I recently shared an article: Sometimes I Just Need to be F*cked {Adult} by Kate Rose on 11/27, followed by a post about wanting to get laid. One of my girl friends commented the Katniss meme “I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!” Another friend commented I just gave two dozen goth boys hope that their lives aren’t meaningless. Hah. Hilarious. Anyway, the article starts off by explaining how it’s not just about wanting love or a relationship, but it’s the need to be “supremely f*cked.” It goes on to explain this is not like using each other’s bodies for some mutual masturbation but is much much more meaningful and that’s what makes it supreme. I don’t think a lot of women have gotten to this point and don’t know they’re settling. A lot of us have still been here, and this is why we absolutely refuse to settle. Friends have told me they admired how picky I was with partners… I don’t think that’s something to admire. I truly believe people should do what they want, when they want, if they benefit from it, that is a reason to admire what someone is doing. We should all be doing our own thing, we should all be doing what works for us, and if it happens to benefit someone else in the process that’s even better. I feel very “been there done that” when it comes to casual sex, hook ups, fwb, and one night stands. They aren’t entirely satisfying even if they are momentarily physically, and even then when you’re in the middle of the act it’s still not the same, it’s not the pure heroin you’ve floated to the ceiling with and then gently came down on to soft fabric and warm embraces. That’s so hard to find. It’s so rare, even in genuinely loving relationships, which is probably why once you find it, it’s damn near impossible to keep yourself from it.
My director friend in Phoenix took this opportunity to ask if I got my “much needed relief” and I laughed and laughed then said it wasn’t that simple. Confused he asked how so? I linked him the article since people probably saw the vent post without this literary gem before it and his immediate response was that he was in anytime and didn’t think I questioned his ability to deliver, or at least hoped I didn’t. Again, I was like no that’s not it, it’s not that simple. I told him by the time we met I’d left a long term relationship that started great and ended toxic, then had my run of casual sex with friends, acquaintances, and random hook ups, I’ve always been safe and I’ve always been selective, I know that’s not in question. And then everything was upside down and I was dealing with a one night stand that wouldn’t go away, because of a few reasons, then that was handled, my health went to shit, I moved, got my life picked back up, all that, and I’ve had the kind of sex that Kate so beautifully described, and I’ve hooked up a couple times since here and it didn’t compare, and not because the partners were bad, they were fine, but because the physical isn’t sufficient enough anymore. There is a component many people ignore until they’re faced with it and then they can’t deny it. He said he got it and “sounded like a pestering puppy.” And I was like no. He understood I wanted something deeper. He said I was so pretty and kind. Then he said I’m super sweet. I hear that a lot now. Then he cracked the joke he was still there for me if I got weak in the knees… I don’t get that too much anymore at least?