I haven’t stayed out this late in a long time and it hurts, but friends were riding back with me and I didn’t know where my friends house was at that I’m staying at so *shrugs*
Rezz was legit, even though I don’t really care for these kinds of shows, the music and company was nice. The lights were too bright for me, or my eyes are getting more sensitive. I’m glaring so gonna try to sleep in… but I don’t want to sound so negative. Vegas was surreal, and I found some remnants from some old depressions there. Phoenix was a smooth transition even if it was a bit rocky at the airport. I got the rental, had dinner in Guadeloupe with a friend, went back and watch an episode of an anime, then went to the venue for the show. It really hit me that I was here when I was getting off the freeway and saw downtown Phoenix. It was this mix of familiar and foreign. I have so much good and such bad here. All of my major traumas happened here. But I’m doing better emotionally here than a Vegas. I guess it’s because most of my life was written here.
My old fwb in Scottsdale messaged me today when I was at the show and was fighting with his fiancé. I told him I couldn’t discuss it with him because it wasn’t inappropriate. I said I was irked when he came to Vegas and didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend until we were sitting next to each other in a strip club with his friend’s bachelor party. And then I got over it. I also told him I’ve wondered if I had myself sorted out back in 2012 if we’d have dated for real and maybe we’d be engaged instead… and he says he wasn’t sorted then either like that makes it better. He still calls me pretty and says he respects me and showers me with complements and I’m over him romantically but I don’t need to put myself in a situation where I’m fighting temptation and my own nature. I said I had to step back for a while. He said we didn’t do anything wrong in our friendship. I repeated I needed to step back and left it at that.
I’m so tired.
I’m an emotional mess.