I was convinced to come out and see a friend’s band play at the house of blues, spotted some defcon people (it’s kinda early?), and was invited to a security thing by Palo Alto in August. Sounds about right..? I guess.
Mandalay and MGM always makes me think of you. Even if it’s not our favorite place, Vegas is ours, and that made even a place like this a little more endearing. I have a few pragmatic reasons to stick around a little longer, but the ties that keep me here the most are emotional. It’s my last link to you, that and the office. I know my resume doesn’t entirely suck and even if Vegas is iffy as a market I’d compete well, but I don’t have it in me to look, because of what keeps me emotionally. I’m afraid to leave this place professionally, geographically, because I’m afraid to really see what life looks like without you.
But on your end, if you find something better and have a way to improve your situation, please do what’s best for you. I hope it opens you up to bettering your personal life too. It’ll break me some, but I already have to make it through everything else anyway. And this decision is not about me, it’s about those 8 – 16(?) hours, 7 days a week. That needs to stop. I know what you were writing earlier was out of concern and wasn’t meant to hurt me. It didn’t. What hurts is “this.” I’m referencing everything when I say “this.” The situation in its entirety. And the thing you wrote about earlier stays between us. It’s just a small secret in our vast collection.
I am glad that of all the people in the world who really know me, it’s you. You’ve known about every piece that makes me who I am from my past up to this point. Mel, Gypsy, Ashe, BB, I adore them all and keep them close in my heart, but they haven’t known me as unfiltered and vulnerable as you have.