Author Archives: sugarcoatedevil

So many  random details are going.  The one that stands out is last night I had a dream I was having an abortion and Dr. Montgomery was doing the procedure for me.  She had what looked like an internal ultrasound wand but it also functioned as a vacuum.  This was so early it was like pre-first trimester, it was like the  zygote was traveling down and hadn’t even implanted yet.  Technically emergency contraception would have handled that before pregnancy was possible.  And most abortions are early enough that pills are used before medical procedures.   I don’t know, the details were weird, the cells on the screen were weird.  This is the first time I’ve ever had a dream like this, and I’ve always felt I was pro life personally even if I am pro choice politically, because I can’t decide what another person does with their life or body, nor should I ever be able to.. I think this dream probably happened because over the weekend I was thinking if the last person I slept with knocked me up I’d be in a clinic so fast to term the pregnancy.  He’d never know, I’d take the day off and just go.  I might tell Mel.  At least in the dream she was really nice and asked about my comfort, warned me when something was going to hurt, I felt pain in the dream, and when I was resting before leaving the office she asked if I wanted something comforting.  I mentioned guilt and she said a couple things like it was a smart decision, it was super early, and said not to feel guilty.  I asked her if she was familiar with Cookies From Home, and she said yeah but they closed.  I said they used to be in Tempe but moved and were in the same area we were in.  She said we could eat a bunch of cookies together and not think about it.

I just realized today is father’s day. wow. lol.

There were other dreams throughout the night like being locked in a room that had a bed against the wall and an old CRT TV on a small dresser on the opposite wall near the corner.  Arguing with people.  Weird stuff.  I walked away from the computer and came back and forgot everything else. Ugh…

Can’t remember the string of weird dreams other than James Raj… I can’t remember how to spell his last name but Meagan’s bf was in it and seemed polite but strangely threatening at the same time. There was so much going on too. Woke up with Science stuck in my head.

Spin the wheel
Watch it crash
Turn the dress to broken glass
Strike a pose and hold the flash

I’m not the only one who’s bleeding
Before the past is done repeating
Gets underneath my skin
It won’t die

This time, if I can’t win
Then I won’t try to carry on
I’ll play it satirical
Tonight won’t be so long
I’ll pray for a miracle

Woke up coughing and dehydrated after passing out late from Eddie Izzard. Got up, chugged water, still exhausted and drowsy… I remember some weird bits of dreams.. like Jay was in one and was sitting in this row of chairs, they were all facing different directions. I sat down next to him then moved to the chair on his right. These were like desk chairs in college classrooms.  There was food on the desks, it looked like in-n-out burger lol. There was some other dream where a lot of people were walking north or east…. or maybe north east… on the street and I noticed a lot of metal street lamps, signs, fences that lead down to subways, they were all green it was like New York. This girl was trying to figure out how to get through this checkpoint to go somewhere and I thought we were headed to the same place so I implied we should stick together. We went down th3 steps to this ticketing area and there was security like we were crossing a border into another country. I went through and she was missing something so I waited. Then I realized I left my wallet on the other side and was going to ask security if I could go around to retrieve it and come back. Off to the side was an opening without the dividers you slip the tickets into to get through. I was in some hotel room laying out my clothes and switching from one high collar dress to another. I can’t remember anything else… going back to sleep..

I pretty much forgot what I had dreamed about until Jimmy Eat World’s Sweetness started playing in my head, then I remembered part of the dream where a friend and I were with a group of people just singing it.  “Are you listening? Whoa ohhhhhh..” This friend was someone my brain made up.  The group was together for some reason and I can’t remember why but there were weird things going on outside and heavy rain.  It looked like a large black sun was in the sky just above eye level but not on the horizon, like in the middle, and I saw a rainbow form around it, like something bad was going to happen.  These were small groups of two to three people who knew each other and some individuals.  I was thinking about how different the dynamic might be if it was one large group that was already acquainted and my friend and I were the two newcomers, and how easy it would be for them to remember us but how hard it would be to place names for me.. and would it be easier that or with how the dynamic was now?  I suck at remembering these things in mass quantity, I had that problem with the scene when I was 21 so I’d blame it on being drunk the last time I met someone at a club and apologize and ask for their name again.. even though almost every night I went out I stayed sober.  But I felt bad.

Anyway, there was some other part where I was chillin in some home and there was a bunny, a cat, and two hamsters running around on the carpet.  Hiding under a blanket, or wondering under a dresser or bed.  I was in black pajamas.  Then I was out driving and had to make this left turn and the median was almost a uturn, into some busy lot and this large tire was in the way.  I was late for some appointment and Jovi was calling me from the door so I walked up to meet her.. right before that I saw something, like a multi tiered cart or something in a small room or maybe like a small server rack and turned on the light to illuminate it.  Then I walked into an office space and sat down with Joanna, her sister.  This was like some school administration building.  I’m sure that wasn’t the end of the dream but I can’t remember what else happened.

This is the worst nightmare I’ve had in a long time. I was in my first trimester and we were going to have a baby. He was trying to kill us and cornered me. I woke up, curled into a ball, cried a little, and forced my ass out of bed to make tea. My chest hurt.

Not looking forward to passing out anytime  soon.

I was sitting on the floor by a coffee table half awake and Jimmy and a group of his friends were over and one threw a softball that went past and fell near my feet.  I wasn’t going for it but they said they were going out back to chill and the sun was going down so I said hang on I need to tie my shoe lace and would grab it for him.  I was wearing grey chucks. Which is really weird.  Vans > chucks just sayin.  Anyway, I went outside and was by a tree with a bunch of crows.  I can’t remember if I went up a ladder or a swing or something but would look up and over the field where I saw a couple houses, birds, lots of grass, a couple goats running to the left.  Below was a laptop and I remember a bunch of random things.  But I was out somewhere else and my pinky nail was broken most of the way through except for one end and I could bend it down, so I was trying to figure out how to fix it.  I looked down an aisle in a store and saw someone missing an arm trying to assist another amputee who was having issues with something.  There was another man nearby who was holding a baby and when I looked back it looked like he was having some allergic reaction and was breaking out in hives, then vomited black stuff.  I was back by the tree and noticed a lot of people with cameras, and camera phones, all over the place, then I realized what I was watching on the screen resembled places I’d just been in, and the surrounding area with the light green trees and couple houses.  Jimmy was walking up when I realized it was like White Bear and was all omfg all cameras are on me, and that means something dangerous happens.  I told Jimmy a bunch of things from Black Mirror were happening, like there were other things but I can’t remember.  Some other chick was with us, not sure if she was Asian or Hispanic, we got in this van and Jimmy was driving, I moved up to the front seat.  The seating in the van was laid out really weird.

I was out at some resort, with walkways, lots of shade from trees, a bunch of people like it was spring break but probably not, a warm ocean, and gold sand.  I walked into the water and saw this man with a trimmed beard and I guess what society would consider long hair for a man even though it miight hit the back of a shirt collar.  I saw him once in the water and then a second time in a wetsuit with a couple other people.  I found googles he had earlier and walked over to him, the water was almost at shoulder height for me, and asked him if he didn’t need them since it was the ocean.  He said he didn’t need them and was used to salt and chlorine and stuff.  I said okay and started walking back toward the beach, through the grassy furnished area and grabbed an orange shirt to put on over my swimsuit.  I went upstairs into my room and crashed out. I woke up and noticed everything was unfocused but I had to be careful not to take my eyes off this paper on the desk or it would have gone away and I wouldn’t have been able to see what was on it.  I picked it up and determined it wasn’t useful.  Then I heard talking outside my window about some girl in an orange shirt walking up from the beach earlier and can’t remember exactly what was said.  It was two chicks from management and some guy.  I woke up in the room again and saw a couple people sitting at a fold out gaming table.  Matt and TSO were over playing D&D and I was all wtf.  I walked out of the room into the kitchen and sat at the bar, they came to chill and I said we needed to establish some ground rules.  Like D&D needs to happen out here in a larger area and I was crashed out, and Matt said he wanted to keep me company and I’d be hanging out when I woke up anyway.  I was all welll…. yeah but..

Some people came over and the house started filling with guests.  This toddler decided to run up the stairs and I chased after him to bring him back down while thinking where is his mom?  Then while up there, there was this little girl, around grade school age, and this little boy was avoiding going downstairs because he had major food issues.  I was telling him he needed to go downstairs and listen to his mother, and that he would at least try something new and the kid looked like he was having an internalized panic attack so I let up.  The girl mentioned there was some 17 year old downstairs on the couch with some guy and I was all are you kidding me? I rushed downstairs and saw this chick sitting on the bottom steps but before I could say anything she informed me some group came in and was sitting in the living room.  So I was going to kick them out and they were all in somewhat formal attire and were either coming from or going to some event.  I heard them talking about investments and they were being courteous even though I had no idea who they were, or if they were invited or by who or how they even know about the house.  I sat in an empty spot in the middle of one of the couches and asked what they did.  A guy explained they were waiting to go to a thing and they handled mortgages and investments.  I was like okay, and started talking about estates.  I mentioned how Bob Parsons just sold part of his company and made out with 2.5 billion, and was still the majority shareholder since the company just went public recently.  I knew he was custom building a new home but thought he was still purchasing other properties.  One of the girls from the group brought me green tea and then brought me another cup when I killed off the first one.  Then the girl sitting on the steps earlier came up to inform me one of the chicks from this group was upstairs in one of the rooms having sex and I was all wtf.  I went upstairs and we passed a few rooms before she said the chick was in there.  I opened the door, flipped the light on, and saw this blonde chick passed out with the covers pulled over her.  She started waking up and asked what was going on.  I said who the fuck are you?  Get up, and get out of my house.  She was genuinely offended and didn’t understand the problem.  I said I don’t know who you are, you didn’t have permission to come up here, and you’re not staying here either.  That particular group had been cordial so far even though I wasn’t sure how they ended up there and after this chick I was done.  That house was so nice.  I think this is one of my favorite properties I’ve owned in my dreams. lol

Weird dream driving on the 10 through Phoenix in the daytime. Also went to see Josh F and found some missing nude colored lipstick on his nightstand I think I was missing in the dream. We were talking earlier in the car and I had Bluetooth on, he had some complaint about wishing there were more exotic women since he just moved (he’d never say that irl), and I was all butt hurt about it cause I’d moved to Vegas (also not realistic). Like I wanted to be the hot alt girl he was looking for or something  like that.

Before that I was speaking to TSO while getting the most ridiculous calls from people on my work cell and telling them where to find what they needed. There was something about a custom box,  littreally like a wooden box the size of a Casio projector, someome wanted like a vmware that was USB powered. I kept explaining we could try and procure it but I wasn’t sure, and even if we could we wouldn’t be able to support it.

Was in the back seat of an suv with a couple kids I was watching or friends with their parents or something idk and this guy was sitting in the 3rd row with one of the sons. The kids helped me grab the cables and some equipment to bring it inside. I had a crush on him in my dream and was trying to place who he was and if it were mutual.

So much of the dreams I had last night hemorrhaged out of my memory the last couple minutes. Ugh.

For once I felt I dreamed about something so left field it was worth writing.. instead of the ones being so left field I shouldn’t even try the last week.  A lot of the dreams from last night/ this morning are fading fast since I spent some time half awake lying there going wtf.  I think I was trying with Sorg again, even though we were awkward and I’d avoided him like an asshat.  We were in some office space and then in the back of a cab with a group going somewhere.  He was playing with an ipod or something and his arm was around me, I know there was more but I can’t remember.

It was in the evening and I walked up to some restaurant to meet some friends who were sitting outside.  Pete from PP was in my dream and Violet showed up and was being weird.  Then she left, then we were leaving and talking and he said he was surprised to run into her there.  I guess she just showed up and wasn’t actually invited.  We were sitting in my car talking when he pulled me to sit on his lap and his hand was on my hip.  The car shifted into reverse and I yelled to hit the break and turned the wheel so we didn’t hit anything in the garage.  Then I stopped somewhere to grab a couple belongings.  There was some other part where I was traveling through these sand dunes that went on forever and stopped at this little building in the middle of nowhere.  I was trying to figure out if we should turn back or keep going forward, either end was supposed to come out around McClintock like the path was a huge loop but turning back around would have taken longer.  I noticed a bunch of pill bottles in a cabinet, like they were there for an an emergency stash but they still had my information on them so I looked for a fat sharpie to black everything out.  I couldn’t find one so I grabbed a pen and started scribbling on the bottles.  Then I looked around and noticed a green dress on a hanger that belonged to me. I grabbed it and started grabbing a couple other dresses I’d left there previously, and a few heels that were on the ground by a bench I’d forgotten existed.  There was an old CRT TV on a table playing some video that was recorded years ago.  It was Josh before we met, on a stage covered in blood, a lot of it was dried but more was running down his hands.  There were other people covered in blood and it looked chaotic.   I wasn’t sure what was going on, like if it was supposed to be like Bloodfest that happens in Phoenix every October.. or some other thing.  I kept watching and present day Josh was kind of being a dick to past Josh.  Someone came into the room while I was picking up my shoes and was arguing with some woman in another room about who we were and what we were doing there.  I left and ended up in some other building with Simon.  He’d come back from some tournament overseas, we were eating pie out of a box and another chick in the scene sat at the table across from me excited about some event.  She said how she never went because she didn’t know going to places alone, or where she wouldn’t know anyone. But since she was invited she’d go.  I was all… you know me.  We could go do these things.  And I woke up…

Mitchell: “Had a very weird night of dreams that involved demons, angels, ghosts, zombies, that went on all night like a movie, part of it was actually outside the story line where I was trying to figure out how to right about it. It ended at a giant gala where everyone was wearing formal wear and hundreds of people were ascending a fancy staircase. I was clutching my comforter staring at the line, when I saw my friend Joshua walk past me and past the people waiting in line wearing jeans and a hoodie. I shouted out to him and he stopped and turned around and smiled, he was way up the stairs, a golden light shone upon his face.
“Josh, you look like a golden god!”
“Mitchell, time is what we make of it, time is what we have, man will always waste it, or make the best of it.”
“What”
“Oh nothing, I was merely pointing out what time it was.” His face was consumed by the gold light. “See you inside your skin cover.”
“Skin cover?”
“Yeah, ‘Skin Cover’ is the venue we are in, that’s what it’s called.”
“Oh!”
And I woke up, my phone was dead and there was no alarm set on my clock. It was 8:32, I had my alarms set for 9:00 and 9:15, but neither of them would have gotten to me.”

Sivana:

“Manager: Did she tell you about the dream she had?

Employee: No, what dream?

Manager: She had a dream about you.

Employee: Oh, what about?

Manager: Well.. You know.  A sex dream.

Employee: Really?

Manager: Yeah.. I shouldn’t have said anything… I really shouldn’t be a manager. “

Sorg: “I  had a nightmare that I was forced to go to a music festival featuring the worst bands including 3 doors down, panic the disco and I was forced to wear flip flops. I’m pretty sure that would make anyone suicidal..”

I was in Phoenix in some indoor thing. It was similar to the shops that connect Bally’s and Paris.  Nothing like that exists in Phoenix. There were so many people and I was touring with this lady and this guy who was interviewing me. The lady went outside to smoke and I stood with her. We talked about this place and I mentioned how later in the year I was considering visiting LA but would come back for this. It was this convergence of all the fun elements I’ve seen from different festivals, events, conventions, people.  There were people walking around outside in garb, and some other woman I knew in a green dress and the straps on her back made a pentagram.

I was leaving and in this car and the breaks were messed up.  I pulled over into another lot to try and figure it out. Then it was some other car and this guy was with me with a couple friends. I mentioned going to Mesa and then figuring it out from there. He made some comment about having a bf there, which I didn’t. Then I was looking at this flight plan to New Zealand,  like it was a last stop before going back to the UK and then returning to the states.

I was on a balcony in some pretty building, and when I looked down I saw Josh,  and he was composing.  He was composing in this wide open space and people with instruments and singers were all around, rushing around like they were ice skating or gliding through the floor. This looked almost like the Dickens fair.. except less fluffy and with a real floor.

Later I was sitting with my friend Jamie (old roommate) and talking to her about how he’s right there and I can’t even say hello. He’s busy in the crowd talking to everyone that comes up to him. Making sure he gets to everyone, everyone else. He looked so happy surrounded by the production and the music and now he looked like he was just exhausted, trying to keep up with obligations. All we ever do is ignore each other and if I walk up and start a conversation it’s going to be a problem, and his girl is not even here. She’s never around for these things. I just wanted to get close but it was almost some unwritten taboo. And if I didn’t approach him we’d never talk. Even though he’s never turned me down, he’s never started the conversation. He’s never said hello first.

Birthday weekend followed by 12.5 hr day. Woke up at 530am to go back and got a txt telling me to get as much sleep as I needed before work cause we have a plan. Sweet.

I don’t remember a lot of these dreams except for some magic… like witchery… like AHS Coven without the AHS, and some sexual content from media. There was some newspaper like the ads on the back of the Phoenix Newtimes and there was movement on these ads like a Harry Potter newspaper or 3D transparent tablet. Random dating sites depending on who you were and what you were looking for that. Before that was some article about Australian drinking habits and their police force testing out something where they were given these paper funnels and we’re being provided beer. Oh yeah, one of those advertisements were a bunch of hot chicks looking for other hot chicks and I was all cool and then there was some disclaimer it was an entirely German site and I was all damn.

When I paused,  the video it was on some huge ass tv screen. I decided to go upstairs and passed Marisa. I was omw up and had some chocolate I almost dropped so I put them in my sweater pocket and when I got to the attic I was over this metal frame and another woman came and stopped me from playing with any magic there because of some notorious witch who used to practice there. Then I started having some memories about her and realized this used to be her house. I’m not sure if she was dead or super old and lived a really long time.

I’m not sure what order this was in but there was another part where I was in a car with friends looking at this silver bracelet I was wearing, it had filigree and some engraving on it. I don’t remember what it said but my friend Dave said it was fine. I think it was related to some engagement.  I made some comment that I was fine because I hady friends support and that’s why I was still here.

Woke up with Sakura Nagashi in my head. Kept waking up throughout the night. There were some weird slices of dreams I remember. Joshua was dating Utada in New York. She’s the one who imposed all these rules and restrictions I disagreed with. I wondered what happened to that bartender from Italy. She’s been my favorite jpop artist since jr high and her music has expanded far beyond that label, and that destroyed her image in the dream. Damn. I think it’s from when I was driving, Sakura Nagashi came on and I couldn’t even, so I skipped it. Then Stay Gold came on a little later and that was okay.

There were some other places I barely remember, some gigantor sushi place. I was singing Sakura Nagashi earlier in another dream in some grand hall. Trying to keep track of drop off locations these shuttles were going between.  Forgetting it all. I can’t believe this dream is making me hate on Utada right now.

Happy birthday to me! /rolls eyes

I don’t know why I woke up at 3am worried about nothing. There’s nothing to worry about. Couldn’t get back to sleep until 5 and missed my morning appointment. Now I can hear the construction across the street.

Dreams were really fucked up. Kat’s ex Abram was in it, which is weird since we’ve never met. I think they started dating after I moved. But in it I was in this bar at some outdoor venue kind of like 910 live and he was bartending. He was being really nice and made me a drink on the house and I just knew to have my guard up because I knew about him and what he put Kat through. I turned around and some girl who didn’t really know me.. I guess she knew him and he knew of Kat and was taking his side on whatever confrontation might have made me cautious around him. Some other girl sat next to me who I thought I recognized from fb photos (but not irl) and then he came up behind me whispered something and ran his hand through my hair and exhaled down my neck. That was a problem. I turned around and noticed a band was on stage behind the opposite side of the bar. He walked away. There was a guy with a pink mohawk on stage and I was all omg is that John Timson?! Are they from Phoenix?!!! And the girl next to me said I guess I had good timing stumbling into this show.

There was some other part where I was walking this office floor but it was freaking huuuuge and the carpet was some ugly blue and the ceilings were high, there were thin rectangular pillars. I passed by a group of people turning a corner and Anne was there, she said hi and hugged me. I kept walking, trying not to trip over all the props and toys all over the place until I made it to where my office should have been. There was some huge ass bathroom with a sauna and a shower at the end.  The water was running and I was trying to figure out who was there and called out hello? It was Jason.  A water leak from the steam got me so I grabbed a towel off the rack not realizing I towel jacked him and had to go find another one. There were a bunch of shows on top of these racks and one pair stood out. I found a towel and placed it on a rack where he’d be able to reach it, I didn’t want to see him so I walked out.

I went outside and saw I got a text message. I kept wishing it was from Joshua, I still do that and I hate it. This time it actually was and it was some heads up about a Vegas trip next month. I didn’t get a chance to read it all. I was wondering if he’d be traveling alone or not. I was too afraid to read the answer so I turned off my phone and put it back in my bag.

I was walking around outside and sat on a bench when these people came out of a nearby building and we’re excited about some house so now they had to put theirs on the market. They asked if I were in the market to buy and I said no. Even if it were nice and in Summerlin, I didn’t want to put roots down here.

I went around the corner into some house and looked in the mirror. My dress was gone and my piercings were too but when I looked again my piercings were back and I realized this was a dream. I turned around and tried to imagine whoever was sitting on the couch as someone I wanted to be with, sat on top of him facing him, it wasn’t possible.  My brain couldn’t fill in the blank and I was in some mirrored box where everywhere I turned I saw my reflection. Then I was in bed in the dark but my room was different. The room was large and I was an absolute mess from playing with myself. Later I was downstairs and light was coming in from the windows. This house was huge, the floors were  marble, the front doors were huge and were this deep rich wooden color. But this was like my home, on my own. I heard a little scratching on the other side of the window by the door and thought it was a cat. I wasn’t sure if it was a pet or if it was a stray, and that’s it.

I’m so tired. I’m exhausted in every sense of the word, in every context. I just want this to be game over already.

I’m still having a crazy string of dreams in the mornings and the more vivid the last one before I wake up the more I forget about the previous dreams from the night, which is why I haven’t bothered to write the last couple mornings, I forget everything except for the last pieces… and those are mine.

So what I do remember from last night was some bs yoga pilates class in some pastel colored studio and this instructor was a little pushy. We were outside doing this series and I went in to find mats for David R and I but there weren’t any left. She sent her assistant in to double check. I went to another room and chilled at a desk with a computer. 

I noticed the colors in Lync were tampered with.  Available was black, green was something else, my font was this terrible papyrus like bs when I opened a window to type. I was all who would do this? Who has access to make these changes? Why would senpai do this and default my font to this bs? It’s only my font so far that’s effed.

A group was out swimming in this lake and these lions were approaching.  Some chick was standing with them and one guy in the water was all come and get me. The chick was all you prolly don’t wanna say that. A lion jumped in the water towards him and he went oh shit and started swimming.  There was this other chick doing laps and I decided to follow her to the other end. She was floating on her back with her ankles resting on the edge of the pool. I reached out to the edge with my fingers and then rested my head on her legs. We went back and the sun was gone.

We got out of the water and walked onto the steps where we were given medals, I was given two silver medals and a tiara, and this other one that looked like Sailor Moon’s brooch.  There were people sitting at a booth across from us and a crowd clapping.  Miley Cyrus was one of the judges.  I was still wet and in almost nothing so I went with another chick to look at dresses.  This was like the Costco of dresses, they were everywhere hanging on racks and they were ground level and some were way up high, and everywhere else in between.  They were kind of so so except for a couple of really pretty black ones with beading.   There was something about a kitty after that but I can’t remember.