Monthly Archives: March 2019

Finches & guns

I kept waking up, and my visions still a little fuzzy right now. The fatigues been excessive lately so maybe that contributed to all the crazy streams through the night. I remember trying to record some crazy dream in here in my dream! That’s a first. I had some dream that I was running around some resort called Red Rock (but it looked nothing like Red Rock) and there were people andnit was chaotic. I went into some area and Lauren was there and so were a bunch of other goth chicks just pouring their hearts out about how they got burned when they loved. Right before or after (not sure on the order) I was sitting at a table right by an arcade, talking to someone, and Jöshua (thanks phone) showed up with a couple huge bags of food and everyone swarmed the table to grab breakfast burritos and I was like … and then I was all fuck it and grabbed one and started eating it and walking down the hall past arcade games before the other person I was talking to could finish making their comments about how that was gonna hurt because the tortillas were flour. I knew, I always know and by the time I’m willing to “cheat” with gluten Idgaf (it’s been a while irl cause it does hurt bad).

So I ask a staff member the easiest way to get to my hotel and she points out where to find the elevator, I ask if there’s a bathroom and at first she said there wasn’t, and then I wouldn’t want to go in there, then unlocks it and it looks like a normal resort bathroom until I lock the door to shower and part of it are gross because people are gross and I’m all wtf? I turn on the shower and hose everything down with hot water, then get in and try to relax under the water, then turn it off, pull the curtain, and am in a towel when a couple friends showed up and then some stranger I didn’t know was there and I was all uhhh… they’re all just chatting and then get out, so I get out of the bathroom and it’s outside (it was inside a building when I went in, and didn’t notice that in the dream *shrug*). I’m all, I gotta get going and dude I just met says something then bends down to kiss me and leaves and then there’s just more wtf was that?!

And I’m hanging out in a room that’s a little narrow with a desk and a normal or, modern tv on it and in the corner is a pretty tall shelf with a vintage gaming console at the top, an old CRT tv with a what… 16” or 17” screen even though the box itself is huge and the glass is rounded and bulby. I was sitting on a foldout chair looking at it and thinking I could set it up as a vintage gaming station. I can’t emember exactly what happened next but I think there was something before I was out walking around some antique shop, and then there were glass cases with a bunch of guns, and I was there with a couple friends, or a friend who was chasing this chick he was maybe hoping to have a three some with her and I, all while I’m browsing guns thinking yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I was swiping photos on my phone of these cute little birds sitting on these little terrariums in teacups and after a while I was holding the teacups and birds in my left hand as I swiped with my right index finger, and they also paired guns with the cups and birds. They were small 9mm pistols designed to be easily concealed and carried in handbags so they advertised them with other cute small things, and the tiny black finch in the black teacup was my favorite.

… I got pulled into a thing before I could come back in here and everything after is pretty much gone. There’s some vague bit about being in some living room that almost looked like the one I grew up in but the furniture was arranged a little differently and I was sitting on one couch and Jöshua was stretched out on the other, trying to convince me to do something and I was rejecting the request but can’t remember what it was.

Alcohol and goth club epiphanies

I keep coming to this realization I came into my power after my ex in my early/ mid 20’s.

I came into it when I finally rejected him.

It’s weird because it’s true, but I don’t want to give him any credit, he was trying to put my fire out. I burned his fucking house down.

Will B’s Dream

“I spent all last night dreaming about basically an Excel spreadsheet and realizing that applying percentages to a running total is not the same thing as applying percentages to each line item

So naturally I’m very well rested now lol”

Rowley’s Dream

“Must have been something in the air. I had a whack ass dream that I was declining in mental health, so my gf, my mom and my ex started taking over all my responsibilities and dividing up my assists, in front of me. I could “speak” to them as I would. Intelligent, coherent. But their responses and faces seemed to tell me that I was clapping and flapping on the outside. It was maddening. I was getting sad head pats from my daughter and no one would or could listen to me. God. I hope that’s not how it goes.”R

Guest appearances

Had an awful dream mom passed away recently and I was not handling it well at all. Very chaotic dream, lots going on, the house I was renting was decent but weird, a friend was over trying to help me cope, a bunch of people started coming over like they lived there now and I was all wtf I have a lease here, and it seemed like we all had leases but I could never figure out how to reach the owner of the house to fight this or at least find out what was going on. The guy that I kind of sort of wasn’t seeing recently and dropped made an appearance in the dream and then over time became my ex in Phoenix (they’re very different people personality and background wise but share some traits and honestly share some damage). Ugh.