1:16AM – Hard conversations

I meant to be asleep hours ago but heard yelling downstairs when I was wrapping up homework and went to go check it out.  There was a lot of hostility and when dad went upstairs mom explained the situation, so I defined gaslighting to her and gave examples, and just said screw it and pulled up a wiki article.  She appreciated the explanation and how it validated her frustrations, anger, and hurt.

So I chilled with her in the living room for a bit and she was mentioning how I need to sleep since I have to be up extra early.. since I rescheduled the nail appointment from last Friday to this morning.. I have to leave in 5 hours.. ugh.  She asked how work was, and I explained the high level ish, and school, and how I’m considering changing some of the courses on my path with the university, how I am exhausted, about the changes I’m trying to make professionally.

She asked how is Josh?  I was like, fine.

Is this why you were gone the last week?  Yes. (Damn she’s blunt)

Are you two dating? No.

And this is where I started crying, and she immediately apologized because she hit something, and I said not to cause she wasn’t aware.  I said I ended it.  We couldn’t work.  She asked why, and I just deflected we can’t.  She asked if there was an issue with a woman and I just nodded.  I couldn’t lie to her as much as I wanted to.  It’s none of her business, I know she’s trying to be supportive and be there for me, but I still have my own pride, and I didn’t want her to think any less of the person I’m crying over.  I told her, that I explained we wouldn’t be able to talk again without it hurting, until we could be together, or I was over it.  I made it very clear, and I stuck to it.  She reassured me that I did the right thing.  She said I was strong for keeping up with work and school.  She said she was sorry, and tried to offer some comfort that time is the best medicine.

So hopefully I wake up and make it to my appointment in 5 hours.

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