Monthly Archives: May 2017

I’ve noticed the more sleep deprived I get, the worse the dreams are. Just went through the worst oncall of my life.  Anyway, had some dream I was in the same office as you but wasn’t sure if I was just visiting you, or had come unannounced, or was summoned… like I have no idea what got me there.  You were dealing with a thing, god knows what, and Anna spotted me so she decided to walk over and start chatting.  We talked shop of all things, and it was kind of normal-ish, and then someone I knew (I guess in the dream?) came up in the topic because of their influence on something industry related and then you came over to say hi.  A small group of us left the office space to go somewhere (everythings fuzzy and vague) and I’m phasing in and out of the conversation while looking out the window in the car, then something she said pulled my attention back into the conversation and she was talking about some very fetishy stuff in graphic detail and what gets her off, and what was being described sounded like massive amounts of blood but was described as gushing orange liquid. What? Did my brain autofill LCL without actually saying it? She continued to talk about something that she was just reading about earlier in the morning and how the sheets were in the wash now.  It was so fucking weird.  The car stopped at a yield sign instead of  stop sign, or it was a stop sign and we stopped for longer than we should have Idk, and a couple people got out of the car to look at something outside since the sun had just gone down.  I decided to get out and go elsewhere, and ended up in some other car in the front passenger seat with two other people in the back.  The car was moving so I hopped into the drivers seat to take over and we ended up at some building that seemed like a medical center at first but then seemed like some residence (Idk if it was related to anything medical or not), but that’s it, weird.

I think I know what triggered at least the start of this dream.  Yesterday at TBM when I was walking to the line to get in I saw an Asian chick wearing a purple vest, glasses, and her hair was tied back and she vaguely reminded me of Anna from a distance.  Some tall guy was walking beside her on the outside of the sidewalk and I couldn’t see his face yet since there was stuff in the way and I couldn’t see above his chest yet.  I started to panic inside, I know you both went to TBM in SF when I saw them in LV, and I just thought, nooo…. that’s not why I haven’t heard from you in a while, you’re swamped with responsibilities as usual, you’d never come up to Seattle just to see TBM, let alone unannounced to a venue you know I’d be at… with Anna.  And as they got closer I saw her face and realized it wasn’t her, and then I saw him and it wasn’t you.  So I turned around and kept walking to where I was going since Sabrina had just arrived. To be fair, that vest and the rest of her outfit is so something Anna would have worn, I’ve seen her on camera at work enough to know.

Other than that surreal moment, the nightmare of my recent oncall, and the physical pain that’s induced, the night was amazing and I’m glad we made it to the show, because I wasn’t sure we would with how yesterday went.

So I just woke up from a dream I was texting Jeremy while laying in bed and the bed starts shaking and moving side to side in my room because my building is swaying side to side, and then I realize it’s from a massive earthquake and I’m grateful to be laying in bed but it’s not stopping so I started counting the seconds and… I just woke up very nauseated. >_>

What a string of nightmares.

I was standing in a room and a friend had asked me to take down her number in my phone so we could play some game that included two friends taking a photo of the same, third friend, at the same time… it was weird. I wasn’t sure what was going on but tried to comply and it was confusing. She was sitting on the bed and when I got close to her realized she was blind and felt really bad. Was she always blind or did she develop this way? She grabbed my hand and walked me to the hall by the entrance and we looked out the window where she pointed out sculptures, like in the yard there was mashimaro and she pointed to a few others, then somewhere else there was something else, then I pointed across the street and called out something.

I was standing on the ledge of this platform way high up from the ground, and it was like I was watching some movie but it was all around me and there was this rusty space ship that took off.  This was some weird mix of standing on the side of a building like in The Fifth Element, and the world looking like a real life version of Futurama.   Then it was 2D on a screen that was on the side of the building across from me, but there was no ground from it to me, and I heard the audio like it was coming from speakers, and whoever was projecting the movie made a couple comments we could hear. My body felt off, and I scrapped at a part of the inside of my right middle finger until this square of skin was missing and there was white mesh behind it. Then I pulled more and there were gauzy white mesh strips under the skin in the palm of my hand once the skin was no longer on top of it. I wasn’t sure what was behind it or if I was hollow after this layer, and then the original square on the inside of my finger started to bleed through the mesh. But it wasn’t bleeding bleeding, it was oozing some clearish reddish serum and it hurt, so I bandaged it.

I walked inside and saw a chick I knew inside someone’s apartment, and it looked like she was dressed for a date so I’d wondered if she’d followed in Emma’s foot steps as a PI or bounty hunter until she took off all her clothes and then I wondered if she was prostituting. The whole thing was weird af. I decided to bust in and see what was going on, in the back room there was a large room with a concrete floor and tile walls, this metal table and a clear 5 gallon bucket on it with a hose from the wall.. it had red liquid in it. It was hibiscus tea colored, and there was another bucket under the faucet the hose was connected to. Someone explained she’d bought that hose to help with experiments or something and when I turned on the water it would just come out that color as a side effect, and I grabbed a cup of that water and ran it out to the sink in the kitchen, and when I tossed it, it came out clear. I saw another chick who was there in a white dress and she said she was there to entertain people or make stories or something, there were a bunch of paper cut out, simply drawn bunnies surrounding her on the floor. I was so confused I went to lie down on a bed away from everything and someone who seemed familiar in the dream (she was very Morticia like) came by to try and comfort me by holding me and then we started making out and I felt like something was really wrong and I wasn’t with who I thought I was.  That I was being taken advantaged of, and hadn’t consented to something. So I backed off and “woke up.”

That’s when I saw Liam and I asked him to be honest with me and tell me what’s going on even if I couldn’t handle it. He said BB had left and that we were together, and it made absolutely no sense, I had no memory of this, and wasn’t sure if she found us and left or she left him and we started something after, but while processing she was gone I started crying uncontrollably, snot covered ugly crying and got up to leave. I was in the back seat of a car and was looking at all of the little art installations and sculptures and stuff as we drove past thinking of what BB would have pointed out.

Then I was at some parking lot outside of a hotel and some lady was being watched by a crowd in the lot for being an asshole. Someone yelled out she was being  (I don’t remember the insult) then another stranger said the same thing. She got out of her white truck and was yelling at everyone, she started yelling at me, and I said look, two other strangers I don’t even know just said whatever they just said, and I walked over to inspect the garage since I was trying to find a spot for three cars so we could unload them ane get our stuff up to a room.

I was the front passenger in what seemed like an Uber, and Roo was sitting in the back seat.  We were going somewhere (not sure where) and she had this really elaborate looking knife she was playing with. We were being flirty so while I was turned around to face her she learned in and kissed me. That was really nice but then I realized some of her lipstick was on my lips and that made me back off since mom was going to be wherever we were.  I tried to rub it off and felt awful, since my actions and appearances did not line up with how I felt or what I wanted at all.

We ended up somewhere with these people and she was kind of taking charge of where to go, and when we were lined up against a wall with our eyes closed I decided to face her instead of finding my spot on the wall, and I played with this yellow hair piece that was around her bun. I wanted to redo it so her hair was in a loose ponytail and thought the hair accessory was cute. I ended up having to leave abruptly and decided to order my own hair trinket thing before leaving.  She tried to stop me as I was going and then offered to give me her hair thing. I insisted she didn’t have to since I just ordered my own and didn’t want to take the one she had from her.

Still waking up with my throat burning.  Also woke up from a bizarre dream I was dealing with Jay, actually I was dealing with Josh but he looked like Jay… that or it was Jay the whole time but he’d been in the same position as Josh professionally the whole dream was weird and confusing.  Trying to communicate was terrible, trying to piece together where I was supposed to be and where my current hierarchy professionally was terrible.  We were somewhere back east but idk where exactly, and when I asked he said NY was only a 23 minute ride away which was shocking, I think we were in DC or somewhere near there.  I was with a group at a diner and he started going through a pocket in my backpack and pulled out what looked like these little crumpled receipts but they were little crumpled notes with lyrics and other reminders or bits of information on them, and I’d been taking notes on passing thoughts or reminders to go back and use for another project later.  And when I tried to grab them back he held them out of my reach and I got pissed off and eventually got them and yelled at him go back the fuck off and leave me alone.  So he got up and said he didn’t need this shit and walked away.  When he exited the building something triggered in my head that I wanted to give an actual explanation to the papers and also wanted to know why he felt compelled to go through my things, so I ran after him, out the door and down two flights of stairs when I realized I couldn’t see him, and thought he must have exited the stairway so I took the door out and saw him on a bench with some other people. And I asked him why, and I know the dream kept going but I can’t remember what happened after.  The whole thing was uneasy, felt chronically uncertain, and was very high anxiety.

Weirdest dream ever.  We were driving around this grouping of islands that I guess were either bridged together or had ferries (I know), but it was weird in the dream and I was looking at one on a map that was east of us, it was a 35 minute drive to get from one end of the island to the other.  But we were headed west, and ended up somewhere where we went and got boba tea, and were chatting and you were hugging me but then became kind of aggressive for a second and it freaked me out but then things were normal again so I forgot about it.  Then we were at the window to order boba and walked around until we were passing an anime store and I pointed it out, so we walked around in there and I ran around finding a bunch of things to gush over.

Before all this I vaguely remember being in a house but it was weird, I mean it was normal, but it was weird. The end. XD

You teased and played with me until I couldn’t take it anymore, and then you flipped me over and I was screaming in my pillow before I woke up.

I woke up dizzy. Lol

You just told me you weren’t attracted to me anymore before I woke up.

You were standing in my kitchen… our kitchen? Idk.  It was just like the kitchen in the house I grew up in and it was dim so I’m guessing this was in the evening.  And we were naked and after you dropped that on me I felt even more vulnerable, I mean I couldn’t tell if you were just saying that to be spiteful because you were pissed off about something else or if you’d really changed your mind about me. But I woke up before I could find out.

You were trying to keep me from getting expelled. Someone was pulling strings on the administrative side and disabled my account and weird stuff kept happening. There we’re two other attempts to drop me and I was talking to a couple staff members about something unrelated… something about how some individuals are insecure about undefined processes that are minor, and would rather sacrifice flexibility for consistency (even though the results were being consistent), and they stared at me dumbfounded for verbalizing everything they’d been observing but weren’t brave enough to say, and I told them I’d seen these problems in corporate for years, and even the giant enterprises hadn’t figured out how to solve that problem with some management, and that’s when my accounts started going down and weird shit was happening on my tablet. All of my secluded spots were unavailable so I retreated back to the library when someone grabbed my arm and said so and so was in the room I was about to go hide in, and she was the one trying to get rid of me so I thought that’s probably where you were too, and as much as I didn’t like going somewhere where I could end up trapped in a corner I went down another hall in the library and was all… it keeps going? I didn’t know it was that big lol