I need to start hiding my phone from myself when I hit a certain level of non sobriety.
Monthly Archives: August 2016
I fucking miss you
9:59PM
Just got home and ate In-N-Out burger for dinner. Going through your calendar was so terrible I wanted to finish it in one shot cause I knew if I stopped I wouldn’t have wanted to pick it back up, lol. It was kind of weird going over dates and seeing when you traveled, when we were in the same meetings, when I was adding stuff to your schedule… mostly to block other peeps from taking it, or when you were off to SLC and I was already waiting for you. I had to wait a whole weekend for you before you were back in LV, it was torture! And then I was getting towards the end of June and just had to burn through it as fast as possible. Idk wtf I’m doing, I know we’re just trying to hang in there and make smart decisions. I’m doing this day by day, I know you’re probably doing this second by second. I’m sorry it’s so crazy for you, and that you’re feeling terrible, and about today.
I hope you are resting and are feeling better.
Jaja
BB took Orion to the Vans Warped Tour today, it was at the Hard Rock so we decided to meet up for a bit and eat before she went back.
The last time I was here you and I were day drinking, which turned to fucking then napping. This never happens.. it was so nice. *sigh*
Tequila drink was nice too.
Good night.
I feel so sick, I had to leave. I mean at least I can make it until I get home before I start crying like a mofo right? I’m never going to see you again, I mean I knew that logically but now it’s hit.
3:44AM
Fuck.
1:02PM
Fuck. I woke up a couple times today and thought not yet so I kept falling back asleep and now it’s way later in the day.. meh, whatever.
But I just woke up from a dream you were eating me out and was so close to orgasm and now I’m going to walk around a hacker con on edge all day. Fuck.
I’m sorry things are so shitty they’re beyond words. I know it’s not your intent to worry me, but I can’t help it and the fact that it’s the unknown (to me) makes it worse. I hope you were able to catch up on sleep in the sense that it was restful. I wish you could come to Vegas and tell me in person what’s going on. Maybe that would be easier than text. Idk. I just want you here cause I miss you. I’d be happy seeing you even if you still couldn’t explain it.
3:29AM
Roo’s Invasion Dream
Dreamed about serious full scale alien invasion all night last night. Battles in the skies over Summerlin/ Centennial Hills area. Nellis’ response team was losing, bad. Best and brightest pilots wiped out quick. Ground missile launch teams were a scrambling, failingly chaotic second wave. Citizens stared dumbly into the skies snapping pics on facebook. Myself included- or at least, I was trying to- but all I could manage to post was the word “FUCK–” I got some video but it wouldn’t load. I met some of the humanoid looking aliens and understood they were not human but wearing like, “Edgar suits”. They seemed to think they were here to help, regardless of their ruthless disarmament. They sent automated drones out to collect human donations of objects and food for study. I tried to explain to them about days of the week and the concept of coffee. But I started choking in my dream and couldn’t speak or even breathe, so as I was blacking out I mentally begged the aliens for help. I felt them jolt me awake, and I woke up literally choking for real. Got some water and then fell back asleep and had at least 2 more subsequent dreams in the same storyline.
In the first I met or saw a documentary about a spaceship full of earth human children we had sent out as a sort of “great hope” experiment. They reported they had seen “friends” while up there [these same invading aliens], often tailing them or drifting alongside their ship. One boy explained, “At first we couldn’t talk to them very well, but then they gave us better words/3-D words…[I think he said “better words” but I understood he meant something like 3-D visual telepathic speech]” and the kid’s face brightened up and he indicated talking to their “friends” was fun and cool way they passed the time up there.
The second dream showed me that all of our chemical and material manufacturing processes on earth had been getting seeded with extraterrestrial particles and molecules from the aliens’ homeworld for a while to make the planet more hospitable to them and somehow also affect us- again part of their agenda to “help” us. The particles were now inextricably woven into everything- oils, plastics, metals, glass, fabric, even food and drink. The molecules bore a special alien ID tag or “makers’ mark” that was only visible under an electron microscope.
Needless to say I’m pretty tired today, lol.
1:07AM
Idk what’s happening. Idk what you mean by its going to get very rough. I want to know what’s going on, I want to know if you’re okay, I want to help however I can so you’re not taking so much damage.. I say it like its HP, but it’s not a game, and I suck as a mage or a cleric irl anyway. I want to be there for you, and I feel like idk how, or like bending rules for this reason is only making everything worse. I want you to know you’re not alone, and I don’t want you to continue moving forward as if you were.
It doesn’t fucking matter what time it is
I still haven’t completely come to terms with the reality that I have to love you from afar.
12:30AM
I need you.
4:59AM
Still waking up and crying.