Category Archives: Dreams

Omg, so cranky.  Just woke up from a dream my car was stolen while I was in Prescott.  I’ll get to that.

Earlier in the dream Shaun and Allison were apparently siblings.. I don’t think they’ve ever met irl.. anyway.  Shaun and I were sitting across from each other at a bench inside somewhere waiting on dessert, they looked like the fruity pebbles rice crispy threats you can get from Cheba Hut, and he had this thing on the table that almost looked like an old school record player than a chaos pad and he slid it closer to me and I leaned over the table to hear it better and kissed him.  Minor snog session was cool.  Then I was outside and it was daytime, we were in a jeep and I was fighting the top trying to get it off and were waiting on a couple friends and gave up.  I went up and sat next to Shaun and we were on some jacked up road and up ahead it looked like there was a really bad accident and ice was everywhere, there was a rollover, some other cars. I thought it was like snow but driving past it it was millions of ice cubes like something transporting it crashed and in the middle was this car that was ripped open and these two small kids still strapped in their seats surrounded by ice up to their knees.  I was freaked out and emergency crew was still trying to get to them.  Then I was in the parking lot of some lodge and had two friends in my current car, I had to go inside and grab something and when I came out they were gone and I was flipping out.  My old lancer was also in the lot but I guess I was still somehow stranded.  I keep thinking Prescott but this seemed a lot more like Flagstaff… fuck Flagstaff.  So many bad times and bad memories.    I was messing with my key fob and remembered the UVO app on my phone so I tried to find where the car was through gps to try and retrieve it.  They were driving up the 85 in northern AZ in the dream (super inaccurate).  I couldn’t go after them in my lancer cause I wouldn’t be able to drive back both cars and no one was willing to help me with this.  I was with some weird group like I was stuck in some university thing and they were treating it like it was nothing and to cut my losses.  We were going outside and it was super cold and windy and snowing and I didn’t have the right gear for that.  I kept looking down at my phone to figure out where the car was and then eventually it was on some street not too far away… but that’s all I remember.

I hurt more now than when I went to sleep even though the sleep kind of helped, this is confusing.  Its like I need more sleep but work is so jacked with multiple projects and missing staff and having so much to backfill I gotta push a little today.  Then come back and sleep and netflix or something.  So glad I got a massage last night.

I was at some event and there were people standing in a hall. One guy was standing by another door and he turned away some chick who tried to go through, I guess there was a party somewhere in the building. I walked up and he was telling someone else no when she just blew past him. She was gone before he could do anything. It was great, I did the same thing.

Anne and I were wandering around the halls then found an operating room except it had displays like different scenes were frozen in time. There were mannequins or wax figures dressed in scrubs and masks. They were medical staff mid operation and there were patients opened up on tables and there was so much blood. The room was dim and quiet and it threw me off. I thought about when I was brought into operating rooms and how I’d wished they knocked me out before wheeling my bed in, and how uncomfortably cold it was.  There were multiple tables and surgeries in here, I wanted to leave. We weren’t supposed to be in here and we couldn’t get to the other door because it was blocked. I said to turn around and go back to the entrance but Anne wanted to go to the other door cause it was closer and tried to move the figures so she could get through. An alarm went off, are you fucking kidding me? We ran to the entrance but heard running on the other side do we went through another door. When we got outside and went down a grassy hill we saw staff looking for us.. but thought hoe would they know it’s us? We took off our name badges and kept walking until we were on some other property. We met some chick there and I saw Roger, which is funny cause he invented lifebot.  We were outside on a balcony for a while when I said we needed to go and asked Anne if she had the keys to the suv and she pulled them from her boot and handed them to me. She was all cranky. I wanted to gtfo.

I’ve been waking up constantly the past few nights. This morning I woke up around 4am and it just kept happening. I had another dream this morning where he was holding me in bed and making my back and hips twitch on him. He grabbed my leg and put it over him but kept making me move and all I could do was breathe, and giggle, and kiss him. He pulled my hips down and hit my cervix. Every nerve went off and I was lost in it and was an absolute happy mess. And he rotated so I was on my back, then he grabbed my wrists and held my hands above my head while he kissed me. I can’t talk about these things with him anymore.. even if I wake up with a little smile, by the time I’m awake I know it’s not right.

I was sitting at my desk with a bunch of hardware all over the place and had a closet between me and whoever was on my right. I had a second computer in there that looked like three towers stacked and on a server rack but it was one thing on its own thing. I had it down to its frame and had the panels for its chassis against the wall. After messing with it I closed the closet and sat back down.  Josh was sitting in Jimmy’s desk next to mine and was killing time waiting for me. I noticed he was wearing the cutest white sandle flats and even though his feet are way bigger than mine, they’re way more narrow in comparrison and he had some really nice neutral nail color and a white toe ring in his right foot. It’s like my brain merged him with Alexander, who isn’t agender and is more of a blend and does a great job of it even though he’s not in drag, he’s just him. Since I’m on tangents, even if my feets are a bit wide for their size, which makes a difference when buying, I still think they’re cute. Whatever.

I decided to go back in the closet and put the chassis back together and picked up the side panel, it was almost 4′ in length and even longer in width so it was awkward to lift up then try to line up the prongs to slide and lock it in place.  It’s that ugly back in the day cream color all the computer towers used to be before the industry went black.  Anyway, I got the side covered and the front covered but realized the other side and back were missing. I was gonna leave it, it’s fine, not like there’s a lot of dust in the area and the closet it was in was cold so I wasn’t worried about overheating and it’s easy access.

The closet it was in was larger than previously with another set of double doors on the other side so I went in and it looked like some mix between a data center and a warehouse, like up front where they bring boxes in and you have to discard it there since cardboard isn’t allowed.  There was a huge red cart and it was loaded with broken down boxes and there was some little kid standing on a pile of boxes trying to bring something down and I went to look and see if he needed help but he made it down on his own. I kept looking for the other parts of the chassis and couldn’t find it and was like whatever and started to walk up front. Collide was playing and I passed a huge mirror right before going through the double doors and saw myself. I had super purple hair, like a few shades lighter than I’ve had it and my hair was like pre 2010 long. Weird. I went back into the og closet/room where the computer was and Mona was at the counter arguing with me about it and how it’s a problem and I should call the guys in some other department and have theme order the missing pieces and they’ll bring it up to me but I didn’t want to deal with the hassle. I explained how it wasn’t a big deal since the area is controlled and there isn’t a lot of dust or other particulates in the air. The only concern I thought of was airflow but the !@*$ rooms cold. She was like okay and I thought that was it then she was all so do you wanna go with Google then and get a replacement? “What? Googles expensive.” Then she mentioned the annual budget and how now is my shot before the next gen comes out and it’s beyond our reach and before our budget cuts and I was like fuck… fuck it.. let’s buy from Google, and my alarm went off. ._.

This morning I had a series of dreams but was pulled away from the computer before I could type it all out so the beginning and end are lost forever, but there is the middle part.. and earlier this afternoon I napped so there’s that dream too. lol

This morning’s dream:

I switched my work computer for my gaming laptop and was sitting on the couch with Mel.  We were facing each other talking while Chris was listening in the recliner next to us.  We were making plans regarding what the group would be doing later tonight.  It was dim so I think it might have been super super early in the morning or evening.  Josh walked passed us, went to the kitchen, then setup his computer at the dining room table.  Mel started dropping words to get me to describe my process regarding what I had planned already and how I kept track of everything, half way through a thought I realized why she waited until he was within earshot to hear us and paused, then looked over and saw him working on something, then got up and asked him what he was working on and he said trying to figure out what everyone wanted to do while they were down here since people were flying in tonight.  He made a comment about me not talking to him anymore and I forgot what I said, but we were basically waiting on each other to start the conversation, so no conversation ever happened.  I went over to the fold out table where Sid and a couple other people were and they had some small glasses with a little bit of mimosa in them, someone said they needed to kill them off since we were leaving soon and offered me a couple since they were downing a few.  I grabbed a larger glass and the carafe of orange juice, then the other with the alcohol and when I poured the other one realized my mistake… it was some light beer and not the champagne or sparking wine I was hoping for.  Whatever.  I grabbed a small carton of tropicana orange juice and opened it, poured some out, and poured in vodka.  Met a girl at the table and we decided to go outside… the place was kinda busy now.. she asked if I was from CO and I said I’d been there for a while.  Her response was good… so she wouldn’t have to watch me and I’d know how to handle my liquor at a higher elevation.  Then I was all…. well I’ve been here for a while but I’m originally from AZ.

From this afternoon’s nap:

I had a tiny puppy napping in my bed behind me, my dad opened the door to drop off a kitten that I guess was mine.  This one was tiny too and aggravated at the drop off but was okay after.  I grabbed the puppy from behind and placed him next to the kitten so they could nap in my arms and then there were like two other pets and I can’t remember if they were hamsters or something but it was a bunch of tiny sleeping animals.  One of the.. maybe hamsters was getting cranky and didn’t want to sleep because it was hungry so I got up to move them and get their food.  Then the layout of the room was different, and I heard walking up the stairs and knew it was BB.  So I yelled for BB all excited and she came in, I think I met her in the hall and then followed her out, and then Josh was there with a bunch of hardware and BB offered to run an errand for me saying she could pick up a money order for me when he cut her off and said actually if she has time she could do all these other things he needed one instead, and I was like seriously?  He said how he’s always working and his things were more important than mine.  I responded yeah I know.. and the hall was different,  there was a doorway behind him, and two behind me, I turned around and went to the door on the left, BB went back downstairs, Josh went into the other room and was working in there.  I was sitting at the desk in the home office in the house I grew up in, except there was a docking station and all the cables and monitors and some old school huge ass… I’m gonna guess DLP TV to my left.  I was thinking about the empty space behind me and my computer in the other room and the dual monitors hooked up to it… I was picturing the room next door in the house I grew up in and the XPS 210 I had.  I haven’t seen that thing irl for years lol.  I thought about moving it into this room so I would have work in front of me and play behind me, then stood up and looked through the window and saw him, he hadn’t moved.  His hair was longer and tied back but something was different so I looked again and realized his head was shaved except for a tied sikha like how Sage used to wear it before he shaved it off and grew everything out.  I sad back down and was trying to study but was distracted, I was going through aerospace engineering material and was  using the huge DLP TV as a second monitor.  The thing I was watching got really loud and I couldn’t find the remote to turn it down so I was trying to hit the volume button on the TV then went to stop the video on the laptop.  I got up and walked to the door but stopped when I was about to grab the door and sat in the other chair on the left wall, then he came in and said something but I can’t remember what it was.. and it was like I had all these things I’d been wanting to say and kept inside and as soon as I had the chance they disintegrated.

It was dark outside and I was on this balcony, and there was this guy with long hair on the roof of a neighboring building.  I was trying to figure out who he was when dad came out and told me to go inside because the guy was creeping on me and I said I wanted to stay in the room I was in and not go back.  I was in my car downstairs from an office building and it was late afternoon, the same guy was sitting on a white wall in the lot and then disappeared.  I thought I was supposed to follow up and wasn’t sure what games he was playing when I heard some weird ticking, the front driver side and passenger side doors were already open and I hesitated for a sec to grab something out of the car but said fuck it and ran… then the car exploded… then I was super pissed.. then I realized I left my iPod in there and was pissed a second time… it’s like a layer of anger over another when another realization hits..  also, my dream was super accurate on what car I currently drive, like what it looks like and where I keep things in there.. yeah.  It was on fire.  So I ran through the lot around the corner and up the steps to the building and was trying to get through the crowd to reach these guys who worked security.  They were in these red polo’s and were oblivious to the explosion that happened in the lot or did not gaf about anything that was going on.  I wasn’t sure if this was a courthouse or some other city or county building since there were metal detectors and people were standing around and everyone was slow to respond.  I walked out the front door and turned around to see a lady.  We started talking and she gave me a card, then I felt like I was in over my head but can’t remember why.  She started to get suspicious and I brought up the explosion again, running through the hall to get to a window at the top of the building and saw that the car was gone!  There was this huge black lifted truck to the right of the corner spot where my car had been, and some scooter in the left spot.  Then I started to scan the lot and noticed in the next row was the car… mostly black and charred.

I was outside on the ground floor somewhere else and the guy was there only he looked different or it was another person, or my brain is continuing with the same person trying to murder me and he has short hair and just looks different now idk.. he’s also  lighter brunette instead of dirty blonde like previously idk.  My brain can keep my car consistent but whatever.  I’m being forced to go up these concrete steps and he has these rusted metal chains he was carrying.  Idk where the other end of it was since it was really long and dragging on the ground.  I started up the next flight of stairs when he was still on the level below and some elderly guy of SEA descent walked over to the steps and said hello to him but was directing it at both of us…. I guess he thought everything was normal and was trying to be friendly, I kept going up the stairs quickly trying to figure out how to lose him.. maybe by finding a hall where there was another staircase elsewhere.. but he eventually brushed the guy off and was right behind me, then directed me to a room.  I’m not sure if this was an older apartment complex or hotel.  I was laying on my stomach on the bed and he was laying on top of me saying how he really wanted to fuck me before he killed me.  I was actually turned on,  and not by the situation, but in the I need more sex in my life in general kind of way… I wasn’t opposed to half of the plan going down, and dude wasn’t exactly my type but he wasn’t bad looking.. that makes it worse.  I was thinking about how to kill him during sex so I could get away.  I couldn’t remember when exactly he mentioned something about being clean and started saying how he needed condoms and told him I had viruses I didn’t have.  I thought he’s not going to care about me if he’s going to kill me right after anyway.. but he’ll care about himself.  I didn’t plan on dying there so yeah. lol.  He left the room to go grab one and I said he should grab a few and he responded we wouldn’t need them.  I got up and went to the bathroom to see what objects were in there since running half way down the hall wasn’t going to work.  The room was right in the middle of the building and I knew he’d outrun me.  He came back and came up right behind me in the bathroom, then he grabbed my wrist and apparently there was a change of plans cause he dragged me out of the room and we ended up somewhere else.

Idk what happened between there and being in some complex made of re-purposed shipping containers.  Nothing like container park, not nearly as cool looking, and it was one large ass building.  It was dark out again and I went into the building like I knew it, passed a corner, and saw the guy through a window into an office that was apparently hit.  So I rushed past that corner and into another office and just looked out my window staring.  There was another guy in there with a gun, taller black guy, and I guess he was supposed to take over and kill me if the first guy failed.  This whole time I have no idea why, I just know what I’m dealing with.  Jimmy was sitting in a chair in the room and left.  Then a couple other people came in since their desks were in there.  Then the guy saw me thought what I thought was  a one way mirror and came in.  He came in and was going off on stuff when he leaned in to whisper something in my ear and I grabbed the back of his hair in one hand and pressed my other hand against his throat and pulled him against my chest then pulled his head back.   I warned him not to mess with me, not to approach me, not to find me, or I would kill him.  He started to have breathing difficulties and I let him go.  Then he decided to come after me and we were locked in, I bit his neck and he wasn’t letting me go so I bit part of his nose off and that’s when he released.

I was sitting on the carpet in some fancy hotel suite somewhere and there was daylight coming in from the windows.  There was a group and a lady sitting by a bed facing us explained she was being transferred to Hawaii then asked who wanted to go and why she should pick them.  I wanted to go for the medical laws and the weather so I shot my hand up and then leaped to hug her and said she had to take me, then she asked why and I told her and then said I needed to get away from large metros and wanted to be in smaller areas where everyone knew each other.  I needed to disappear and get away from the people who were trying to kill me, but knew the last statements would get her to take me with her and she said okay.  I laid down on the carpet in the sunlight and woke up.

I know I’ve been writing more about my waking hours instead of my weird dreams, and they’ve been happending and they’re weird as !@#$.. and I’ve been waking up so incredibly exhausted lately that by the time I’m alert enough to not fall on my face as soon as I get out of bed and stand up… it’s pretty much gone.

I know an ex was in my dream last night. It was some weird time travel thing where we were changing history just by being there and stuff was weird. I think it was a police state. Um.. the other night my rapist was in my dream. Prolly cause the other day I realized I’m now the age he was when we met… which breaks my brain more on why he’d do that to a teenage girl… but I don’t understand why anyone would do that to another human being.

That’s how this last week has been going in dreamland so I haven’t bothered.

I was in the back seat of my car looking for something and TSO was looking on the other side. He was kneeling down and then stopped and kept the car door close to him while signaling for me to stop.  A police SUV pulled up next to the van next to us on what sounded like a dirt lot. Then after looking around they left. Its like we were expecting whoever was coming for something was going to automatically kill us to retire it. We sat inside the car (which was now somehow in a garage) and heard someone break into and dig around my trunk so I hid under a blanket I had in the back, and this guy I met at a party Thursday hid next to me, and idk if TSO was in the front or what, but I turned around and looked at the Crack between where the trunk meets the car and saw a woman in a fitted dark blue dress and heels walk off with my laptop. She had long black hair and looked like the baroness, but with better glasses. I got out of the car and was like shit she got my laptop. We were standing in a building thay looked like a legal or financial firm. Making another one wasn’t a problem but it was the data that was on the laptop I worried about. I opened the door and she was standing there and came back in. She started talking about how we were effed and I got in her face saying how we’d keep going, how when you kill one of us 2 will come after them, then 4, then 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, 256, and so on. Idk why my verbal threats went binary. She got away.

We walked to some convenience store and I wanted a mint chocolate chip smoothie. TSO covered it for me with his stuff. Then we were in a group trying to decide where to go next and I remembered some venues in Phoenix. We started discussing another place a few blocks away and someone mentioned a venue that I think was a casino across the street.. or like two streets. You pulled up Google maps (but it looked different) and pointed out where it was so we decided to go there. Escalators were freaking me out. They do now irl after that video in China… everyone’s bringing it up.

You were asleep on the other side of the room while I was sitting on the floor around boxes messing with a phone or tablet and had white ear buds in. I kept stopping and playing this video because it sounded loud while I kept adjusting the audio and wasn’t sure if it would wake you. The video was like some montage of scenes from NGE in no particular order and it was all scenes with Misato except it looked like Rei Hino.  There were problems switching between the speakers to the headset. You did get up and I felt bad so I mentioned what I was running into and you made some comment to blame Sony. I looked up from the tablet or phone like thing and you were standing over me and your right eye had this contact in. Like the 22mm black ones that cover the entire visible area of the eye except thus was red, shiny kinda metallic, and not entirely opaque. I asked how you could sleep with it in since I thought it would cause issues and you said it didn’t then walked off. Your hair is still longer in my dreams. Lol Mine is too though.

I stopped fighting with the device and was going through stuff in a box when you sat next to me. There was more sunlight coming in from the windows. A little boy walked up and started asking me weird questions, I smiled and said something but can’t remember any words exchanged, and he walked away. He was your son. His mother never told you about him and she died so he was with you. Idk if she had the chance to tell you about him before she died. He looked like he was maybe 7 or 8? He had blue eyes and coppery light brownish hair. The lighting in this room was so effed up colors were complicated? Idk how else to describe it. This kid wasn’t polite and was obviously acting out cause he was upset for legit reasons. I felt bad I couldn’t do anything to console him.

GDI I just wrote out the dream and hit publish and got this message I timed out (for the first time ever) and went back and wasn’t logged out but there is no draft. Usually it autosaves drafts so I haven’t been typing in notepad first… dammit.  I was ranting my neck hurts and it’s causing a headache and I think it’s been all the movement from crazy dreams over the weekend.  In the time it took me to put on a robe and make a vanilla chai I’ve already lost a lot of the details from this mornings dreams but meh.

I was in this house with Dustin and a few other people and it was a wreck.  This one chick and I were annoyed because it was too messy to make dinner so everyone grabbed trash bags and started cleaning.  Everyone was handling the kitchen and dining room area so I went to the living room and started picking up there when I noticed a bunch of clothes all over the place and started to deal with it.  Then Dustin and this one chick came into the room.  Then I was in another room looking at children’s books on a small shelf and a little boy who looked like Nemoo’s little brother Younus came in and sat on the bed.  I was going to read to him so he’d go to sleep but he made some comments in protest… I can’t remember exactly what he said.  Then I was in some other room in sheer pajamas in this huge bed and this guy was leaving because he was on call.  I can’t remember if he was in the medical field or if he was IT or something, but I was super upset he was leaving like I’d never see him again.

I was playing a 2D side scrolling game like SNES Mario but it was stylized like Shovel Knight.  I flew past one level on accident and missed all the items I needed to get through the next part so I was stuck and some of the parts of the game was so hard I didn’t think they were beatable.  Then I was in the game and instead of looking down at the map on the tablet I looked up and noticed another door on the right so I detoured there instead of going straight ahead where I’d had problems moving forward previously.  I walked into an Asian food store and there was this chick on the floor doing inventory.  On the bottom shelf there was a skelanimal and I was all oh heyy! I have Diego (bat backpack) and Kit (cat plushie) with me!  I think the best part of the dream was the fact that there were green tea kitkats on the bottom shelf on this one rack.  I mentioned how I imported a couple bags from Japan (which is true irl) and was considering picking up a bag while I was there.

Edit: Woot! This shit published!

I don’t remember much of this one because I woke up at a friend’s house after being out all night.

I was in some weird place in Thailand but nothing looked right.  The buildings and paths looked more like India.  Some of the paths had conveyor belts running through them like at the airport.  Then I was stuck in some weird place like I had a designated pod with some shitty tv and I was restricted from going anywhere or calling anyone.  I was framed for some illegal corporate action because my boss, some lady, ordered me to execute a program or deploy something. I was being detained and was going to federal prison.  I had gotten out to some designated area where there were other women who were detained.  Over the balcony you could see water and the sunset.  I kept pleading I was innocent and if I could make a phone call home we could straighten this whole thing out but no one would listen and I couldn’t figure out a plan to escape without making everything look worse.

I kept tossing and kept falling back into weird dreams.  I kept falling asleep in dreams and then waking up into new dreams, or waking up irl.    I fell asleep in one room listening to men talking about drugging their gf’s so they could screw them on camera.  I woke up in another bed at night there was a mama cat and a bunch of kittens and idk how they got in there.  I had to try and get them out.  Another time I was in a messy room and my laundry basket fell over so my clothes kept falling on the floor even though I kept trying to put it on the bed.  Then I woke up and there was some lady at a table who was leaving and asked met o cleanup the habaneros and other stuff.  I had just woken up in a church pew with a pink knitted blanket over me in that one.  Every place was different and off.

I was walking down a hall in some venue, like the large halls in casinos where the conference rooms are, and was lagging behind a little from my group and saw some chick walking beside and holding something with Jay.  I went through the group and walked up to see what was going on and she was resting her drink on my wallet case, which was open, and I could see my cards under it. I said hi and she gave me a dirty look but after a few seconds she walked away. Then I sat down at a booth along a wall divider that went to some tables and a stage. She happened to be in the area and as soon as she saw me she left. Then the curtain opened and people in costumes came out. Very carnival / cirque.

I was somewhere else where there were a bunch bad chaise lounges inside all facing the same direction. They were the plastic ones you see by the pool. I was sitting on the floor between two of them and saw Anne.  She was super sad so I went to cuddle her. There were random people on the chairs watching tv, and behind us to our right was Mark Zuckerberg. Then I was doing some work as a paralegal but I can’t remember what happened.

I kept tossing around last night and woke up around 4am despite taking my script and laying down at a decent time.  In the dream, there was some event going on around what looked like a campus or a university town area like thing with alcohol, like Mill Ave except it wasn’t Mill Ave, I walked into a crowd near a line and TSO was going north towards another line for some event with some beer promo thing going on.  I decided it wasn’t worth trying to get through the crowd and follow around the corner to some pub I didn’t care about for some promo I didn’t care about.  There was this group near me (there were a bunch) in some pseudo messed up line trying to go somewhere and this chick offered me her beer.. it looked like some kind of lager in those clear solo cups, I never drank those, but I took it and guy to my right was part of this group who had gifted me beer and assumed I was part of whatever shenanigans was going on.  He was very… Scottsdale… not like douche bro clubbing Scottsdale… but like yuppie college polo shirt with popped collar Scottsdale. I kept thinking he seemed familiar and didn’t realize until later he was Bryce.  He used to run CKI at MCC  irl.  So.. the line blob thing start moving forward and we were reaching the gate, he figured out I didn’t really belong there and said something about me needing the blend in.  I took a couple gulps of the lager then decided to improvise and grabbed his left arm.  From this point I was insta-drunk, which was awesome and then lamesauce.  We started going up the stairs and I had him go ahead of me so I could follow but was having stair dysfunctionalities so he stopped and helped me get in front of him.  We were stuck in the middle of these flights of stairs since there were so many people in front of us and behind us.  He had to go check on something and went back down the stairs.  I was surrounded by this group of chola goths, I think that’s a thing?  Eventually we started moving again and I reached this other gate that went out to a grassy field.  Idk what stadium this was supposed to be.  I went down a hall to the restroom and it was like someone’s home.  Red shower curtain, rug, soap dish lol, other stuff you’d except in someone’s bathroom.  I was having drunk issues trying to fix my makeup and then finally got it right and tried to get a good selfie cause I was doing goth right but couldn’t hold the phone still so I gave up.  I threw the tissue I used to clean up the smeared eyeliner from my face into the toilet and it turned the water black and then looked like black smoke and a bat came out of it so I killed it and it turned into smoke again and dissipated.

I think this was another dream where I was in some bedroom looking up and seeing mirrored tiles on the ceiling.  It was dim lit, there was a large full length mirror on one of the walls too.  Bff Tyler was there, said stuff I can’t remember, and left.  The room was different now.  The ceiling was very high up and when I looked up I saw this old TV mounted at an angle on the ceiling, I’m not even sure if it was CRT or something.  There was a closet to my right with sliding doors and some random toys, I got up to look and there was another room behind the closet that used to be a boys room with two twin beds on opposite walls.  I think we may have acquired the house on a foreclosure maybe?  I decided I wanted to make that room my office since it was attached to the room I had been sleeping in.  I looked up again and way above me on the ceiling was a little corner living space setup, a rug and table, couple chairs.  I couldn’t figure out who would mount those up there for display or why. Then I looked at the side of the wall and noticed wooden stairs that went to the hall for the rest of the house, and thought that probably leads all the way up to were the weird stuff was and I could take it down.  When I climbed up the stairs I saw the rest of the house… or that wing of the house anyway, it was nice, the other rooms were dim and it looked like an older place.  This hall was… not bright?  but new and painted with beige and cream colors, there was white crown molding and faux plants around.  I saw an open door and said I wanted that room instead, it was huge walking through and to the right was this huge bathroom with a gigantic bath and as I kept walking I saw a mini waterfall going into a pond with koi in it and started to wonder how big this area was until I went up this area, it was only three steps, and saw someone who looked like they were working there and not nervous cause I was only wearing panties.  I turned around and started heading back to the door I came in from but got lost.

I know there was probably more after that but I can’t remember.  This was some of the weirdest goth shit I’ve prolly dreamed in yeeears… followed by idfk.

I got out of a car and was standing in a lot that looks a lot like the lot at Gold Spike.  It was stupid bright outside.  I was walking around with TSO and a group of friends, it seriously looked like Mesa but the water park we were at looked nothing like Sunsplash.  We went up these steps and were walking under this huge water slide, a bunch of water came down the stairs we were about to go up.

I was snooping around drunk and topless.  I was wearing black slacks though.  In the back of the house you had display cases filled with pretty jewelry, like a relative used to be in the business.   On top of the case were bracelets you wore.  Inside it were watches and below there were a bunch of other things made of semi precious stones… lots of greens and blacks and some whites.  There was a green crescent encased in gold wire at the bottom of the second case in the back.  I stumbled through the hall to your room and you were already up so I started going through the closet to find a shirt but was failing cause I couldn’t keep myself up.  I leaned against the wall on my right hip tying to pull a red shirt off a hanger that was kind of high up for me while slouching.  This is weird, the only light I had to go off of was from lamps so I couldn’t tell if it was at night or super early in the morning.  Being drunk in a dream is really weird too.  The motor functions were absolutely terrible and simultaneously amusing and frustrating… I usually have at least some sense of time in dreams.   You grabbed me and tried to get me to lay down but I kept telling you I wasn’t that drunk, and then I woke up. lol

And I can’t remember why.. at all.  He hasn’t been in a dream in years.  I haven’t seen him since 2013 before I left Phoenix, and we haven’t spoken since then either… he’s never done social networking.  I hope he’s well.

I was on some made up university campus going to admissions to switch my geography and some other class to audit.  They were on the edge of low A’s – high B’s but it was the start of May and I didn’t want to risk them hitting my GPA, and I changed majors and wouldn’t need these classes for graduation anyway.  I was signed up with the university gym to use their facilities and pool for an easy one credit elective and I think even though my grades were good I was going to audit that one too.  I had memories of the pool from a previous dream come into this one like it was legitimate past experience.  This dream referenced a memory from another dream a long time ago.   Brains are weird..mmkaye.  Ohh this was the best part.  I was walking with Thomsen through this grassy area and he was saying something about Lords of Acid playing a show.  He handed me some flyer and walked ahead.  Passing this lawn area I saw a bunch of romantigoths sitting in plastic white lawn chairs facing this stage.  It was so off for so many reasons.  They were like ready to see Voltaire perform, not Lords of Acid.  I walked up to this one lady and her RBF was not moving.  I asked her if this was for LoA and she was all yeah.. Um… okay.. are tickets sold out?  Oh yeah, they’re definitely sold out.  So I started walking towards the building on my original plan and when I looked back while on the steps I saw them come out on stage thinking I could just walk up and stand around with them like I have the authority to be there and no one would know the difference, or anyone could really do that it’s outdoors.. and then thought what a weird location for this and they’re probably wondering why did they agree to do this show?  But good performers will give all their energy on stage no matter the venue or turnout. I’ve seen it.  This is my stream of thought in the dream btw.  Now that I’m awake I think it was actually a free show and the romantigoth was being an elitist bitch about my questions instead of just being up front and being nice about it.

Later I’m inside a building sitting against a wall trying to determine what to audit classwise and what direction my education is going in, discussing this with a guy I’m sitting next to only feel something and look down and realize he started caressing my thigh.  I was wearing pants.  Ty for giving me pants dream.  But fuck you for having some random dude pet my leg while talking against a wall.  Aaaand it’s time to start today.

I’m kind of offended by the dream I just woke up from.  It was weird, I think I was back in Phoenix for at least part of it.  There was a stage with synths facing away from the stage, and Jay, Forge, and Theresa were on stage playing.  And I knew she was hitting two keys on a midi while letting Cubase run through backing tracks.  I was just thinking… how do they even know each other?  He’s probably talking shit about me, and it was bound to happen someone I met years later would eventually meet him and he’d be able to say whatever he wants.  I have to accept it and if she wants to run with what he says instead of asking me fine.  I think she was supposed to be roommates like my brain made her Mandy was when we first broke up.  I felt so bad,  Mandy ended up renting the old band room and discovered he was a terrible roommate.

I was supposed to travel to Texas and marry Tyler.  No idea why.  But we were supposed to get legally married and then have some big wedding celebration with everyone else later.  I was walking to some building and members from Hocico were walking with us.  They were from Louisiana in the dream (they’re from Mexico irl) so I wanted to ask them to be there and didn’t get the chance to.  I was in some reception area and my girl friends had gone ahead of me.  I gave this guy my card to pay for my lunch and go in and it was taking a while so I said fine use this other card that was specific to the place I was in.  He said I could cover pretty much everyone on the other card, but to use funds from my bank I’d have to transfer it’s data in.  I said fine then use the card you already have access to.  I walked around to a glass case and saw all these cute little truffles.  Then walked around to the other side and sat at the bar and there were a couple guys behind the counter but it was like a truffle bar. So I started describing the truffles in the cases and other ones I had before that I loved and started going off on chocolate ganache and matcha cause I have this skill to describe tasty things and make people crave them.. like transferring my food or sweets cravings to others.  I went up the stairs to some other place remembering the marriage thing and couldn’t figure out why I was doing this.  Then I realized if it were Joshua I’d be all for it.  I’d sign the certificate in a heartbeat.  It’s like the whole fuck yeah vs. meh thing.  It’s the whole if you can’t immediately say fuck yes about someone, or like if you aren’t at least as excited to see someone as you are when food is delivered to you, don’t do it.  I asked myself why was I marrying Tyler and not Joshua?  It was confusing.  Then I started declaring I couldn’t do it.  If it were going to be in a church in Texas the vows would be fucked up, they’d say stuff like sanctioned by god, or I’d have to be subservient because I’m the woman, plus all the other things I’m not okay with as an atheist and a humanist, and I’m very very far from fuck yeah with Tyler, it’s a fuck no.  I don’t remember the last time I got to type out fuck so much for a dream.  It’s kind of redeeming it.  No… it’s still a terrible fucked up dream. lol

There have been a lot of crazy intricate dreams lately that I haven’t been writing about since I’ve been rushing in the mornings due to waking up in stupid amounts of pain and being slow as !@#$.  I don’t know why it’s been so bad lately.  Everything is not awesome.  Everything hurts, I’m frustrated with everything right now, and I feel like it’s all compounding and bleeding together, and you have to accept things or change them.  There’s so much in the air right now I’m hesitant to make one change while trying to attempt another.  But anyway..

Last night / this morning’s dream was stupid weird.  I can’t remember it all.  Anna had to do some presentation at a conference and walked on stage looking like she was going to have a heart attack or pass out behind the podium.  I was walking through the aisles looking for my group and noticed the stage was empty and there was chatter.  She came back and ended up doing some aerial acrobatic cirque thing up in the air.  It was the hugest distraction to get the audience to forget why they were actually there and what she was supposed to present.  I can’t even remember if the material was supposed to be technical or whatever.  But he was so helping her out, he had some weird instrument, it was like a huge modified vertical gayageum with the strings coming out and they were looped around his fingers.  He could move his fingers almost like he was touching piano keys, except the palms of his hands were facing each other, and there were other strings coming out of the instrument that went up the walls to the ceiling like organ pipes even though they were thin wires, or maybe like more like circuitry in aesthetic.  I don’t know how to describe the sound, it sounded organic, and it sounded like warm digital synth at the same time.  I can barely remember it and it’s fading quickly.  I was upset she could get everyone to focus on some irrelevant distraction while hiding the fact that she had no idea what she was doing and had no right to be presenting at some conference.  I was upset that he was helping her execute this deception in the most beautiful way.  I sat on a couch near him and was typing a message on a transparent tablet then looked over to see what he was looking at.  I was expecting some kind of morse code, the dots and dashes being illuminated by LED lights on a white surface… like Apple product white surface.  It was a dark background with dots that made up part of a city and what I think was the Golden Gate Bridge.  They looked like the ends of fiber optic cable with lights going through them.  It’s kind of like the pictures of the earth at night from space where the shapes of nations and their cities and freeways can only be seen because of all the lights they have.

I walked into this building, it looked almost like a lodge, and in the middle of the main room there was his huge bar.  A bunch of  kids in winter gear started pouring in and taking seats at the bar and the tables around it.  It was kind of like they were on some field trip.  The bartender was freaking out and couldn’t get a word in since it was so loud from chatter.  I asked her if she wanted me to tell them the kids had to move and she nodded.  I got up on the bar and took a few tries before I was finally loud enough to announce anyone under 21 could not sit at the bar and had to move.  I walked through the main room and down a hall then turned around.

The sun in the sky was huuuuge, like super stupid huge.  I couldn’t tell which direction was west or north when looking out the window, and the sky looked like it might have been at sunset except the sun was nowhere near the horizon.  TLO looked out the window to see what I was trying to figure out then commented on how I’d only been to places closer to the equator… like the sun was supposed to be this huge the further from the equator you were.. and I was like that’s wrong but idk why… then I was like the days are longer in the summer but that’s not the same.  Later I was at a computer trying to find information (I can’t remember what) and overheard bits of a conversation between senpai and TLO.  Then senpai asked me what information I divulged to TLO and I said we just discussed some event that occurred the other night. Senpai was concerned cause TLO was acting like he knew more than he was leading on but this is TLO… it’s what he does… and he gets super excited when he feels like he learned something.  idk… I got called Cakey in that kinda sorta not really accusatory tone like “Cakey..? What did you do?”  I did nothing. ._.

And then I woke up. :v

I was diving at night by a tech park with my roommate when I noticed the lights in building were off. My roommate pointed out it was 3 something am. We decided to go back home to try to get more sleep.

I was in an office building and went to a room with a bunch of red vines on the table. A boss came up to me and said an employee complained my Animaniacs top was inappropriate. I asked who and he made a face, then I said got it you can’t tell, said that was bs since I’ve never been dress coded, nothings showing, and I planned on going back home and changing anyway.

I went back into the other room and started yelling at these two guys who keep pulling individual red vines from their pockets and putting them on table with the rest of the candy. I wasn’t sure if there were jars under their seats but I told them to stop mixing them with the other red vines that hadn’t been touched.  Then we were all at dinner tables with bread and these huge bowls of salad. The guy sitting to my left was annoying me.

The last part of the dream was playing an arcade fighter game against a player who chose a panda. It was very Ranma 1/2 even though the style was different. The background in the game looked like the watercolor styled backgrounds in some old school animes. The combo moves were very elaborate and anime like too. Then I woke up..

So many  random details are going.  The one that stands out is last night I had a dream I was having an abortion and Dr. Montgomery was doing the procedure for me.  She had what looked like an internal ultrasound wand but it also functioned as a vacuum.  This was so early it was like pre-first trimester, it was like the  zygote was traveling down and hadn’t even implanted yet.  Technically emergency contraception would have handled that before pregnancy was possible.  And most abortions are early enough that pills are used before medical procedures.   I don’t know, the details were weird, the cells on the screen were weird.  This is the first time I’ve ever had a dream like this, and I’ve always felt I was pro life personally even if I am pro choice politically, because I can’t decide what another person does with their life or body, nor should I ever be able to.. I think this dream probably happened because over the weekend I was thinking if the last person I slept with knocked me up I’d be in a clinic so fast to term the pregnancy.  He’d never know, I’d take the day off and just go.  I might tell Mel.  At least in the dream she was really nice and asked about my comfort, warned me when something was going to hurt, I felt pain in the dream, and when I was resting before leaving the office she asked if I wanted something comforting.  I mentioned guilt and she said a couple things like it was a smart decision, it was super early, and said not to feel guilty.  I asked her if she was familiar with Cookies From Home, and she said yeah but they closed.  I said they used to be in Tempe but moved and were in the same area we were in.  She said we could eat a bunch of cookies together and not think about it.

I just realized today is father’s day. wow. lol.

There were other dreams throughout the night like being locked in a room that had a bed against the wall and an old CRT TV on a small dresser on the opposite wall near the corner.  Arguing with people.  Weird stuff.  I walked away from the computer and came back and forgot everything else. Ugh…

Can’t remember the string of weird dreams other than James Raj… I can’t remember how to spell his last name but Meagan’s bf was in it and seemed polite but strangely threatening at the same time. There was so much going on too. Woke up with Science stuck in my head.

Spin the wheel
Watch it crash
Turn the dress to broken glass
Strike a pose and hold the flash

I’m not the only one who’s bleeding
Before the past is done repeating
Gets underneath my skin
It won’t die

This time, if I can’t win
Then I won’t try to carry on
I’ll play it satirical
Tonight won’t be so long
I’ll pray for a miracle

Woke up coughing and dehydrated after passing out late from Eddie Izzard. Got up, chugged water, still exhausted and drowsy… I remember some weird bits of dreams.. like Jay was in one and was sitting in this row of chairs, they were all facing different directions. I sat down next to him then moved to the chair on his right. These were like desk chairs in college classrooms.  There was food on the desks, it looked like in-n-out burger lol. There was some other dream where a lot of people were walking north or east…. or maybe north east… on the street and I noticed a lot of metal street lamps, signs, fences that lead down to subways, they were all green it was like New York. This girl was trying to figure out how to get through this checkpoint to go somewhere and I thought we were headed to the same place so I implied we should stick together. We went down th3 steps to this ticketing area and there was security like we were crossing a border into another country. I went through and she was missing something so I waited. Then I realized I left my wallet on the other side and was going to ask security if I could go around to retrieve it and come back. Off to the side was an opening without the dividers you slip the tickets into to get through. I was in some hotel room laying out my clothes and switching from one high collar dress to another. I can’t remember anything else… going back to sleep..

I pretty much forgot what I had dreamed about until Jimmy Eat World’s Sweetness started playing in my head, then I remembered part of the dream where a friend and I were with a group of people just singing it.  “Are you listening? Whoa ohhhhhh..” This friend was someone my brain made up.  The group was together for some reason and I can’t remember why but there were weird things going on outside and heavy rain.  It looked like a large black sun was in the sky just above eye level but not on the horizon, like in the middle, and I saw a rainbow form around it, like something bad was going to happen.  These were small groups of two to three people who knew each other and some individuals.  I was thinking about how different the dynamic might be if it was one large group that was already acquainted and my friend and I were the two newcomers, and how easy it would be for them to remember us but how hard it would be to place names for me.. and would it be easier that or with how the dynamic was now?  I suck at remembering these things in mass quantity, I had that problem with the scene when I was 21 so I’d blame it on being drunk the last time I met someone at a club and apologize and ask for their name again.. even though almost every night I went out I stayed sober.  But I felt bad.

Anyway, there was some other part where I was chillin in some home and there was a bunny, a cat, and two hamsters running around on the carpet.  Hiding under a blanket, or wondering under a dresser or bed.  I was in black pajamas.  Then I was out driving and had to make this left turn and the median was almost a uturn, into some busy lot and this large tire was in the way.  I was late for some appointment and Jovi was calling me from the door so I walked up to meet her.. right before that I saw something, like a multi tiered cart or something in a small room or maybe like a small server rack and turned on the light to illuminate it.  Then I walked into an office space and sat down with Joanna, her sister.  This was like some school administration building.  I’m sure that wasn’t the end of the dream but I can’t remember what else happened.