Monthly Archives: April 2015

I was in Phoenix in some indoor thing. It was similar to the shops that connect Bally’s and Paris.  Nothing like that exists in Phoenix. There were so many people and I was touring with this lady and this guy who was interviewing me. The lady went outside to smoke and I stood with her. We talked about this place and I mentioned how later in the year I was considering visiting LA but would come back for this. It was this convergence of all the fun elements I’ve seen from different festivals, events, conventions, people.  There were people walking around outside in garb, and some other woman I knew in a green dress and the straps on her back made a pentagram.

I was leaving and in this car and the breaks were messed up.  I pulled over into another lot to try and figure it out. Then it was some other car and this guy was with me with a couple friends. I mentioned going to Mesa and then figuring it out from there. He made some comment about having a bf there, which I didn’t. Then I was looking at this flight plan to New Zealand,  like it was a last stop before going back to the UK and then returning to the states.

I was on a balcony in some pretty building, and when I looked down I saw Josh,  and he was composing.  He was composing in this wide open space and people with instruments and singers were all around, rushing around like they were ice skating or gliding through the floor. This looked almost like the Dickens fair.. except less fluffy and with a real floor.

Later I was sitting with my friend Jamie (old roommate) and talking to her about how he’s right there and I can’t even say hello. He’s busy in the crowd talking to everyone that comes up to him. Making sure he gets to everyone, everyone else. He looked so happy surrounded by the production and the music and now he looked like he was just exhausted, trying to keep up with obligations. All we ever do is ignore each other and if I walk up and start a conversation it’s going to be a problem, and his girl is not even here. She’s never around for these things. I just wanted to get close but it was almost some unwritten taboo. And if I didn’t approach him we’d never talk. Even though he’s never turned me down, he’s never started the conversation. He’s never said hello first.

Birthday weekend followed by 12.5 hr day. Woke up at 530am to go back and got a txt telling me to get as much sleep as I needed before work cause we have a plan. Sweet.

I don’t remember a lot of these dreams except for some magic… like witchery… like AHS Coven without the AHS, and some sexual content from media. There was some newspaper like the ads on the back of the Phoenix Newtimes and there was movement on these ads like a Harry Potter newspaper or 3D transparent tablet. Random dating sites depending on who you were and what you were looking for that. Before that was some article about Australian drinking habits and their police force testing out something where they were given these paper funnels and we’re being provided beer. Oh yeah, one of those advertisements were a bunch of hot chicks looking for other hot chicks and I was all cool and then there was some disclaimer it was an entirely German site and I was all damn.

When I paused,  the video it was on some huge ass tv screen. I decided to go upstairs and passed Marisa. I was omw up and had some chocolate I almost dropped so I put them in my sweater pocket and when I got to the attic I was over this metal frame and another woman came and stopped me from playing with any magic there because of some notorious witch who used to practice there. Then I started having some memories about her and realized this used to be her house. I’m not sure if she was dead or super old and lived a really long time.

I’m not sure what order this was in but there was another part where I was in a car with friends looking at this silver bracelet I was wearing, it had filigree and some engraving on it. I don’t remember what it said but my friend Dave said it was fine. I think it was related to some engagement.  I made some comment that I was fine because I hady friends support and that’s why I was still here.

Woke up with Sakura Nagashi in my head. Kept waking up throughout the night. There were some weird slices of dreams I remember. Joshua was dating Utada in New York. She’s the one who imposed all these rules and restrictions I disagreed with. I wondered what happened to that bartender from Italy. She’s been my favorite jpop artist since jr high and her music has expanded far beyond that label, and that destroyed her image in the dream. Damn. I think it’s from when I was driving, Sakura Nagashi came on and I couldn’t even, so I skipped it. Then Stay Gold came on a little later and that was okay.

There were some other places I barely remember, some gigantor sushi place. I was singing Sakura Nagashi earlier in another dream in some grand hall. Trying to keep track of drop off locations these shuttles were going between.  Forgetting it all. I can’t believe this dream is making me hate on Utada right now.

Happy birthday to me! /rolls eyes

I don’t know why I woke up at 3am worried about nothing. There’s nothing to worry about. Couldn’t get back to sleep until 5 and missed my morning appointment. Now I can hear the construction across the street.

Dreams were really fucked up. Kat’s ex Abram was in it, which is weird since we’ve never met. I think they started dating after I moved. But in it I was in this bar at some outdoor venue kind of like 910 live and he was bartending. He was being really nice and made me a drink on the house and I just knew to have my guard up because I knew about him and what he put Kat through. I turned around and some girl who didn’t really know me.. I guess she knew him and he knew of Kat and was taking his side on whatever confrontation might have made me cautious around him. Some other girl sat next to me who I thought I recognized from fb photos (but not irl) and then he came up behind me whispered something and ran his hand through my hair and exhaled down my neck. That was a problem. I turned around and noticed a band was on stage behind the opposite side of the bar. He walked away. There was a guy with a pink mohawk on stage and I was all omg is that John Timson?! Are they from Phoenix?!!! And the girl next to me said I guess I had good timing stumbling into this show.

There was some other part where I was walking this office floor but it was freaking huuuuge and the carpet was some ugly blue and the ceilings were high, there were thin rectangular pillars. I passed by a group of people turning a corner and Anne was there, she said hi and hugged me. I kept walking, trying not to trip over all the props and toys all over the place until I made it to where my office should have been. There was some huge ass bathroom with a sauna and a shower at the end.  The water was running and I was trying to figure out who was there and called out hello? It was Jason.  A water leak from the steam got me so I grabbed a towel off the rack not realizing I towel jacked him and had to go find another one. There were a bunch of shows on top of these racks and one pair stood out. I found a towel and placed it on a rack where he’d be able to reach it, I didn’t want to see him so I walked out.

I went outside and saw I got a text message. I kept wishing it was from Joshua, I still do that and I hate it. This time it actually was and it was some heads up about a Vegas trip next month. I didn’t get a chance to read it all. I was wondering if he’d be traveling alone or not. I was too afraid to read the answer so I turned off my phone and put it back in my bag.

I was walking around outside and sat on a bench when these people came out of a nearby building and we’re excited about some house so now they had to put theirs on the market. They asked if I were in the market to buy and I said no. Even if it were nice and in Summerlin, I didn’t want to put roots down here.

I went around the corner into some house and looked in the mirror. My dress was gone and my piercings were too but when I looked again my piercings were back and I realized this was a dream. I turned around and tried to imagine whoever was sitting on the couch as someone I wanted to be with, sat on top of him facing him, it wasn’t possible.  My brain couldn’t fill in the blank and I was in some mirrored box where everywhere I turned I saw my reflection. Then I was in bed in the dark but my room was different. The room was large and I was an absolute mess from playing with myself. Later I was downstairs and light was coming in from the windows. This house was huge, the floors were  marble, the front doors were huge and were this deep rich wooden color. But this was like my home, on my own. I heard a little scratching on the other side of the window by the door and thought it was a cat. I wasn’t sure if it was a pet or if it was a stray, and that’s it.

I’m so tired. I’m exhausted in every sense of the word, in every context. I just want this to be game over already.

I’m still having a crazy string of dreams in the mornings and the more vivid the last one before I wake up the more I forget about the previous dreams from the night, which is why I haven’t bothered to write the last couple mornings, I forget everything except for the last pieces… and those are mine.

So what I do remember from last night was some bs yoga pilates class in some pastel colored studio and this instructor was a little pushy. We were outside doing this series and I went in to find mats for David R and I but there weren’t any left. She sent her assistant in to double check. I went to another room and chilled at a desk with a computer. 

I noticed the colors in Lync were tampered with.  Available was black, green was something else, my font was this terrible papyrus like bs when I opened a window to type. I was all who would do this? Who has access to make these changes? Why would senpai do this and default my font to this bs? It’s only my font so far that’s effed.

A group was out swimming in this lake and these lions were approaching.  Some chick was standing with them and one guy in the water was all come and get me. The chick was all you prolly don’t wanna say that. A lion jumped in the water towards him and he went oh shit and started swimming.  There was this other chick doing laps and I decided to follow her to the other end. She was floating on her back with her ankles resting on the edge of the pool. I reached out to the edge with my fingers and then rested my head on her legs. We went back and the sun was gone.

We got out of the water and walked onto the steps where we were given medals, I was given two silver medals and a tiara, and this other one that looked like Sailor Moon’s brooch.  There were people sitting at a booth across from us and a crowd clapping.  Miley Cyrus was one of the judges.  I was still wet and in almost nothing so I went with another chick to look at dresses.  This was like the Costco of dresses, they were everywhere hanging on racks and they were ground level and some were way up high, and everywhere else in between.  They were kind of so so except for a couple of really pretty black ones with beading.   There was something about a kitty after that but I can’t remember.

Another crazy string of dreams where a lot happened and as soon as I remember one thing I lose the previous thing. In one dream I was sitting on the floor with my back against a couch and the tv was on in the room. There was a group of friends I was with coming in and out of the place and this one guy who looked like this AV guy Seb, that guy is pretty, like stupid pretty, like ohai Imma wave at the monitor… wait. I wave hello to everyone. Nevermind. So this guy who looked kinda like him, but wasn’t him, was there and I was all weird and awkward and he decides to chill with me on the floor and lays his head in my lap. That’s it. Um, in another part I was outside sitting at this table reading something when I realized Liam was at the table next to mine. He walked up so I looked up and he had this huge container, it looked like a fancy ass mosaic planter, full of lollipops, the huge dollar ones with random flavors like cotton candy and stuff. He dumped the container out on the bed of a trunk and under it was my purple Korean blanket. Then we were inside some craft store with BB talking about random things. I was upset about the chaos at home and moving in and wondering how long it’s gonna take to be debt free so I can go do my own thing, scary close to real life.. but we were in LA. Like instead of LV they went to LA, and I was saying how I used to love LA and now it’s different… like it lost it, and I guess it’s take time to explore and rediscover things here, to go find my tribe of geeks and goths and fellow freaks. There were a bunch of other things that happened after that buuuut… they’re gone. Yeah.

I had a string of so many weird random dreams that don’t make sense and are all smashed together. I fell asleep watching TV and woke up from my laptop fans spinning back up. My wireless mouse was under me, moved it back to the desk,  crashed out to next weird dream to toss and turn around in.  I can’t remember a lot of it,  I remember cuddling with someone and there were these huge fluffy blue fur… like Russian blue.. except they were like midsized dogs but they kept being referred to as penguins. They were digging the belly rubs and chillin. A bunch of other things happened I can’t remember, this was weird. I was watching TV and my brain meshed the devil from Cow and Chicken and Powerpuff Girls together. Idk. lol

I was outside in the park by the pool where the benches and shuffleboard was.  There was a group of kids playing a game and it was kind of done as a race.  There was some other game, more like a social experiement, these other guys were playing, approaching people and talking to them in different languages.

Inside this dim lit tavern there were these tables lined up in long rows and benches. Lindsay was sitting next to me and we were all waiting,  watching something on the TVs mounted on the walls. We were goth’d out.  I noticed a girl down the rows of tables to the left in red vinyl and made a comment about how it all looked the same.  It wasn’t that dark red vinyl, it was the bright red vinyl that usually has the black trim around the collars and sleeves regardless of how the piece was cut. I mentioned how if you got two pieces and wore them together it’d look like one piece and would look terrible. We were waiting for something but I can’t remember what.

There was some game and everyone was happy about a hometown win. There was a banf playing out on the grass and I can’t remember this part.

I had people over at the house I grew up in. The sliding glass door into the kitchen and the hall downstairs were very accurate.  It was nighttime and I was sitting in the kitchen next to this guy talking about random stuff, he had long hair so I think it was Shale. Another chick was sitting on my other side. We were discussing people we’d known and he was hesitant to compare since he had a lot of exes in the scene. I asked how long he’d been here and he said 10 years. I mentioned how I’d been in Phoenix over 20. The house we were sitting in we moved into in 1992. (It was 93 irl) and I considered myself a native.

I heard loud music coming from outside and got up to check on it. I opened the gate outback to see someone working on something inside my dad’s truck (except it was way bigger than his f150 was) and despite having these fat headphones on this terrible rap music was blaring. I couldn’t find the steps under the door so I just found somewhere to stand on and climbed up to get him to roll down the driver side window. I explained I didn’t care except it was night and the next door neighbor,  the elderly lady with the red sedan, you see that light that’s on to the left? She’d put in a noise complaint, so could you turn it down? He did. I went back inside.

This other guy was there dressed like he was on Game of Thrones, or Reign, there was this whole goth/SCA/Renaissance festival/period clothing thing going on and it was done very well.  The layout of the house was like Karl’s, he was head of an SCA household I can’t remember the name of buy he didn’t make an appearance in the dream. So we’ll dressed dude in this house was kind of bring an ass. I went around the corner from the kitchen to the bathroom where there were magazines and documents in stacks on the tile floor to look for something. My dad came back except it was someone else. He’d been away working on projects involving design and consultation for the earlier mentioned event. I think some coding might have been involved. And it was weird, this guy was only twenty-something years older than me and was taller and had long brown hair I mean like bottom of the shoulder blade long and was also well dressed like he was involved in the scene.  Like the prince from Beauty and The Beast when he’s human, in his late 40’s – early 50’s, in badass garb, walking in like he’s head of the vampire coven or something. Its like I was his gothic legacy, like I’d be in some role later with this group.  I’m just fascinated my brain made this my father figure, and when he came in the dude in my house from before changed attitudes very quickly and kept calling him sir and offered to get him a drink so he didn’t have to get up and whatever. I went upstairs.

I was sitting at the computer scrolling through all the pics from this goth Dickens like festival.  It wasn’t tied down to just Victorian style or anything.  There were fun postars made for the event and I saw pictures of friends I hadn’t seen in a very long time. You’d made it to this event to take pictures and captured a lot of friends I knew without even realizing it. I was reading some other page and your words mentioned how you’d stare at a terminal, looking at the blinking cursor in the black void and think of how we were in two different cities just looking at that blinking cursor, pausing before typing something. There was some metaphorical comment about looking down at the desk and seeing the message in the webs left by Charlotte herself. It was a very lonely message.

A group came by to say hello and this lady mentioned now I’d know what they look like in noral mundane clothing.  We were at some convention while everyone was taking their booths down and packing up. I saw this girl I’d been talking to previously online and asked if she was going to Bats day, or if she was going to Disneyland any other time in the future and said I’d try to join her. I was back in my room under my desk grabbing a couple things before I left and that was it.

I had a dream earlier this morning Matt went to SF for the software thing.  He’s been really anxious to hear back lately, I hope he gets it.

I had some other dream I was walking around outside in this shopping area and realized I dropped something so I was running to go back and find it but couldn’t because people kept getting in the way. I  was in my room when this chick knocked on my door and handed me money but I wasn’t sure why, she said there was water damage from the rain and when I walked down the hall could see the water stains and some of the pain bubbling from the water behind it.   I was downstairs in this other house with another chick who reminded me of Leah M trying to figure out the layout, went upstairs and saw around the corner there was another smaller kitchen like the upstairs had an attached flat.  I passed another room and it was huuuge so I asked the chick how she ended up with that room and she said it was cause she paid $1800 a month.  I found a 3rd kitchen in the house.  In the SW wing of the house there was a door I hadn’t opened yet and when I checked inside with faux Leah there were people working in this room on hardware, it was like a mini lab.  There was a guy there who I saw earlier in the dream, he looked like Eion Bailey.  There was another door on the side that led to stairs down the building.  I was sitting in a movie theater and there were only a couple other people in there a few rows down.  The guy from before sat next to me which was like okay but kind of awkward and I woke up.

Just woke up with BLB’s You Can’t Stop A Bullet in my head.

There was a string of dreams jumbled together that make no sense and I can barely remember and am not sure what order they went in.

I was at a dinner table with friends discussing plans and how parents alternated nights. I said something about getting babysitters and someone said something and I asked if they knew what March 14th was. Someone was all oh 3.14 pi day? And I was all its one month after Valentines and yeah it’s pi day bit it’s also steak and bj day, your lady wants to get a babysitter and go out you make it happen. Friends at the table agreed.

There was something before that where I had to figure something out by converting it to binary, which as of this week I can do irl, and I did. I was having issues because there was the concept that early computers had the technology built in for all the modern day protocols back when they were first created. Like the inventors of the machines didn’t invent the Internet protocols or design it but knew we’d need the hardware decades in advance and I was trying to figure out okay we know which organizations agreed on these protocols but who the hell invented the ethernet cables and NICs and WiFi adapters and other shit… which I find funny it was a huge cover up mystery in my dream when I do know these things. ._.

I opened this shiny purple and white vinyl faux alligator skin covered gift box, it was like a tiny trunk, and there wasn’t much in there but snagged on one corner was a necklace on a silver chain and it was my crescent moon necklace with the gem dangling in the middle I had for years and lost years ago. I’d look at it and it looked the same but it looked more ornate. I picked it up and it had a few thin 18″ chains with pendants om each one that all layered and complemented. One side had my original necklace and the other had a larger brassy colored crescent with a polished stone in the middle. Between the two were other trinkets and one looked like a flat white stone with a little copex marketed manga version of myself with long brown hair drawn on it. It looked like my style, and it looked like it was stained on there almost like an opaque stain class because the image soaked through on both sides and the light going through showed those colors but the colors were more pastel than you’d get out of stained glass.. or maybe more like milk glass. This is harder to describe than I expected lol.

I was sitting on this huge plush couch in one room and it was dim. There was some collectible glass piece next to me on the table build into the center of the couch, there was some argument about keeping my necklace I found with my dad. He went upstairs to argue with mom. I went to the other room and saw my gaming rig at a desk, it was this huge tower and dual monitor..  the keyboard keys were taken off the base of the keyboard and reassembled upside down in order so you saw the clear pieces on the bottoms of the chiclet keys and would type on those and you couldn’t see the letters or characters, which was cool… cause touch typing. So I win + L’d and walked away and went around the corner into the kitchen and saw mom and started explaining the importance of this item.

I was in a room sitting in between these two girls discussing where they were from and answering in a mocking way like they would when a guy would ask. One was from Barbados and the other I can’t remember. The girl laughed and said she was Scottish Korean while pointing at herself then laughed. They were imagining funny ways for me to respond or something.  We had to leave the area and Ashe and I were left. We had to grab the leftover equipment and our things.

I forgot everything else even though I know there’s more. Woot.

Song: “Has our govt been dumping weird dream powders within the chemtrails as of late?

This morning, while grabbing my last three minutes of heavy sleep, I dreamt I was in Kenya, and that I was climbing a tree to have a chat with a young kiddo. We were talking along and we started noticing these blue and red ants, they were everywhere! As we talked the ants increasingly became agitated. I excused myself from talking with the child, and jumped down out of the tree. I was covered in these ants, and I began to knock them off. I couldn’t knock them off of me evidently fast enough though, for as I was the ants still on me all of the sudden swelled to an incredible size and fastened a chain like embedding to attach themselves to my jeans. I pulled them off as quickly as I could, and when pulling them off they would explode this white fluffy substance… and the chain that they were binding to me would remain. Finally, I ran to a hot water spigot where I proceeded to use the hot water to “rinse” the odd little creatures off my body- which was working- then I woke up.

In this dream Kat was separating from / divorcing a guy named Brian. I came over to visit Kat not realizing they were still living together and it was weird. He seemed really nice and calm given the circumstances but he didn’t really seem like her type. He wasn’t gothy, or musically inclined from what I could tell. He wasn’t the most handsome man (based on her previous relationships..) but he was kind.

I always thought it was funny how much we have in common, we’re both very driven to better ourselves physically, creatively, professionaly even if our paths are different, we both went from being immersed in the scene to observing it and partaking occasionally.  She went through her divorce around the same time I left Jay. We have a lot of respect and admiration for each other as strong beautiful women. I just think it’s funny the men in her life she found sexy… um.. not my cup of tea.  To each their own? I’m sure she feels similar about the men I’ve dated, and we’ve never said anything. lol

The dream I had next, I had some presentation in class and was going over papers with my professor.  She was in this red dress suit, kind of like my high school English teacher except this was grad school level nonsense. This thing happening at 2pm was a big deal because pharmaceutical representatives would be there.  I was excusing myself and she said we should do this fancy handshake thing when I came back and I was all sure. I walked out of the room down thus crowded hall that looks like those casino resorts thag transition from quiet halls with some art and a spa nearby to noisy retail. I found the bathroom and every stall was taken, then one opened and there was this line and I walked up and the girl was gonna take it but I’d been waiting longer so whatever. I went in and there was this bench to my left and these two white Samsung S4’s with Sailor Moon backgrounds. I grabbed them so I could drop them off at security. I noticed straight ahead the door must have been mirrored on one side cause I coukd see the ladies sitting on a bench but *hopefully* they were seeing a mirror.  I was buttoning this cherry dress I used to have that had buttons going all the way down and I couled see through the glass this police officer and this crowd desend on my dad against this glass wall across a courtyard. They were holding his arms back and throwing punches. The crowd was so huge it was like watching zombie except they were alive and making decisions, and instead of stopping then the officer endorsed it. I needed to get over there, there were too many, it wasn’t a fair fight, I had to at least get his arms free so he could defend himself.  I was still fumbling with the buttons to finish getting dressed and was only half way there.

I woke up on some really pretty chaise lounge. The room was decorated like how you’d expect a suite at the Venetian might look. Someone asked me if I wanted breakfast and throughout a couple suggestions.  I was confused and didn’t know where I was or what happened to everyone, I felt bad I missed my presentation.  I walked out and saw this pool, there was some chick going around dancing and falling back into the pool like she was shooting a video. Idk.

I was by real water, walking around, and there were these huge old structures off the coast to the right that looked like they’d been there forever. I guess boats would have docked there, they were falling apart but the windows still had glass and it still looked solid enough to take a boat out and walk around. This was east coast but somehow the map said I was in Oregon.  It was sunny and the reflection off the water was bright. People were leaving and I stayed waist deep in the water resting my head on the dock for a couple more minutes before getting up and following,  then I woke up.

This is the second night in a row where I was tired and decided to go to bed early so I coukd wake up early and study. Went to bed early and woke up at my normal time. Didn’t even need a sleep med, just slept right through. I could still be asleep right now if I didn’t have work today. Maybe I need the rest right now but idk why I have this much fatigue.