Monthly Archives: August 2019

I was at some crazy con that was this mix of defcon and blizzcon. There was so much going on but all I can think about was someone pulling me aside saying they knew I’d been seeing him and I was like what? They knew I’d been doing the on again off again thing with Josh because my parents had hired them to figure out why I was so miserable and they were there to disseminate what they had found.  This lady and I “bumped into each other” at the grocery store (like WF or something) and kept going to the same places with our carts until she probably noticed some expression on my face and tried to make like of it by saying it reminded her of this other thing she missed shopping together with others and how communal it was, and I was all yeah and mentioned how it reminded me of Handmaids Tale and having to shop in pairs.

Anyway, she made that comment about being aware of things and I was like what?  She started getting specific and convinced me to go to a closed off area at the con where she had a TV set up, a folder with timelines and other info printed out, and recordings.  She started a video and Josh was at an arcade with a blonde chick like they were on a date.  I wondered when the cctv recording was from and found a date of 7/1. There was another recording from a few days later but the lady determined it was best not to show it, I was about to push her for it but stopped myself when she followed up with believing it was in my best interest and I realized all that recording would have shown was them hooking up, and she was right I didn’t need to see anything else.  I realized it occurred the weekend before his birthday.  What got me was her mentioning him saying this chick was easily forgettable, and Idk if that was commentary under his breath to himself or said to someone else in passing but all I could think was wtf is this? He’s lying to Anna, he’s lying to me… maybe.  He’s on video trying to impress some chick he thinks is easily forgettable but has told me in the past that I’m unforgettable.

Here I was at this con and he was there too, and Idk if we’d begun speaking a little again or if he chose to attend assuming I would be there because it’s my kind of thing and he knew there’d be a high probability of running into me.  There had been a lot of tension and confusion, maybe a moment of resentment then intrigue.  We’d interacted before I was pulled aside and all this data was presented.  I was being risky with my behavior, we’d been alone in rooms discussing things, and there was one instance where at the end of one of the con days I was stripping a button down shirt off before retreating into the bathroom.  I was on my period which was annoying, unfortunate timing, and there’s some irony because of the week we met (Oh, I’m also on my period irl right now too and experienced “period flu” for the first time in Friday.  The shivering was so bad I almost went to the ER thinking it was TSS or some other infection.  Definitely didn’t mean to tangent away from the dream here). So in the dream I had this idea to hop in the shower a few minutes before him to clean up and wash my hair, I didn’t have to worry about not getting it wet, and then I could reenact an old dream where I went down on him in a shower, and we could have shower sex and I wouldn’t have to worry about a mess.  

And then this lady found me and told me about his other affair and I was like… I can’t fucking deal with this.  Plans changed.  It’s off.  I was in the shower by myself thinking about all this before turning the water on, and Josh came back to the room and I had noooo idea what I was going to say, if anything.  Everything he’s said to me all these years was bs, I was just another chick with a sex drive who was willing to do something about it, and then I woke up. 

This is a dream I don’t want to forget but a lot of it is gone after getting up and thinking about a million things in the shower. I was inside some small indoor cabana type place, like the cabanas you can rent at large casino pools in Vegas instead this one had a glass wall and glass door and it had its own climate control.  I looked at the mirrored door on the closet then at my reflection in another mirror by the futon I was on (it was super low) and my hair was super long again.  I looked a little different but was still me.  I was waiting for someone or something but decided I should get up and venture out, almost bumping people when I got out the door and headed for the stairs.  

I was walking around outside trying to find the path back into the building across the grassy area. It was hilly, and this suddenly looked like it could have been some building in a tech park. I tried walking on what looked like a little dirt path through the grass and was on the side of the building when I noticed the ground looked really gray and mushy. Was it dried clay or gloppy concrete? I stepped gently and my foot began to sink so I went around.  Inside the space looked like some of the corporate chill out areas with couches everywhere and decor resembling what you’d expect from some new American restaurant trying they’re best to look cozy and contemporary.  I was sitting at a table in the main room with two other women I considered “sisters” in a witchy context.  I’m sure one was Dorcas and the other was Prudence.   looked out the window earlier and noticed waves splashing at the glass, this building was on the water.  And then when I looked again noticed it was almost raining sideways. All I could think was that I should have been leaving soonish for work but forget that.  I don’t remember everything in that conversation but we were talking about someone in another room who may have been another sister, making the four of us stronger. I already felt strong on my own, but I felt invincible if I was with them and we had a common goal.  There was talk about an announcement happening but we didn’t know when.  The three of us decided to get up and walk over to the other rooms when I saw a chick on my left wearing wings and some black and red outfit wondering if she was trying to cosplay Misa from Death Note.  Someone was being elevated to a divine status and when I got to the third room I felt pretty good, like it was going to be me but I was incognito until the last moment. It was like Padme doing her thing while she had a decoy Amidala. We kept walking through and my familiar (all of a sudden I have one) asks me if I’d ever been up against a god or a demigod or something like that and I was all no? And then I saw her, this woman with short brown hair was standing in the middle of the room and she looked right at me like she was going to come after me.  They were going to follow through with my decoy instead of with me and I wasn’t sure if they struck some deal or felt she was better aligned with their motives or if she manipulated them but this was bad.  I wasn’t sure where the fourth sister was, maybe we were sensing her? And this is where I woke up. Sigh.

I had the hardest time finding fetish gear in this dream and it was incredibly annoying.  I was at this clothing shop during a sale and was looking for old school Lip Service style clothing, like 90’s and early 2000’s goth aesthetic and there wasn’t much, then thought about the plastic harnesses is seen previously and remembered Apatico had become big and wanted to see their stuff.  I wandered around and found accessories but not what I was looking for.  A glass case against the wall by the check out counter had a lot of stuff I recognized in there and I realized they were all things I already owned, I was convinced they were actually mine.  I kept walking around and went into another large room, where there were a lot of art supplies, then on another wall shiny trinkets and decor, again not what I was looking for at the moment.  I walked back out to the main area and went back around the corner and up stairs to another room where there was a lady I’d seen earlier, and needed to retrieve my clothes back, she had them (along with someone else’s normy clothes) under the mattress in a made bed stating something about it not being good if the kids found it? 

I left and went in next door, it seemed like an open studio or some other business in various states of setup or breakdown:  I wandered into another room where I saw a naked woman on a chaise lounge or something, and other in the middle of the room.  They weren’t coherent, I couldn’t tell if they were strung out or just sleep deprived and tired.  The natural lighting in the room was great so maybe this was a studio?  There was a guy (who was dressed) standing by the woman in the middle of the room who turned to look at me and this is where I went from confused to feeling like I’d just walked in on something and immediately turned around and walked out.  I heard him chase after me and went into some other room by the kitchen and chilled by a desk.  I heard him saying something (can’t remember what) and came back out.  A few people were coming down the stairs and exiting, I was accusing the guy of something but the two women eventually showed up wearing dresses and seemed fine.  One really wanted to see my nails and took my hand, and while we were talking she snapped off my right index and middle nails in the middle so they were level with the tips of my fingers. And I said wtf and she said so they could be something different than the stones set inside the acrylic and I was like… you don’t snap them off and reshape them, you fill them and change it then, and she was like ohh. And that pissed me off more. 

I was walking around an office I’d been in a the start of the dream, and for the first time in the dream wearing a pink top and gray slacks.  I passed Jösh walking out of a conference room in a hall and he was talking to someone.  His hair was like it was at the 2014 holiday party and I just wanted to play with it but I was supposed to be mad and avoidant, gdi.  He was also wearing a suit jacket but it was a dark green instead of the blue one irl, and then I noticed he was only wearing boxers under instead of slacks and realized it was a mockery of something from earlier in the dream with me not wearing much.  I can’t remember the start of this dream well, but damn. Lol