and switched so we were standing in the right spot. Then it switched back to The slide and then it was Bonnie or Nancy I can’t remember. And we were falling out of the sky but the clouds and ground were didfeeent and it was dark and stormy so I knew there was an atmosphere.  We held hands as we fell and as she panicked I tried to get her to spread out with me to slow our descent, mentioning we could still breathe so I knew there was oxygen. Neither of us said it but I thought we were falling to hell.

There were other bits of dream where I was wondering some research area and kn differnr cages / bins were different animals and a pond. There were some that were creepy and unidentifiable and then there were some adorable bunnies.  I had to get back into one area I couldn’t pass without someone badging me in and was being shy about asking cause I couldn’t think of a justification to go back in at the time.  Then I was sitting on a couch and noticed I busted three nails, then noticed there was a sign on the wall someone printed in reference to a child’s behavior that was being banned (forgot what it was) but Trev explained the story and the kid behind it. Then she was sitting on the couch playing video games and I rested my head on her shoulder so she played with my hair for a minute and petted me until I realized I should go because I was getting tired. She said I was too sleepy and should stay the night, and the. I mentioned work in the morning and she said so, so I thought of just showing up in the clothes I was wearing, they were all black anyway. And on the wall a few tvs were set up together to make a large screen and an old BoA music video was playing.. super random.

Then I was in a large house and Sean was standing in the living room talking about how he wasn’t supposed to work for a while, his nose was broken and he had a huge bump on the bridge and it was super red and a little bruised.  He then mentioned he had the Renaissance Fair in the morning and continued to work on something on his bench so I wandered off.  The house was dim and the lady who owned it was kind of mean and I wanted to avoid her but I was there cause B was renting there, and he told me to stay cause I was falling asleep and couldn’t drive like this, so I decided to go find him and went up the stairs and to the left where I heard a tv, and it was her children eating ice cream in front of the tv so o quickly went the other way before they saw me and I heard them assume it was their mom or someone else. Then I found a large guest room with B’s stuff and decided to sit on his bed and plug in my phone.  I knew he was being a bit minimal before moving into his own place and I thought the room was bigger than mine in my apartment when I realized the bed was a full and he’s 6’6″ so that’s gotta be a pain in the ass to deal with for any period of time, but how is this gonna work when there’s an Asian chick taking up some of the space too? I mean I knew he wouldn’t mind sharing and I like cuddling so I was all whatevs.    There was some security debate I was listening to and then a friend was responding to the thread but it was all audio and then B came in and made a comment that whoever was agreeing with the article wasn’t thinking critically or something. And I was like well this is my friend I used to know at a previous company who know works at MS, whose online commenting, and I woke up.

Spike and the guy from my office were in my dream. Also just woke up feeling like I got beat up and thrown through a wall. >_>

Why is it 7AM on a Sunday? Why am I awake? ._.