I was at some crazy con that was this mix of defcon and blizzcon. There was so much going on but all I can think about was someone pulling me aside saying they knew I’d been seeing him and I was like what? They knew I’d been doing the on again off again thing with Josh because my parents had hired them to figure out why I was so miserable and they were there to disseminate what they had found. This lady and I “bumped into each other” at the grocery store (like WF or something) and kept going to the same places with our carts until she probably noticed some expression on my face and tried to make like of it by saying it reminded her of this other thing she missed shopping together with others and how communal it was, and I was all yeah and mentioned how it reminded me of Handmaids Tale and having to shop in pairs.
Anyway, she made that comment about being aware of things and I was like what? She started getting specific and convinced me to go to a closed off area at the con where she had a TV set up, a folder with timelines and other info printed out, and recordings. She started a video and Josh was at an arcade with a blonde chick like they were on a date. I wondered when the cctv recording was from and found a date of 7/1. There was another recording from a few days later but the lady determined it was best not to show it, I was about to push her for it but stopped myself when she followed up with believing it was in my best interest and I realized all that recording would have shown was them hooking up, and she was right I didn’t need to see anything else. I realized it occurred the weekend before his birthday. What got me was her mentioning him saying this chick was easily forgettable, and Idk if that was commentary under his breath to himself or said to someone else in passing but all I could think was wtf is this? He’s lying to Anna, he’s lying to me… maybe. He’s on video trying to impress some chick he thinks is easily forgettable but has told me in the past that I’m unforgettable.
Here I was at this con and he was there too, and Idk if we’d begun speaking a little again or if he chose to attend assuming I would be there because it’s my kind of thing and he knew there’d be a high probability of running into me. There had been a lot of tension and confusion, maybe a moment of resentment then intrigue. We’d interacted before I was pulled aside and all this data was presented. I was being risky with my behavior, we’d been alone in rooms discussing things, and there was one instance where at the end of one of the con days I was stripping a button down shirt off before retreating into the bathroom. I was on my period which was annoying, unfortunate timing, and there’s some irony because of the week we met (Oh, I’m also on my period irl right now too and experienced “period flu” for the first time in Friday. The shivering was so bad I almost went to the ER thinking it was TSS or some other infection. Definitely didn’t mean to tangent away from the dream here). So in the dream I had this idea to hop in the shower a few minutes before him to clean up and wash my hair, I didn’t have to worry about not getting it wet, and then I could reenact an old dream where I went down on him in a shower, and we could have shower sex and I wouldn’t have to worry about a mess.
And then this lady found me and told me about his other affair and I was like… I can’t fucking deal with this. Plans changed. It’s off. I was in the shower by myself thinking about all this before turning the water on, and Josh came back to the room and I had noooo idea what I was going to say, if anything. Everything he’s said to me all these years was bs, I was just another chick with a sex drive who was willing to do something about it, and then I woke up.