Category Archives: Dreams

I was walking in my old neighborhood at night with Brandon and heard goth mom talking about the physical abuse she suffered from an ex the last time she went to the theater with him and how her arms were bruised up. There was a large group of goth friends from the old school and recent scenes around in little cliques and circles, and goth mom was sitting on top of the table on a bench. I walked up to her looking down holding her self and when I got to her she said “oh, honey” and hugged me, Brandon walked around the other side and Vanessa was standing next to goth mom, along with Kat M. I tried to console her and she was happy to be around supportive friends. Then I saw Kat V and introduced her and Brandon formally since they knew each other online through me.

It was around sunset and this huge group was walking out of this casino floors doors to what looked like Fremont only everything was destroyed and not shiny and once we got to the street we were looking down a cliff we had to climb. I saw all of our friends coming through the doors behind us, new ones I’ve met since being here, ones in IT, ones in the scene, ones from Phoenix from earlier. TSO was behind me with a suit case and it was a little off. But still, it was Like we were all united under a cause, like we survived something together, and when I looked ahead I saw you moving forward. So I ran up to you and grabbed your hand asking you to slow down. You asked me why since you wanted to get this climb down over with, and I told you “because once it’s done it’s over” and explained how we have to go through this either way, and I wanted us to take our time and not rush through the descent, and that we could do this together. I squeezed your hand and said when all this was done I’d stay with you, and you were happy, surprised, and a little skeptical. You asked really? And I said yes and kissed you.

You made a comment about some drinking restriction, I think from where you had been, and how you were going to be a super drunk bunny when we got home. You came down these wooden white stairs and I wore this ring on my right hand saying it fit perfect, it was fat and had a green opal in the center, and was meant to be melted down into a smaller more feminine ring later, with the excess becoming a new ring, perhaps for someone else to wear or as a wedding band once it switched hands. You were a happy “drunk bunny” and I went upstairs to a room where there was a display on the table. It looked like those 3D pop up books only much larger and I realized it was a representation of Wonderland. I looked at it as it played back like a memory of how Alice had left Wonderland and the wrong person discovered the books and went there trying to take over. They tried to marry off the girls there, I wasn’t sure if they were Alice’s sisters, daughters, descendants, or otherwise related to her. But people fled and Wonderland was dangerous with people pushing to take it over. You were the  last one in the line of succession and everyone was trying to kill you after they couldn’t build alliances with you. We had been called to Wonderland to help and then bring you back home, and I woke up.

Before I woke up I drove all night through this road I wasn’t familiar with through switchbacks and around the one dip were wolves and one was hit by another car that had passed me a while back since I’d turned around but then decided to keep going. It was getting too dark and my right headlight was out and I was starting to get too sleepy but the sky was getting brighter so I kept going until I got to this cliff, and got out of the car so I could walk to this famous spot for sunrises and the sun had this dark halo around it, like you see in old Italian paintings and other religious artwork, it was somewhere between Catholisism and pagan artwork.  Then there was the sun and the full moon next to each other. The sky looked like a really pretty painting with a purple sky and gold leaf embellishments. I tried taking photos of it on my phone to send you but they never came out right. There was also a little area that was cut out naturally with some water going through, it looked like it may have been the entry into canyons or something like that.

I was back in some house in a dark room with a little light from a TV, talking to someone I guess I was acquainted with in the dream about driving through UT from AZ to get to NV, which I knew on the map was wrong. He talked about seeing Penn and Teller and being called to the stage for one of the performances that was broadcasted and has been in syndication. I mentioned seeing Penn and Teller and how my friend got called up on stage. He asked how I liked living in Vegas. I mentioned how friends recently showed up and we’re all lets go see Britney! And I just bought a ticket and ran with it. I mentioned how friends like to visit here and the food, and he said he didn’t really know much about food, filling up with he was getting up to go make pancakes and I was welcome to some, and I was all idk after the last two statements put together so I thought about getting up to follow and assist but didn’t want to move and had these fluffy black blankets anyway. Then he came back and said they (the other people in the house, presumably the owners) were wondering what’s up with me being naked, which I hadn’t noticed! And then he suggested I get dressed, then said I should be careful what I posted on Reddit.. Like I posted on scandalous stuff I’d just done on there, but I couldn’t remember doing anything crazy or sexual or writing about it anywhere.

I went into a kitchen / living room area where a couple friends were and Shaun was really sad about his recent break up (which was a while ago irl) and was telling someone else about how they were probably surprised they be dated and what he liked about her and some traits, and they were all so you’d probably wanna date someone like her only thicker so you don’t have to worry about breaking her and he was all yeah, but that was apparently figurative and literal. It was weird. He was taping up boxes and I’m guessing he as moving so I grabbed a tape gun and started to help, but the box was kind of janky from over use so I suggested we not reuse this one and grab a new one. After dealing with boxes he sat on the couch upset over everything that was going on so I went to hug him while he talked it out of his system. We got up and sat at a table, and he was next to these two other peeps who were crafting or something. I told him about wanting to shatter the glass ceiling that was over me because I wanted to take on secops, but I wasn’t stupid and was still looking around, but still wanted to just win. He got it, and we decided to leave and go somewhere else. He was driving this truck with no AC so the windows were rolled down.. which is weird cause he drives a Lancer, and we were going through some sketchy part of town and I woke up.

All I remember is smoking a bong with Pen Jillette in this huge house then walking into another room and seeing Teller with a tape measurer to do someone’s suit fitting, and being at a table where everyone had super fancy plated foods.

This dream was really fucking weird, the guy I used to sit next to in the NOC was in it and he’s one of the closest individuals I’ve ever come close to hating irl. He was so rude to me the guys who sat in the row in front of us we’re uncomfortable. Anyway, in the dream I was in some crowded place and everyone was dressed in cocktail or black tie attire. He looked like Matt Bomer as Donovan.. which makes me mad cause irl if he cleaned up like that he actually would.. but he was over by this gold display with all these satiny black little boxes in them. I grabbed one and opened it to find make up inside. Someone came by and brought him an iPhone and when he answered it he was visibly frustrated, then put is on speakerphone so the other gentleman sitting at the table could hear it. They were trying to cover some issue up and make you the scapegoat, or at least have to be the one who deals with it. The other gentleman at the table leaned over and whispered to me asking if I understood what was happening and if I’d be willing to help, I said sure so I’d have an idea of what they’d actually be doing but I still felt shitty claiming I’d help them.

Then I was over by a window with a built in sitting area looking at the beach. There were a bunch of seagulls on the sand and boats coming and going. Asshole assigned as Donovan came by to look out the window and try to figure out what I was focusing on, but it was nothing in particular. The other guy from before may have been his father, or some other influence in his life.  He suggested faux Donovan go with me to the beach after I mentioned wanting to go boating, and then he made some statement I was the perfect woman, which really irked me and I tried really hard to make sure I didn’t make a face.

He walked away then came back with a fake gun, and I asked wtf he was doing. He put on this headset for this vr thing that had an animation of the next episodes of TWD like he was prepping for it as an actor in the show, and I suggested he should go out to a shooting range, or learn to shoot. He took offense to that and said something but I can’t remember what it was.

I was in the back of a car and idk who was driving but Nicola was in the front passenger seat giving instructions since we were on our way to some place to fix some thing. When we got there I walked into a large room that was supposed to be “my” room and went to get tea. This one guy was annoying me, then made me a cup of tea when he was prepping one for himself, and I called out how the packet already had two servings anyway. The room was getting very crowded and I hopped up on a table to yell at everyone. Evereyone was yelling and acting stupid, others were trying to gain everyone’s attention. I finally yelled that this was my area and for them to gtfo. Then I yelled that I was the god of that area and to stfu.  I was trying to think of some deity to mirror while yelling but couldn’t come up with one.  Then I hopped down from the table and walked through the crowd. The room was even larger and was dim instead of bright now. It had been decorated and there was a catwalk set up off to the side, some group of people were rushing down it as I walked along it, and this little girl in a metallicy silver dress was throwing silver petals behind them. Everyone was back to being fancy and I ran through the crowd in a coral dress but had left my heels behind. I then started seeing people I was kind of acquainted with and started walking on my tippy toes where I think my height would be at if I were still in my heels and saw Sabrina, grabbed her hand to squeeze it, and kept going. I can’t remember what I was looking for.

I walked into the living room, it was dark except for the tv and I was tired of watching Jay die at Super Mario so I decided to run through the game and show him how it’s done. He was being an asshole and when I came in kept asking about Wil Francis of William Control and was all oh hey where’s he at? Is he here? This was agitating him a lot and then I apologized saying I usually don’t care but Alexis is obsessed so when I walked in that kind of rubbed off and took over. When I looked around I saw tall stacks of red Verizon MiFi boxes and i5c stacks behind N64 stacks, but I was about to play SNES. Then I turned the TV back to the game to start a new one and it was weird with the items you could pick, and the character you could pick to play. A chick was then hanging out bed to me as I started it and then it started the game but it showed another chick with a guitar and it was some impossibly hard guitar hero sequence. The controller in my lap was a guitar hero controller so I tried to run with it and was  fucking up at first but then actually started to make it, then I made this excuse like oh yeah it starts this way I forgot, but I didn’t really know.

I put it down and was still sitting on the chair in front of the couch, and the were stairs to my left like the house in Phoenix. I was wearing this ivory white In Bloom night gown with pearls sewn in.  Alan Rickman came downstairs and sat in the other chair in front of mine, facing me. There was some pending proposal waiting on my answer and I was reluctant but decided to go for it to spite Jay. Alan had his hand on my back to comfort me because I was aggravated, then I placed a hand on his cheek and without looking up I said yes like I was agreeing to an arranged marriage. What surprised me though, was as I was accepting I was very happy because I knew he genuinely loved me and would care for me, and my posture changed and I was warmer towards him. He said he was very happy I accepted, and I quietly thought to myself I was too. He also mentioned it was pretty dim and I commented it was only 11:30am, so it must have been an overcast day.

I was at what was being called the Firehouse but it was like someone’s residence. Sharon Osbourne wanted to see Alan’s hand because it had been sliced open on the top and was infected. She asked one of the girls three to get her something and then was like “today.” She th went to a fridge and grabbed two morello beers and opened one to drink, then the other to hand to him. He politely declined saying he wasn’t sure how long we’d be here and she said it’d help the pain, and that he wasn’t sure how long this would take.  She was going to fix it.

i walked into another room with a pool table and this chick in this black jersey with this super cute pixie cut brushed my hand on the table intentionally then turned around to look at me. I was a little startled but didn’t want to be rude so I started to apologize then stoops before I could get a word out. Sharon had sat down on the couch against the wall and handed me two cigarettes, I placed on the table behind me next to my beer. The chick kept dancing and started getting up on me, it would have been like a lap dance except I was standing going omg wtf is happening. I planned on giving her the Tokyo cigarettes I was handed since I didn’t smoke and when I moved them the chick that was dancing asked “what did you do with my cigarettes?” And I was all oh! Here.. and handed them to her. I guess Sharon and paid her to dance for me and distract me, and I was supposed to give her the cigarettes as like a bonus, or a way for her to know it was me. So we sat on another couch while she ripped the filter off one and smoked it through some weird vape-pipe thing and she asked if I wanted any but I said no, thank you, I don’t smoke tobacco. lol

I looked at the table to my right and noticed there was a couple small fish tanks, one with the water only filled half way the fish trying to jump to the other on that was full with a water pump to circulate and oxygenate the water, and the fish on there was just chillin. I was thinking of moving the taller IKEA shelf with the cut outs they were on to the opposite wall by the door, then get something more like a coffee table against that wall on the right to put the fish tanks on. Then I looked around and realized I was in my own suite in Phoenix and it was really nice. I went outside to this enclosed patio to sit at the table and take pictures on my phone of the walls and ceiling since they were painted beautifully with designs using reds and some purples and other colors. Then some chick walked out to grab plates off the table from some brunch I apparently missed.

It was dark out and you were sitting on this l shaped sofa against the wall that was glass from floor to ceiling.  You pulled me over you to kiss me, and my arms shook as I dug my fingers into the cushions on the couch to keep from collapsing over you.  I could feel two fingers pressed firmly between my legs and I wanted to sink down on to you, so you would part me and feel my warmth, but I paused and couldn’t move.  The glass door opened and some people we knew were coming through to get to another part of the house, and I was doing a mental check to make sure the blankets and the layers of my skirt were hiding what was really going on.  After they passed through I collapsed on the couch next to you and we started laughing.

This dream was all over the place.  I was at what was kind of like Disneyland but laid out differently, there was a large canvas painted like the night sky and you couldn’t tell when it stopped and you were actually looking at the real sky.  There were some goth kids too but it wasn’t Bat’s Day.  Then it was daylight and I was following these two other chicks around these stops in this touristy area, with dusty roads, I think they were dirt like it was some Western thing.  There was a lot of merch like bags and ugly jeweled shirts.  I was trying to find something appropriate to wear for a thing we were going to that evening, and was cranky I hadn’t packed anything gothy.  I walked through this large room filled with stuff and passed these two racks filled with clothing until I found a back wall with ridiculous amounts of jewelry on display.  It was dim since there was only natural light coming in from these small windows near the ceiling, and right in the center of a display was a Horus necklace looking to the left, with his wings spread out. We were going to some night where someone we knew was spinning but it was some terribly boring set in a really sad attempt at a Peter Murphy tribute.. and then I woke up with Ra in my head. Sweet.

We had a pug!!!! It was so friggin derpy and adorable! *squee*

I had a bunch of other random dreams when I feel back asleep but can’t remember any of them and don’t really care cause the pug won.  We need a little derpy fur baby in our life.

I was in a bedroom with this pretty seating cut out area like thing under a window.  The windows made a rounded area that protruded from the house and they were vertical, like rectangular window panes.. yeah..  I was going to tint them but the materials I had across the room on this black leather bench were wrong.  They were in smaller panels with some white plastic material around them.  Some looked like crown molding around the edges some were this flimsy bendy thin plastic, and I guess it was designed to look like there were mo glass pieces and divided the panes horizontally for some aesthetic thing.  Some had other items attached to them, like a mini lamp, or latch, or some were tinted red or green.  I couldn’t use any of it an wanted to get regular ark tint  I wondered if I’d forget what the colors really looked like outside or if I’d make my eyes too sensitive to how bight it really was when I went out, then I was all okay that’s silly.

Then I was sitting up in a bed that was up in a loft.  Music i hadn’t heard before was playing and it filled up the entire space.  I was really happy about it, and looked at a monitor on a stand to see a blue gui listing tracks.  I was trying to figure out how to take the steps down but realized there were two ladders that crossed each other in the middle, like they were build that way and intersected, and wasn’t sure how to keep walking down after the mid point.  I remember dark blue and white fabrics.  Instead of worrying about getting down the steps that moment I stayed in the bed / loft / place thing a little longer and started playing on the computer.  We were chatting on IM about Utada’s newest album.  She finally released her last one and the videos were really old school and very reminiscent of Traveling, but the music still progressed in the direction her Japanese albums had been going in the last few years.  The emotions that poured from the music, and the way that it felt,  I can’t even put into language.  That’s the beauty of music.  I can’t remember what it sounded like when I woke up either. I guess we’ll know soon enough.

I was driving dad’s truck and had issues with the brakes.  I would try to stop so I could parallel park but as soon as I shifted gears it would start to roll and I’d have to go back out to the street only to use both feet to slam on the brakes again.  he’d taken over but was suffering from anxiety and curled up on the floorboard so I went and tried again.  We finally got it to stop but wasn’t sure where to park it.  We had another person with us but I can’t remember who.  And we walked this curb up to this lady who looked like Violet from Private Practice sitting at a small table and there were people around waiting for something.  I hit a button and started a video and right as I did this, she asked are we getting started?  And began to play hers.  We both stopped our videos at the same time.

I was watching a man running towards these soldiers on horses, through this creek, and he’d lost his jacket so they couldn’t tell who he was and left him when he was trying to defect from the other side.  Or they had a common enemy or something.  Idk what his nation of origin was but he was tall, tan,had dark hair that was parted to the side, and had a thick mustache.  This was very mid century.  He was captured and turned in to the SS in some remote jungle area.  We were outside some building at night where there were tables setup and it looked like a dinner party had been hosted earlier in the evening.  I was’t sure if they were going to kill us on the spot or take us somewhere.  I had a jewelry box on my lap and inside it were a bunch of blue pressed pills.  I took a handful and showed it to the commanding officer then tossed them in my mouth.  There were too many so I couldn’t actually swallow them and started spitting them out.  They were confused and when I looked int he box again noticed this plastic bag with what looked like blue, green, and white gum balls, but they were some kind of chewy pills that knocked you out.  I started passing them around like candy and waited to see if our captors would pass out.

I saw a bunch of people waking around in what looked like Roman garb and some formations were in red, others in a light blue, and then there were some other people in different colors / designations.  I was wearing red and stood at a counter to transfer the gum ball things I had left into another container, then put that container in a matching red drawstring like backpack I Could carry with me.  I walked down a ramp past a bunch of people wearing the same thing I was to a tent with a couple people sitting there, and busted out the container.  They thought it was clever… the backpack..idk.  When I looked up we were in a closed off room with purple curtains all around and there was a TV on the wall to the right.  The guy on the opposite couch was wearing a suit and ha a salt and pepper beard.  Him and a couple people were discussing things that had changed at GD like the front page no longer having Danica on it, and other changes in how thins were being done.  This one lady, the same one who looked like Violet from earlier, was like “okay are we getting started now?!” An d start her video talking about random things, it seemed like they were all consultants for the company, and for a few others, so they had their own schedules and time for random things like this.  I had no idea how they do it, but it hint he bearded guy was a corporate lawyer.

I was sitting at a table and dad was next to me, then he got up.  A guy who looked like Stephen Collins was sitting across from me at this table, and he was cutting these huge soap blocks down into smaller bars.  They were different colors and were all swirly.  I helped break them apart with a knife then started using my hands since they were coming apart easily like someone already ran a knife through them.  Then I was stacking them and they looked like piles of desserts and cookies. He was moving the piles off to the side to make room for more.  A lady walked up to explain we didn’t want to stack them a certain way or they’d crumble and he was all whatever.  There were a few rows of tables and folding chairs and they all had different crafting stations and pastries laid out on them.  There was a crock pot at the next table over where they were dipping skewers of bananas and apples into what might have been caramel or chocolate.  I asked if we had one to setup at our table but we didn’t.

I got up and was in this apartment with a huge bathroom, and the tub, walls, tiles, and everything else were white.  There was a glass door with a shade over it.  The door went out to the side of the house and to the yard.  I heard kids walking around in the area, and there was some wifi issue going on I couldn’t remember.

I woke up and fell back asleep…

Gypsy was dressed in some belly dancing costume on fb.  I went to a green foods breakfasty place and saw two people at the fruit bar grabbing things and making suggestions. It was like I’d met them before but couldn’t remember where from.  The guy behind the counter had a heavy Asian accent and was hard to understand.  When I looked down he made this chicken bowl thing, and I was gonna run with it and asked how much it was.  He said it was $23 and change and I was like that’s nuts.  I’ve never spent that much here before and he showed me the bowl again and there were green jello cubes under the shredded chicken breast like it was some premium thing, and I got all angry like.. I don’t like jello, and normally you’d ask what I’d want, and this time you didn’t.  He just stood there and didn’t offer a solution so I said I’d pay it and leave and handed him a card but the cards in my wallet looked weird so I was all wait, then handed him another one.  He offered to make a different one and was all without the stuff I didn’t like and said it was $9 and change, and I was all no.  So I got my card back and thought about updating my Yelp review while walking out, but then thought writing it while angry would be a bad idea and would be mean, but was thinking how I’ve never paid for something I didn’t want and had no intention of eating then just walked out before either.

I walked down these steps and when I got to the corner, before going into the next building, did a back bend and stretched.  I decided to keep going and did a flip.  The sunlight was on me and felt nice and warm instead of all burny for once.  These guys said they had a table and a spot for me so I walked in to go inside and this little kid by the door was being a brat.  I lifted one of his legs and saw under his shoe there was this round thing.. like a wheel but it was flat against his shoe. I threatened to take it away from him so he started yelling no and I didn’t see the importance of the toy, but another guy was like nah, don’t do that to the kid he lost the other one, and I was all ohh.  So I left it and walked outside.  The kid stopped yelling.

Inside it looked like a tavern and they were setting up this long table but the group was outside so I went back to wait with them.  I was looking at fb and saw this video of Gypsy and this other girl at what looked like some crazy movie set, and they were in these costumes doing these cool synchronized dance moves, and it looked like a Bollywood production and they jumped up on this restaurant booth and then her friend was on top of the back rest part and it was tall.  the back part was a little taller than Gypsy and I Was all omg, that booth is over 5′ tall that’s so cool and it was ivory colored with super colorful designs on it.

I was laying in a fluffy be with navy blue linens and Gypsy was next to me.  Like we had our feets out to opposite sides of the bed and our heads met in the middle of the side, like the edge, cause we were laying sideways/diagonal.  Then she got up on top of me while I was laying on my tummy an said okay she was going to figure out what was going on with my back, and I was all what?  She started scratching my back on my left side an I started giggling cause it tickled, then she started to actually scratch and I was all yeah.. okay that’s cool, then she mentioned something about scarring in that area and I was like orly?  and she was all yarly.  Idk if she was talking like acne scarring or what.  She got up and then I was watching the TV that was embedded in the window.  It was showing some reporter on site at some disaster on CNN.  I looked to the side and noticed there were window washers and was all oh snap, and looked down and saw I was wearing my black silky pajamas ad retracted back. The TV switched over to this photo of you at an office desk, holding this little blond boy, maybe around 3 or 4 years old and laughing like he was being tickled or you just told the funniest joke on the planet.  Then they showed a picture of these destroyed buildings like they were covering some natural disaster in the bay area and I was all omfg, what is going on?  Then some dude was talking and I couldn’t figure out if they’d switched stories or if they were related.

I was in a house going to the bedroom and there were a bunch of clothes and Mickey Mouse hats from Disneyland on the bed and nightstand.  It looked like little kids destroyed my room.  The room itself was all white and beige and well kept other than the kids stuff.  Without the color from the kids things it would have been pretty sterile and boring.

I had woken up and walked over to the mirror in the bathroom vanity then noticed how my bangs had different shades of purples, magentas, blues, and a little green.  This wasn’t specifically galaxy hair but the colors blended well together.  My makeup matched too with the liner and metallic purple lipstick.  I was wearing color contacts but can’t remember if they were dark blue or something like it.  I was wearing a lace top where the bust is cut out and I paired it with a black under bust corset that was longer and went half way over my hips.  It was lacy and had ribbons that were sewn in to be all ruffly and matched the top well.  I wondered what you’d think of it and if you’d like it.  This was very fetish ball goth.  I approved.  I adjusted my boobs in the top again after putting on the corset then just played with them for a minute in front of the mirror because I could. idk

I heard a door open which confused me so I grabbed something to cover myself and dad walked in looking for something, all I could think was are you fucking kidding me?  And I guess it showed on my face as I was thinking I could have remembered locking the door for sure.. and don’t people know how to knock?  Dad said there was a second door to the right as he was leaving.  Idk wtf he was looking for.  So I walked out of the bathroom and the room I was in was like a studio with a decent sized kitchen and the space was L shaped.  The kitchen had some retro wood color but it was well maintained.  Anne’s dogs were there like I’d been watching them for a bit and Payton was wearing a cone of shame.  She was being aggressive towards the other dogs so I picked her up and she started to nip at my fingers.,  I placed her out of the studio so she had access to the rest of the house and I locked the second door.  Then I realized I’d locked her in another bathroom so I walked around to the front door, opened it, opened the door next to the one I was standing in that went to the bathroom Payton was in, and immediately shut and locked the front door before she could get in.  I looked at my reflection in the glass door of the oven and noticed I was wearing a white lace dress.  Then I heard the front door open and was all what the?  But it was two or three people who had a key… I guess they were the owners and were renting this space out like an Airbnb kind of thing.  They were asking where Payton was and I explained she was being aggressive towards the other dogs so I separated them.

I was walking around somewhere at night and looked this sign on an arch to my right to try and figure out where I was so I could go back and visit it later.  I kept thinking I was in Alabama or Louisiana.  There were these frat guys yelling random things across the street and these two chicks in uniforms were walking across the street so I followed closely behind them and they went through this walkway in this building and then up a couple steps to this door.  They asked if i went here and was a member of insert random society here that I can’t remember and I was all no?  They were all oh okay bye and went inside.  I still wasn’t really sure what was going on and walked around.  I was down south like in Tucson trying to get back to Phoenix and I was trying to do the math on how long it would take to get to Vegas, and was trying to figure out who I needed to see.  Apparently there was a time crunch and the situation changed where I could spend two or three extra days in Phoenix before going back and thought.. well I could be mopey in Vegas, or spend the time distracting myself and seeing friends.  I thought about who to call.. goth mom, Thomsen, Ashe.. who did I wanna stay with?  Where did I want to go?  I can’t remember what happened after but woke up in the back seat of a car and was leaning on Sarah, and Anne was sitting next to her.  We were all asleep in the back seat and Janine was driving.  It was dark out and I started to settle my head back on Sarah’s shoulder when I looked up and noticed we were driving in reverse and that Janine was driving the wrong way on the freeway, which explains going in reverse to go with the flow of traffic.  I was wondering how this even happened and Sarah explained it.  There were three cars about a quarter mile behind us but other than that there wasn’t much going on.  It started becoming light out and we were standing on snow.  There were three guys giving us grief about how we got there and how it was private territory.  Then Janine ski’d off down the hill to get away.

I was at some place and there was a cute little blond girl with her hair in pigtails.  She opened a door and decided to walk outside on the balcony but her guardians advised against it.  It was weird because these were narrow steps that curved up to another door on the floor above us but they weren’t exactly like a spiral staircase.  They also moved a little like a rope bridge.  The ground wasn’t super far away but it wasn’t close either,  I actually wasn’t sure how far the drop was, and there was nothing but what looked like rain forest surrounding us.  She hopped from step to step and I went after her knowing she was going to get stuck on a platform.  She got to the bottom platform before the steps change directions and start going up and she started to cry.  I reached out to grab her and she took my hand.  I sat on the bottom step and pulled her close so I could hug her and said I told her not to go off all by herself.  Her hair was dark now, and we sat there in these chairs (they were the platforms a second ago) and looked at this huge IMAX like screen in front of us.  There was this one guy off to the right side asking if I wanted soda and I thought about it then said no.  I was trying to find a remote on the cluttered table to my left and then to the west of us, we saw a plane fall out of the sky.  My only clue was the sunset being in the same direction.  Then on the screen it explained who it was and why he couldn’t marry so and so because he was an alien.  It was like some V level conspiracy except not reptile, and the room was dark and I saw the ending credits in front of us with this ugly neon 16 bit green text, and I mentioned how it was funny we found a secret in the end of a series and answered questions from Sailor Moon because this was on right before TMNT, so thank you to TMNT.. and the little girl turned to look at me and she was all confused, and I said I think this is a dream.. Yeah.

She looked horrified and I said no no no, it’s okay.  Like things had gotten so surreal and out of place I caught it.  She looked like anime now, and she was about to disintegrate like the dream was going to reset itself, or maybe I was going to wake up.  I said not to worry and we were standing i what looked like a conference room area with ugly red casino carpet.  She was wearing all black.  Black long sleeve sweater, skirt, leggings, very Hotaru.  I stood next to her and a door opened, then three people walked out.   I chose this one lady who was wearing a black chefs jacket and thought she’d be easiest for the girl to talk to.  She looked kind of like a brunette version of Cat Cora.  I wanted to know what was bothering her and what she was internalizing since I wasn’t sure how to help.  Then I woke up.

I was in my (fictional dream) open loft apartment and the windows were floor to ceiling and huge.  I was making a mental note purchase curtains for privacy and to control the light coming in later but wasn’t sure how to get them up there.,  I walked across the apartment which was larger than I remembered and then walked to the kitchen area and sat at this tall large table with tall chars.  There was a large TV mounted on the wall, or maybe it was a projector since it was so big,  I thought I should grab my laptop and come back so I could watch things while working on stuff.  There were a couple people sitting at the table and when I turned to look behind me I saw Josh C had a bunch of guests over.  There were over 20 people in the kitchen and dining area that had been converted into another sitting area with cream colored leather couches and recliners and a table.  His guests were looking at me in a rude manner and I was ready to kick them out but walked out to another room where there was a large dining room table with many chairs and another sitting area off to the side.  I remembered the color teal, like there was some lovely aqua teal rug somewhere, ad there were a couple people walking around further away in the room and I kept walking, going through these really nicely furnished well lit rooms and thought damn my house was big..  Where is Anne?  I was thinking about roommate rules of engagement regarding Josh C since I wasn’t sure how to best handle his random party.  (I asked her if he had groups over like this every night and she said yes and I thought omg, what is wrong with people?  Sometimes I’m fine with having people over but always went out and mostly kept my home to myself.  It was always my quiet escape to return to when I was done with the world.

We talked about going somewhere and I was following her mustang, but I was on a motorcycle and had issues with the road being dug up, being dirt, then riding out of this ditch and being on snow then ice.  I got out of the dirt lane and realized I had to get over to the left and when the light turned green the car next to me was kind enough to let me go in front.,  I wasn’t sure where sh was but finally got on normal roads again and then I realized we were going south on Maryland Parkway, south of the university.  Waaay south from where we lived.  I stopped and was standing in a corridor inside this apartment complex and it was dark out and windy.  Things were off and I started questioning if this was real, then did a little inventory check.  What could I see and touch?  Did I feel the wind and hear noises around me, was there color (there always is anyway), was I in a dream?  Were there enough details?  I was convinced things were weird but this passed for real at least in the dream. lol

I was supposed to be doing a shoot with someone like they were engagement photos but off like it was in a park and I was in some red and gold costume with lots of silk and stuff, then I was supposed to come out naked for other pics like it was some hippy new age chicks on Tumblr being forest elves / blood elves from WoW, and I walked into a dressing room and looked in the mirror to undo my top and then undo my hair so it fell down my back.  It was super long and light red and my boobs looked different but were still awesome.  I decided to keep the flowy pants on until I was outside and at the site we were shooting at and then I’d drop them.  I started walking past this pool area and some people didn’t notice while others stared and the girls acted disgusted while their boyfriends and fellow bros gawked and made noises and gestures.  Instead of outwardly showing annoyance I responded back in kind and they had no idea wtf to do with a woman who didn’t get embarrassed or flustered or offended.  They received a confident response and weren’t sure how to handle it.  I kept walking and  was trying to figure out how to get back over the curb to the grassy area we were at when I looked down and saw this huge water slide people were looking down at or were sitting on the edge and dangling their feet.  It looked like a huge half pipe water slide thing that just went down and got dark and I couldn’t tell where the tunnel went.  I wanted to jump down but because I wasn’t sure where I’d end up, or how it was timed and didn’t want to collide with anyone, I kept walking.  So I went into the pool to try and swim to a side that could get me where I wanted to be and decided to swim on my back with my hand along the wall so I wouldn’t get lost when one of the jets was in reverse and sucked on the palm of my right hand.  I had to pull hard and went around the corner so I could take the steps long the wall out of the pool.  There was a guy going down when I was climbing up and it was weird,  I’m not sure who got there first but he smiled and then I noticed I was straddling him while he was leaning on the ladder and immediately climbed out of the pool as he sank down.

The sun was down now and I kept walking, then found this smaller pool that turned out to be a large hot tub and hopped in to warm up, while keeping my arms out on the ledge so I wouldn’t go under.  I just wanted the warmth.. then I heard a door open behind me (I guess the dream changed it from outdoor to indoor) and I saw a Catholic priest storm through with another man rushing behind him.  He was looking for someone then turned around to head back, saying he needed Jessica Jones.  I got up like he was looking for me and went after him but someone tried to stop me and I wasn’t sure who.  I ran down the hall to this open window in the wall that had another room for some kind of forensic prep work.  I noticed Hannibal in a nice gray suit working there.  Him and another guy were prepping organs in bread crumbs, marinades, and other items when I realized the hearts, kidneys, livers, and other organs were human.  It threw me off but they were explaining part of the investigation involved ingesting the victim’s organs to gain insight, and then I thought well that would be a good job for Hannibal… very iZombie.. without the zombie part.

I walked into an office and saw Andrew C sitting at a desk and he said my name all excited.  It threw me off, I hadn’t seen him since 2012.  He was sitting at a desk with these huge ass monitors,  I’m sure they were actually two 40″ TV’s being used as monitors.  He asked where I’d been and thought I’d left the company or had gotten fired sine he hadn’t seen me and I said I sat down that way and pointed southeast.  Then he said okay cool and it was good seeing me.  My hair was super short and black with magenta streaks then.  I walked into a hall and it looked like the large house I was in earlier.  I was considering a change of clothes thinking what I was in may have been too casual and I didn’t want to hear it from TSO.  I kept walking and then found Zuko so I put my gaming laptop down when he was in between me and it for attention and picked him up.  He just stayed there like a doll while I held him, and Valentine and I walked to a room where a discussion was going and picked seats where there was a little arm rest with a cutout for Zuko to sit in.  The seats were plush and red like it was in a theater and every other row lifted up like the flight tour ride at Disneyland. It was super weird.  I can’t remember anything after that.

“The first nightmare that I had last night took place in a zoo. Within the exhibit, there were 2 female tigers laying down facing each other. Between them was an adorable golden puppy. It was a big, “Awwwwwwww” for everyone involved. Then, someone came and took the puppy away from the tigers. The tiger on the right thought that the tiger on the left stole her “baby” from her, and she started viciously mauling the neck of the tiger on the left like prey. I was horrified to see blood streaming down the left tiger’s neck, as the right tiger kept chomping through. As it appeared she was killing her, I frantically called for help from a zookeeper, but there were none to be found and I went unheard. Before I knew it, the one tiger had beheaded the other, and the zookeepers were suddenly there pulling a big black tarp over them across the entire exhibit. I was deeply disturbed and in despair.

I woke up around 6am this morning and kind of drifted in and out of sleep for a little bit.  I was in our room at the Four Seasons but the door was on the opposite side of the room and there was a guy wearing black slacks and a light blue button down shirt with his sleeves rolled up.  He’d grabbed a black backpack and I wanted to turn my head and yell Sean!  but I was laying on my tummy and was paralyzed.  So here I am acknowledging this is freaky but I’m not in any real danger, maybe I just woke up too fast cause it’s like those night terrors without the terror part and my motor functions are just slow to start this time?  I’m waiting for my ability to yell and move return.  Sean!!!

I woke up and there was this lady in a blue polo shirt tucked in to khakis, she had long black hair pulled back into a pony tail and she had a cup on a saucer she was placing on my nightstand while saying things in French.  I believe this was a cappuccino or latte or something in that area.  I had no idea what she was saying or what was going on other than she mentioned something that sounded like baguette but brought things that resembled biscotti.  You were still passed out next to me.  She ended up leaving after setting these items down.  Then Shaun was sitting on the ottoman by the gray chair with a black backpack by his feet and it was open but I couldn’t see what was in it.  He was going off on some weird spiritual things like he’d found religion, without directly saying it.  Then he started talking about how he regretted not dating me back in the day and I was thinking really, then said “can you please leave?”  He kept talking about some epiphany and then I heard a voice behind me say “can you leave?”  You’d apparently woken up listening to him going off and reinforced my request.  He finally grabbed his bag to leave and then I woke up for real this time.  At least I’d hope so, otherwise this entire day has been a long ass dream or I’m in some hotel version of Groundhog Day.

I was walking through what looked like a show room with different model kitchens, they were almost like the sets you see for pinup shoots while others were modern.  One was really unusual where the fridge stuck out a little from its designated spot due to a lack of space.  It was a large brushed chrome fridge that was way taller than me.. maybe not way taller and more like the one downstairs irl, but it seemed that way in the dream.  I was messing with something else that was plugged in and tried moving the cord.  It was like one of those large grey 220 volt appliance plugs, and when I turned around I realized I had pulled the cord and the fridge moved entirely out of it’s place so I needed to move it back.  Then I realized it was unplugged and couldn’t rotate it to find its cord and plug it back in before trying to push it back.

I was in some weird apartment that was old but had been renovated.  It was upstairs in a tall building and had an open floor plan with nice wooden floors that had a natural finish. I couldn’t tell if this was a studio or one bedroom apartment since it was long and the kitchen was surprisingly huge with black shiny cabinets and appliances.  The island was rectangular but the cabinets were rounded and stylized like the dressers on the Fabulous and Baroque website.  Like black on black lacquered Anais Credenza cabinets, they were gorgeous.  There were large windows to my right previously but then there was a large industrial sized washer and dryer, was I in another apartment in the same building?  They were the side loading style but large enough to walk in, they were the size of walk in freezers.  The person who just randomly showed up in this dream, who I guess was showing me everything, even walked into one of them and the light came on in the “drum” except it looked like a chrome room and just seeing someone in there felt very ominous so I was all okay lets go.

Brandon and I were downstairs in a living room watching the TV and it had a little static.  I wasn’t paying attention to it until he mentioned it making out a message on the screen and brought it to my attention.  It was some kind of personal threat to my life.  There was some chick with a short black bob we knew who walked down the stairs (the TV was against the wall the stairs shared) and we had a brief exchange about it and the other paranormal ish that was going around inside I can’t remember anymore, but lots of weird stuff was happening and it was directed at harming me.  She seemed to understand what was going on but didn’t offer any guidance on the problem and walked back upstairs.

I was in some really small room and the walls were painted some pea green color, there was barely enough room for a twin bed and a small desk, I can’t even remember what was currently on the walls but was considering getting a framed dragonfly for one of the bare spaces and then something else for another space.  I knew what the second object was in the dream and it’s gonna drive me crazy I can’t remember now.

Then I was sitting in a chair at this standalone desk where one side was against the wall.  It was parallel to the two rows of desks where some of the people I knew from infra and networking were sitting.  You and I had been discussing security and and there was another gentleman sitting at another desk like the one I was at.  We were making small talk when I discovered he was waiting to be interviewed.  We talked about different things while he waited and I gave him some info and general advice I would like appreciated in his situation and he thanked me.  The door behind him opened and he walked in.  At the row of desks were John W, Etori, Steve, and some other friends asking me why I didn’t go for that spot instead of the one I was currently considered, and we went back and forth on the pros and cons.  The door was still open and you were sitting at the table with the guy from earlier and dude was all why don’t you go for this thing?  I was happy with the decision I already made and these points only reinforced it.

So I was back in that pea green room but turned around and now it was a larger loft.  I was looking at this part of the wall that was maybe a foot long, like a little dent so it wasn’t a boxy 4 walled room, and thought that’s where the framed dragonfly should go.  I was talking to Brandon about placement while he sat in a chair at a desk against the wall.  Then I was sitting on the floor at a table writing in a notebook and the room had white walls.  A few of us were sitting on the carpet around a Korean table and you had your back against a sofa.  We were addressing the paranormal weirdness from earlier and you suggested taking some spot that was going to throw our schedules off, because I’d be going back to a swing shift and would be schooling in the morning.  It was going to be hard to see each other but you tried to push it for my benefit.   I wasn’t happy about it but decided to at least think about it.

I was in this small room downstairs on the other side of the wall from the pantry.  It was setup with a small guest bed and a quilted blanket.  I’d planned on sleeping there but then mom was there so she was going to take the room and I was going to figure something else out.  There was a plate and some spilled food on the bed so I grabbed everything to put away and toss in the kitchen sink while mom grabbed the quilt and comforter to throw in the wash, and then we’d look for linens.  Anna walked in and was apparently going to sleep there, she was furious about it so she decided to go upstairs and sleep next to him.  I was very panicky then thought just because she’s up there doesn’t mean she’s going to have any success, maybe he’ll be too tired because he’s been working so much.  I was in the kitchen by the sink dealing with the plate thinking about how much I wish I had a million dollars.  That wasn’t going to be enough for her.  I wish I had 2 million to offer her to walk away because I was certain if given the choice she’d take the money.  But I didn’t know how to acquire it.  It felt like I had to find a way to obtain ransom money for his heart.

I went to another room and was laying on this bed with black sheets, then sat up to turn off a lamp on the desk. I’d been on a tablet going over craigslist ads for puppies and dogs.  They all had white fur coats.  I’d been scrolling for a while but forgot what breed I was looking for.

I opened this wooden framed glass door and was out in a hall passing different counters.  It was all school administration and one counter was my college and another was my high school.  I passed a table with a  bunch of blank MCC student ID’s and this guy with a camera.  There were pictures on another table with student photos that I guess were there as examples?  They all had light green sweaters or vests on over white polo shirts or blouses.  This was like that sea foam green, like the old school medical uniform green.  I didn’t remember the school colors changing and guessed they were asking students for their shirt sizes during orientation to send them these things for their photos / IDs, and just so they’d have it.  I thought I forgot something or how to get somewhere, or specifically how to get to someone, so I turned around and went back to where I’d come out to the hall, then stopped before opening the glass door because I really couldn’t remember.  I decided to walk away and was in another office environment.  I was wearing a long black coat and had this amazing light pink hair.  I saw Claudio at a check out and asked what he thought of it.  He looked surprised and I explained how I got the idea last night since my purple was fading to a pink.  Then I asked him if I looked like a lesbian and he said not yet.  It was funny and slightly weird and I woke up.

Someone in an office was talking shot about certain bands and I hard someone call them out on it and I looked up, then held up a CD from one of those bands. I had a bunch of small flyers and CD jackets to put into an album or do a scrapbook thing with, there were photos of Valentina and I at a party in Tucson I was arranging in the album and it filled two pages. I’d thought there was only one photo from the night but there were eight of them! We were back to back on a couch tied up in blue rope and I was turning to look back at her and we were smiling. Or there was one of her on another couch next to one of my drawings on a dry erase board. I was chillin on the floor on top of a blanket organizing things and looked up while a couple people were talking, but I forgot who they were. J. Tsao was there and was wearing all yellow with this other guy, and I was all oh hey you’re already in town? And he was all yeah, they were running some marathon in the city and I told them to drink lots of water, the other guy gave me this look like really? So I amended it to drink enough water to stay hydrated and don’t die. See you in the office tomorrow. Bye. They said bye and left. The one guy who stayed behind asked who the “new” person was and I was all that’s Tsao!

“Ohh!”

I was going through a black backpack and it had a bunch of random stuff and needed to be cleaned out. It had an opened jar of peanut butter and no lid on, chocolate wafer sticks, like the ones that look fancy that go in your coffee, or come in huge plastic containers at the Chinese grocery, and a bunch of other food items that looked like they needed to be tossed, so I started grabbing things to throw in the trash and Eric S. said I had to do it elsewhere while pointing at a wafer and I was all oh sorry, it was implied that this was due to an allergy but I couldn’t remember what he was allergic to. So I dragged the backpack across the floor to the kitchen and started throwing everything into a plastic trash bag.  Goth mom walked over to see what I was working on and pulled the bag up and then it was like a large aluminum foil bag thing. She was trying to see what was still good and asked if I was recycling the tin foil while looking at the baking pan that was just at the bottom of the bag and I said no. She mentioned how much she loved Liz but some of her habits were gross, then she grabbed a couple items that were supposed to be nonperishable and threw them on the stove to see if they were alright but after making a thing decided it was disgusting and tossed it out. She walked away so I turned the gas off on the burner then went around the corner to the dining area.

It was designed like the kitchen and dining area in the house I grew up in only it was larger and the entrance to the other rooms was on the left instead of the right. She walked back around and had a bunch of food out for a party. (I just realized this was like my neighbor Kathleen’s house). She was pointing out what the spreads were and the different meats. I grabbed garlic bread and it felt like the softest thing ever, grabbed butter, then slices of rare steak over it. Goth mom didn’t really approve but was all at east I won’t starve while the party’s waiting on other things.  There were more people now and I went to sit at this table, there was an extended family and this little girl was being whiny.  I’d forgotten how many of my friends and people I know come from Mormon families.  I got up and went around the corner to see what else was going on and then went back to where the food was to grab more bread. There was a guy behind the counter helping out goth mom and the peeps who were up there grabbing things. I was all hey, can I get some butter? And pointed at the plate he was hoarding, and he was all no, then gave me a piece he had on his knife. I was all okay thanks and walked off eating more bread.

There was a group on a stage to my right singing as I passed them and kind of felt like an ass no one was watching them but was all.. There’s no audience anyway and it’s just background stuff. I went back out to this larger area and the kids were watching some performance geared towards them and as I walked out through the glass doors I saw this huge field and a bunch of kids playing like it was a school. This girl ran up and asked if I’d play with her and I said sure but I had to put the utensil I had away and started walking back towards the door. She was walking with me but was all excited so she started walking faster, then I did, then she started running and I was and we were racing to the door and I dropped the butter knife and stopped to go pick it up saying I had to behave cause we shouldn’t run with knives, and you picked up the butter knife before I got to it and handed it to me, and I was all thanks. You were in a blue soccer jersey and black shorts. I wanna say football but that doesn’t mean the same thing in the United States. Oh well. I was walking through this gated area outside to get back to the door and it was still a good 50 yards away, I was wondering where you’d gone, and then the girl, then saw this really tall guy walking from another area on the left in to the building, he had super long fluffy hair and was like 7′ tall and I wondered if he was Samoan or something. He was wearing the same blue jersey so I wondered if you’d run off to a game.  I woke up before I made it back inside.

A group was out and I’d been driving around with a friend trying to figure out food.  I think we were considering Noca so this was Phoenix.  It was night time and after driving though some area with a bunch of stop signs we parked in an area that looked a lot like Town & Country.  We were inside some shopping area and couldn’t figure out how to get downstairs since all the escalators were going up to our level.  I found a switch on the side of the escalator that would change it’s direction and waited for one that didn’t have people coming up on it so I could reverse the direction.  I picked one in the middle and when I didn’t see anyone else coming up, and that’s when I saw people almost reach the top of the platform so I flipped the switch and left it in the middle position so it stopped.  There was a small group behind this black lady at the top of the platform and she just kept talking and wouldn’t move out of the way.  We eventually made it downstairs and out of the building.  I can’t remember what happened immediately after.

We were going through termed equipment and had a bunch of backpacks in the bed of a truck.  I went to grab the last one and inventory it when I noticed my old portfolio and printed lj were inside the bag.  I grabbed them and then brought the bag in.  We were inventorying the electronic equipment and then returning the personal belongings.  There was a tall white wooden cabinet that was taller than me, and inside it had manga and other items.  This was being shipped to the person who had my journal and portfolio in their bag.  I was going to grab my items out of it but decided to let most of it go.  So I arranged the manga inside the cabinet, grabbed a couple things I wanted to hold on to, and left the rest I thought she might enjoy.  I had no idea who she was or where the things were being shipped.  I just knew she was a she.

I was sent a ticket requesting a server with 60 drives in it and asked who assigned it, who spoke to the requester, and wtf they wanted a 60 drive server for since they had no idea what they were asking for.  What were they planning to do with it?  I yelled it out on the floor and no one was owning up to it, everyone looked confused.  You looked up at me, smiled, and shoot your head then kept working on whatever you were occupied with.  I walked out to the hall and sat on a couch.  There was a guy with an amazing Homura tattoo on his leg. It was this huge piece where Homura was jumping in the air, facing right, and her hair was behind her like it was windy.  The background was the night sky with rich colors that transitioned into warm oranges and yellows as it crackled into doily and kaleidoscope patterns like she was in a witch’s labyrinth.  We were trying to figure out drinking plans after the office and Matt walked over saying he was down and requested someone hit him up about it once a decision was made, then walked away.  I was contorted on the leather sofa with my feets up on the headrest, and explained I’d been sleeping shittily when I was called out on it.  Then turned to sit up and accidentally kicked the guy and apologized.  I leaned back to see you directly and mentioned how i burned through Madoka and wasn’t sure what to start up next.  The guy got all excited and was all “Madoka?”  And i said yeah, and that I noticed his tattoo.  He seemed familiar because of it, and because I was trying to remember if I’d seen him earlier at Town & Country, or when we were sorting through equipment earlier and I had forgotten.  I had a AA battery in one hand and a gold phone i the other, and said I remembered needing a battery and picked some up last time I was at the store, knowing I’d forget later.. but this was obviously wrong.  Tee phone was much thinner than the battery and I thought I needed a coin battery.  It’s like phone batteries didn’t exist in this dream. lol

I was in a nicely furnished apartment and had apparently married Harry from S&TC, but I wasn’t Charlotte, but I was.  It was like some Fight Club split personality disorder, it was weird.  This was super confusing because even though the apartment looked nice with its choice of fabrics, color, and upholstery, it wasn’t the huge apartment Charlotte had acquired from Trey.  I went to the restroom to change and clean up and decided to put on this suit I hadn’t worn before.  It was kind of fetishy and hard to describe.  The bathroom was weird too, everything was all green tiled and there was a squat toilet like it was in Asia, and there was a bidet and the shower had two shower heads.  My hair had been acting weird when I brushed it out and it was kind of twisting back into curls when I’d try to straighten it, and the curls got so tight they almost resembled braids but it finally started behaving.  I came out and asked him what he thought of the outfit and he said he really liked it.  He was unpacking and moving things around, one last thing being a bag full of pills and I wondered why he had so many prescriptions.  Then I wished they were something else, idk what, but something fun, and I thought that would never happen since he was a lawyer.  We walked into another room since he wanted to show me his closets.  The one we walked into had a bunch of scarves in it and it reminded me of Brandon M’s collection.  There were four large closets and I was all wait can I have one?! And he was all yeah, then said to hang on and walked away fora  minute.  I was standing there next to Charlotte and looked at the other closet over the wall saying how I liked that one cause it was painted this nice blue color with black trim, and she said no go for the one we were standing in cause it was larger, and I Said i guess we could paint this one to match and she said yes, and it would look better cause they’d all be uniform.  The two closets were divided by a lower wall in the middle and each had their own entrance, bu the opposite walls were normal, and there were still two other closets to the right.  The closet Charlotte and I had been standing in was almost as big as my one bedroom apartment was in north central Phoenix.  Idk why my brain made me Charlotte when I’m more like Carrie, then Samantha.  Anne’s more like Miranda, then Charlotte.  We’ve had this discussion. *face palm*

Dreams where Jay are in them are always the worst.  The lighting / my field of vision is always shitty, I’m always anxious, and things always feel wrong around me but I can never pin it down in the dream.  I don’t even remember everything that happened except he was being passive aggressive and moody as fuck so I went to my room and knew he was going to eventually follow so I was sitting by the door holding onto the doorknob about to lock it, and it was some weird thin door with a bunch of holes in it the size of a pencil’s circumference.  So it’s not like it was a screen door or anything… idk.  When he walked up I knew I hesitated too long on locking the door and thought it wasn’t worth the bitchfest so I let him in.  He went to lay down on the bed against the wall under the window, but with the way the room was setup he wouldn’t have been able to see the TV.  It was on a low stand facing the other wall, it was almost like a coffee table and I was messing with either a DVD or a VHS player, I can’t remember other than it being old and bulky.

In some other dream I heard a noise outside and when I looked out the living room window I didn’t see anything, but when I opened the front door saw lines of people to the left dressed as goth’d out zombies with metallic paint, and a bunch of people on the right were all goth’d out.  It was amazing, some event was going on the neighbors or the HOA coordinated and it was my thing,  so I shut the door and ran upstairs to change.  This was an unusually accurate replica of the house and neighborhood I grew up in.  I went through my closet and kept going back to my tartan dress except it was a different one than the one I have, and then I kept circling back to this neon lime green and black cyber goth dress that was hanging next to the strapless black vinyl dress I do have irl.  I used to love early cyber goth fashion when I first found it and there were subtleties of color, now it’s just ridiculously raver goth and the colors are no longer there as accents that pop out… anyway, I put on a metallic slip, the green and black cyber dress over it, had issues finding fence net stockings I wanted to wear with it, and kept reminding myself I’d have to go downstairs to the carport because I left my makeup bag in the trunk of my car.  I looked in the mirror and it wasn’t working out.  I don’t remember putting this on but I was in a dark red and black vinyl dress that was smooth enough to almost resemble latex.  The dress was too fetish for what I was going for.  I can’t remember all the stuff I dreamed after that, it feels like I woke up 12 times this morning and I’m giving up on sleep.

I was out at a pool since it wasn’t too bright out, maybe it was earlier morning or early evening.  I’d set the stuff I brought with me down on one of the platforms, my towel, black vinyl make up bag, pink bag, and some other things.  I was trying to pick a spot since the pool was large and had different cut outs that were hot tubs and the water flowered into the main body of water to keep it warm.  There were two guys in the larger pool staring at me as I walked around the outskirts and went back to the original spot where my belongings were.  I was nervous something was going to happen but kept telling myself inside to looks strong and unshakable.  When I got there, one of the guys had gotten up and left for something, and the other was standing knee deep in the water holding my make up bag.  I demanded him to put it down and he laughed like it wasn’t a big deal and like I was overreacting.  I yelled at him to put it down again and took a step forward.  I felt like a small animal that was all bark because it couldn’t really do any harm if it tried to bite.  I knew it was all fronting but I had to do it fast without backing down so he didn’t have time to think, or thought I wasn’t worth the effort, or thought I was insane.  I didn’t care.  I didn’t want things to escalate beyond my control because he could overpower me and i didn’t see at least some blunt or sharp objects I could grab and fight with.

He put the bag down and went to go meet up with his friend who showed back up.  They thought I was too serious and that I was blowing things out of proportion.  They left.  They probably thought I was a crazy woman.  No fucks given.  People who push boundaries over nothing and get a kick out of it.. just because they can.. especially when you don’t know them and no rapport has been built up, those people are dangerous.  I hate that feeling int he dream, I hate it irl.  I haven’t felt that SOL in a situation in years, but I’ll never forget how it twists my stomach, and I’ll never feel bad about shutting things down quickly before they have a chance to be a real problem.

I woke up around 6am, then went back to sleep.  In the next dream I was in a hotel conference area that was supposed to be like the Flamingo, but it was different.   Every experience in a dream elevator has been bad for me, for as long as I can remember.  The last few years they’ve been tiny and cramped, and I’ve sat on the elevator floors in case they were going to shoot off or fall to the bottom of the elevator shaft.  I’d had issues finding parking in the garage and then went up to the 4th floor, then realized I was SOL because I didn’t have a room key yet and called mom who said she’d bring me one.  I wasn’t sure how long she was going to take and felt awkward waiting around, so I walked down the shops and looked at the merch  The walkways got increasingly narrow with kiosks and stands blocking the way.  These guys were walking obnoxiously close behind me so I decided to pause, then keep walking again.  I stepped off to the side and waited for them to pass before continuing.

I was in a room trying to figure out where things had been placed since the room was half unpacked, and noticed an iPhone 6 in a pink case on the bed.  It was Kat’s, I guess she forgot it or left it with me and I wasn’t sure how to get it back to her since I couldn’t call her.  I went to the bathroom to deal with my hair and was sectioning it out to style it when this black chick walked in, I guess there was another door in and it was a shared bathroom.  She was talking to me while doing her make up and mentioned how her stylist could put designs an words in her parted areas in her hair, and that you could feel it, and I was thinking like brail?  She told me to look and I did but didn’t see anything and she was all… you didn’t look.  Yes I did.  She was all seriously look, and she lifted a different row of braids and you could see some tiny red writing that looked like the embroidery on a baseball cap there.  It was like the design was sewn into her weave and I was all oh cool.  I went back into the room and it was different.  I was trying to figure out if I moved the bed a little closer if I could fit a book shelf in and the put a recliner by the lamp to create a sitting area since the room seemed large enough.

In some other dream I was at a restaurant in a booth getting food with dad and some other person.  We had some food on the table already and the server came back to ask what we wanted.  He ordered something I can’t remember, other than it sounding terribly unhealthy and processed, and I said I heard some dude walking by mention a caesar salad and it sounded good, and dad gave me grief over it saying there was already a salad and when I looked down at the table again there was some house salad thing and I was all okay, never mind I take it back, and he said to do what I want.  It was awkward.  He excused himself and got up for a bit.  I was sitting at the end of large table with a group, and looked around to see this huge dining hall with many large groups filling the tables.  Something familiar was playing over the speakers but I wasn’t sure what it was so I grabbed my phone to try and figure it out.  It was some shitty male cover of Utada’s Blue.  Peeps at the table were like huh?  So I started singing it and they were all oh, and the entire table behind me, and a few people from a few other surrounding tables joined in and I was all omg.  This reminded me of Jimmy saying when he was in high school everyone knew Utada, and then my explaining when I was in jr high and high school only my best friend Mel and I knew who she was.

Then I heard a bunch of cheering and was thrown off so I looked around until I noticed up front (which was to the left of where I was sitting) I saw dad walking back to the table and I had no idea what he’d done or if he told off one of the Chinese hostesses up front or something.  I decided to get up from the table and went around the corner where I saw another group hanging out.  There was a mini pagoda and inside I ran into real life PC Principal.  Omg.  The group was around the mini pagoda and PC Principal was talking about a wet t-shirt contest, and Lisa walked around from the window to the entrance and was all super excited about it.  She put her arm around me and I was just standing there thinking this was ridiculous, and I was in a black tank and bra, but sure why not because we’ve all done crazy stuff and he left to grab water or something.  It was taking a while so we stepped out and went around the corner from the pagoda and overheard something about him running into Michelle H who scolded him ad said she disapproved, and there were some other things.  She was always a mom, she is a mom irl, and a grandma and is awesome.  So Lisa and I, arm in arm, walked out and went across the street over to a grassy area but the ground was covered in snow.  I said I didn’t really care either way since I’ve done a bunch of things in spite of what’s socially acceptable, and enjoy challenging it, but Michelle really is a caring mom who goes into mom mode and these groups would get younger women to do things out of pressure instead being out of their own volition, and I’d never want someone to say “well Suejung did it, so I did it,” and then go on to do a thing without being fully aware of the possible repercussions, and it’s not a good enough reason to do anything anyway.  People should do things they want to for themselves.  And I woke up with Blue in my head.  My dreams are getting kind of defensive and cautious.

I was driving down a switchback on a mountain and curved left like it does south of Prescott, and when I turned the corner it was packed snow and ice on the road. I saw a man on his bike flip back and he landed on his back on the ice. I slammed on the break before I would have slid off the side of the mountain, but immediately questioned my actions thinking my breaks could have locked up and I would have died. I was on the way somewhere but stopped to check on the guy who was now standing, and asked if he was alright and he said yes, then I asked if he needed to go to a hospital and he said he did, so I offered to take him. We got down to this lodge and he went around the wooden fence towards the building. I tried driving around the corner but the SUV I’d been renting sank into the ice that cracked under it’s weight and then I realized I’d driven on to a frozen lake instead of a road. I got out right before it sank and could only think wtf am I going to do? I can’t return the rental now, my bag, phones, everything was in there, I don’t have any identification on me. I held on to the fence and made it to the building where I sat next to the guy, it seemed like we were stuck waiting on medical assistance to show up. He’d found some canned food items and was eating what he could. The combination of food seemed odd, then I thought maybe this was a foreign thing since he was from another country. There were two little kids sitting to my left and I moved to face them so the little blond girl could lean against me.

I was out driving again but this looked like downtown Phoenix, like when you’re driving down Washington near the Arizona Center. This time I was driving a convertible though, and there was a strawberry yogurt drink in the cup holder, so I unscrewed the top and went to drink it. It didn’t taste wrong but noticed something was off and when I looked inside saw it had curdled and spit it back into the bottle. Traffic was stopping and the road had been roped off. There were emergency vehicles and what looked like a bad accident up ahead. I didn’t really catch it since I was focusing on getting around everything alive and finding a detour.

Then I was walking through a hall in some house and there were a few people there., You showed up and I mentioned getting a phone call to schedule a meeting at 3pm because Anna signed me up for some class she’d taken previously. I asked if you made her do it, and you said you made a request. I asked if she wasn’t happy about it, and you said she wasn’t. You were standing next to me by the kitchen counter talking to another guy while I looked down at the tile floor. You both went from talking shop to discussing Anna and how stressed out and unhappy she was, and how her outlet was this one game but she wasn’t good at it and was getting mad because there was some hunting aspect to it, like a pregame thing to help with the next part and she neglected that stage making it harder. You offered to help but it made her angrier. You and the other guy were laughing and it degraded to just speaking poorly about her in general. I was pretty uncomfortable when I realized your voice sounded like Garrett’s and that freaked me out so I walked out and went to another room. I answered another call and this was someone else requesting a meeting at 3pm, but this one was more important so I accepted it. I sat down at a desk with a large monitor in front of it watching people in a zoom meeting, then noticed you weren’t in it and wondered if you were aware it was going on. I thought about running back to the other room and asking but then realized I thought you took the rest of the day off to check on me or Anna, like it was my fault or hers, and bringing up meetings and obligations would only piss you off. I kept going back through our earlier conversations in my mind to make sure I didn’t accidentally request you step away from everything for me for the rest of that day, or that you hadn’t said something I took one way and you meant the other, and resulted in the same thing. I didn’t want anything to be my fault.

I fell back asleep into another dream where I was at a large house in Mesa and realized I’d been at the address previously but now it was called an inn like it had been converted to a hostel. The address belonged to my first boyfriend’s in high school, only the buildings were differently, like they bought the land from a few different houses and converted things but the the construction was still older. I was sitting on the couch in this one room with my feet up on a table. There was noise coming out of a little box that was mounted to the side near my feets, and it looked like a mini receiver build in the 40’s or 50’s. I asked what it was and you told me, then said who it belonged to but I was having trouble following along. Other stuff happened and I walked around different rooms, the place was large like a conference now and one room had people standing around or sitting in groups talking by whiteboards and one had a flat screen TV mounted on top of it. Idk what they were congregating for. I went down another hall and saw you go into another room. I wasn’t sure where to go next so I sat on a couch near the exit. I tightened the strap on my gray robe and looked into a mirror. I was in some fluffy light green and orange hanbok thing with my fluffy robe over it, and after tightening it started to float. I couldn’t get my feet back on the ground and kept fighting to make it back down. Then my feet were finally touching the floor and it was all good.

I walked out onto a casino floor with ugly burgundy and royal blue paisley carpet. I kept walking until I was outside and saw you with a small group. Your group had gone to see Alice Cooper but you didn’t really care about it and we ran across the street to check out an interesting looking shop. It had whitewashed wooden floors that were loud when you walked on them, and the shelves had random trinkets. This was like an alternative pinup rockabilly boutique. It looked like an hold house that was converted into a business, and the hall between rooms had shelved with wheels and roller skates on them. Then the was a bunch of roller derby stuff and I looked at them but decided to keep going since it’s not my scene and I can’t skate. As I kept going down the hall the floor got slippery like I was in skates, but when I looked down I was still in flats. I ended up back inside the casino floor with the ugly carpet and ended up in a suite with black and white tile floor and an antique black four post bed. It went from being bright to pretty dim very quickly as I walked through the room towards what I thought was a closet, but it turned out to be a bar, and I was shocked to see people there. This looked like a public area and I wasn’t wearing much, so I grabbed a robe to cover up and kept walking until I found you back where I started in the checkered tiled room. I just remember a lot of dark reds and dark wood colors in this part of the dream but everything’s hazy.