After a couple wake ups I managed a little more sleep for once. Had the most bizarre dream I was in Phoenix for an extended trip to deal with something and someone was trying to convince me to look at companies down there, and I said I’d always been gunning for Microsoft or Apple and Seattles closer to Silicon Valley without having to actually be in Silicon Valley.
Nothing actually looked like Phoenix. I didn’t realize this in the dream but now that I’m half awake it was all off.
I ended up at Jay’s and saw the place he was in now. It was messy, but the apartment was nicer than the one we had. It was almost or just about as nice as my last one before I left Arizona. We were talking about DEFCON and I was trying to pull up the .org site but it wasn’t coming up. I was able to find some photos and described how last year was the second annual goth con, and how queer con happens at the same time. (The funny thing is Jay went to DEFCON before I ever did since he hung around the UAT crowd, but dropped off before we’d met). He started acting like all the years of shit he put me through never happened or wasn’t bad enough to attempt picking back up and I kept trying to bring up my life in Seattle and he kept interrupting me. I thought to myself well, my relationships not monogamous… but that’s not what matters. I don’t even like Jay, even if I’m glad he turned some things around and got better, I don’t want anything to do with him. He finally got up to grab something and tripped over something to hit his knee on something and fell. I turned around to see him on the floor behind the couch and then noticed a small boy passed out in the doorframe to the next room all slumped over. He had a son about middle school age. The kid woke up and seemed pretty well adjusted, but he was being raised in a bachelor pad. I had no idea who this kid’s mom was. (Jay has a daughter irl who is now a legal adult).
He started trying to simultaneously reconnect with me while chasing a chick named Jessica and got a text from her, said he didn’t want to lose me again, then apologized and said he needed to go across the street and was then off to go after her. I was so fucking relived because he kept interrupting me when I kept trying to tell him after I moved to Seattle I fell in love. I decided to go and try to find them so I could meet her and say something like “hi I’m his ex, you should date him.” Or something to show that yes, I ship this, y’all should do the thing, and then I’d be heading home immediately. I couldn’t find them, I went to the door I thought it was and asked if this was the right residence for Jessica, the man who answered the door said no it was next door. I turned around and a few doors down some neighbors were hanging out at their front porch waving at me to go their way like they were in on what’s going on and tried to give me a hint. So I turned around and walked past them, went through a low gate into a pool area, and was rushing through a narrow area but then held on to a corner of a wall so I didn’t fall into the pool, there was maybe half a foot between that corner and the edge of the pool, the design was throwing me off. I went to th door at the end and knocked and didn’t see anything so I went around the corner and saw a couple people (maybe her parents or aunt and uncle or something?) looking disapproving of everything and the woman tried to point me around to the other entrance, encouraging me to go in and stop whatever was happening. She didn’t like it, and she was either under the impression I was trying to collect him or just sabotage him and she was good with either. She was wearing what looked like a gorgeous pink saree.
I decided to drop it and make my exit quietly. I went back to his apartment to grab my stuff and noticed a lot of Mexican food out on the table. Apparently he’d had a gathering recently and it all looked good, but how could he leave it sitting out for this long? He deals with food for a living and I’ve never seen him not put food away so shrug? I wasn’t doing well and went to sit down in another room and stretch. I got up and walked down to the end of the hall to inspect the bathroom. I was curious about it and the fixtures were nice and it had a clean contemporary design. I was surprised. I looked in the mirror and was trying to straighten out my outfit. Black and frilly skirt, black and white pinstripe vest, black and a deep pink (almost magenta but not that dark) too that was all disheveled. Jay had come back and was trying to pick back up where he left off. I asked how it went with Jessica and how I tried to find them so I could endorse him to her. I don’t know if he found her, it hadn’t even registered to me that he stripped and drew a bath, and the water had overflowed from the tub and was now filling the bathroom. The door was open but there was what I guessed was a plexiglass barrier in the doorway to keep the water from leaking so I went from thinking about water damaged to.. I guess this is a thing?
The kid had walked up and said something fast and incoherent and then ran off. I’m guessing it was one of those ask for permission /tell your guardian what you’re doing but not waiting for the answer things. The water subsided and then Jay left the bathroom and then Priest came down the stairs and I was all wtf in my head. Like what’s he doing here? He turned around and did a double take and stared at my chest. I looked down and noticed my top was all fucked up from earlier and my rack was exposed. I stared Priest down waiting for him to leave. He had a smirk on his face and walked into the bathroom trying to get me to flinch or cover myself in shame. Neither of us associate nakedness with shame. We have a lot in common there, but that’s it. We diverge in what behavior is acceptable or appropriate when approaching others. I don’t back down, he groped me, I grabbed his arm and tried to break his elbow but failed. He just stood there amused, knowing I couldn’t hurt him. He eventually walked away.
I was either at or near the airport looking at food and caffeine options. Jay later showed up and found me as I was taking off to leave Phoenix. He was glad he hadn’t missed me yet and I was all I’m going home to my love now. That dream felt so fucking long, it felt like I have been gone for a while.