Today was stupid, I was stupid, I was having an alright morning that started to go sideways and tried to make light of it, ignore it by indulging myself mentally in what I wanted at the time, and then realizing everything was just getting worse, and then finally came to terms with dealing with it, and trying to get through it, one task at a time. My mind has been fragmented and has been rambling like this for most of today.
But things have to start getting better, right?
I tried hanging on to the silly, the frivolous, and the non-important-but-still-important-to-me thoughts, I walked through halls trying to auto-pilot my duties at minimum, get through a decent chunk of work at best so tomorrow I’ll thank myself for how I handled today.. but this head space couldn’t make it till the end and then I was just sad. Everyone has been burnt out, stressed, exhausted, anxious, all these things, for a long time, I could have said these things a year ago and it still would have been true, but there’s an increasing normalcy in this now. At least things are shifting a little? I don’t know, I’m trying, that’s all I know to do. I started walking down halls a little later and this little voice inside of me was praying that I was walking to you, that you would be around the corner from wherever I was and that I could see you, that we’re not alone, that we’ve got this. Everyone’s got it, it’s alright. I’ve been missing you bad lately, I mean I always miss you, but some days it’s louder than others, and some days my guard is down and it’s absolutely overwhelming. Today was one of those days. That little prayer in the back of my head quietly requesting, please. It will never be heard, it’ll never be answered. I just need sleep, maybe I’ll feel better in the morning. That’s the joke, that it’s the human equivalent to “have you tried turning it off and back on again?”