It’s 12:03am and I am struggling to keep up routines and find other ways to do things I should be doing. It’s been some mixed bag of wins and failures.
- Got a scholarship for a cert program and am currently 3 weeks ahead of deadline, but I need to stop being intermittent with my studying times and habits in general so I don’t fall behind.
- I’ve been too sedentary since kickboxing went on the back burner. I did some yoga at a local studio for a while but since moving to this team the timings not compatible with classes. I downloaded a pretty good app a friend recommended this evening and begrudgingly forced myself to do a 5 minute restorative session. It was good, it’s a really good app. I’m frustrated that I don’t really have space setup in here to really do this, but I’m trying to figure it out. I hope I start implementing more activity because I need it. I’m stiff, I need to stretch and move more. The number of spoons I normally baseline at for the day has been trending down, I need to reverse this.
- I’m still taking a shower when I log off for the night and am making sure to wear my liners before bed. I need to wear them more during the day.
- I’ve been snacking on carb heavy stuff and stress / emotionally eating way too much chocolate. I need to ration this stuff. All I could think about was this untouched ice cream in the freezer all day, instead I forced myself to go up and down the stairs a few times then go up and shower.
- I recently illustrated a picture of my meta. First time I did anything artsy (other than origami but I don’t count that) in a year. I have an online art class on hold / I should pick that back up / all online learning has been mentally reserved for the cert class.
- I keep entertaining the idea of getting to agree on an MMO so we can all make a guild and socialize in game. Sadly I don’t see this happening. Also looked into social apps that let you stream media with friends to watch at the same time. Downloaded two on the tablet, they suck. Might have to give up and try the chrome extension one.
- My sleeps weird as usual, but the troubles exacerbated by chronic nausea. I’m back in an episode right now and I think part of it has to be bad eating habits the last few days and always being inside.
I will need to go out soon to grab prescriptions that have refilled. There are also some food items I thought we had, but we don’t. I’ve been social distancing for almost a month now from being sick. The data and math on this pandemic is scary. I’ve been isolating at home since the beginning of the month with two exceptions, groceries, and to isolate with Adrian at his place. He was the only exception I’ve made to see in person during this time, but I had to revoke that too. I cried pretty hard the last night I saw him.
It means I won’t see anyone for a an indefinite timeframe. I thought I’d be able to go visit a friend in their residence as long as they were symptom and fever free for 72+ hours without medications. It’s not good enough. Adrian is thankfully very healthy, but he falls under that demographic who carries the virus, never develops symptoms, and still sheds viruses and passes it along to people who do get sick. It’s too risky. And I’ve never been afraid of being alone. I grew up lonely, and then I chose to be alone over dealing with bs in parts of my 20’s. That’s not fear, I just lean on the extroverted side of an ambivert configuration. I get energy around people I like, and I get drained fast when I don’t see people for days. I wish I was more resilient here.
One thing I’ve really appreciated is the video calling. It’s not the same as being in person with someone. I can’t touch Adrian, but having this option still gives a feeling of connectedness. He’s mentioned reading sessions. I’ve never had anyone just read to me, and am looking forward to it (bff’s agree, this is romantic af!). And I’m glad the things he’s given me have integrated into my morning and evening routines. Some of my favorite teas I have when I get out of bed are from him. He made sure I had my favorite edibles at home, the Lunar New Years gift he gave me had a rose body wash in it that I’ve been using for the last week, and the weighted blanket he gave me is over me right now. Everything’s so thoughtful, I am spoiled af. So while the world is scary and uncertain outside my home, inside I’m reminded of how much I’m cared for, and am trying to focus on the good things. Trying to remain safe, and trying to improve on the routines I’m starting to settle into.