We were always meant to be, even if that doesn’t mean meant forever. Even if it means for a moment, or a short period of time. This new chapter is making me realize that about the previous ones. I still don’t believe in predestination or fate. Some things have come up that try hard to mimic that, but many things have tried before too. So it’s okay, and everything that’s happening now?
I want to bow out quietly. I want to stop because I’m seeing flags and they don’t shine red, but they still burn orange. I haven’t even begun to unpack what I’m observing, nor do I have the bandwidth or the spoons. I don’t know how they’ll be received, or if that effort will be reciprocated (since it hasn’t been in the past), but who am I to say this is just a repeat with someone else? Everyone deserves a clean slate, right? Is this where I usually demolish potential to salvage friendship? Am I sabotaging myself by playing it too safe? I was just recently called out on this and was strongly encouraged to see how this plays out. But what if none of these things are wrong and aren’t mutually exclusive? These could all be facts, and then they’re all factors. Everyone is tired of getting burned. I’ve learned not to ignore my intuition, but maybe it’s not calibrated properly anymore. Maybe it’s too sensitive and I’m about to kill a good thing before it even has a chance. I need to have this conversation and I don’t know when it’s going to line up.