Monthly Archives: September 2015

I haven’t been sleeping much lately… because of the waking up a lot.. and the getting home later and not being able to fall asleep immediately.  I remembered a dream when I was driving to work this morning, it was kind of bad timing due to the content of the dream.

I went somewhere and was going to visit Mel but someone else was sitting in a recliner in front of me.  She kind of looked like Mel but something was off, and when I listened to her speak I noticed her cadence and speech patterns were different.  We ended up leaving and were in a car, she was driving and I was in the back seat.  As we passed some building she mentioned going there and I said it didn’t really sound fun, but then I realized I didn’t know where she was taking me and it didn’t feel right, I wondered what happened to Mel, and as we kept going toward the city I noticed all the lights were out and the buildings were like shadows.  It’s kind of like driving on the i-10 east bound towards Phoenix, you can see downtown to the right, and uptown to the left.  The freeway splits right between the two, and everything was off.  But this city was larger, like LA.  Anyway, when I noticed everything was off I mentioned it and we stopped on the road, then there was a bunch of dust and all the buildings collapsed.  I realized I was in the back on my lancer and ducked thinking this was it.  I either wanted to survive or I wanted to die quickly.

And that is the part of the dream I remembered while I was driving to work this morning and could see the strip to the left, all I thought while looking at it was… that’s tiny.  I wouldn’t be nearly as destructive.  Ugh.

The dream kept going after that.  I was in some run down apartment and people were around, this one lady had a tiny dog, and we were sitting around in front of an old CRT TV but I wasn’t sure if it was due to boredom or if we were trying to get some kind of news.  I was sitting on a mattress on the floor and Brandon was sitting on it behind me.  I looked down and noticed there was blood on my legs but I wasn’t sure if I was cut somewhere or if it was period blood or if it was even mine.  That’s all I can remember from this morning.

Omg, so cranky.  Just woke up from a dream my car was stolen while I was in Prescott.  I’ll get to that.

Earlier in the dream Shaun and Allison were apparently siblings.. I don’t think they’ve ever met irl.. anyway.  Shaun and I were sitting across from each other at a bench inside somewhere waiting on dessert, they looked like the fruity pebbles rice crispy threats you can get from Cheba Hut, and he had this thing on the table that almost looked like an old school record player than a chaos pad and he slid it closer to me and I leaned over the table to hear it better and kissed him.  Minor snog session was cool.  Then I was outside and it was daytime, we were in a jeep and I was fighting the top trying to get it off and were waiting on a couple friends and gave up.  I went up and sat next to Shaun and we were on some jacked up road and up ahead it looked like there was a really bad accident and ice was everywhere, there was a rollover, some other cars. I thought it was like snow but driving past it it was millions of ice cubes like something transporting it crashed and in the middle was this car that was ripped open and these two small kids still strapped in their seats surrounded by ice up to their knees.  I was freaked out and emergency crew was still trying to get to them.  Then I was in the parking lot of some lodge and had two friends in my current car, I had to go inside and grab something and when I came out they were gone and I was flipping out.  My old lancer was also in the lot but I guess I was still somehow stranded.  I keep thinking Prescott but this seemed a lot more like Flagstaff… fuck Flagstaff.  So many bad times and bad memories.    I was messing with my key fob and remembered the UVO app on my phone so I tried to find where the car was through gps to try and retrieve it.  They were driving up the 85 in northern AZ in the dream (super inaccurate).  I couldn’t go after them in my lancer cause I wouldn’t be able to drive back both cars and no one was willing to help me with this.  I was with some weird group like I was stuck in some university thing and they were treating it like it was nothing and to cut my losses.  We were going outside and it was super cold and windy and snowing and I didn’t have the right gear for that.  I kept looking down at my phone to figure out where the car was and then eventually it was on some street not too far away… but that’s all I remember.

I hurt more now than when I went to sleep even though the sleep kind of helped, this is confusing.  Its like I need more sleep but work is so jacked with multiple projects and missing staff and having so much to backfill I gotta push a little today.  Then come back and sleep and netflix or something.  So glad I got a massage last night.

I was at some event and there were people standing in a hall. One guy was standing by another door and he turned away some chick who tried to go through, I guess there was a party somewhere in the building. I walked up and he was telling someone else no when she just blew past him. She was gone before he could do anything. It was great, I did the same thing.

Anne and I were wandering around the halls then found an operating room except it had displays like different scenes were frozen in time. There were mannequins or wax figures dressed in scrubs and masks. They were medical staff mid operation and there were patients opened up on tables and there was so much blood. The room was dim and quiet and it threw me off. I thought about when I was brought into operating rooms and how I’d wished they knocked me out before wheeling my bed in, and how uncomfortably cold it was.  There were multiple tables and surgeries in here, I wanted to leave. We weren’t supposed to be in here and we couldn’t get to the other door because it was blocked. I said to turn around and go back to the entrance but Anne wanted to go to the other door cause it was closer and tried to move the figures so she could get through. An alarm went off, are you fucking kidding me? We ran to the entrance but heard running on the other side do we went through another door. When we got outside and went down a grassy hill we saw staff looking for us.. but thought hoe would they know it’s us? We took off our name badges and kept walking until we were on some other property. We met some chick there and I saw Roger, which is funny cause he invented lifebot.  We were outside on a balcony for a while when I said we needed to go and asked Anne if she had the keys to the suv and she pulled them from her boot and handed them to me. She was all cranky. I wanted to gtfo.

I’ve been waking up constantly the past few nights. This morning I woke up around 4am and it just kept happening. I had another dream this morning where he was holding me in bed and making my back and hips twitch on him. He grabbed my leg and put it over him but kept making me move and all I could do was breathe, and giggle, and kiss him. He pulled my hips down and hit my cervix. Every nerve went off and I was lost in it and was an absolute happy mess. And he rotated so I was on my back, then he grabbed my wrists and held my hands above my head while he kissed me. I can’t talk about these things with him anymore.. even if I wake up with a little smile, by the time I’m awake I know it’s not right.

I was sitting at my desk with a bunch of hardware all over the place and had a closet between me and whoever was on my right. I had a second computer in there that looked like three towers stacked and on a server rack but it was one thing on its own thing. I had it down to its frame and had the panels for its chassis against the wall. After messing with it I closed the closet and sat back down.  Josh was sitting in Jimmy’s desk next to mine and was killing time waiting for me. I noticed he was wearing the cutest white sandle flats and even though his feet are way bigger than mine, they’re way more narrow in comparrison and he had some really nice neutral nail color and a white toe ring in his right foot. It’s like my brain merged him with Alexander, who isn’t agender and is more of a blend and does a great job of it even though he’s not in drag, he’s just him. Since I’m on tangents, even if my feets are a bit wide for their size, which makes a difference when buying, I still think they’re cute. Whatever.

I decided to go back in the closet and put the chassis back together and picked up the side panel, it was almost 4′ in length and even longer in width so it was awkward to lift up then try to line up the prongs to slide and lock it in place.  It’s that ugly back in the day cream color all the computer towers used to be before the industry went black.  Anyway, I got the side covered and the front covered but realized the other side and back were missing. I was gonna leave it, it’s fine, not like there’s a lot of dust in the area and the closet it was in was cold so I wasn’t worried about overheating and it’s easy access.

The closet it was in was larger than previously with another set of double doors on the other side so I went in and it looked like some mix between a data center and a warehouse, like up front where they bring boxes in and you have to discard it there since cardboard isn’t allowed.  There was a huge red cart and it was loaded with broken down boxes and there was some little kid standing on a pile of boxes trying to bring something down and I went to look and see if he needed help but he made it down on his own. I kept looking for the other parts of the chassis and couldn’t find it and was like whatever and started to walk up front. Collide was playing and I passed a huge mirror right before going through the double doors and saw myself. I had super purple hair, like a few shades lighter than I’ve had it and my hair was like pre 2010 long. Weird. I went back into the og closet/room where the computer was and Mona was at the counter arguing with me about it and how it’s a problem and I should call the guys in some other department and have theme order the missing pieces and they’ll bring it up to me but I didn’t want to deal with the hassle. I explained how it wasn’t a big deal since the area is controlled and there isn’t a lot of dust or other particulates in the air. The only concern I thought of was airflow but the !@*$ rooms cold. She was like okay and I thought that was it then she was all so do you wanna go with Google then and get a replacement? “What? Googles expensive.” Then she mentioned the annual budget and how now is my shot before the next gen comes out and it’s beyond our reach and before our budget cuts and I was like fuck… fuck it.. let’s buy from Google, and my alarm went off. ._.