Author Archives: sugarcoatedevil

I jacked his seat at lunch to sit with our friends, so when he came back he bumped my hip when sitting down next to me and we were shoulder to shoulder close on the bench. Some rl friends made appearances. Later I brought him to the Chinese Cultural Center, it was huge and many stories high, very different from real life and like something from a movie. I remember some other bits and cool places but it’s fuzzy. Friendly, awkward, weird sense of nostalgia, awkward and awesome when inappropriately close but cautious, sometimes not sure if flirting or trying to get a response (like Archer calling Lana an idiot). All the feels from someone I’d never met, thanks brain!

/eyeroll

This morning I had a zombie dream, it was like watching walking dead, in one part Daryl was making weapons with sharpened license plates drilled to really thick paint stir sticks. We were hiding in a housing development that had walls but wasn’t gated, it started raining and we locked the doors when two cats came in through the cat door in the kitchen and was all !@$%^ and one of them was infected so I grabbed a butcher knife and when it came at me I had to hold my hand out and push it against a wall while chopping it’s head off. It took a few chops, it was nasty.

There was another part in the dream where we were on this back road and a zombie herd was behind us, and some stragglers were in front, some still in cars or just wandering where they’d turn, one was flipping out “driving” heavy machinery. A little boy freaked out and got out of the car trying to run a path through the chaos but was stopped and surrounded. The weird creepy thing was they got closer and put their hands on his shoulder and one licked the back of his head And looked up at us like they won, like they were aware, it was more of an I Am Legend vibe than anything. And she looked like an alt zombie stripper.

The dream changed and I was in this huge house wandering downstairs and sat down on a bar stool in the kitchen. This couple was there in gear suitable for a fetish ball, and they had sex right there on the tile. Weirdest thing is my mom and I saying nothing trying to be polite but it’s so awkward so I say yeah I’m gonna take off and she’s all yeah so we end up hanging out in another part of the house and its uber modern contemporary. Then I went downstairs to the gallery and ended up flippin through channels watching tv on the couch with someone my brain assigned as an SO and was panicked I should have told him something important before getting involved but hadn’t like I’d forgotten.

Then I remembered I forgot to disclose something bad happened when I was 17 cause my brain thought his mom and the other guys mom was the same lady, they aren’t irl, but yeah it was weird. I got up and went outside, it was dark and raining, saw an old roommate doing laundry, taking up all the washers and dryers, was taking off and heard a voice, turned back and saw Marisa upstairs, said hi, decided to walk back and was trying to decide if the house I grew up in was closer cause I left my phone there, and the sun was out and the rain stopped and it was closer down the sidewalk so I decided to go get my phone. I hadn’t used the front door in years so the lock looked foreign and required my key and some combination, went inside and was glad the door opened cause I wasn’t sure if a recliner or something was blocking it on the other side. Some group of friends were in the living room hanging out and watching tv, I asked when my SO was and where someone else was, they weren’t sure. I ended up walking to the kitchen and woke up… aaaand that’s my dream rant.

I wasn’t sure if I was experiencing my first seizure, or sleep paralysis, or night terrors. I’m freaked out though.

I was having some extremely realistic dream like I’d just woken up (in the dream) And there was this furry little pet under my bed and I pulled him up trying to remember.. we have a dog? So I walked out the room looking for a mirror instead of directly at the animal in my arm and the placed him next to a mirror on the table, but he was a fluffy long haired brownish cat. My parents hate cats. This cat’s fur was so real, the texture and softness, the warmth, I had no idea I was dreaming. I walked around the house and the rooms looking for a more comfortable place to crash, so other than where the dream started this house was nothing like real life. Found an L shaped couch with another short hair tabby with lighter fur. So I found another room and passed out only to hear my parents looking for me.

This is the part where I actually woke up. I’m lying on my back and my head is turned left, I thought I heard my parents saying I was being loud but wasn’t sure if that was the dream or if it really just happened. Then I noticed the noise in my right ear like when someone opens a gate on a metal fence, or when children play in a playground and you hear something resonate in a metal pole but it’s not a clank, more of a scrape for lack of better terminology. It kept getting louder in my right ear, and I knew it wasn’t real, and that awknowledgement made me feel worse.

So I tried moving my head to face the ceiling and couldn’t. The inability to move made me wonder about sleep paralysis. The noise in my right ear getting worse in combination made me wonder seizure. I quit trying to move seeing if I could try in a minute but could feel my right eye start to twitch really bad and forced myself to finally move. I opened my bedroom door and no one else was awake so I imagined the entire exchange going on outside my door. I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. I’ve been on zero medication recently but just took my .5 klonopin as a hail Mary for some restful sleep.

I was in a house with a bunch of spiders on then walls and hanging on the ceiling. I couldn’t take two steps without one being over me, they were all huge and different. I tried going through the backdoor but realized it’d be worse outside. This place reminded me of the old military housing at Williams AFB.

At one point I went with a group to a movie theater and the seats were assigned, I fought some lady over who had this one seat and our tickets had he same number printed or they weren’t printing in order or something. I was holding a baby (like around 12 months old) in my lap, but instead of looking at the ocean waves on the screen, would rather look away to his right or play with his feet.

Then at some other time we were leaving to different countries and trying to figure out where we’d survive best. These two girls in school girl uniforms hit a volleyball in or direction and I hit it away from my face but it flew to the right into this large booth. They complained it was gone so I went back and got it for them. After walking past they threw it back telling me to keep it. I threw it over my head saying something like since it’s being offered now at this point, it has no value.

NONE of this makes sense. Also, !@#$%^ SPIDERS!!!!

Had a dream I sliced through my right ankle play fighting with a rapier. Then in Paris I wondered around and found a small stage with a band playing, kept having wardrobe malfunctions, ended up at this huge pool at some resort, and it was like the whole town was goth, it was like goth swim. And it started getting crowded for a larger stage and Bella Lune was sound checking.

This morning I woke up from a dream I was a boy. Been wearing mostly t-shirts, basketball shorts and vans out to doctors appointments anyway so it took a while to notice. Maybe its cause I might not be able to have babies. /shrugs

I was staying in a dorm at some college, saw nyan cat and pikachu fleece blankets and stuff, then was at a computer lab, then was out at my car with two friends and one was going to be killed by some home grown terrorist for his program and the group came up with the plan for me to use a large bit power drill and drill through the back of his head.

Dreaming a few of us are going on a road trip east to NM them back to Flag. Woke up feeling like I overslept but this is more interesting than reality, and I’m not lonely in my dream so trying to fall back asleep.

My brain made CO seem like some dangerous no mans land like Siberia, with a gun in my mouth being dangled over a snowy cliff by some dude. NY was also all industrialized but supposedly safer. Everything else in that dream I don’t wanna get into.

Parents and I were traveling to DC, dad made me empty my purse and backpack to check if it was bugged. While at the house I grew up in (this was way bigger and mission style) went through a huge earthquake. Dad said it was fine but I checked around for damage, like a crack in the house or foundation, found structural damage downstairs, and all I could think of is earthquakes are in CA not AZ, while dreaming of Manhattan and boats and the water.

If you took scenes from The Crazies (kill everyone healthy or otherwise), Walking Dead (remember the horse scene? That’s a person under that zombie pile), and Resident Evil (office scene, among others), try to bash a zombies skull in with a screw driver in one hand while pushing it back with another BUT it’s NOT TAKING ANY DAMAGE!!! Then last second you smash it’s skull in with a heavy object you find, make it vivid, take away your weapons, add other problems, people you know… that’s what I just woke up from. o_O

I also smashed the zombies head in last second when finding a heavy object in the kitchen against the granite on the island, bashing the back of it’s brains out where the base of the skull is, he was around 6′ and maybe 225 – 250lbs, barely had any humanity left and muttered sorry and then I realized he was a doctor, like in research or something. Like he either had something to do with trying to find a cure and failed or had something to do with the infection getting out and failed.

So I just woke up from a dream about the hello kitty wine party. o_o

Fruity oaty bars, why were you in my dream? o_o;

Joanna was in my dream too.

I had a bad dream that some gestapo like religious fanatic group was taking over the country and I went to go speak to someone at night, there was a red devil like plastic toy in a chair and it was bugged so I grabbed it and threw it on the ground. I started stomping on it to destroy the electronic device inside but I looked up, and when I looked down it was a kitty and blood was coming from its head… and that was just one ‘small’ detail to a very long dream, but one that sticks out since it was one of the most disturbing. :<

Other parts of the dream involved dumping any jewelry and wooden furniture / goods. Also, the religion was foreign.

Early this morning I had a dream I was in my first trimester of pregnancy. The previous morning I had the dream where I died on my 25th birthday. What is going on. o_o

I woke up from a dream this morning, that I died on my 25th birthday and was a ghost. Most of the women in my life could still see me, but only a few of the men in my life could. At one point I decided to haunt Dan and someone else in an elevator at work cause I ‘said I would’ in the dream. I went to some show with some girlfranns and the performer could see me. I don’t know if she was burlesque or something similar.  Funny detail I remembered for the dream, I checked my fb 10 hrs after I died and nobody commented on my wall. I thought everyone sucked.

For the first time ever I verbalized “wait, this is a dream, isn’t it” while asleep.  I looked over at Kircher and Linda H after saying it cause my next immediate thought was remembering the concept where I thought the dream would fall apart.  I had to concentrate on what should happen next, but the alarm came on since it went off 5 minutes prior, I hit snooze on accident, and just decided to take the 5 minutes and went right back into it.

I was walking upstairs in this house and was looking at these rooms for a place I would be moving into or renting out.  I had the master bedroom and was showing them one of the other rooms when I said just take both, we were walking through the hall and one of the other rooms when I noticed all this stuff, Linda said something about how the place was lived in and I noticed an open bag of maybe chips, noticed the walls were a dark purple, remembered they should have been a light purple (like the color I painted my room in jr high), remembered I’d been in this house before in my dream, looked at Kircher, and that is when I realized I was asleep.  Self fulfilling prophecy, the dream was difficult the continue after even before the 2nd alarm went off, since it was my previous expectation.

Earlier in the dream, before the first alarm, I had a reoccurring dream where I was dealing with multiple smart phones, they look similar to the moto photon, and previously there were 2, this time 5 were laying next to each other on a pillow in a flower pattern. One had trillian installed and another was my main.  I was going through one of the secondary phones with IM to see what I had missed, since this was a phone I’d misplace or forget about or was a backup in case the primary disappeared. Saw depressing posts from my previous roommate Jamie, saw some txts from Sweet I just deleted, then went back and tried to undo so I could actually read them but couldn’t. Scrolled through the IM contacts and saw Gorla at the top, txted “hello.”

There were other things I barely remember dreaming but they were small details.  Time to wake up.

Just woke up from this strange dream where I was running back and forth for an event and had to get ready for some kind of prom. Roro wanted to go, I was trying to curl my hair and was talking to my mom.  Then we realized we had to go SE to like Chandler which was super far from our current location.  We ended up making it and I was in a hurry to go up the stairs to another building to defend some title of being princess.

Walking outside of the room I was outdoors in a bright sunny area talking to a girl probably 13 – 14 ish, and I was about to say I would be queen when she said it out loud since we’d disputed princess.  I explained I would be 25 next year so I would be graduating to queen.  I walked away from this porch, walking north until I saw this man sitting on a bench, I sat next to him and we talked for a bit.  This was someone I was in love with in the dream [it wasn’t anyone I knew in real life].  I ended up going inside another house, and saw women in these elaborately colored dresses, kind of 1800’s style.

I turned the corner from what seemed like a powder room into a grand ball room where many people in large colorful dresses, think 1700’s French aristocrats or a Venician ball, without the masks, were walking in circles around each other like a dance.  One man, flamboyantly dressed instructed everyone to fall back and kick their feet in the air, where their many layers and hoop skirts went up, and you could see their white petticoats and pants and shoes. He addressed me and I left.

I was in what resembled a record shop, and was talking to this girl.  Another girl was in the shop and apparently did some kind of stimulant through a needle, and had some kind of disease.  As I walked through the place I started noticing DJ equipment and heavy cases in case I needed to swing something at her if she came at me with one of her needles.

I walked around to a bar [no alcohol] and saw a girl who looked like Autumn, she talked about how things didn’t go as planned for this establishment.  I looked over and saw a former roommate walking with the girl I was avoiding. There was a counter in one of the walls for tacos, behind her was a case for churros.  I was on one corner of a booth, enjoying some cold vapor smoke thing, but it looked like liquid and macha green tea powder, and my friends were around asking why some were no longer part of an internet group.  Andrew specifically, then I explained cause they were no longer with the company, but that wouldn’t make sense so I’d want to add them back.  We mentioned notifying Taylor [who is a receptionist from a different company] and I grabbed my phone to start making corrections.

I looked up and was sitting up on my knees on this booth, facing the other side and everyone was hanging around, Shaun was talking to me and my ex came up behind me and had his arm around me, then his hands were on my rack, being very possessive.  Shaun walked away and I turned to my ex and we discussed sticking around or taking off, I looked at the coffee table next to me and started to type out an email to him on the laptop on the table, but we decided to go.

When I got up and turned around Shaun was missing, we’d heard he was taken out in a straight jacket but weren’t sure why, didn’t hear that he fought back or anything.  We apparently traveled way north to some fetish ball, and I walked up these narrow stairs when I saw someone greeting me, then I turned the corner where people were getting tickets, I looked over and saw my work wifey in a sheer dress and her date for the evening.

For the first time I woke up, and was still dreaming. O_O

This is the first time I’ve realized I was asleep while in a dream. o_o it was weird.

Just woke up from a dream where I was coding while watching Adventure Time. You came up and sat by me to see it, and we got close but once we were cheek to cheek, as I explained the code you backed off and disappeared.

… oh and, you need to shave.

Last night I took my best friend and her fiance out to a club in Scottsdale for her birthday.  We got a table, danced, and it was all great until she filled herself up with more alcohol than she could handle in 3 hours and vomited (Sorry Mel).  Her fiance said I set up / did everything right but I really hope she’s been drinking lots of water so her hangover isn’t too bad. :/

Anyway, last night when I finally passed out I had a dream where I was at some house party, like large house party, and people were dressed like Forever 21 catalog failures, posing for photos excessively like it was the red carpet, not really talking to each other… other than some surface superficial acknowledgement in the hopes of gaining more attention and some semblance of adoration.

I ended up walking somewhere else and there was a friend of my ex’s, who doesn’t exist in real life but was very like someone we know [ worst traits x1000 ] and was trying to be on his side and was just kind of present.  My ex requested some item back and I said fine, I want the condoms and pulled the string of magnums from him, they were over his shoulder.  But shortly after he disappeared this mutual friend seemed somewhat courteous and then followed me to my car when I left.  He tried really hard to push himself onto me but I fought back and pulled out a gun.  There was another individual who came to deal with me but I was at a standstill with the first person and was then in the process of intimidating this new person.

After that I was sitting on a couch somewhere with my ex sitting on the floor under me, and I caressed his arms and was focused on being an emotional support, then he spoke and I can’t remember what he said but I just wanted him to gtfo.  And I knew where we were in each others lives at that point so I’m not sure why I sat there and tried to be a comfort with this knowledge.

Had a dream about some very whimsical sexual behavior with someone I’ve been with (but nothing actually happened in the dream.. wth) and then I’m laying over the blankets and I’m giving him a scalp massage and putting coconut oil in his hair while he talks about going somewhere else and getting a room and I start fading into sleep mode. And he’s laughing at me telling me to stay awake and I think he ordered a call girl for a threesome or someone was coming over. But it’s 8am so my alarm just went off and I’ll never know.

Since the last time I logged into this site… I forced myself into one major life change, but life decided to give me three.  I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, then I found a place to move, and then I was fired from my job.  Strangely enough, I haven’t been in a state of absolute panic but I have been stressed out. I feel like I’m trying to keep pushing through without losing my sanity..

This was originally created with the intention to log dreams, and the last 72 hours has been full of some disturbing imagery for me, so lets continue:

Friday Sept 7th: Dream of yellow-green sediment colored octopus/squid thing wrapped around dead baby (only seen after octopus thing is shot in the water, near a pug, unravels itself and you see the last tentacles leave a bloody abdominal cavity as the body turns in said water) after reality goes off kilter and warps within the dream… I could take it as a bad omen.. I am taking it as a bad dream.

And right before that there was a line to enter a beach and ahead of me were two women in wedding dresses waiting to get married, waiting on their 2nd witness, and that part of the dream that freaked me out occurred in some smaller bit of water by a gate before making it to the beach, its hard to describe …

Saturday Sept 8th: Had a dream some really creepy bugs were around the bathroom vanity and tried spraying aquanet and lysol and stuff on them, failed, went out of the room and asked Jay to kill them but he refused. Then he decided to try and come upstairs and I said forget it and was holding onto the doorknob inside the bedroom while he tried to get in.

And this is part of what I hate about dreams, I realized I couldn’t hold a door shut he would try to pull open (and that’s backwards for most doors) and there was no lock in the door.

So he got in and I irately told him to gtfo and I already said forget it and to go to his room. He did and I kept wandering around this place like ninja trying to find my own space to just leave.

Then I was with a couple ladies as they talked to someone over the counter at some store in a mall to make me a custom dress. Then I was standing next to some guy who did comic book art and he was gonna have me model Rogue as a teenager. (Rogue part was kinda cool). And then I was driving somewhere and yeah .. weird.

And I woke up with I’ll Fall With Your Knife by Peter Murphy…. Jay sang that song to me when we first started dating…. wtf brain, this is kind of messed up.

Earlier today: Woke up from a nap.. more ex weirdness. I did find this almost cloth/canvas like gold and colorful crane and instead of throwing it away I packed it. I’ve toyed with the idea of folding 1000 paper cranes for a while, kinda got started but didn’t have anywhere to put them and didn’t have much time for it. I tossed some out and decided to start over on the cranes sometime later in the year after I moved.

There were other parts in the dream that were weird… my mom making some weird soup and addressing someone else as aboji “dad.” My parents have been married for 28 years.

Or driving over to a friend’s house in Tempe but asking the next door neighbors on the right if I can go through their gate to get to my friend’s yard instead of just knocking on the door to see if anyone is actually home.

And then getting to the yard, pulling some concrete piece out of the ground and seeing a narrow tunnel that goes down and then south towards the other yard.