Monthly Archives: February 2016

We were standing in this boba shop with some people and were about to order when the lady behind the counter was explaining the menu and you picked one based on a certain title, I can’t remember it other than it having three words in the name and one being love. The register had decorations around it like little bamboo plants and Hello Kitty stuff. So once we drank whatever we picked we were going to be living different “lives” almost like a parallel universe, or like we were actually starting over, and with the hopes of finding each other. But there’d be no memory, and no faith to pull us together like the cute ending in What Dreams May Come. It was closer to Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind. It could actually take us over a thousand tries and we could never find “us,” growing further with each successive failure. I was scared af with the knowledge but we were there and there was no turning back. Idk how we got there, or why we were obligated to do this, or why we couldn’t turn around and just walk out.

I opened my eyes and we were in a dim apartment. We were being affectionate when I was worried in the back of my mind that someone was going to walk in, like maybe a parent? Which is stupid because we were both adults but still. I don’t remember what words were exchanged here but you took me into the front room and it was trashed. I don’t know who destroyed the place, who owned it, or how we got there, or why you walked out the front door and left. I ended up laying down on the chaise lounge with a couple pillows after shoving someone to make room for me. Idk who they were either.

I walked around outside and looked at these buildings that were deconstructed, they looked like they were made entirely of that pink fluffy insulation, and it was dark out and unnerving. Again, I had no idea how I got there and someone eventually found me. I explained my confusion and then we were in his vehicle flying around trying to figure out where I belonged. We ran out of reality for a while and it was pitch black, no sky, no ground, until we came across something but all of the masses were light blue and spongy.

I walked into a building and looked at the large doors that went into a main area. This was some office setting and the colors were muted making the environment seem very cold and disconnected. People were walking around to different places and I had no idea where to go, so I just followed the path into a large meeting area, acquiring a cookie omw in. There was a small stage off to the right and chairs to the left, and in the other far corner a black swivel plush black chair with what looked like a Vera Wang-esq deep purple and gold embellished Victorian style sofa. Everyone was wearing black. Black slacks and button down long sleeved shirts, black dresses, etc. the people on the stage were sales managers, one being a really annoying one who used to be here and transferred. The crowed was a mix of people from different affiliations but they were mostly sales too, and in the black seat in the other corner was Michelle. So I thought for once I’d seen a face that felt familiar and thought about going around the back of the chairs to get to that purple sofa and would safely sit there for a while, then after all this I could introduce myself. The thing was packing up and people were waking away, I heard the name “Calixto” in passing and I knew I knew that name but couldn’t figure out who owned it in the crowd that was walking past me.

I walked out into the hall and saw these women in white dresses like it was a wedding expo or some kind of mass wedding on one of those fancy dates like 7-7-07 or 12-12-12, 12-13-14, that nonsense. There was a line for make up artists, there was a lady somewhere else explaining you had to have your wedding certificate on you and ready to present, otherwise you’d have to step aside and this other lady would help you with the paperwork on site. I went outside and it was normal, it was too normal. The sky was blue and the trees were green, there was a little breeze and it seemed like it was either right before or right after noon. I looked at the brown building from the parking lot and wondered why I was out here. Did I just forget something in my car and grabbed it so I’m good? I walked back inside and was wearing a wedding gown with a high collar and long sleeves made of like off white lace and with these silver flecks in them. It was very Alexander McQueen but not exactly like the gown Kate Middleton wore. I wasn’t sure where I was going or who I was there with, but I hoped it was you. I didn’t know you, your name, what you looked like, or what our connection was many lives ago, but I didn’t know if you or someone else was waiting for me to come through the door. I got to the area where the lady asked to see my marriage license and I was confused so she asked me to step aside telling me not to worry and that she could help me with this on the spot. I didn’t know if I’d regret moving forward or turning around and walking out to try again. I didn’t know what or who was waiting for me in the next room.

My beloved had a dream about me and Charlotte Gainsbourg in the shower speaking in French and Korean.  Damn, he does dream better than me on most nights.

5:11am, I see my brains back on schedule. I just woke up from a dream where I was in the office telling Katherine in person I got all the info “finally” on the iPhone so it could be updated, and also that we finally got everything on HockeyApp and it took a lot of digging, and she was like okay great. She had sat down next to me to overlook what was on my screen and you were already there but had walked around the divider thing and sat next to her. I overheard her asking what you were thinking for lunch and you quietly said sushi in this almost devious almost giddy inflection and it shook me. Your demeanor with everyone is always consistent, the same speech patterns, tone, cadence, body language, gestures… but here, here it was past being an old friend and into doting lover or boyfriend. So I shot up from my seat, lied that I was late for a meeting and rushed out of the building before the confusion on the inside was obvious to anyone on the outside. I remember walking past the Sketchers store in Town Square rationalizing with myself thinking duh, he said he thought she was the love of his life, keyword thought. It was a cover up because “thought” is inaccurate, he believes she is still the love of his life.. how could I be in shock at what I just witnessed? How can I be surprised? Was every experience I had with him a made up thing? Did the thing I just witness in a few seconds invalidate everything I’ve known and had been told by this person regarding our dynamic and love for each other? And just because it was made up on his side, it didn’t mean it wasn’t… isn’t still real.. on my end.

And here I am awake and it’s 5:23am, and my brain decided to conveniently forget the Cylon’s existence in favor of dropping me to my knees and taking away my ability to inhale and comfortably fill my lungs. Way to go brain.. asshole.

I was walking in my old neighborhood at night with Brandon and heard goth mom talking about the physical abuse she suffered from an ex the last time she went to the theater with him and how her arms were bruised up. There was a large group of goth friends from the old school and recent scenes around in little cliques and circles, and goth mom was sitting on top of the table on a bench. I walked up to her looking down holding her self and when I got to her she said “oh, honey” and hugged me, Brandon walked around the other side and Vanessa was standing next to goth mom, along with Kat M. I tried to console her and she was happy to be around supportive friends. Then I saw Kat V and introduced her and Brandon formally since they knew each other online through me.

It was around sunset and this huge group was walking out of this casino floors doors to what looked like Fremont only everything was destroyed and not shiny and once we got to the street we were looking down a cliff we had to climb. I saw all of our friends coming through the doors behind us, new ones I’ve met since being here, ones in IT, ones in the scene, ones from Phoenix from earlier. TSO was behind me with a suit case and it was a little off. But still, it was Like we were all united under a cause, like we survived something together, and when I looked ahead I saw you moving forward. So I ran up to you and grabbed your hand asking you to slow down. You asked me why since you wanted to get this climb down over with, and I told you “because once it’s done it’s over” and explained how we have to go through this either way, and I wanted us to take our time and not rush through the descent, and that we could do this together. I squeezed your hand and said when all this was done I’d stay with you, and you were happy, surprised, and a little skeptical. You asked really? And I said yes and kissed you.

You made a comment about some drinking restriction, I think from where you had been, and how you were going to be a super drunk bunny when we got home. You came down these wooden white stairs and I wore this ring on my right hand saying it fit perfect, it was fat and had a green opal in the center, and was meant to be melted down into a smaller more feminine ring later, with the excess becoming a new ring, perhaps for someone else to wear or as a wedding band once it switched hands. You were a happy “drunk bunny” and I went upstairs to a room where there was a display on the table. It looked like those 3D pop up books only much larger and I realized it was a representation of Wonderland. I looked at it as it played back like a memory of how Alice had left Wonderland and the wrong person discovered the books and went there trying to take over. They tried to marry off the girls there, I wasn’t sure if they were Alice’s sisters, daughters, descendants, or otherwise related to her. But people fled and Wonderland was dangerous with people pushing to take it over. You were the  last one in the line of succession and everyone was trying to kill you after they couldn’t build alliances with you. We had been called to Wonderland to help and then bring you back home, and I woke up.

Before I woke up I drove all night through this road I wasn’t familiar with through switchbacks and around the one dip were wolves and one was hit by another car that had passed me a while back since I’d turned around but then decided to keep going. It was getting too dark and my right headlight was out and I was starting to get too sleepy but the sky was getting brighter so I kept going until I got to this cliff, and got out of the car so I could walk to this famous spot for sunrises and the sun had this dark halo around it, like you see in old Italian paintings and other religious artwork, it was somewhere between Catholisism and pagan artwork.  Then there was the sun and the full moon next to each other. The sky looked like a really pretty painting with a purple sky and gold leaf embellishments. I tried taking photos of it on my phone to send you but they never came out right. There was also a little area that was cut out naturally with some water going through, it looked like it may have been the entry into canyons or something like that.

I was back in some house in a dark room with a little light from a TV, talking to someone I guess I was acquainted with in the dream about driving through UT from AZ to get to NV, which I knew on the map was wrong. He talked about seeing Penn and Teller and being called to the stage for one of the performances that was broadcasted and has been in syndication. I mentioned seeing Penn and Teller and how my friend got called up on stage. He asked how I liked living in Vegas. I mentioned how friends recently showed up and we’re all lets go see Britney! And I just bought a ticket and ran with it. I mentioned how friends like to visit here and the food, and he said he didn’t really know much about food, filling up with he was getting up to go make pancakes and I was welcome to some, and I was all idk after the last two statements put together so I thought about getting up to follow and assist but didn’t want to move and had these fluffy black blankets anyway. Then he came back and said they (the other people in the house, presumably the owners) were wondering what’s up with me being naked, which I hadn’t noticed! And then he suggested I get dressed, then said I should be careful what I posted on Reddit.. Like I posted on scandalous stuff I’d just done on there, but I couldn’t remember doing anything crazy or sexual or writing about it anywhere.

I went into a kitchen / living room area where a couple friends were and Shaun was really sad about his recent break up (which was a while ago irl) and was telling someone else about how they were probably surprised they be dated and what he liked about her and some traits, and they were all so you’d probably wanna date someone like her only thicker so you don’t have to worry about breaking her and he was all yeah, but that was apparently figurative and literal. It was weird. He was taping up boxes and I’m guessing he as moving so I grabbed a tape gun and started to help, but the box was kind of janky from over use so I suggested we not reuse this one and grab a new one. After dealing with boxes he sat on the couch upset over everything that was going on so I went to hug him while he talked it out of his system. We got up and sat at a table, and he was next to these two other peeps who were crafting or something. I told him about wanting to shatter the glass ceiling that was over me because I wanted to take on secops, but I wasn’t stupid and was still looking around, but still wanted to just win. He got it, and we decided to leave and go somewhere else. He was driving this truck with no AC so the windows were rolled down.. which is weird cause he drives a Lancer, and we were going through some sketchy part of town and I woke up.

All I remember is smoking a bong with Pen Jillette in this huge house then walking into another room and seeing Teller with a tape measurer to do someone’s suit fitting, and being at a table where everyone had super fancy plated foods.

This dream was really fucking weird, the guy I used to sit next to in the NOC was in it and he’s one of the closest individuals I’ve ever come close to hating irl. He was so rude to me the guys who sat in the row in front of us we’re uncomfortable. Anyway, in the dream I was in some crowded place and everyone was dressed in cocktail or black tie attire. He looked like Matt Bomer as Donovan.. which makes me mad cause irl if he cleaned up like that he actually would.. but he was over by this gold display with all these satiny black little boxes in them. I grabbed one and opened it to find make up inside. Someone came by and brought him an iPhone and when he answered it he was visibly frustrated, then put is on speakerphone so the other gentleman sitting at the table could hear it. They were trying to cover some issue up and make you the scapegoat, or at least have to be the one who deals with it. The other gentleman at the table leaned over and whispered to me asking if I understood what was happening and if I’d be willing to help, I said sure so I’d have an idea of what they’d actually be doing but I still felt shitty claiming I’d help them.

Then I was over by a window with a built in sitting area looking at the beach. There were a bunch of seagulls on the sand and boats coming and going. Asshole assigned as Donovan came by to look out the window and try to figure out what I was focusing on, but it was nothing in particular. The other guy from before may have been his father, or some other influence in his life.  He suggested faux Donovan go with me to the beach after I mentioned wanting to go boating, and then he made some statement I was the perfect woman, which really irked me and I tried really hard to make sure I didn’t make a face.

He walked away then came back with a fake gun, and I asked wtf he was doing. He put on this headset for this vr thing that had an animation of the next episodes of TWD like he was prepping for it as an actor in the show, and I suggested he should go out to a shooting range, or learn to shoot. He took offense to that and said something but I can’t remember what it was.

I was in the back of a car and idk who was driving but Nicola was in the front passenger seat giving instructions since we were on our way to some place to fix some thing. When we got there I walked into a large room that was supposed to be “my” room and went to get tea. This one guy was annoying me, then made me a cup of tea when he was prepping one for himself, and I called out how the packet already had two servings anyway. The room was getting very crowded and I hopped up on a table to yell at everyone. Evereyone was yelling and acting stupid, others were trying to gain everyone’s attention. I finally yelled that this was my area and for them to gtfo. Then I yelled that I was the god of that area and to stfu.  I was trying to think of some deity to mirror while yelling but couldn’t come up with one.  Then I hopped down from the table and walked through the crowd. The room was even larger and was dim instead of bright now. It had been decorated and there was a catwalk set up off to the side, some group of people were rushing down it as I walked along it, and this little girl in a metallicy silver dress was throwing silver petals behind them. Everyone was back to being fancy and I ran through the crowd in a coral dress but had left my heels behind. I then started seeing people I was kind of acquainted with and started walking on my tippy toes where I think my height would be at if I were still in my heels and saw Sabrina, grabbed her hand to squeeze it, and kept going. I can’t remember what I was looking for.

I walked into the living room, it was dark except for the tv and I was tired of watching Jay die at Super Mario so I decided to run through the game and show him how it’s done. He was being an asshole and when I came in kept asking about Wil Francis of William Control and was all oh hey where’s he at? Is he here? This was agitating him a lot and then I apologized saying I usually don’t care but Alexis is obsessed so when I walked in that kind of rubbed off and took over. When I looked around I saw tall stacks of red Verizon MiFi boxes and i5c stacks behind N64 stacks, but I was about to play SNES. Then I turned the TV back to the game to start a new one and it was weird with the items you could pick, and the character you could pick to play. A chick was then hanging out bed to me as I started it and then it started the game but it showed another chick with a guitar and it was some impossibly hard guitar hero sequence. The controller in my lap was a guitar hero controller so I tried to run with it and was  fucking up at first but then actually started to make it, then I made this excuse like oh yeah it starts this way I forgot, but I didn’t really know.

I put it down and was still sitting on the chair in front of the couch, and the were stairs to my left like the house in Phoenix. I was wearing this ivory white In Bloom night gown with pearls sewn in.  Alan Rickman came downstairs and sat in the other chair in front of mine, facing me. There was some pending proposal waiting on my answer and I was reluctant but decided to go for it to spite Jay. Alan had his hand on my back to comfort me because I was aggravated, then I placed a hand on his cheek and without looking up I said yes like I was agreeing to an arranged marriage. What surprised me though, was as I was accepting I was very happy because I knew he genuinely loved me and would care for me, and my posture changed and I was warmer towards him. He said he was very happy I accepted, and I quietly thought to myself I was too. He also mentioned it was pretty dim and I commented it was only 11:30am, so it must have been an overcast day.

I was at what was being called the Firehouse but it was like someone’s residence. Sharon Osbourne wanted to see Alan’s hand because it had been sliced open on the top and was infected. She asked one of the girls three to get her something and then was like “today.” She th went to a fridge and grabbed two morello beers and opened one to drink, then the other to hand to him. He politely declined saying he wasn’t sure how long we’d be here and she said it’d help the pain, and that he wasn’t sure how long this would take.  She was going to fix it.

i walked into another room with a pool table and this chick in this black jersey with this super cute pixie cut brushed my hand on the table intentionally then turned around to look at me. I was a little startled but didn’t want to be rude so I started to apologize then stoops before I could get a word out. Sharon had sat down on the couch against the wall and handed me two cigarettes, I placed on the table behind me next to my beer. The chick kept dancing and started getting up on me, it would have been like a lap dance except I was standing going omg wtf is happening. I planned on giving her the Tokyo cigarettes I was handed since I didn’t smoke and when I moved them the chick that was dancing asked “what did you do with my cigarettes?” And I was all oh! Here.. and handed them to her. I guess Sharon and paid her to dance for me and distract me, and I was supposed to give her the cigarettes as like a bonus, or a way for her to know it was me. So we sat on another couch while she ripped the filter off one and smoked it through some weird vape-pipe thing and she asked if I wanted any but I said no, thank you, I don’t smoke tobacco. lol

I looked at the table to my right and noticed there was a couple small fish tanks, one with the water only filled half way the fish trying to jump to the other on that was full with a water pump to circulate and oxygenate the water, and the fish on there was just chillin. I was thinking of moving the taller IKEA shelf with the cut outs they were on to the opposite wall by the door, then get something more like a coffee table against that wall on the right to put the fish tanks on. Then I looked around and realized I was in my own suite in Phoenix and it was really nice. I went outside to this enclosed patio to sit at the table and take pictures on my phone of the walls and ceiling since they were painted beautifully with designs using reds and some purples and other colors. Then some chick walked out to grab plates off the table from some brunch I apparently missed.