I simultaneously wanted to keep writing this out and keep putting it off. The last two weeks were insane in a good way after months of stress and bs. I went on leave and decided to spend that time in good company, recovering and enjoying my time, instead of stressing at home while waiting for some answers. I feel like writing this out by days:
6/22: Landed in Phoenix and got lunch with a friend who picked me up from the airport. Went to see Dita Von Teese with another girl friend after getting dinner downtown, which was absolutely amazing. I needed to see Dita at least once and am so happy we made it. After we ended up at the Rebel Lounge for a goth night I’d never heard of called Grave Wave and it was cool to see what the new owners did with the old Mason Jar. I went across the street for a bit around midnight to grab a horchata and stayed for a chili relleno before going back, lol.
6/23: We went to a place called Azukar for breakfast and they had horchata coffee! I didn’t know this was a thing. They also had this really good vanilla chia pudding and my friend grabbed a breakfast sandwich thing. Then we went shopping in Tempe and picked up some cute things at a vintage retro clothing store before heading to Chandler. We met up with another friend for Mexican food later in the day then headed home to rest and nap. We watched Donnie Darko and then Neon Demon, and it’s funny because her dog hates pretty much everyone and tolerates her sister and her boyfriend, but he ended up cuddling with me when I fell asleep on the couch and she took a photo of it for proof. We ended up getting ready for a night called Nocturne in Scottsdale at Pub Rock Live (the old Chasers bar). It was a fetish themed goth industrial night a few friends were spinning at, and a lot of old friends ended up attending. My ex was there too, and it was fine since he’s smart enough not to interact with me. Also, I was really fucking hot that night, and he didn’t age well. *shrugs* This was a great dance night, I had lot of fun dancing and getting lots of hugs.
6/24: Friend picked me up and I showed her the vintage clothing place that my other friend introduced me to. I saw a turquoise cross the previous day I really wanted and decided to get it that day. I’d been looking for one for yeeeears and hadn’t found one that I really really wanted until now, so it’s mine. 🙂 We went back to rest and I chilled with her cats. We then checked out the new Asiana and then Mekong markets and got rolled ice cream. Then got fili b’s for dinner when her husband got home.
6/25: Went and picked up my rental. They didn’t have the Mercedes CLA again and put me in a Jaguar XE… again. XD Which is fine, I think it’s more comfortable. I met up with a friend in Tempe for lunch at Postinos, then went home and rested. Went to dinner with another friend at Casey Moore’s. I was still hurting that day from getting a temp crown (replacing an old one) a week prior so I called my dentist in WA and she suggested seeing a specialist and I got a referral to go in the next day. Also noticed I get hit on more in Phoenix than Seattle. Seattle is so passive.
6/26: I got up early to see an endodontist in the Biltmore area. There was a delay in cold sensitivity on that tooth and they said the nerve was almost dead and recommended a root canal. I’ve never been afraid of the dentist or have been nervous of dental procedures before, but I’d also never had to deal with a root canal before either. Eh, I decided to get this over with and scheduled for Thursday, and they started me on a z-pak. Since I knew I’d be dealing with the root canal Thursday and wasn’t sure how rough the recovery was going to be, I decided to check out the San Xavier Mission that day. I ended up grabbing goth mom and taking her with me. It was a nice drive to get caught up and we got to see the mission right before the sun went down. Then we went downtown to grab dinner and visited another friend in Tucson before heading home. I was so tired after driving.
6/27: I slept in. We got breakfast at Coronado, more horchata coffee happened. It happened a lot on this trip, so did a lot of Mexican food. I chilled at the house and with the cats for a while, took care of some stuff on the computer that needed to be handled. Got ready and went to a night called Lilith in central Phoenix. Great dance night too, but overcrowded for the size of the venue. More friends and hugs. A couple awkward moments but not bad.
6/28: Root canal. This was rough, the endodontist didn’t realize how extensive the decay was until after taking out the old filling. There was a lot of calcification from the tooth trying to save itself for years. The original crown was bulky and didn’t lie flush so the poor tooth wasn’t protected the way it should, and now I have major trust issues with dentists and their quality of work. *sigh* Half way through he said he wasn’t sure if the tooth was savable because he was getting close to the exterior and that freaked me out. We stopped and took 3D x-rays. He was able to confirm three canals, apparently there is a 50/50 chance of a back molar having 3 or 4, and luckily it wasn’t four. That tooth was weird too, it grew in after all four wisdom teeth were pulled when I was a teenager, and it didn’t come in with enamel so it had a filling, and then got crowned in my early 20’s. That thing was doomed. I’m so grateful that endodontist was able to save the tooth and the x-ray showed him the extent of the decay and where to change directions. These complications changed what was estimated to be an hour procedure into 3+. It was hard, my jaw hurt, and they had to keep pausing to add more anesthetic cause it kept wearing off too fast. Idk if that’s a developing resistance to the drug or if it’s just not as effective as I age due to other medical ish. When I got home I was hungry but there was no way I could eat, I couldn’t feel half my face and decided to nap it off. I had to call off dinner plans with a friend and recover.
6/29: I was stacking ibuprofen and acetaminophen. Then I had this brilliant idea to call a chiropractors office I used to go to when I still lived in Phoenix and booked a massage that afternoon. Then I checked out this Korean plaza near the old Fiesta Mall that was a huge disappointment, it looked way more interesting on the outside than it was on the inside. Also going in with my hair up to show my piercings and tattoos, in a Killstar dress with pentagram straps in a plunging back dress was pretty entertaining. I think most of the Koreans in there shared similar opinions to mi madre from the vibes I was getting. It’s only incentive. My friend got off work and I went over to her house, she made beef pozole for me since I was still in recovery. We ate and chilled with her cats before visiting her husband at work and then grabbing food before I headed home.
6/30: I hosted brunch at Hula’s Modern Tiki. My friend suggested dressing in theme so I packed a dress just for it and wore a flower in my hair. This was a place I’d known about and had wanted to check out for years but it never lined up when I lived here. Brunch was really nice, there were about 20 of us hanging out. Most of us had to take off but a smaller group went across the street for froyo after photos. Goth mom and I hung out for a bit before dropping her off and going home to rest. The friend I was staying with was invited to a house/pool party/bbq thing before the two dance nights we’d planned on going to. We went to the party and it was sooo fun, I saw so many friends I hadn’t seen in forever and met a lot of really nice people too. Then we went home and got ready for the night. I felt so pretty, I felt like such a proper goth. We made an appearance at Addiction which was held at Rips (a dive bar I used to frequent for karaoke that I still adore), and then went down the street to Haxan at the Rebel Lounge where we were after Dita. Haxan is amazing AF. Addiction is a lot of the old school crowed (old school to me), and its similar format to what I’ve been hearing for years. Haxan tries hard to showcase new music, a dj I like from LA came down this night, and I saw many more friends I hadn’t ran into. This was a really nice mini reunion. Lots of dancing lots more hugs. Went across the street for horchata at 2am and walked back to chat with the crowd outside the venue.
7/1: I woke up with my makeup still on and broke a cardinal rule. It actually still looked kind of good too! Went to pick up a friend and met with a couple others at an Indian buffet in Tempe. Then we headed to The Grand for coffee on Central Ave. That building used to be another venue next to Palazzo where Transylvania used to be held. They’re gorgeous buildings. The old Sanctum sign was reused at The Grand after the Sanctum club was sold and become Stacy’s. Luckily Stacy’s is still goth friendly and hosts Lilith. Sanctum is now a memory, and also a speakeasy inside The Grand that opens on Friday and Saturday nights. I’m sad I missed it this trip, so I’ll try for it next time. We ended up at the Kunzang Palyul Choling in Sedona. I wanted to go last trip in February but we got there too late and the sun was going down. This time we did make it during sunlight but it was too hot to stay long. Then we went to Jerome and I showed my friend a jewelry shop I liked and we picked up a couple items, she got a birthday present for her husband since his birthday is in a few weeks. She was super happy about it too since he’s difficult to shop for. We stopped by Caduceus Cellars and she grabbed a bottle of wine for him, and I found this lavender milk chocolate with star anise and grabbed that. We got dinner at Grapes a couple buildings down before taking the back way out of town and went through Prescott Valley to get back to the i-17. We’d gone through Cottonwood to get to Jerome from Sedona, and I think the other way out with the trees and cliffs and switchbacks is way more fun and way prettier. It was really nice to share this with someone.
7/2: So I thought I was flying back on Tuesday even though I remembered I was leaving on 7/2… I was half right and a little bummed out but needed to be back in Seattle to take care of things. My friend who was hosting me helped me drop off my rental and then we went to La Santisima. This is his favorite place in town, and it was amazing. I can’t believe I have such a long history with Phoenix and had never heard of this place before. It was a good send off. We went home and chilled with the cats. I ended up napping and then packing everything. We did happy hour at Switch before he dropped me off at the airport. The flight back was pretty easy but it was hard to breathe when I stepped foot in SeaTac. It felt like I was punched in the chest and I know it’s stress from current circumstances. I’m still in control of what’s going on and I’ve already made efforts to improve things, but Seattle weighs heavy on me. Wifey picked me up from the airport and I felt a lot better when I saw her. She took me home but was pretty tired and took off instead of staying.
The next morning was rough, I knew it was going to be lonely at home after not having to be alone for over two weeks. But I wanted to surround myself with friends and not suffer through these transitions in my life. I know I made the right decisions, I dropped a lot of stress, and while the situation isn’t over, I’m getting closer to the end. I can feel it. I made a post about how isolating Seattle is compared to Phoenix for me. I have an amazing support structure and many friends in Phoenix, even after cleaning house years ago. I’ve grown to love the landscape here. I mean, I found all the good things I could when I was in Vegas, I have Vegas magic now. Now imagine what I can do with Phoenix. And I’ve been picking up here in my region and have found some wonderful things, but I don’t have a lot of people to share it with and that’s what I really want. There is a small ache inside that I can’t share the things that bring me joy. I don’t know how tomorrow is going to now that I’m coming back from leave, so I keep trying to remind myself that I’m still in control, and no matter what happens, I can handle it. I have some prospects to follow up on and need to finish getting my house in order.