I need to make changes. Big changes. I don’t like feeling this way, or living this way, and I can’t blame my environment anymore.
I got the car I wanted. I dropped the people who wouldn’t invest in me, and made some small strides focusing on friends who would plan with me. Work is still taking up too much bandwidth, after half a year I haven’t been able to make the moves I’ve wanted internally. It’s time to stop being reluctant and look externally. I know it’s the fear of not knowing how things will fall in place, but staying still is worse. Sometimes it’s hard to remember. Fixing this will get some of the bandwidth back, and I can focus on changing other things that’ll make me happy too.