Monthly Archives: November 2018

I wish I hadn’t looked, Utada Hikaru’s tour in Japan is happening now. Idk if she’ll do anything in the US or internationally. Her music held a lot significance and sentiment over the years, and eventually became synonymous with a heartache that took years to not sting so hard. Knowing you’re not right for each other doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve moved forward in so many ways the last couple years, but sometimes feel like I’ve been standing still this whole time. Being back in Vegas to handle this situation while trying to strategize my Seattle life has been beyond daunting. My mom is my priority right now. I need her to be okay. But trying to hold everything up and looking for a distraction, only for my mind to wander into the past isn’t helping. I miss a very specific warmth and comfort in my life.

It’s been one hell of a day/night in Vegas. Trying to make the best of being delayed from returning to WA and went up the mountain today for hot chocolate. A friend posted about a show and I decided to see if I could find a last minute ticket, it worked out. Then we went to the goth club’s 7 year anniversary thing. Best friend and I dipped out for Thai and randomly ended up singing karaoke. I got a lot of complements tonight. It was weird. I’m exhausted, the suns probably gonna come up soon. My stomachs messed up from stress. My life is on fire. But this was a nice distraction for a bit. Idk when I’m driving out.

The associations here are still so strong.

I drove here a week ago due to a family emergency and don’t know when I’m driving back or which route I want to take. I wanted to go up to SF and the up the 5 like last time, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea with the fires in CA. There’s also snow through ID though. And whenever I decide to go, if I went with the original route in mind, Idk if you’d want me to reach out to you. Idk if you’d ever want to see me, or if you did a better job than I did and managed to erase me.