Yesterday was the first time I didn’t cry after leaving the airport, and as stupid as this sounds, it almost makes me feel like I’m going to cry thinking about it. That’s dumb. I still miss you everyday I don’t get to see you, I still wish some things were different, and I know while some things have gotten absolutely terrible and even more stressful professionally (who knew it would look like this a year ago), I think some things have acclimated, some things have gotten smoother, and some things will never change, which I am really happy about. I was spacing out about yesterday morning when I woke up today, and when you kissed me then very very quietly gave me your love right before you walked into the airport.
I’m glad we still find more places to share and enjoy together, I’m sure it doesn’t matter what city we’re in. And I’m glad we still make time to enjoy being together by ourselves, ignoring the outside world. We still discover weird things in our past that would have put us in the same places had events in our lives gone differently, or potentially we might have never met, which would have been the saddest thing to have happened in my life without me ever knowing. I mentioned not knowing if I’d ever work again, have a chance at finishing my undergrad, or be able to function when I moved here in 2013. I thought that was the end, I thought moving here was giving up instead of rebuilding, but I’m glad I took what was left of myself and brought it here so I could start over. I’m glad I was here so you could find me. I’m grateful I made the best of my situation to find some good in this city, and found life long friends and hidden spots I could show you. And I get cranky that I’m still here but I have to finish the work I started and remind myself I had no idea I would have come this far 3 years ago. Coming here was the hardest and best decision of my life. So I made peace with how things have gone up to this point, and I made peace with the timing in which we met, even if I wished it happened sooner and under better circumstances. It could still work. I’m crying a little while writing this, not like hysterical heart broken crying, but like dumb and a little emotional crying. I guess writing to you after you leave is still a tradition, but it’s not so bad. Thank you for creating a weekend with me when we didn’t have one. I love you.
At least you’re not a douche bro from Duke and I’m not goth stripper Barbie. We never want to see a reality where angry Lisa exists.
Please come back next quarter, that is my birthday wish. So no pressure. lol