Monthly Archives: November 2016

Spectator

I can’t remember everything about all these dreams I had last night but the part that stands out was all in 3rd person after a while. I remember bits about walking around and mom calling me over to look at business advertisements or what I’m guessing were salons or massage places, like we were judging whether to investigate or not by how their doors and inside business looked. One door was kind of open and looked more like a residence. This elderly Chinese lady with super short gray hair was there and ignored me,  then when I went around the corner I saw her at a stand behind a lot of merch that looked a lot like the oriental gift shops at the Chinese Cultural Center in Phoenix.  We walked over and browsed, looking at fans and printed mouse pads.  The lady made a comment saying she hoped the girl would find her there, and I assumed that meant behind the stand instead of around the corner at her front door, the doors were inside like the galleries downtown, or like Emergency Arts in Fremont.  I asked the lady if she was waiting on an appointment and she confirmed, then I wondered to myself if I’d made the appointment and forgotten about it.

I was somewhere dealing with studying for some test, “like you’d watch content and we’re tested on it, and there were three parts, but I was standing somewhere else in a living room and turns around to see the answers in the video that was on the tv that was mounted on the wall behind me.  I realized it was the same video over and over and the test was asking the same questions.

There was the 3rd person bit where there was this kid (teenager) who was a ginger and he kept having these weird interactions.  One was with another lady with long red hair in a black winter coat, and they’d met up a couple times.  Then they were standing in some place that looked abandoned, with wooden walls and windows that had been destroyed or blown out, and he’d offered to get her coffee and she  was appreciative and thought it was cute while being condescending like it was pointless and wouldn’t help matters.  Then I realized she had to be his mother and she had him hella young, like probably when she was his age, or not much older.  She started rambling nonsense and was having a breakdown then said this is why she has to do this and pulled out a gun and started bringing it up to her head when he yelled no and ran up to grab the gun.  She fired in the struggle and when she looked down he was on the floor with his right eye gone, and his hand blown off.  She started screaming and freaking out, her coat was off and she was wearing some cream colored top under it that was covered in blood, and she couldn’t go through with killing her self so she called a friend who picked her up so she could finish having her breakdown in the back seat while the friend kept driving.

There were some other bits after like this kid being super into bowling and a group of people going to watch games and encourage his enthusiasm.  There was another friend who changes his name online from Randy to “son of Aaron” or something like that (I know nothing about his dad or what his name would be irl). That part of the dream earlier with the kid and his mom was just so bad.

Reality resembling nightmares

I ran myself into the ground, and haven’t really written much about the move here because it’s been nonstop firefighting everything, even simple things have to be hard, and of course I’m sick.  Every day trying to learn new things in a new environment, every weekend buying things for the new place and not getting back until the sun goes down.

So I decided today I would take a break and walk to breakfast with mom and go to the market and see water.  Something felt off, like there was some dejavu and heavy concern, it was way windier than I had expected, and it’s been overcast but these clouds were so dark and it was sprinkling off and on.  Then I remembered the dream I had a while back when mom was driving my car and water filled the streets and she exhaled before I woke up, so I can only imagine she drowned.  I had this dream a year and a month ago.  I remembered this dream standing next to my mother on 2nd Avenue and Pine, in the rain, while looking at the water.  What timing. And all of a sudden that insane dream felt too real.

Ive been thinking more about earthquakes because everyone’s saying how it’s overdue here.  My friend who also lives here happened to be visiting home in New Zeland when that huge earthquake hit.  It was bad, I saw an article that said there were 17,000 aftershocks. And then poor Japan was hit with an earthquake in Fukushima again!  I know earthquakes happen all the time and aren’t usually noticeable unless you look them up, but these are major. And then Japan and the pacific islands had tsunami warnings, and I understand the water I’m looking at is the sound and it’s not directly the ocean, but water could flood the channel from the pacific into the sound and that could be bad.  I read another thing that if you’re within 2 miles of the water it’s best to move to higher ground.  So I Google mapped it and I’m less than a mile and a half from water. I hate that dream. I hate that feeling standing on 2nd avenue.

Flicker out

I was dreaming it was the end of the world earlier this morning and the sky was dark and pretty, and I laid down on a bench and you laid down beside me and held me while we watched the stars flicker out.  But it wasn’t scary cause you were with me.

8:27PM

Today while walking past an area inside the Whole Foods on Denny Way something or someone smelled a lot like you.  It reminded me of that half awake half asleep feeling I had when I’d be wrapped up in white blankets while you’d get ready for work when it was stupid early, right when you’d get out of the shower.  Those mornings were happy and sad.  Happy you were with me and would kiss me before leaving, sad that you couldn’t stay.

I miss those mornings.