You know how I blocked dad back in March after decades of trauma and him almost throwing mom down the stairs (commencing the divorce) and then he sent a Christmas card?
That card had two checks inside. At first I wanted to torch it, then I had this shower thought to cash the checks and donate to BLM in his name. ?
Mom didn’t like this because it was antagonizing since he’s anti BLM and pro 45. She said vengeful intent wasn’t okay, I want closure and finality. I talked to my therapist about it, she thinks my idea is brilliant. It’s action that fits a trauma recovery, trauma transformation, and strength model. Trauma makes you feel trapped. You have options. Trauma makes you feel blame. It’s not your fault. There is a sense of power through community, and we eventually find personal power again.
When she asked me why I wanted to do this I realized it’s not only because I didn’t get any justice as a child, or from Clark County when he pulled a gun on me, or when I was denied a TRO, or when he did every skirting legalities shitty thing he could over the last two years, but because I never had any recourse or control. My positions were always reactionary and defensive when I couldn’t opt out.
So after discussing the why behind my choice, I explained to mom this was my way of finally taking control. This is a reclamation, and it sends a message. I’m not accepting your “gift” in some delusional idea that some money will absolve you and make things better. I’m converting your bigot money and putting it to work for good causes. Mom was on board with this.
The money from one check went to New Beginnings, an organization dedicated to ending domestic violence. The other went to The NW Network, to end abuse in the lgbt community. And since I brought it up, I included BLM Seattle-King County (just not with the gift money). Taking something shitty and turning it around into something good has dissipated the immense amount of frustration and disenfranchisement I’ve been feeling for a long time.