Monthly Archives: January 2017

So a friend invited me to his company New Years party on New Year’s Day / evening, he bartends at a place here in town and it’s nice and there’s all this free liquor and food and karaoke and it’s awkward I don’t know peeps there and as the night goes on it’s fine.. this is out of order.

He had me come over to the apartment so we could walk over to the bar, and when I got there he said he got me a surprise and told me to close my eyes and I was all nahh I’ll just turn around and play Pokémon Go, and I heard a thud on his dining room table and when he said I could turn around there was a brand new kitchen aid in the box and I was all… He said it was a housewarming gift and I was all you fucking did not, it’s too much!!! Like holy shit, like I make good money and I am hesitant to buy it cause of the money and how often I’d use it. And he bought it because over dinner a week or so ago I mentioned how I made a damn good chocolate soufflé cause the menu had one on it and I brought up how I used to bake but didn’t steal my ex’s kitchenaid.. and here is this box and I’m all faaaaaak! Can’t do it, and he argued and I caved fast.

So we did the party then it died down and we went to mercury and someone came in with some hella nasty perfume or god knows what and I left the room with the pool table to the opposite part of the venue and there was no escape and I was getting a headache so I decided to go. And I was looking up uber when he showed up and I was explaining the death thing and he smelled it so we got uber to my place and he detoured to his so he could grab said mixer, and of course he’s coming up with me cause he’s got the box and now he’s in my apartment. And my mom had just gone home 24 hours prior, I hadn’t had a guest yet and was trying to not be shitty and was all… would you like some coffee or tea or water? And he said coffee so I made coffee and we’re chillin at the dining room table and he asked if my tv was curved cause he’d only seen them on display and I was all yeah and handed him the remote and told him to knock himself out since Netflix and Amazon are already configured. So he scrolls through Netflix and throws on Eddie Izzard, which we’re both fans of so that’s cool. I’m chillin in my computer chair and he’s sitting on the chase attached to the couch and after a while turns my chair around so I’m facing him and I have this low key internal panic all of a sudden.

And I forgot the exact wording but he basically said he liked being upfront and having things in the open and to put it in terms Eddie Izzard would use he fancied me and I was all uhhh.. and I said I generally appreciate being blunt and to the point too, and that it’s hard to disclose these kinds of things and it’s hard being on either end of the situation, that over the years it’s never gotten easier for me, and he said something about not wanting to put me on the spot and I was all well he said it pretty eloquently so props. Then I went on this whole rant about how I enjoyed spending time with him and really like him but Ima freaking mess and not there and ranted Vegas life drama then he mentioned drama and he was recovering from himself and that he wasn’t expecting to jump into anything and I was all okay cool and then two and a half hours of Eddie Izzard ends and Netflix starts the next thing and I am fucking dying I need to sleep so bad cannot do late nights anymore, like I’m paying for it because fibro so I caved and told him that I HAD to sleep and there was a pause and I didn’t wanna be a dick so I asked if he wanted to take off or crash at the apartment and he said he could crash here and I was all okay cool cause the couch had pillows and a goddamn king sized microplush blanket, I got ready for bed and he got in with me and I was all well.. I like cuddles, there’s nothing wrong with cuddles. I have different boundaries with different friends and depending on rapport yeah whatever. This was hella awkward for me but it was gonna be weirder if I was all wtf are you doing in my bed I have no intention of sharing with you, so I slept on my side and faced the wall all night. I barely slept. My brain wouldn’t let me shut down all the way T^T

I gave up after 9 or 10 or whatever, trying to sleep in wasn’t going to help me recover so I started getting out of bed and heard him behind me and was all oh.. you don’t have to get up, and he was all what’s up and I started rambling about this database y2k dream I just had and he’s like half ass sitting up in bed like when you lean on your elbow and I realize he’s rubbing my back with his other hand while listening intently and I realized… I think.. I think he was trying to decide on when I was going to exhale so he could kiss me and I shot up out of bed to go turn on my computer and blog the dream and he got up and got dressed and was on his phone on the couch behind me and I just want him to go without being an asshole and was like are you hungry? And he was all oh I was about to ask you the same thing so I yelped breakfast places and he suggested one and I was all lemme call and see if they’re open cause New Years is being observed today and he was all that’s dumb New Years was yesterday and I was all well… so I called and they were booked out an hour and a half and I was all nope, so he mentioned another place in Capitol Hill and they were open with availability so we ate there and then walked out after brunch and he pointed out a cupcake place down the street. We walked into an art supply store, then I was a little weirded out about time when he went into gameworks, and then this bookstore, oh man I forgot about the bookstore.

And then he mentioned this comic shop up the street and I was all are we just walking up to the comic store and he was all if you wanna go that’s cool, I’m just killing time before work etc, and I was all I got a Skype date with a gf in Detroit today (which was true) and said sure let’s go see the comic shop then I gotta go, but there was a demeanor change there and that threw me off. So we’re at the comic shop, then we walked to his apartment cause it was right there, he asks if I’d like some coffee I say sure cause it’s cold out and coffee is quick… it’s a goddamn French press!!! Which admittedly is good but time consuming. And at that moment I’m not in a hurry cause I’d just gotten a fb message from someone I hadn’t heard from in 2012 and was gushing about it and then he finished making coffee and set up Mario kart on Wii U and at this point I’m like fuck it… it’s already 2 something in the afternoon and my day was highjacked with no prior discussion about what fucking plans I might have had. So we play a couple rounds and I gotta go and he’s all you’re walking it back? And I’m all yep, I gotta learn the area but mostly 1. I wanted to gtfo and 2. I feel like I’ve been spending too much on uber lately anyway so I walked down to the main road and took the bus two streets over and walked home in a few minutes, other than it being hella cold for me it wasn’t really that bad.

I ended up having to do damage control because even though I tried to say I didn’t feel like I was on the spot, I realized I was flailing while on the spot. We already had plans to go to to this bartending speed competition and after that and the after party I explained how I had to just “do the awkward thing” and he gave me the most thrown off look. So I explained everything I said the previous week was true and I liked him, just not romantically, and then I brought up the kitchenaid and how I couldn’t keep it. He kept insisting I could saying his motivations for getting it were separate from everything else and that he usually spends a decent amount of money for friends over the holidays and I’m all uhh.. I mean I tried to offer to return it twice and I’ve been very clear about where I stand now.. because I was ambushed and doing some flailing and fire fighting on the spot the previous week. So is it more inconvenient to make him take it back and return it instead of just keeping it? Schrödinger’s KitchenAid is still packed in it’s box in my hall.

My fucking day was highjacked, that’s unbelievably annoying. I need Sunday’s to do some light chores and recover before the work week, I feel run down. And I was doing chores while on Skype with my friend in Detroit and didn’t finish until later in the evening so I didn’t really have a recovery day. I’m still behind.