I don’t know why I woke up at 3am worried about nothing. There’s nothing to worry about. Couldn’t get back to sleep until 5 and missed my morning appointment. Now I can hear the construction across the street.
Dreams were really fucked up. Kat’s ex Abram was in it, which is weird since we’ve never met. I think they started dating after I moved. But in it I was in this bar at some outdoor venue kind of like 910 live and he was bartending. He was being really nice and made me a drink on the house and I just knew to have my guard up because I knew about him and what he put Kat through. I turned around and some girl who didn’t really know me.. I guess she knew him and he knew of Kat and was taking his side on whatever confrontation might have made me cautious around him. Some other girl sat next to me who I thought I recognized from fb photos (but not irl) and then he came up behind me whispered something and ran his hand through my hair and exhaled down my neck. That was a problem. I turned around and noticed a band was on stage behind the opposite side of the bar. He walked away. There was a guy with a pink mohawk on stage and I was all omg is that John Timson?! Are they from Phoenix?!!! And the girl next to me said I guess I had good timing stumbling into this show.
There was some other part where I was walking this office floor but it was freaking huuuuge and the carpet was some ugly blue and the ceilings were high, there were thin rectangular pillars. I passed by a group of people turning a corner and Anne was there, she said hi and hugged me. I kept walking, trying not to trip over all the props and toys all over the place until I made it to where my office should have been. There was some huge ass bathroom with a sauna and a shower at the end. The water was running and I was trying to figure out who was there and called out hello? It was Jason. A water leak from the steam got me so I grabbed a towel off the rack not realizing I towel jacked him and had to go find another one. There were a bunch of shows on top of these racks and one pair stood out. I found a towel and placed it on a rack where he’d be able to reach it, I didn’t want to see him so I walked out.
I went outside and saw I got a text message. I kept wishing it was from Joshua, I still do that and I hate it. This time it actually was and it was some heads up about a Vegas trip next month. I didn’t get a chance to read it all. I was wondering if he’d be traveling alone or not. I was too afraid to read the answer so I turned off my phone and put it back in my bag.
I was walking around outside and sat on a bench when these people came out of a nearby building and we’re excited about some house so now they had to put theirs on the market. They asked if I were in the market to buy and I said no. Even if it were nice and in Summerlin, I didn’t want to put roots down here.
I went around the corner into some house and looked in the mirror. My dress was gone and my piercings were too but when I looked again my piercings were back and I realized this was a dream. I turned around and tried to imagine whoever was sitting on the couch as someone I wanted to be with, sat on top of him facing him, it wasn’t possible. My brain couldn’t fill in the blank and I was in some mirrored box where everywhere I turned I saw my reflection. Then I was in bed in the dark but my room was different. The room was large and I was an absolute mess from playing with myself. Later I was downstairs and light was coming in from the windows. This house was huge, the floors were marble, the front doors were huge and were this deep rich wooden color. But this was like my home, on my own. I heard a little scratching on the other side of the window by the door and thought it was a cat. I wasn’t sure if it was a pet or if it was a stray, and that’s it.
I’m so tired. I’m exhausted in every sense of the word, in every context. I just want this to be game over already.