While rubber ducking with my therapist earlier today I verbalized that it’s not at that point yet, but I’m on the edge of self destruction from taking on too much. It surprised me. I haven’t paused to check how my progression is going. I don’t know how to take a break. I don’t want to hit a wall and spiral and tank my health. I focus on getting to the next screen, get frustrated that I can’t do more, and have struggled to keep a fair tally of what I’ve cumulatively accomplished or kept up on. It’s one thing to pause and note these things logically, it’s way harder to feel it emotionally. I always feel behind. I wonder if a normal healthy person would be tired from all these things and was told yes + I have the health stuff to mind and manage on top of it. I struggle with allowing myself to do nothing, it caused an embarrassing amount of distress last night. This is something I’m going to need to work on, we’ll expand on it next week. I just felt like throwing out some kind of written acknowledgment.