There’s nothing very important to put on here… not really, everything is important and I could write all evening until the witching hour. But this is all irrelevant event if it carries significant weight because the world is on fucking fire. It has been for a long time, and the issues are vast and systemic and curated. Everyone I know is struggling in multiple ways. I have friends trying to leave abusive relationships, friends losing pets, struggling financially, having career issues, health issues, and it just goes on. I’ve watched friends lose their rights, lose any semblance of normalcy, and go back to fearing for their lives. Only it’s louder, it’s been amplified and emboldened. And here I am, watching terrible things roll through.
I’ve decided to opt for tubal ligation. It’s something I’ve thought about off and on for a couple years. I’ve considered the medical risk since it takes me a long time to heal, but also not being sure I could carry to term or if I’d die. I have ethical issues with bringing another life into the world and all of the implications that come with it, and decided if I ever got to that stage in my life, I’d want to adopt. There are too many kids waiting for families, and I don’t need blood to make a family. I probably won’t be married and ready to start a family within the next few years anyway, and the only way I’d end up pregnant now is through force, and I refuse to carry a pregnancy against my will. And I know it would kill me inside to abort. I know that I’m lucky here (so far) for living in a progressive area, but nothing is guaranteed and I don’t know how the landscape is going to change as time goes on.
Still trying to fix work life balance, still trying to get enough sleep, and get more time for activity in general. I’m more tired now than usual, it’s just going downhill. I’m so tired.