Dreams killing the past

Woke up from a legitimate nightmare I was being all  affectionate on the guy who raped me when I was 17 so I could get him alone and kill him.  Someone who used to be a friend of an ex was there and knew about me sabotaging the wiring in his truck and about me trying to get him to follow me in there.  I was anxious he’d tell him before I could do anything and that he’d kill me first before I had the chance to execute my plan.

My stomach hurts. so. bad.