… have been interesting. I’ve been trying to keep moving and stay busy despite the emotional damage I’m doing to myself, or am allowing to accumulate within me. I mean I’m always busy, but despite running through the day on 5 hours of sleep, which is always a killer, I forced myself back into barre and it was so hard. Monday is the advanced class and I forgot but I walked in, in the shittiest mood, and walked out almost content, almost happy. I was destroyed physically but felt like after a hot shower I’d melt into bed. Then finished the last episode of Humans and called it good.
Today was busy non stop, the rest of the week into next week is going to be non stop. There is always more work than there are hours to complete them, even at a non stop grinding pace. Real life feels like more grinding lately than any mmorpg I ever played. After yesterday’s success I felt bad about not going to barre today but was invited to a developer’s Meetup on phone PIN hacking and it was great. It was a quick 30 minute talk after work downtown from the CTO of LaunchKey and after I asked my friend from work if she was hungry, she said she already ate but could go for something light. This was great too because three of our dev engineers were there and I invited them. They were up for food and beer. Then I said one sec and went up to the guy who started the Meetup and the guy who spoke this evening and invited them, so everyone who was left walked up the street to Fremont to this new (to me) place someone suggested. They described it as beer and hipster food, and it was a win. I’d seen the outside for a year wondering what it was and the inside and back patio were like my thing, I should have checked this out sooner. So we geeked out over food and drinks talking about other exploits and the companies we worked for, we discussed the con coming up next week and the smaller local one at the beginning of next week, which is apparently like what the main event was like 15 years ago. I had no idea that existed before today, and am gonna try to squeeze that in if I can pull it off. He’s spoken at both before but is going for the local one this year, I guess the main event gotten super big and super competitive but it’s still fun, and I have more people to look for next week. I met so many people last year I have a few groups now. I always try to get something together and mesh the groups or sometimes I’ll float between them if I don’t feel like doing what group A is going, or maybe group B has drama llama… or whatever. I don’t feel like it’s worth the energy to go out nearly as much as I used to but on the occasions I do, I love bringing people together who enjoy the same things and have similar interests. Orientation is done and school officially starts Saturday. And Friday I have the security summit at the innovation center. The next two weeks will be crazy.
I wasn’t made for grudges, I don’t know how to stay angry because it’s not me, and it’s draining.. but right now a certain level of anger is the only thing keeping me from breaking down and crying and barricading myself at home.