I’ve been on some really shitty dates, on the rare occasions I’m willing to subject myself to them.. but how the fuck are they dates if you never accepted them in that context to begin with? So there are four Joshes in my life, idk how that happened, and they are ranked. #4 came to visit me. This is the guy I randomly hit on online that one time back in the day, since we had mutual friends, and he was like 300 ish miles away and I thought well, we’re never gonna meet in person and it’s the internet so I have free license to do whatever I want.. which I usually wouldn’t do something online I’m not willing to do in person, and I didn’t really do anything that bad anyway. Turns out we both worked for the same company at the same time and never saw each other or I can’t remember, and we know a loooot of the same people and became fb friends and had been interacting online for months. Things seem pretty legit so far. He decides to visit Vegas and mentions it and I’m like cool we can hang out. There is no expectation. I absolutely hate it when there is some context or expectation people place on themselves, the other party, or the situation.
He asked if there was anything in particular I’d been wanting to see or do and I mentioned Penn & Teller so he made it happen. The night before he drove up he sent me this vague text about trying to figure out a loose plan about what we wanted to do during his visit and he guessed we’d figure out food and “getting to know each other.” I fucking hate that term. There are certain phrases I get en masse online from people and some really annoy me, that’s one of them. One of my peeves for years has been when people have a “quick question” for you, whatever the hell that is. It doesn’t exist. A question is a question, dear lord, just ask the damn question. So this “getting to know each other” is the personal interaction equivalent to asking a “quick question.” stfu. This already hit a nerve before he got here and it was kind of a flag he threw context and exceptions on something somewhere, but I was all whatever. I can overlook this, it’s such a common thing people say, no matter how stupid it is, and I already said I’d chill this weekend, and I hate being a flake, and it’s the day before.
So after work we meet and check into the suite and start trying to figure out food. He has no appreciation for tea or coffee. I am confused. He goes on to explain he was a picky eater as a child and didn’t grow out of it, never developed an appreciation for bitter flavors, and some other things. I am so thrown off by this. He’s anti sushi. I think I made a face here I couldn’t control. But he said he was okay with Japanese food. We get curry, he ends up confirming he doesn’t like curry. *mind blown*… He has this old brown leather jacket and straw colored cowboy hat. I’ve never seen either online that I can remember. Oh god, we never discussed music. He seems okay with metal though. Try to associate with Rob Zombie. He has long hair and facial hair. Try, try, fail. He also doesn’t smell pleasant to me but it’s not a constant thing. Maybe it’s the jacket or the shoes, maybe it’s a chemical mismatch and his pheromones are a big NOPE to me. At least this is subtle, until any benchmark of the libido I normally have at all times suddenly plummets. While intoxicated he makes a general comment about my “cute nighty.” Who says nighty? I am irked. Earlier he referenced the really nice suite we were in as a motel. I have terrible flashbacks of the red neck one night stand who wouldn’t go away. We spend the rest of the evening chatting and watching Hunter X Hunter. I pass out. He does some bs kinda sorta cuddle thing and I can’t stand any half assery or lack of confidence. I grab his arm and pull him over. I am assertive, I really need the same to take anyone serious, I hope my actions elicit some kind of confidence or my actions are at least mirrored. I’m seriously wondering if there is anything redeeming or if this is truly a lost cause and sneak a check on my hip… he’s not happy to see me, or I can’t fucking tell. I can’t put up with even the potential for bad sex or I might kill someone on principle. I go to sleep.
Late Saturday morning we wake up and I’m trying to figure out brunch. We end up at the Perch and enjoy many mimosas and foods. This was a positive. We walk around Fremont day drunk and do the stereotypical thing and he gets a cigar and gets me cloves saying he’d keep the rest of the pack since I only wanted one. Feels and smells like gothy gothy sin. We end up at the toy store in Container Park and I fall madly obsessed for this Pusheen plushy. I must have it. He offers to purchase it for me, I keep declining until he caves. We run through the store and I find Hogwarts lanyards, gleefully exclaiming how much the Slytherin one reminded me of my friend Gina. So I genuinely forgot he knew her and they were friends on fb, I forgot they used to date. So he asks “Gina C—-?” and I’m all yeah! “remember the ex girlfriend who left me at Pax? Yeah that was Gina.” Ohhhhhhh…… *crickets* That was fucking awkward. He told me the story but I didn’t know it was Gina. So when I said “wow what a bitch!” I didn’t know I was calling my friend a bitch… uhhh. Try to salvage that conversation but deep down I don’t really care. Purchase my Pusheen, leave. As we’re walking he has his hand on my back between my shoulder blades. This feel bad, again it’s half ass and it’s light touch. Also we don’t have that rapport or friendship dynamic, that was the whole point of the weekend, to develop it organically. I will hold hands and walk down the street with friends, or hold on to someone’s arm while we walk around *if* we’ve established that. Also, the way he was doing it was like some subtle attempt in public to look like he’d established his way in my life in some fashion, like I’m off limits, or just something. It was annoying. I walked a little faster. His hand dropped, he put it back. I moved to the right, it dropped again and he put it back, I think three times. I’m quickly weighing it in my head thinking it’s not worth being a bitch over but at the same time how much annoyance am I willing to put up, and I have to decide and set limits now before I blow up and bite his head off. As soon as that through processed I turn and say “Can you not?” I couldn’t even finish the sentence. I’m still not sure what would have come after that. But he dropped his hand and he got the message. We walked around more until we were sober and exhausted and went back to the hotel. I had to nap, I was fighting fibro pain and fatigue. He came to lay down next to me. I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to, he could just watch tv or play games, he brought his PS3 with him which was cool, but I didn’t even have the effort to verbalize such things so I passed out. When I woke up we had to start figuring out food before the show. I asked what he felt like and he didn’t know, of course it was up to me. I asked him what he wanted to do, he made some passive statement about wondering what my pussy tasted like, and I was all noooo I’m not feelin it. We were walking around Fremont all day and I’m not all golden down there. I’m pulling for any excuse at this point. He said “I don’t care.”
….
EXCUSE ME?! The desperation. Of all the wrong things to say. Everything is going sideways. It has been since Thursday. Okay so 1. that’s like asking permission or asking “what would happen if I kissed you right now?” What a turn off. If you’re not in tune with non verbal communication, if you’re being well received, and you can’t pick up the nuances in your interactions with someone, nothing is going to help you. It’s probably not going that well. 2. This goes back to that lack of confidence and inability to be assertive. 3. The best rebound would have been to politely suggest a shower or hot back, or to join me and scrub my back, or suggest we could get each other clean… have some clean fun, whatever. I still would have said no. But in general that would have been the best way to turn it around and idk… check yourself before you wreck yourself. So I have to figure out dinner. We get pho, he really really likes the Vietnamese beef carpaccio. Thank Satan. He mentions how much of a carnivore he is. Cool story bro? We get to the Rio and see Penn & Teller. This is a damn good show, the tricks are fun, sometimes I felt like I was in atheist church and felt very at home, there was even a song with Laurence Krauss in it! I am a huge fan. There was one trick exposing how cold readings worked and books were being passed around the audience. The third book ended up on his lap. He went up on stage! He was actually cool about it and got the envelope with the paper to take as a souvenir, that was really awesome. We drive up the strip after so he sees it, I explained it’s better than walking it and he missed nothing. We go back to the room and watch more Hunter X Hunter.
It’s Sunday, and idfk what to do. I ask what he feels like, he says “I don’t know” for the millionth time. I keep thinking of different things but keep circling back to Mon Ami Gabi because of the buttery buttery steak. Through this food circle in my head I discover while he doesn’t partake in my preferred method of caffeine consumption, which is fine, he’s apparently very fond of energy drinks. Which I find absolutely disgusting. I have one, the white monster, at the start of a cross state road trip. So like once or twice a year, and that’s only sometimes. It’s processed junk. But to consume that on the daily and in quantity. I start to wonder if this is why even though it’s subtle, this why I find his scent unpleasant. It’s all processed and chemically. While describing the baked goat cheese and tomato thing Jovi got me hooked on, he mentions his dislike of goat cheese. I immediately call that out and confirmed he’d only had feta and that’s nothing like what I’m talking about. The thing I’m talking about is like your love of pizza x 1000, and then still better. It’s one of the best cheats ever. To his credit, despite all the “I don’t knows” over the entire weekend, whenever I came up with an idea, he never shot it down and just went for it. He completely trusted my suggestions despite not enjoying the first one. So we end up at the only place on the strip I feel is worth the hassle to visit and get the amazing dish and the buttery buttery steak. While looking at drinks I asked if we wanted to share a carafe of something and he was cool with it, then I decided not to do it since I was already gluten cheating that day. He then said if I was abstaining he would. Nah… that makes no sense. I told him just because I wasn’t drinking doesn’t mean he had to skip, it’s his vacation and if he wanted moscato, or that ginger and jack thing he’d been drinking he should go for it… and then he said something along the lines of thanks for letting him know he could get whatever he wanted and how usually the other person doesn’t try to control him “until after we’ve slept together.” Whoa. I’m pretty sure that was A) a shot at his ex(es), B) an indirect shot at me (btw you can’t put kindness coins in until sex falls out), and C) that was passive aggressive and awkward as fuck. So here I am backpedaling that bomb, making general statements like no one should try to control anyone at anytime regardless of anything. Really… I should have let him drown. I shouldn’t have said anything after that or tried to help him out. But this is Mon Ami Gabi dammit and awesome food is about to come out and this is a really nice restaurant so, so I’ll do it to save the brunch. I can’t even remember how I rebounded form that. He ended up really enjoying the baked goat cheese tomato thing. Because it’s amazing. I asked him what his plans were after that, and we were already checked out of the hotel so I was hoping he was ready to go back home so I could go home and have some of my weekend to myself. He said he was hoping to spend the next few hours with me unless I was planning on just leaving after this. I asked what he wanted to do though, he didn’t know. I said even my spontaneous voodoo was finite. Then I thought about a movie and we went to go see The Martian. It’s a really good movie, and it was later in the afternoon when we got out. After chatting about how much we liked the film he started complaining about how the science started going downhill in the movie. I said that’s pretty much Hollywood but just appreciate the movie for what it was. He follows me to the gas station since he needed to fill up. We part ways. I’m almost home. Omfg.
So had we of met before this I never would have thought of him as a potential for a fwb. He’s fine to hang out with, in small doses. I can’t take him seriously for multiple reasons. There are personality clashes, and obviously my own biology is telling me to run for it. There’s a tilt on idk if it’s cynicism, and every intelligent person has a healthy dose of that, but he was just negative, and unsure. The personality thing, the lack of the things mentioned previously, and the failed attempts to compensate. I said this was a time to chill and figure our dynamic out, not to put pressure or expectations on things. He obviously failed that. It’s not like I’m perfect, I’m very very far from it, and very aware of my flaws, but this doesn’t work. It’s not fun. For an entire weekend, it’s painfully exhausting and I was drained. Even if there was no sexual chemistry, or it was one sided, we still could have had a lot of fun without the awkward shit. Some parts were still fun but it took more effort than it should have. I reimbursed him for my ticket, he covered Friday night’s dinner so I covered Saturday. We split the check Sunday morning. I wanted everything to be equal. I wanted to go dutch, I didn’t need any context here. Just chill with me. Lord. I love Lo’s comment on how some people “didn’t pass the audition” and that’s why they don’t get a call back. He never had the chance to audition in the first place. I mentioned this to Tyler and he said it sounded like a beta male met an alpha female. That’s not terminology I use but it cracks me up. There’s probably some truth in his statement. Whatever.