I only remember a couple small bits from the long running mesh of dreams I had last night/this morning. It felt like dozens of dreams colliding together and I woke up absolutely exhausted. Usually I get up around the same time every morning regardless of what time I go to bed, and will make up for lack of sleep by napping if I can get away with it. But this morning was bad, I have been so run down from stress affecting everything else in a bad ripple effect the last two weeks. I guess my body decided to play catch up and told me to diaf but I have places to be and things to do. So the two pieces I remember:
I was sitting across from you at this small table discussing how I was only partially ready for some exam coming up in my current class. I knew that I was prepared enough to pass with a B and was frustrated with myself, and the timing/ schedules because I needed to put more time into studying since I hadn’t done enough yet and fuck B’s.
I was outside at a park somewhere and it was bright out, there were lots of people when I turned around I caught someone drugging my drink as they walked by. I saw him drop the pill in my glass and then yelled out and ran after him to try and call him out on it and expose him, but he got away.
Stress dreams. Stress waking hours. Stress waiting hours. Stress oblivious to what’s happening around me and why are people lying to me? Idk. I have to wait and see how everything plays out. But at least I’m better at seeing what’s happening around me while also not flipping the fuck out about it anymore. It’s not worth the energy. Progress.
I um, I used to write a lot of the stress out of my system in bs rants, and I know some of those posts exist on here even though I try to stay focused on the “memories” I make while I’m not conscious. I lost my outlets. I lost my creativity and that’s bothering me right now. I forgot how to be an artist. I’m not okay with it but I’m not even keeping up with all the obligations I signed up for right now. Like I get one thing caught up and then something else falls, and then I go out of town for a break and everything has to be restarted. I know I can balance this if I’m honest with myself and how much I can do in a day, in a week. I’m just trying to remember step 1 sleep well, step 2 eat well. It’s the only way to get through everything else without getting sick again.
I just want us to make it out of this alive and happy, and flourishing.