I kept getting cramps in my legs last night, haven’t had to deal with that for a while but I guess 22 hours in 2 days will do that. My right ring finger specifically and my hands hurt too. By the time 7pm rolled around yesterday the way my hands were gripping boxes looked like I had advanced arthritis with my index and middle fingers crossing over each other for support. I had to keep trying to correct my hands but at least it was at the end of the day… this is the first time they’ve acted this way too.
Anyway, I had dreams where everyone was having breakfast at different tables post wedding and I went to give the brides hugs, glomped Mel, glomped Chris and she kissed me and I was like well that was unexpected and girly. lol
Matthew broke up with his girl who was also named Chris in the dream, but her name is Ashley irl. I was wondering in the dream if that meant he’d come up to visit me on his own without his group… immediately after hearing a break up, how terrible of dream me. Seriously. And recently when he did text me asking how I was I said good and immediately asked how Ashley was doing to shut that down. I know he’s a great guy in a not so great relationship who feels responsible for some girl who didn’t have her shit together but he needs to really sort that out. Just because we were fwb back in the day, it doesn’t mean I want to continue everything in the same context. Bruh… we’re still friends, just not like that.
I wonder if this has to do with my friend in Phoenix messaging me online about Jay and Darlene breaking up. I’m kind of surprised anyone would immediately hit me up about it and kind of not? Idk, I haven’t seen him in years and cutting him out of my life was one of the best things I ever did. I wouldn’t have met so many amazing people, and wonderful men, and had the opportunities and growth I’ve experienced professionally, personally, and with education. It’s been all wins and no losses. She thought I might be amused by it saying she guessed he was tired of dating himself. I said I found it kind of sad, cause I had hoped he got it right this time with her. Even if I no longer have respect for him and who he became, I still wish him the best, and hope he goes through his own personal growth to being a better person. This isn’t in some facetious judgmental or empty statement. Once upon a time he had my heart, so once upon a time he was a wonderful person to me. I hope he gets there again and gets it right with someone.
Sitting here wide awake on little sleep, drinking an earl grey latte I made downstairs. My hands hurt so bad, everything aches, but at least it was due to work and not because of fibro so it’s more acceptable and less depressing haha. Idk what today is going to be like. I’m also fighting dyslexic fingers this morning so this should be fun.