Monthly Archives: September 2016

I was just babbling on to you about this confusion I kept having cause I was waiting for you and you were in bed facing the other way, like when my feets were at the headboard to watch OUAT.. like that, and I started crying cause when you weren’t around I couldn’t figure out where you were and when you were around I couldn’t figure out where my parents were or where I’d been or what was going on (we were in their old room in Phoenix) and you told me to calm down and breathe and maybe go drink some water cause maybe I was dehydrated and to look at you and then you explained your job had you bouncing between here (being Phoenix) and Oklahoma City and I couldn’t look up at you like my vision gets wrecked in some dreams so I knew something was off and I asked okay so if you’re here now are my parents coming back? It was very disorienting like I’d remember one thing and then forget it for something else and toggle back and forth.  And then I was by myself and was looking on fb on my phone and you, and I’m guessing Anna, just closed on some huge house somewhere in California earlier in the morning and I hallucinated that entire conversation (which I guess kind of is true cause it’s a dream) but this waking up from dreams while still dreaming thing, omg and that stomach drop feeling from never seeing you ever again.  I hate these confusing dreams when I wake up more than once.

I’m sorry I dream bombed you earlier this morning.

All the pizza, so much pizza in my dream.  But before that there was a Kat and she was hanging out with me and a couple friends and we were comparing stuff between here and Australia, and she started running her nails over my back so I ended up plopping on the bed in the room starting to space out while she kept scratching my back and continuing a conversation with someone else about secret santa / white elephant gifts and how they work.

Then I was waking outside in some courtyard and there were people attending some outside wedding and the bride and groom had just died but idk how, and I was walking through retail space with David and some other peeps and he kept looking at businesses as we walked by saying how he didn’t wanna be outdone if we got married, like he knew the other party, and I stopped walking and said I had an idea and remembered what my black hat friends said about seeing a wedding party at a Brazillian steak house (but that was Jorna irl) and they kept walking so I was all whatevs and started walking and peeps were sitting at these tables and there were so many pizzas, so I grabbed a few slices of pepperoni and sat down next to Brandon while he talked about how he met Kat in the mountains in Colorado and how it was a small world and the lady across from him asked if he wanted this quesadilla and he said no, then she offered it to me and someone else at the table and then he said he’d eat it. The end. ._.

My sleep schedules admittedly a little jacked right now so I just woke up from an afternoon nap where it was the middle of the night and my car flooded in Mesa with me in it.  I was driving on a side street when it started to sprinkle and I made a left turn into a main road where I watched a truck pulling a trailer cross the intersection I planned on heading to barely cross. He went north to south when I was going west to east, but I was going super slow trying to decide if I could make it in the left lane since the water was a little high on the right, or see if I could safely u-turn then try to figure out what to do from there.  Then this huge wave of water came from the east and hit my car as I was turning around and it filled with water to my chin and I started panicking over idiot laws wondering if this counted, but how could it when I didn’t drive into deep water or down a road that dips.. there was no way to avoid this.  And then I calmed down a second later and thought well, the car and cell phone are gone.. anything in here with me is gone, but how do I get out and not die?

And then I woke up in a room in the dark I didn’t recognize (but guess was mine in the dream?) and pushed a lottk spot in the blinds to see a large truck out the window and it looked like a UPS truck except larger and unmarked.  Nearby on the sidewalk was a man in riot gear and I noticed a red glow, it was coming from th red dot off his rifle.  So I immediately got away from the window and noticed that red glow moving around my window wondering if they were going to open fire thinking they had a high enough probability of a hit.  I waked out of the room, went to the bathroom and used this cinnamon sugar scrub and took a sponge bath.  There was some rectangular bump in my lower back like something had been implanted and I couldn’t tell wtf it was when I felt it, and tried really hard to remember someone talking about a similar implant they had and couldn’t identify, but I can’t remember who mentioned it.  Then I rinsed off, got dressed, and walked to the front room and sat by the and window (now it was ground level when earlier it was upstairs) and some Korean dude my mom was talking to was sitting on the other side in the ledge and waved at me and I was all hi? I guess he was a new neighbor or something.  We were all at a restaurant and mom worked there but was eating and the guy wanted to show me something and brought me to the back of the kitchen where it was huge and there was an outside seating area that was closed off.

I overslept a little and am still a little bit tired.  I just remember this part of this morning’s dream where I was sharing a room and a bed with a friend (not sure if this was for a convention or work related thing or a scene thing) and was facing my side of the bed to be all respectful but he ended up trying to start something and I was so conflicted cause I couldn’t remember if he still had a gf or not, and then remembered his gf was Mony and we’re friends and I was all uhhh.. are they still dating? Did they break up?  If they’re still dating we need her blessing on this.  Even my dreams get complicated. *sigh*

In today’s dream I had a little dog.  Similar to Ragnar but his fur wasn’t as bright.. maybe a lil more brown and white ish.  I was passing out in bed and the puppy was snuggled up in my right arm taking a nap.  I’m writing this so late in the day I can’t remember what else happened, and I know a lot of other stuff did.  But whatevs, there was a dog. 😀

I was laying in bed in the master bedroom of the house I grew up in, and the room was cluttered with tokidoki figures, random stationary, jewelry, and stuff.  I was trying to get comfortable and go back to sleep when I noticed the door was cracked open so I went to close it and lock it, and then lock the other door to the bathroom but it could only be locked from the other side.  Mom came in to grab something off the vanity idk, it seemed like we were in the middle of a conflict I was blowing off or maybe we were discussing something previously I thought was a non issue and she thought otherwise. I was trying to remember why my bed was moved in there but she was still sharing the vanity and then started collecting my things to move to my room.

I was standing in a large room with some party favors and this lady was sitting at a table.  Then mom came into the room and threw some toy that launched out with a spider net and was super entertained by it.  I guess they were prepping for a party, and I realized I was standing there in a shirt and panties and decided to go find my black flowy skirt but had to go across some large area and was kind of deterred from the crowd so I went into a back area where there were a bunch of plushies and a couple cakes and stuff on top of a glass counter.  I recognized some items as previous birthday presents and saw a couple things Jay had given me and thought.. didn’t I already throw these out?  And I guessed this was a birthday thing happening.  I opened the mini fridge we used to have and inside was stuffed with unopened phone cases and drinks and other stuff.

I was in a house leaning on a small filing cabinet.  I was trying to figure out what would go where and who would get what room.  We bought a house and shared the master bedroom but each had our own rooms for our stuff that could double as offices or guest rooms, like mine had a daybed tucked in a part of the room that had a little cut out and also had a desk.  There was so much tokidoki stuff to sort out, it was mostly cacti too, like the cactus girl, the cacti hello kitty, and bastardino.. adios stars, etc. I leaned over that filing cabinet in a fourth room trying to figure out what to do with it.  Would we make it a guest room on its own or leave it for storage? You walked into the room and looked around while I thought out loud about what to do with it and about house plans but I just wanted you to come closer so I could kiss you, lol.

Don’t judge me for my dream tokidoki collection. ._.

I was in an apartment gathering Jay’s shoes so he could come pick them up.  I think this was supposed to be right after we broke up but the apartment was weird.  It was old, the colors were like it was the 70’s with the carpet and everything.  I was sitting on the floor unzipping this military pea green bag, it almost looked like it was shaped like a bag for a rifle and inside of it were more of his things I was setting aside.  I was expecting some automatic drama whenever I was going to interact with him and was trying to prepare myself for it.  I didn’t miss him, or have anxiety, or feel any kind of hatred.  I just wanted to get this exchange over with.  I also found some of my shoes while sitting on the floor and tried on a black sandal.  These looked like shoes I owned years and years ago that I wore until they died and eventually had to toss.  I always hated throwing away shoes I loved but if they’re worn out beyond repair.. they’re kind of done.  I was more attached to the shoes than anything.  I walked to the kitchen near the door and looked around then noticed a little cut out in the wall that exposed the kitchen to the living area.  I walked past the partition again and there was a hexagonal hot tub and a larger tub that was drained to it’s right, kind of like an indoor pool.  It took up the entire room and was in desperate need of being cleaned.  I was trying to figure out if there was mold buildup or something and thought about how to clean it, and thought it was going to take a lot of bleach but then didn’t want to get myself sick.  I imagined all the cleaner in that space would essentially have me huffing bleach and dying or causing some kind of damage.

I was driving around Belmont in this black SUV and it was being a pain in the ass like the power steering was off or it was just being weird while turning,  and I was trying to figure out where to go since I was supposed to see you and then there was some wedding. So I pulled into a bertos to order tacos and then went to find a seat and kept knocking things over.  A lady brought them out to me and they were packaged to go even though I wanted to eat them there, so I got up and went to the powder room to check my make up and collect myself.  I had my make up case with me instead of the bag I usually travel with, and then Ashe was standing next to me on my right saying my mama was hilarious and I was all what? And I looked up on the mirror and she was behind me wearing this pink floral top she used to wear yeeears ago and was holding a bag of make up pads or something to give me saying I’d forgotten them. And I was all oh.. uhh.. thank you.  What’s funny about this is I was having my doubts as I drove around cause it seemed like a small town where things were spaced out, kind of like Huntsville.. and even though I’ve never been to Belmont, I have been to SF and have taken transit to Daly City and saw how green it was and how dense everything is there.  I mean.. that area isn’t as densely packed as actual SF but still.  Weird.

I was sitting on the floor in my room and it was laid out differently,  I went around the corner to a closet the size of a hallway, and in the shared wall to my room there was shelving with these plastic tubs that looked like supplies from friends.  One had shampoo and other stuff and I believed it was from Forge.  There were others, and when I got to the end against the back wall I found stuff that looked like Jay had left.  There were a bunch of stage can lights sitting on the floor, some large item and after moving it around I noticed there were two antennas attached on the back so I guessed network equipment.. which really confused me since it was with Jay’s stuff, and these really weird sunglasses that looked ridiculous and I guess were some special edition collectors item.  I sifted in a box on the shelf above the items I just mentioned and found a bunch of puffy loofahs and some other stuff and was all… srsly?  I didn’t know there was a bunch in there, now I can use these instead of buying more.  Then left the closet to go back into the room and sat on the couch across from a girl in a yellow sun dress who I guess was my friend.  We were talking when she suddenly passed out on the couch and started having a seizure.  So I went over to her and moved the glass table away from her, made sure everything was cleared away from her, and supported her back so she could stay on her side.  She was bringing up some of the coffee she’d just sipped and some other stuff.  When she regained consciousness I asked if she was alright and she said what? and had forgotten what we were discussing.  Her parents had come through my bedroom door.. that was now somehow the front door and were trying to figure out the trigger, then saw my gray cat (suddenly I had a gray cat) and said she was allergic to them so maybe that was it.  They helped her up and took her home.

I looked to my right and my closet was one of those normal ones with the sliding doors except if you walked in and went left it lead to another room.  There was also a back door with a window in the original room where I started.  So when I got to the room the closet lead me to it was some kind of front room and it was furnished kind of like a living room, and there was a door that lead out of the building on the left.  I went back to the hall to find the closet and on the right there was a hidden room I was hoping was some hidden bathroom and it was kind of a hidden laundry room / bathroom and I was all nice.. the washer and dryer against the wall were soo ooold they looked like the original ones in the house I grew up in we ended up replacing.  I wondered how many years it had been since the last time someone had walked in there.  There was some ugly green tile on the walls, like that seafoam medical green… mmm it was darker than seafoam but not forest green, idk how to describe it.  I left the room and noticed another door straight down the hall instead of taking the one on the right that went to the closet, and it was another hidden room in the back that looked like an office.  There was an old phone and an answering machine that had unheard messages.  There were some other things from like 20 years ago.

I picked up the phone to see if the lan line was still working and it was, and messages started playing and it sounded like the original guy who had just been here earlier to take my friend home.  It sounded like he got stuck at work and was going to be late coming home whenever he left that message.  I noticed a pink case and in it was a tablet, which really stood out since it was a piece of modern tech.  I walked back out but this time I went into the main room up front instead of back to the closet and someone knocked on the door.  It was my parents, and mom was super excited and sat at the table.  They had a camcorder with them and was trying to get it to work, she tried to explain the previous time I saw them both she was saying certain things because she was pregnant, which I didn’t really pick up on, and I was all omg.  Because this was impossible after me anyway, so I hugged her and she was all excited.  And then dad barged through the door into the hall (it was now a glass door) into my secret not so secret bathroom and came out and I was all heeeey you can’t just go into any room you want like that, and mom scolded him and apologized to me and they left.  And I thought that’s great but even if this had happened three years ago when I was 23, at least he’d be 3 now and.. how old is she gonna be when he’s in high school?  These numbers are way off since I wasn’t 23, 3 years ago. lololol  I was trying to figure out numbers and years and apparently this was going to be a baby brother.

I walked back to the hall which was larger now, and some kid I didn’t know like maybe high school age idk was wandering in there and I was all dude where did you come from?  You can’t be back here, get out.  And he went through a door that used to be where the closet was.  I went through it and this was a large arcade and it was a public space, so I was trying to figure out the boundaries between this establishment and my area, walked around, found another room with some fancy carpeting and these huge antiques from China, and took the side door on the other side of the room and it brought me back to the hall where my parents were standing.  I guess they knew about all that stuff, and I was all… can I have one of the large antique vases?  She didn’t seem reluctant but I don’t remember how she answered.

I haven’t been posting my dreams lately cause I keep forgetting them or haven’t had a chance to post till the afternoon and then it doesn’t feel worth it.

Like yesterday I had a dream I went to visit Keaton and we were chillin under blankets on the couch like we we’re having a sleepover, then I recognized the wall unit in ththe room and remembered it was imported from Turkey, theeen remembered it was ours and realized Keaton had bought the house I grew up in. And of course there was other stuff but I can’t remember.

It is 6:31AM and a few minutes ago I woke up from a dream where mom was packing / carving this huge thing of ice but it wasn’t clear.  It wasn’t shaved ice either, it was packed like a snowball and I even grabbed some and squished it in my hand to try and form something.  Then when I looked up there was a guy standing across from me with this kind of cut out ice bucket he was carrying and there was other stuff in there like empty beer glasses and crumpled paper like it was a waste basket.  I went after whatever was supposed to be important in there and he tried to get away, and we went around this glass table and these two couches in this sitting area.  I was grabbing stuff out of the container and placing them on the table as I chased him until h finally tripped or I pushed him (can’t remember) if he fell, and I grabbed another handful of ice from that container.  Then I was standing in my old living room behind the sofa trying to explain wher I’d been to my parents and finally asked okay do you know what Jessica Jones is? And looked at dad since he likes to watch Marvel series thinking he’s got a bett of shot at knowing.  Then I explained I met Killgrave and he made me do terrible things and I can’t even remember what happened, like my memory blocked it out to protect me, but I had to stop him.  They seemed kind of confused. Idk if anything happened after that.

So yeah. Meh.

“So the nightmare today was: Went to some kind of concert at the park that required tickets. The ticket taker was not having any of it and kept making me re-park my car. Big hassle. Then finally started to go through the park, but instead of the concert it was a series of sideshow and freakshow attractions that got increasingly more macabre and horrific until we got to the clown who would tear his own face off just to have it grow back almost immediately. He had a lovely assistant wearing the Mike Myers mask from Halloween who would tack the bloody, used-up faces onto a wall with a hammer and rusty nails…all the faces seemed to be frozen in agonized screams.”

“SO this morning’s nightmare involved being a plane bound for parts east, only to end with the pilot ditching the plane into the water under the Golden Gate Bridge.  Way too vivid for me, thanks. ”

“Complete with the feeling of water pouring in from the cockpit and an inability to find the stupid life vest.  I woke up thinking about how much of a pain-in-the-ass it was going to be inflating the damned thing with that tube.”

Lorraine was in the dream I just woke up from.  Passive aggressive as ever with that eye twitch like she was snapping.  I was sitting on the couch at some house waiting on someone else (can’t remember who) and she was there and was looking at what was on my wrist.  It was a plastic bracelet from the hospital and she lifted her wrist to show she had one too, and I tried to verbalize some sympathy like oh man you got sick too that sucks..

Thanks accidental evening nap. ._.